Today, I got hit by a stray cantaloupe. That's not a typo. I hate my neighbors' kids with a burning passion. FML
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Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I went for a jog. While passing by my neighbor's house, their six year old son started throwing peanuts at me screaming, "I hope this kills you!" because I'm allergic to peanuts. FML
Today, my friends thought it would be funny to try and break a watermelon on my head while I was asleep on the couch. FML
Today, my old neighbor pelted me with apples when I walked out the door. I ducked for cover and asked what her problem was. She yelled, "You took fresh peas from my garden!" I looked at her garden, only to see my dad tiptoeing back to our lawn, laughing and holding a bag full of peas. FML
Today, someone threw an open soda can at me from a car. It missed, so they circled around and threw an unopened can. That one hit. FML
Today, I woke up at 4AM to the sound of lightning hitting a tree in my backyard, then that tree proceeding to hit my house. Later, my neighbor's tree fell over, which hit our fence, and they're not even home. FML
Today, I got excited when I learned that the fruit on the trees by my apartment building was ripe and free to pick. I picked myself some juicy summer plums and enjoyed them. Minutes later, my tongue started burning painfully. Turns out, I'm allergic to plums. FML
Today, I lifted up a watermelon, not realising it had gone bad. The thing exploded like an alien giving birth. Stinking juice and rotten inside all over the kitchen. Even behind the build-in closets. It smells like rotten fruit cheese and I can't reach behind the closets. FML
Today, I was riding my bike back to my house. Suddenly I was hit by something in the head. I looked down to see a lemon on the ground and looked up to see a guy yelling at me in a car that was passing. He was yelling at me because I got in the way of the house he was throwing it at. FML
Today, my crazy neighbor screamed at me from her porch for walking "too close" to her plants. I was on the sidewalk. She sprayed me with her hose anyway. FML
Today, I got hit in the face by a ping-pong ball. It hit me so hard, it burst a big zit on impact. FML
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Top comments
ihartmytdi 23
Time to introduce them to a stray watermelon.
pixierara 28
Have you talked to the parents about it? That's very odd to say the least.
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Comments (63)
nickie_94 18
You were clearly the target of the day
whatunicorn 17
Some kids are Satan's spawns I swear. What's even worse is their nitwit parents that let them get away with it. FYL, best of luck OP.
kowsee 22
Report that. Have a good talk to their parents
aelarol 5
That's like $3 a toss!
moshpit11 8
Tell the Santa isn't real
Jesmassimo 21
This made me laugh so hard. I feel bad at the same time a flying cantaloupe projected towards you makes me laugh. I'm sorry.
samlovesham1234 9
At least it wasn't a pumpkin. But you could lob a pumpkin back at them.
Enslaved 38
Redd's Apple Ale new flavour?
ThrottleJockey 36
The one flavor that didn't make the cut, due to concussions.
Boobookittyf96 10
it's time to introduce them to at least 10 pomegranates.
GhostFox 34
Stray?? Stray!? There were MORE cantaloupes being thrown? What were they aiming at when they hit OP instead? And why cantaloupe?! This is just such a "WTF" event, I can't even think of a rationalization. I've heard of people throwing tomatoes at eachother as a game, but cantaloupe!? That would ******* hurt, especially if they were entire cantaloupes, rind and all! I hope OP didn't get hit too hard with it. :S That said, don't actually throw fruit back at them. Would count as assault and if OP is an adult, the police would be way less likely to shrug it off like they would if OP reported the kids throwing stuff. No, what OP should do is buy tomatoes, squash, etc. Let them semi rot, and then pay another neighbor's kids to throw the rotted produce at the kids who threw cantaloupe.
Comrox 19
Evil. I like it.