Miscellaneous: Today, I saw one of those candies that you spray on your tongue.... - FML

By samboob - 01/09/2010 21:01 - United States

Today, I saw one of those candies that you spray on your tongue. Only after spraying some in my mouth did I find it was actually perfume. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 091

You deserved it 44 416

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

The smell detective is on the case

Walk the line

Parenting is exhausting

By ThreeWeeksWithoutSex - 28/12/2015 05:43 - United States - San Francisco

Spicy

Today, our daughter fell asleep early, so my husband and I decided to get frisky. He passed out mid-blow job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 219

You deserved it 2 858

By Anonymous - 25/10/2016 05:06

Today, our family reunion began with my sister calling my brother's current crazy girlfriend by his last crazy girlfriend's name and ended with my dad telling my adopted niece that he wanted a family picture without her in it, but she could be in the next one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 191

You deserved it 798

By YouSoSmelly - 02/08/2013 13:58 - United States - Kannapolis

Today, I met the most beautiful girl I've ever seen on the beach. I was nervous, but I just smiled and said, "Hey, you're really pretty." Then I let out a horrific fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 377

You deserved it 12 019

By Dante - 07/01/2011 00:26

Today, I fell and got a nasty cut above my right eye. The doctor in the ER sealed the wound with surgical glue. He also glued his glove to my eyebrow, and let glue run onto my eyelid. Not only do I have a scar and medical bill, I now have no eyebrow or eyelashes on my right eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 688

You deserved it 2 450

By NJ <3 - 10/01/2012 15:34 - United States

Today, while trying to prove a point to my mom, I learned that bird seed tastes better than her cooking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 166

You deserved it 3 671

By Anonymous - 29/10/2013 16:21 - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, I was refereeing a soccer match and I called a foul. An angry coach kept screaming at me, saying "You're crazy!" I asked him to leave the field. As he left, he lifted his middle finger and screamed, "FUCK YOU!" I ref 5-year-olds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 287

You deserved it 3 387

By EwokLover17 - 13/03/2010 05:16 - United States

Today, my iPod came back from repair and still had a distorted sound. I've been through calls, meetings, and repairs with Apple since Christmas, and it still sounds like the half speaker in my old car. Then I found out the new Nano requires you to push the headphones plug in harder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 606

You deserved it 41 875

By Anonymous - 02/08/2011 00:59 - United States

Today, my grandmother updated her will. Previously, it denied inheritance to family members with non-white spouses, and any mixed-raced children. Now it does the same with politically correct terminology. She then bragged about how accepting she is in front of my Korean husband and our daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 791

You deserved it 3 650

By Upset Mommy - 14/07/2013 04:32 - United States

Today, my water broke. I called my mom, who had agreed to watch my other two kids while I went to the hospital. When I asked her to come over, she just said, "Sorry, now isn't a good time." FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 866

You deserved it 3 689

By Anonymous - 29/09/2010 01:36 - United States

Today, the woman who sits behind me in class showed up. She shrieks in laughter until she has coughing fits every time anything even remotely sexual is mentioned, including evidence in sexual assault cases. Lectures are 3 hours long, twice a week, and I need this class to graduate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 452

You deserved it 2 572

By Confused lesbian - 16/07/2018 13:30 - United States - Lynchburg

Today, I found a used condom in my bed. I haven't had sex in months and now I'm terrified. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 398

You deserved it 281

By Olihime - 10/01/2010 18:13 - United Kingdom

Today, while playing spin the bottle, my two spins landed on two really pretty girls. The first girl I missed and kissed her chin. The second girl I headbutted and gave a nosebleed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 049

You deserved it 44 322

By Fred - 26/05/2011 06:00 - Canada

Today, I went to hand in a resume. The secretary happened to be a girl I liked in high school. When leaving, I shook hands with the employer, waved goodbye to the girl, turned around and walked straight into a glass wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 043

You deserved it 6 536

By raebay - 05/11/2009 01:23 - United States

Today, after I bathed my nine month old, I laid her on my bed to grab a diaper. I turned around to see that she'd peed on my comforter. I then put her in her playpen to put my cover in the wash. I came back into the room to get her, and saw she'd taken off her diaper. She'd crapped in her playpen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 824

You deserved it 8 327

By shart - 09/03/2016 02:48 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I had an accident at work. Not the kind involving worker's compensation. The kind involving desperately scrubbing my office chair with paper towels, before going home to change my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 473

You deserved it 2 261

By YouAssholes - 09/12/2013 23:25 - United States - Anaheim

Today, my band members and I were brainstorming ideas to help increase our fan base. My drummer suggested they replace me for someone attractive. Everyone agreed and now they are trying to kick me out of the band I started. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 566

You deserved it 3 765

By raz - 02/10/2012 00:11 - United States - Fargo

Today, a woman stopped me and started chewing me out for wearing a pentagram necklace. I explained to her that is wasn't a pentagram, it was a Star of David. She continued chewing me out because apparently that still means I hate Jesus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 452

You deserved it 2 621

By Dale - 21/02/2009 02:20 - Costa Rica

Today, I got to Costa Rica for my first vacation in five years. I immediately rented a scooter for the week after checking into my prepaid, no refunds, hotel. On the way back from the rental agency I hit a pothole and broke my leg and ripped the skin off my foot. I'm flying home tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 422

You deserved it 4 150

By peachykeen - 15/02/2016 01:05 - United States - Savannah

Spicy

Today, the most action I had on Valentine's day was a homeless guy pulling his dick out at me as I walked home from work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 935

You deserved it 1 907

Smells like victory

By B-rent - 18/03/2011 16:10 - United States

Today, I discovered that the lovely, hunger-inducing smell that's been lingering around the office lately is from the local animal crematory. I've been wistfully inhaling the stench of burning cats, dogs, and other various animals. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 974

You deserved it 7 053

Open door policy

By Anonymous - 09/03/2021 23:01

Today, my mom yelled at me for not pooping with the bathroom door open like the rest of the family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 112

You deserved it 63

The name of that old man?

By thisblows - 11/04/2009 20:42 - United States

Today, I was at a professional hockey game. I wasn't paying attention and a puck was shot into the stands and hit me in the face. My mouth was bleeding and I lost two teeth. As I was trying to cough up my teeth the old man next to me shoved me over and stole the puck. Everyone cheered. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 071

You deserved it 5 560

By spartanson - 28/04/2011 10:28

Today, my football coach thought it would be a good idea to get drunk, run to the other sideline, and scream, "WELCOME TO SPARTA, BITCH!" This would've been funny if he weren't also my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 328

You deserved it 4 206

By Anonymous - 27/02/2010 03:01 - United States

Today, I went to the park with my friend and we decided to swing. While we were swinging, we decided to jump off backwards. All would have worked out fine if my pants hadn't gotten caught on the metal of the swing, leaving my bare butt exposed. The man who was in the park with his daughter left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 203

You deserved it 23 533

By Bes - 14/06/2009 15:54 - Canada

Spicy

Today, at school, I was trying to pee in the stall, but I couldn't. I repeatedly pushed my bladder. Unfortunately, I didn't realize a number of thing. My stall was open, I made noises from frustration, and I looked like I was jacking off. When I gave up, somebody clapped and yelled, "FINALLY!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 964

You deserved it 51 222

By Niles - 20/03/2012 17:46 - Canada - North Vancouver

Today, I was taking a shower, when my dad decided to turn off the water to the house, run upstairs, and throw a bucket of freezing cold sludge into the shower with me. He wouldn't turn the water back on for 2 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 277

You deserved it 2 812

By rachel - 10/08/2013 20:56 - Germany - K?ln

Today, my little brother told me to give him my phone so he could play a game on it. I said no, because I was taking a call from a friend at the time. He then walked over to the wall, headbutted it, burst into tears, then told my parents that I punched him. They believed him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 322

You deserved it 3 814

By atleasthelocalsarenice - 04/03/2017 12:00

Today, while camping alone in an isolated area, I was woken up at 3 a.m. by a fellow camper, who then offered me a crayfish and a romantic beach walk as a way of flirtation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 339

You deserved it 577

By JoLaFritte - 07/11/2008 10:10 - France

Today, thinking that I’m alone at work, I start rummaging through my nose trying to find something interesting. It’s only after about a minute that I notice that my boss is looking straight at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 935

You deserved it 50 324

By 1378 - 12/03/2010 08:26 - Australia

Spicy

Today, I had to explain to my sister why it's unhygienic, socially unacceptable and downright inappropriate to apply Thrush ointment in the lounge room. I realised I wasn't getting through to her when she called me ''Uptight,'' ''Victorian" and ''prudish'' to name a few. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 125

You deserved it 2 968

By SmellyLeg - 20/11/2017 15:00

Today, my bike slipped on ice and I slid spectacularly for several meters. While my helmet saved me from a cracked skull, nothing could protect me from landing leg-first in the dog poop somebody hadn't bothered to pick up. I had to go to school like that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 261

You deserved it 304

By dunnough - 14/01/2009 11:06 - United States

Today, I went to the bagel shop down the street for breakfast, the same one I've been going to for over 6 months now. At the counter the same lil' cook guy who's served me over those same 6 months, looks at me and says, "Yes, Ms?". I'm a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 591

You deserved it 2 670

Priorities

By natashamilan - 26/02/2015 01:43 - United States - Grand Rapids

Today, I was at a friend's birthday party when I got a call from my mom telling me to come home because my dog died. When I told my friend that I had to leave because of the loss, she replied with, "Okay, but you brought my gift inside, right?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 634

You deserved it 2 810

Uh... Okay?

By Champion sucker - 11/08/2018 06:00

Spicy

Today, I was going out with my boyfriend after recently coming out. On my way out the door, my dad looked me dead in the eyes and said, "Suck that dick like a champ tonight, son." FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 850

You deserved it 1 761

By OnlyMe - 08/10/2009 15:29 - United States

Spicy

Today, I realized that I broke up with a man that loved me and was great in bed but was afraid of commitment, to be with a man that loves me, that is great in bed, and wants to be with me forever. So what's the problem? Now that we are committed, he won't get it on with me anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 602

You deserved it 23 306

By Anonymous - 08/12/2015 16:46 - United States - Lehigh Acres

Today, I found out my husband pretends to be a young, bisexual woman online. As if that isn't bad enough, he flipped out and didn't believe me when I told him the other "young, bisexual women" he's been beating it to are probably middle-aged men too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 259

You deserved it 1 669

By scarletdurose88 - 19/04/2009 21:47 - United States

Today, is my 21st birthday. I get home after my night out and walk into the garage to see a 2002 Red Corvette convertible. I run up to the car thinking its a gift and there's a note: "Dani this is not your birthday present. Quit drooling on my car. -Dad" Thanks Dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 696

You deserved it 13 735

By jobless - 10/04/2015 06:28 - United States - Fort Collins

Today, my boss fired me by locking me out of my workplace after I went out to throw out the trash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 578

You deserved it 2 500

By fml9124 - 31/08/2019 22:00

Today, it's our 32nd wedding anniversary. Two weeks ago I caught a cold on an airplane. Since I got back, she hasn't kissed or let me touch her. I'm still coughing. She says maybe it's not a cold, maybe it's TB. She's left to stay in a hotel until I get better or die. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 698

You deserved it 154

Libertarian dream

By Anonymous - 30/07/2021 11:01 - South Africa - Cape Town

Today, it's been 50 hours since our power outage began. The authorities don't seem to be bothered enough to fix the problem and are constantly making excuses for delays. Did I mention my warm water fish are dying from lack of heat, and it's my time off work? FML

I agree, your life sucks 783

You deserved it 69

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Thursday 2 September 2010 0:01

You're stupid

Zestus 19

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Thursday 2 September 2010 0:00

Perfume oughta taste like it smells. but I suppose that'd taste terrible, too.

Comments

Zestus 19

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Thursday 2 September 2010 0:00

Perfume oughta taste like it smells. but I suppose that'd taste terrible, too.

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Thursday 2 September 2010 0:06

Dum dum

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Thursday 2 September 2010 0:09

rargh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Thursday 2 September 2010 0:11

eewww gross!

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Thursday 2 September 2010 0:13

iknow i agree #12!

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Thursday 2 September 2010 0:14

surprisingly i didnt!!!

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Thursday 2 September 2010 0:14

Op who cares I bet you have fresher breath now then all that candy is giving you. At worst it's a little bitter, you'll get over it.

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Thursday 2 September 2010 0:15

agreed, four. I'm pretty sure the perfume counter is far away from the candy aisle. o.O

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Thursday 2 September 2010 0:15

dats so kool now we can talk to ourselves again!

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Thursday 2 September 2010 0:18

LMAOOOO! ...wow.. good job...

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Thursday 2 September 2010 0:20

19, have you ever accidently gotten perfume in your mouth? it's awful. D: and I imagine it's even worse when it's concentrated like that. :((

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Thursday 2 September 2010 0:20

yeaa but lets be more unique remember dat guy said in the other fml?

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Thursday 2 September 2010 0:21

27 you have an xbox live account?

Phaa 0

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Thursday 2 September 2010 0:22

Obviously, OP is blind. Obviously, OP has no common sense. Obviously, a spray candy would be far from a perfume. Obviously, I'm long overdue to stop.

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Thursday 2 September 2010 0:24

FML WHY ARE YOU MODERATING MY COMMENTS?!!? I READ THE TERMS OF SERVICE AND IT DIDNT SAY ANYTHING ABOUT NOT BEING ABLE TO TALK TO YOURSELF!!!!!!!! >:((

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Thursday 2 September 2010 0:25

FML WHY ARE YOU MODERATING MY COMMENTS?!!? I READ THE TERMS OF SERVICE AND IT DIDNT SAY ANYTHING ABOUT NOT BEING ABLE TO TALK TO YOURSELF!!!!!!!! >:((

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Thursday 2 September 2010 0:27

i give up just bann me i mean it!!!

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Thursday 2 September 2010 0:27

LOL.

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Thursday 2 September 2010 0:29

bannn meee!

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Thursday 2 September 2010 0:34

25 candy spray comes in a plastic bottle, which would mean it wa s probably body spray which is even less bad. imma go do it to prove my point.

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Thursday 2 September 2010 0:35

YDI because you saw one of those candies that you spray in your mouth. Only after spraying some in your mouth did you realize it was perfume.

itz_scrumdidly 0

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Thursday 2 September 2010 0:38

failsauce

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Thursday 2 September 2010 0:39

this isn't a FML, OP you're just a freakin' moron.

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Thursday 2 September 2010 0:40

dats sad and so am i:(

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Thursday 2 September 2010 0:40

Okay, that shit was pretty nasty. still doesn't change the fact that anyone dumb enough to spray it in their mouthes deserves whatever discomfort they experience.

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Thursday 2 September 2010 0:44

42, you just prooved more than 1 point there...

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Thursday 2 September 2010 0:45

I know I did.

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Thursday 2 September 2010 0:48

Yummmmmaaaaaay.

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Thursday 2 September 2010 0:54

that's happened to me.

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Thursday 2 September 2010 0:57

who said OP was in a store? they could have just seen the bottle laying around?

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Thursday 2 September 2010 0:58

Passion fruit spray? Buddy the Elf ftw

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Thursday 2 September 2010 1:03

lol, ive tried it, not such a smart idea

imaginaryvoice 18

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Thursday 2 September 2010 1:11

Did it say "Candies" on the label? If so then I did the exact same thing ._.

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Thursday 2 September 2010 1:41

haha op ur dumb

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Thursday 2 September 2010 2:07

I LOVE YOU AND YOUR 2004 MOVIE REFERENCE, 54 <3

tweetbaby14 18

Thursday 2 September 2010 3:22

did you chew an electrical wire because it looks like licorice? or pop a bunch of pils because they look like m&ms? OP please get your eyes checked then.

planbsponserme 2

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Thursday 2 September 2010 4:18

Well, your not the brightest candle.

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Thursday 2 September 2010 4:39

87 - you're :) Irony hurts :*(

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Thursday 2 September 2010 4:54

don't sweat it sis. we all make mistakes

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Thursday 2 September 2010 5:04

you lose

xWTF_FML_FTWx 1

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Thursday 2 September 2010 6:00

[perfume section] oooh candy! *spray* hmm...ah AH! this is terrible candy! what do they make candy out of nowadays?! perfume?!

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Thursday 2 September 2010 6:17

how did it taste?  roflcopter

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Thursday 2 September 2010 8:06

somones a tard

reCHARGEable_fml 0

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Thursday 2 September 2010 8:25

Congrats OP.. Now your breath doesn't stink.. Eat me

AshDramatiicsxz 2

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Thursday 2 September 2010 15:24

lmaaaao true ! WHAT A FAILL !!!

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Thursday 2 September 2010 16:00

that happened to me when I was talking to my friend and she sprayed perfume in my mouth :/

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Thursday 2 September 2010 17:32

lol did it still taste like candy?

itsybitsyspider 0

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Friday 3 September 2010 8:04

well OP, atleast you have fresh breath that smells like a blooming rose ? soo I have to say . . . om nom nom .

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Saturday 4 September 2010 7:31

actually i've tried it (dont ask, band camp) it makes yur tongue numb and its just this really weird unpleasant burning sensation

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Thursday 2 September 2010 0:01

You're stupid

KaarmaaBiitchzz 0

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Thursday 2 September 2010 2:10

like really... a bottle a perfume just doesn't look like candy ....???

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Thursday 2 September 2010 6:24

holy tits!

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Thursday 2 September 2010 6:33

yep I agree. Holy tits!!

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Thursday 2 September 2010 7:01

What are "Holy Tits"? Are they the tits that nursed Jesus?

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Thursday 2 September 2010 7:04

hah funny scarymary

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Thursday 2 September 2010 0:03

mmmmmmmm deliciousa bahahahahaaa ydi xD

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Thursday 2 September 2010 0:05

this is NOT an fml,unless the perfume was toxic.

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Thursday 2 September 2010 0:08

You're a complete moron. Learn to read.

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Thursday 2 September 2010 0:10

hahaha now your breathe smells good at least(;

firstdbzmaker 15

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Thursday 2 September 2010 0:11

ew perfume is hella bitter

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Friday 3 September 2010 10:26

I'm just wondering how you know that....

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Thursday 2 September 2010 0:12

How is this even possible? YDI for being stupid beyond belief.

unidentified_sta 5

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Thursday 2 September 2010 0:14

I misread it as candles as was utterly confused, saw it was spray candies actually and am still lost.

MarkerofMagic 0

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Thursday 2 September 2010 5:15

spray candies is exactly what it sounds like. it takes the flavor of a candy like let's say spur warheads or jolly ranchers. and youcan spray it in your mouth for the taste of it.

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Thursday 2 September 2010 0:15

That's... disgusting. Was there a label on it? Yes? YDI. Was there candy around it? Or was it perfume? Perfume? YDI. Is it someplace that only sells perfume? Or does it sell candy? It was possible it could be both. But perfume and candy wouldn't be near each other. YDI. But don't get sick or anything. 'Cos I would.

Nearly

Today, my maid sat me down to tell me that she doesn’t like it when me and my partner fight. We don’t like each other anymore and I keep trying to break up with him, but he won’t let me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22

You deserved it 16

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81

You deserved it 7

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I'm on day 11 of having COVID. My husband said to me, "I hope you get better soon so we can finally have sex again." Thanks for being concerned about MY health and wellbeing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 130

You deserved it 28

Today, I realized why my boyfriend drove me to his “favorite” hospital about one agonizing hour away while I was in labor. His friend who's a nurse worked there. Or should I say, his side chick. He made out with her in the room while I was “sleeping” after giving birth to our first child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 934

You deserved it 70