Miscellaneous: Today, my friends thought it would be funny to try and break...

By melonhead - Australia

Today, my friends thought it would be funny to try and break a watermelon on my head while I was asleep on the couch. FML

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34764

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Miscellaneous

You ass!

Money hole

PSA

By Anonymous - Libyan Arab Jamahiriya

Double take

Today, after sex, my boyfriend turned to me and said, "You know, sometimes, you look like Kevin Spacey." FML

I agree, your life sucks

29504

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3687

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By lamponau - France

Today, my 6-year-old son said to me, "You smell nice daddy." Surprised but flattered, I thanked him. He then added, "I like the smell of cheese!'" FML

I agree, your life sucks

36427

You deserved it

6147

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By Anonymous - 6/2/2020 01:00 - Canada - Toronto

Just a dream

Today, at midnight, I heard my son calling for his mom. I stopped by his room and asked him what was wrong? He didn't tell me. Instead, he said: "Oh, I don't need you." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1775

You deserved it

195

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By kerensa - Australia - Mornington

Today, a lady threw a coke bottle at my head because she had a non-winning lottery ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29550

You deserved it

2229

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By Nyquilwtf - United States

Today, I learned that Nyquil has such an amazing effect on me, that it won't even allow me to wake up to go to the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24823

You deserved it

2502

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By LibraryPedo - United States - Chino Hills

Today, I was yelled at and called a pedophile by a mom for talking to her 5 year old girl. I work at a library and she looked like she needed help. This is the third time it has happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49823

You deserved it

4038

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By jasminejzhu - Australia - Melbourne

Today, after an exhausting weekend of work, I decided to take a nap. I was awoken several hours later by my mother-in-law knocking on my door. Apparently my 11-year-old called up grandma to complain that she was hungry and that mum was sleeping instead of cooking dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46908

You deserved it

11646

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By BuggedinBelgium

Today, my sister and I checked into our cheap hotel in Brussels as part of our month-long Europe trip. At 11pm we awoke to the sound of a mouse chewing through a bag of food we'd bought. At 3am we awoke to bedbugs. We slept in the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23888

You deserved it

3813

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By SkinsCastSelection - France

Today, at the supermarket, my mother stopped in the middle of a lane and imitated a gorilla as a way of asking me from far away if I wanted any bananas. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32092

You deserved it

4353

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By spiderchick23 - United States

Today, I was on the phone with an elderly customer at work. I had to spend 10 minutes listening to him describe how the underwear he bought was too tight and caused his bladder to leak. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28420

You deserved it

2830

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By ugh - United States - Dearborn

Today, I realized that my relationship has hit a new low when I made an appointment with my girlfriend to have sex. I have a two week wait. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32914

You deserved it

5069

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By massage mama - United States - Hesperia

Today, I got a call from my daughter’s school. Apparently, she told her teacher about the “special massages” mommy gives her. I’m a licensed massage therapist, and I massage my daughter with lavender to help her sleep. Now everyone thinks I’m a weirdo. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1913

You deserved it

143

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By jennahh

Today, I had a sexual dream about my ex, and I woke up after saying his name. My boyfriend was awake, and heard all the dirty talk and me moaning my ex-boyfriend's name. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2048

You deserved it

943

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By Anonymous - 27/3/2020 14:00

Hmmm, nutritious!

Today, I'm in the coronavirus-vulnerable group, so I asked my friend to go shopping for me because I'm in need of food and toilet paper. They came back with a bag of icing sugar, even though food and toilet paper were available in the shop. Forty minutes later, the shelves were stripped bare. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1714

You deserved it

166

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By Jebus - Canada

Today, I finally went on a date with the girl I'm in love with. After dinner we went to the bar for drinks and things were going great. Right up until she went home with another guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28674

You deserved it

2395

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By dammitRandy - United States - Kearny

Today, we had a fish fry for Father's Day. I ended up getting a fish bone lodged in my tonsil, and I had to rush to the bathroom to pull it out. I threw up three times in the process and still didn't manage to get the bone out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13930

You deserved it

1091

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By cargaljen - United States

Today, while watching tv at my mother's house, a tornado warning came across the screen. After being in the dark nasty basement for half an hour, my mom realizes she was watching a recorded show, and that tornado warning was for 2 weeks ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37068

You deserved it

5027

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was on the phone with my boyfriend who's sick, he told me he felt sleepy due to meds and was going to bed. I jokingly said, "you're going to call your other girlfriend, aren't you?" There was silence before I heard, "you weren't supposed to find out like this." FML

I agree, your life sucks

54197

You deserved it

4492

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By Lenny_R

Today, I got pulled over for having an expired registration. I also found out my husband hasn't been paying for my car insurance. Luckily, I didn't get arrested because I had my baby with me. They towed my car and gave me 2 tickets and a court date. Oh, and the cop sent me a friend request. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10303

You deserved it

857

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By Emily - United States

Today, I finally lost my virginity. In my boyfriend's racecar bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32650

You deserved it

42466

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By Lifeless - United States

Today, I got into a staring contest with my dog. I actually cheered when I won. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29365

You deserved it

12414

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By Broke - United States - The Colony

Today, I went to an ATM to see how much money I had in my account. I put the card in. It never gave it back. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48871

You deserved it

4106

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, my sixteen year old son told me that he's following his guidance counselor's advice: to do what his hero does for a living. The problem? His hero is SpongeBob Squarepants. His ambition in life is to become a fry cook. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30268

You deserved it

4612

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By deathstar3548 - United States - Orlando

Today, I learned that even though a woman has a baby carriage and seems friendly, she won't be afraid to mug you in front of her kid. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39707

You deserved it

3444

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By NeverEscaping - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I decided at age 18 that it's time to put into storage the picture books that have been collecting dust in my room for nearly a decade. My mother took this as a sign that I'm planning to move out and abandon her forever, and has been crying for the last four hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31927

You deserved it

2909

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By Anonymous

Today, my housemate blew chunks all over the freshly-painted walls in the bathroom. The paint was still wet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5023

You deserved it

355

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By "fraz206"

Today, after feeling sick all day at work, my shift was about to end. 20 minutes till I was able to clock out some kid pukes all over herself in the playground. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1896

You deserved it

150

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By Neanderthals walk among us - Hungary - Budapest

Today, a customer screamed at me, because her iced coffee tasted exactly like coffee, and she hates coffee. Sadly, this isn't even the most insane person I've had to deal with at this job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51435

You deserved it

3135

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By citylife - United States

Today, I realized how tiny my apartment is, when I was able to vacuum from bedroom to bathroom through the living room without switching the power outlet from the one in the kitchen. I pay a fortune to live in this shoebox. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46612

You deserved it

10026

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By lea5459 - United States - Medford

Today, my parents kindly told me what they are getting me for my 18th birthday. An eviction notice. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24582

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3412

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By sketchball - United States

Today, my landlord informed me that from now on, she'd prefer if I paid my rent in cash each month. Apparently, I "look sketchy" and she didn't "ever want to deal with the hassle of a bounced check." FML

I agree, your life sucks

23486

You deserved it

2266

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By Anonymous - Canada - Sudbury

If it's brown, let it float around.

Today, for the millionth time, I walked into a complete smellhole of a bathroom, because my almost ten-year-old sister not only never flushes, but she doesn't wipe either. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5211

You deserved it

339

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By paradox - United States

Today, I realized my best friend has had it off in my apartment more times than I have. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38257

You deserved it

5339

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By raybandy - United States

Today, I wake up only to find that my roommates cooked all my food. Now I'm starving and the place smells like delicious bacon. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26167

You deserved it

2344

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By Whitley - United States

Today, I made salmon patties and boiled cabbage. I smelled smoke from my stove burner, but thought I spilled something in the burner. No big deal. Later, this horrible smell started coming from the stove. My husband took the stove apart, only to find that I had fried a mouse as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31363

You deserved it

4054

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By Anonymous - Sweden - Nora

Today, I was walking back to my hotel from the town square, and got lost. I turned back and walked around town for an hour, freaking out and panicking. When I finally found the hotel, I realized it was practically a stone's throw from where I was when I turned around. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20135

You deserved it

6904

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By Love stinks - United States

Today, my band informed me that our gig this afternoon was actually a wedding. Whose wedding? My ex-wife's, along with the guy she cheated on me with. For their first dance, I had to sing what used to be our song. FML

I agree, your life sucks

83320

You deserved it

4723

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By Anonymous - 29/12/2020 08:03 - Germany - Ebersbach

Preferential treatment

Today, my mom’s house has several comfortable places to rest in every room. For the cats and dogs, that is. Unfortunately for me, I'm a human. FML

I agree, your life sucks

585

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I walked through a spider's web with hundreds of baby spiders on it. My afro is now infested. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51453

You deserved it

17176

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By city_girl - United States

Today, I got rear-ended. In possibly the scariest part of downtown. At night. By a man who spoke hardly any English but managed to ask if I would go out dancing with him instead of calling my insurance company. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32953

You deserved it

2528

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Top comments

By passwordis_fml | 2

#773854 - Thursday 14 January 2010 16:04

you have awesome friends

By WONDERWB | 2

#773865 - Thursday 14 January 2010 16:08

The visual is quite amusing.

COMMENTS

By passwordis_fml | 2

#773854 - Thursday 14 January 2010 16:04

you have awesome friends

llcooljoey | 0

#864291 - Wednesday 17 February 2010 4:38

he sure does, and they don't only THINK it's funny it IS funny

ZleveL | 0

#968356 - Friday 26 March 2010 4:15

he should have got up and beat them till thy bled

(crap in the mouth reference)

buckeyefan16 | 14

#974970 - Tuesday 6 April 2010 4:49

well did it break

victoria4161993 | 0

#1019291 - Friday 4 June 2010 21:01

did it work

By jpgray1982 | 0

#773860 - Thursday 14 January 2010 16:06

sooo.... was it funny?

Sansa_fml | 38

#6373832 - Friday 7 August 2015 7:18

Well if it was their couch.

By WONDERWB | 2

#773865 - Thursday 14 January 2010 16:08

The visual is quite amusing.

By ipwnallmen | 10

#773870 - Thursday 14 January 2010 16:10

Looks like you got fruit punched umm why would they do that

mlipro | 0

#774692 - Thursday 14 January 2010 23:30

lol nice

By oldwiseguy | 0

#773873 - Thursday 14 January 2010 16:13

I think you need to find more intelligent friends.

lostfaithinpppl | 19

#773883 - Thursday 14 January 2010 16:18

Exactly!

ona16 | 22

#1278849 - Saturday 21 August 2010 6:20

now wait that is a good logical question can a humen face break a watermelon

By Kira_fml | 0

#773876 - Thursday 14 January 2010 16:13

...Did it work?

By allen20 | 0

#773890 - Thursday 14 January 2010 16:24

i can tell their really good friends

By JManHobbs | 0

#773895 - Thursday 14 January 2010 16:26

This is epic, I don't think I'd care if my friends did this to me as long as I wasn't hospitalised.

By crzyry | 6

#773901 - Thursday 14 January 2010 16:28

Did they record it?

By aback | 4

#773907 - Thursday 14 January 2010 16:32

Your friends have to sleep some time. Make the most of it.