Today, someone threw an open soda can at me from a car. It missed,... - FML

By Anonymous - 21/5/2012 01:10 - United States - Saint Louis

Today, someone threw an open soda can at me from a car. It missed, so they circled around and threw an unopened can. That one hit. FML

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Cold-blooded old times

Crowded House

The best cat

By CaoNiMa - 26/3/2009 15:42 - China

Today, I had my girlfriend over and we we're watching a movie in my basement. I run upstairs and pop a bag of popcorn. Later I come downstairs to find my 10 year old brother sitting next to my girlfriend saying," My brother always says he wants to screw your brains out, whatever that means". FML

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By Anonymous - 22/12/2013 06:56 - Australia - Elwood

Today, I got a call at 4 in the morning from the security company, saying someone had broken into my workplace. I drove an hour out there, only to find out it was a rat that had set off the alarm. FML

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By idk ask freud - 4/7/2013 04:11 - United States - Portland

Today, I woke up from an extremely intense and pleasurable wet dream. This wouldn't have been bad, had it not been about Velveeta cheese. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/3/2011 19:52 - United States

Today, I spent almost two hours cleaning my fish tank, only to find out that my cat had secretly eaten all of my fish while I was cleaning the tank. FML

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By gross - 15/7/2011 01:09 - Canada

Today, I was playing my guitar outside my apartment building, and some people had put some money in my guitar case. One guy threw in what I thought was a crumpled piece of paper or something. It was actually a used condom. It leaked all over the money and my case. FML

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By SickandTired - 22/3/2011 16:59 - Australia

Today, I went to work despite having a nasty cold. I didn't call up sick because last week when I called in, my boss said I was being "unprofessional and unacceptable." My boss sent me home with a written warning today, claiming that coming to work sick was "unprofessional and unacceptable." FML

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By cul8erqtpie20 - 3/1/2012 16:35 - United States

Today, I found out my roomie has lost her only source of income. This means I'm responsible for all the bills and the rent. I would kick her out and get someone else, but she's my mother. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/3/2012 20:35 - France

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting it on in a water park changing stall. A woman and a security guard barged in and angrily told us that there were children around. We were escorted out of the park wearing nothing but our swimsuits. FML

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By InDisbelief - 12/4/2013 20:17 - United States - Racine

Today, my girlfriend's parents were out of town, so I stayed the night, hoping for some fun. Somehow, we started talking about conspiracy theories, and she spent the next half hour ranting at me about how Osama bin Laden is really still alive. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/12/2013 14:27 - South Africa - Cape Town

Today, my boss decided that a mug and a public 'thank you' were a sufficient substitute for a Christmas bonus. FML

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By bumblebee - 13/3/2010 19:10 - United States

Today, my boyfriend complained that we may not work out because I'm "just too needy". I'd woken up early and texted him "good morning" while he was trying to sleep. FML

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By ScarletBuckeye - 9/7/2016 16:38

Today, I didn't want to get sand in my shoes. So I walked down to the beach barefoot. The sand was so hot that it burned the soles of my feet. I now have blisters across the bottom of my feet and between my toes. But at least there's no sand in my shoes. FML

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By unlolable4321 - 28/4/2009 21:51 - United States

Today, my mother sent a letter to my best friend trying to comfort her over the death of her mother. She signed the letter "LOL, Jen" thinking LOL stood for "lots of love." FML

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By Anonymous - 12/5/2011 07:54

Today, I got a paper cut from a 'get well soon' card. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/6/2015 12:26 - United States - San Bruno

Today, I told my boyfriend I was horny and was waiting for him at my place. 30 minutes later, he still hadn't arrived, so I called him and asked if he was coming. He replied "Already did, right into a kleenex." and hung up. FML

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By Kiimmy - 9/10/2010 14:36 - United States

Today, I was watching a movie. The ending was sad and I started bawling my eyes out. My boyfriend sitting beside me kept looking back and forth between me and the TV, so I asked what he was doing. He replied with, 'I don't know which one is better to watch.' FML

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By DogStew - 12/9/2019 18:00

Scooby snacks?

Today, I had to watch my niece’s puppy. The darn dog kept finding turds in the yard and eating them. One turd had worms in it. FML

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By bdsam - 23/1/2018 06:00

Yuck.

Today, I found out that the sleeping mask I'd been using for months was actually part of a BDSM kit. I found the rest of it in my dad's room. FML

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By SoccerBabe42 - 26/12/2011 12:11 - Canada

Today, I went on a blind date. All my date would talk about was how he was 'really his own best friend.' FML

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By JavitheWrestler - 13/2/2016 23:06 - United States - Stockton

Today, I got a new phone. Only after berating the Sprint employee and Apple support desk because I could not call, text, or access the Internet did I find out that I didn't need to buy a new phone. It was just on airplane mode. FML

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By undineA - 18/2/2014 20:16 - Greece - Thessalon?ki

Today, feeling magnanimous, I decided to help a frail-looking old lady across a busy street. She managed to "accidentally" hit me in the balls with her cane no fewer than three times before we reached the other side. FML

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By DarkMaskDiva - 21/3/2020 18:00

Vicious circle

Today, I found out the medication my doctor gave me for depression is making me fat. My main reason for depression is an eating disorder. Now, I'm fat instead of just thinking I am. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/9/2012 05:28 - United States - Fort Lauderdale

Today, I walked in on my mother rubbing one out. For the third time. I then had to explain to her, also for the third time, why pleasuring herself in the living room is inappropriate. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/5/2013 03:27 - United States - Utica

Today, after spending a week defending my marriage to everyone, I found out my husband has an addiction I never knew about. Hookers. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/9/2018 07:00 - United States - Conroe

Today, I'm recovering from a bad motorcycle crash that could have cost me my life. A truck pulled out in front of me while going 60. Luckily I only have a broken arm and a fractured sternum. I was just notified by my attorney that the guy at fault has no insurance or assets to his name. FML

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By miss Suzanne - 14/9/2010 21:46 - United States

Today, I got a brand new couch. My husband told me to keep our puppy off of it so we could keep it nice. She jumped on it, and as I picked her up to put her back on the floor, her claws dragged across it and ripped 2 of the cushions. FML

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By UptoHERE - 4/2/2010 03:18 - Canada

Today, I was on a road-trip with some of my buddies, when we stopped at a gas station. When I opened the door to their bathroom, brown water flowed out, soaking my legs up to my knees. I then spent another 2 hours in an enclosed vehicle. FML

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By Pancakegirl - 18/6/2009 00:24 - United States

Today, I was hanging out with a friend at IHOP. When I left, a middle aged man in the parking lot offered me $100 to sleep with him in the dumpsters behind the building. That is the first time I've been hit on in months. FML

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By mysterygurll1234567 - 20/1/2010 05:09 - United States

Today, I was fired from my job. The reason? My boss didn't feel comfortable paying his son's girlfriend. FML

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By ineedsleep - 30/10/2014 14:15 - Finland - J?rvenp

Today, I found out that there's a very loud and frisky couple living above my bedroom, and a family with a crying baby living above my living room. At this rate, I'll end up sleeping in the bathtub in my own home. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/10/2019 22:00

Put it away

Today, I managed to cut myself twice with a Swiss army knife. Stabbed in one hand and sliced a finger on the other. Good to know it's super sharp. FML

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By theleague - 9/10/2010 04:15 - United States

Today, when I arrived at the airport for my international flight there was no record of my ticket in the system. Turns out the flight was yesterday. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/4/2018 23:00 - United States - Binghamton

Today, I found out that my best friend used the sexy dance moves she asked me to teach her to get into my ex-boyfriend’s pants. We dated for two years and broke up less than a week ago. FML

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By J.O.S - 21/3/2012 21:06 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, I was stabbed in the chest. Not with a knife though, the under-wire from my bra escaped and stabbed me in the boob. FML

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By anonymous - 5/3/2014 05:43 - United States - League City

Today, my mom came into my room, yelling at me about a pregnancy test that she found in my bathroom. My mom wouldn't believe me when I said it wasn't mine. Turns out my sister bought the test, threw it under my bathroom cabinet, and now she won't admit to the prank. She thinks this is hilarious. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/4/2015 07:09 - Australia - Burwood

Today, I woke up to my girlfriend having phone sex less than 10 feet away from me. FML

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By thats what my ipod is for - 26/4/2013 17:34 - United States

Today, I overheard my grandpa telling my mom he'd found a load of porn in my laptop's browser history, but that he deleted all the "filth" so she wouldn't have to see it. She believed him and I got grounded, much to his amusement. I've never looked up porn on that computer in my life. FML

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By CaeliLady - 13/9/2009 23:10 - United States

Today, my friend and I were at the mall and saw a "Grow Your Own Boyfriend" toy. I remarked that I already had one of those, and she freaked out, very loudly and openly, about me "finally having a boyfriend". I had to embarrassingly explain I meant I had the toy... not an actual boyfriend. FML

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By teinage - 2/5/2011 18:47 - Belgium

Today, some kids stole all four wheels off my car. They were nice enough to leave a note and some money though, "for the bus". FML

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By KornyKid - 21/2/2016 08:01 - United States - Citrus Heights

Today, I got a new cat for my birthday. It ate my bird right when we got home, then it ran away. FML

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Top comments

By DocBastard | 38

#4462117 - Monday 21 May 2012 8:40

Were these people high on Coke? I'm sure this gave you a Jolt, but in Sprite of your ordeal, don't keep Tabs on these people - they could be dangerous criminals. You need to try to stay 5-Alive. I would take a Minute Maid and then get out of town. Maybe take a walk through some Mountain Dew and breathe some Sierra Mist, or take a trip to a Sunkist Orangina grove, or go visit your Crush.

I hope my advice Pepsis you up a bit. Good luck.

By TheCarChanel | 0

#4462014 - Monday 21 May 2012 8:23

Did u grab the unopened one

Comments

By Hellishness | 6

#4461998 - Monday 21 May 2012 8:22

Lmao...my first comment and I'm first. I'll probably never comment again. Have fun bashing me.

Reply

kittenvks | 11

#4462010 - Monday 21 May 2012 8:23

Troll

Reply

gunmania0 | 12

#4462012 - Monday 21 May 2012 8:23

You are so amazing. You are my idol.

By BuhBuhBoomer | 2

#4462002 - Monday 21 May 2012 8:22

You ah should of held onto the open can in case they came back. And if they didn't, free soda.

By ss_20_xx | 14

#4462007 - Monday 21 May 2012 8:23

Sounds like a game of dodging the soda cans!

Reply

BountyBass | 13

#4462032 - Monday 21 May 2012 8:26

He obviously forgot the 5 d's

Reply

ICastillo | 24

#4462109 - Monday 21 May 2012 8:39

If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a soda can.

Reply

starman02 | 12

#4462176 - Monday 21 May 2012 8:57

Ouch.. Who does that?!

Reply

ucoolgirl31 | 20

#4462647 - Monday 21 May 2012 12:54

At least it was closed because you didn't get all wet!!

Reply

Vociferouslife | 4

#4462821 - Monday 21 May 2012 14:09

This is why everyone should be strapped

Reply

metalwolf | 17

#4462886 - Monday 21 May 2012 14:48

might be the same people who are thumbing you down.

By TheCarChanel | 0

#4462014 - Monday 21 May 2012 8:23

Did u grab the unopened one

Reply

blcksocks | 19

#4462040 - Monday 21 May 2012 8:28

This wouldn't be an FML if he would have been able to grab it. OP clearly says he was hit.

Reply

taracrane1 | 7

#4462064 - Monday 21 May 2012 8:31

...OP could have walked over to the can and grabbed it? TheCarChanel didn't ask if he caught it.

Reply

failureusername | 12

#4462078 - Monday 21 May 2012 8:32

12_Yes we know that OP got hit but the question of whether he picked it up and drank it still remains.

Reply

Roevera | 14

#4462112 - Monday 21 May 2012 8:39

#17- It would make an awesome pop commercial if he did catch it.

Reply

Il_Maestro | 6

#4462259 - Monday 21 May 2012 9:17

If he did, I sure hope he waited a little while before enjoying his drink.

Reply

Saryrr | 3

#4462882 - Monday 21 May 2012 14:48

So it wouldn't fizz every where, right?

Reply

realSlimjimShady | 7

#4464857 - Tuesday 22 May 2012 1:01

Shoulda thrown it back break that fools window

Reply

tjv3 | 10

#4465157 - Tuesday 22 May 2012 2:30

I hope the OP beat the snot out of them, or at least got the lic plate number. Then OP could stalk then and make their life a living hell

By Ge0rger0kz | 5

#4462018 - Monday 21 May 2012 8:24

What would happen if they missed the second time?

Reply

Roevera | 14

#4462075 - Monday 21 May 2012 8:32

Then there wouldn't be an FML..

Reply

x_KL_x | 7

#4462092 - Monday 21 May 2012 8:34

Then they would use the car.

Reply

thgiL | 9

#4462098 - Monday 21 May 2012 8:35

20- How do you know? Perhaps hypothetically they come around again with a big carton of milk...?

Reply

Roevera | 14

#4462121 - Monday 21 May 2012 8:41

3rd time is the charm I suppose.. They just got lucky with the second.

Reply

thiscrazything | 1

#4463191 - Monday 21 May 2012 16:21

It would have been a six pack.

Reply

GovernorGeneral | 8

#4463202 - Monday 21 May 2012 16:27

Heyyy your comment reminded me about that fml where the guy tries kicking a can at op but continualy misses so he picks it up and throws it xD

Reply

NNR | 0

#4463661 - Monday 21 May 2012 18:35

They would probley throw a bomb

Reply

SqueakyChipmunk | 20

#4463722 - Monday 21 May 2012 18:47

They'd get out of the car, walk up to op, and hit em with the can head on.

Reply

hurrican_fml | 0

#4464471 - Monday 21 May 2012 21:37

They would open a can
and get a funnel so they don't miss.

Reply

Jumpingmal2 | 7

#4464860 - Tuesday 22 May 2012 1:01

They throw an empty can at him

By nerobluerose | 10

#4462020 - Monday 21 May 2012 8:24

Drive by canning? What has the world come to? Are bullets that expensive?

Reply

eddeeezzyy | 19

#4462319 - Monday 21 May 2012 9:41

Yes they are! That's why I switched to Nerf gun missiles.....that shit is cheap and reusable! :D

Reply

yahoowizard | 16

#4462380 - Monday 21 May 2012 10:24

Chris Rocks skit about making bullets worth thousands a bullet starting to stop shootings work in real life

Reply

realSlimjimShady | 7

#4464866 - Tuesday 22 May 2012 1:04

53- WTF

By SkoomaKi | 27

#4462028 - Monday 21 May 2012 8:25

Did you get a look at their registration plate? Of you can try and find it, paint it some nice colors ;) I'm sure they'd appreciate the paint job.

If you know what I mean.

Reply

onlychildFTW | 33

#4462390 - Monday 21 May 2012 10:30

Ah yes. Vandalism. Always the answer!

(sarcasm)

Reply

SkoomaKi | 27

#4462419 - Monday 21 May 2012 10:54

Ah no. Joking. It gets used quite a lot on this site.

(no sarcasm)

Reply

simonsaysYDI | 8

#4462918 - Monday 21 May 2012 15:07

=0 Or pour a bunch of soda all over it.

By raraisbang | 12

#4462036 - Monday 21 May 2012 8:26

Thats what you get for pissing those gangsters off.

I told you that was a bad idea!

Reply

mhopper | 13

#4462081 - Monday 21 May 2012 8:33

In Missouri?

Reply

Il_Maestro | 6

#4462267 - Monday 21 May 2012 9:19

Only the gangsters that truly go HAM carry out their hits with soda cans.

Reply

Ruffclue | 9

#4462436 - Monday 21 May 2012 11:04

Bust a Can ??

Reply

jokesta187 | 11

#4462574 - Monday 21 May 2012 12:20

In his ass?

By taracrane1 | 7

#4462042 - Monday 21 May 2012 8:28

Free drink!

By niallswifr | 7

#4462046 - Monday 21 May 2012 8:28

Sounds like a fizzy situation! No? Ok.