Miscellaneous: Today, someone threw an open soda can at me from a car. It missed,... - FML

By Anonymous - 21/05/2012 01:10 - United States - Saint Louis

Today, someone threw an open soda can at me from a car. It missed, so they circled around and threw an unopened can. That one hit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 006

You deserved it 2 015

Batman

You tried

Good kid

By Anonymous - 13/07/2009 13:09 - Canada

Today, my friend posted my picture on Craigslist under the "men seeking men" section. I got 16 replies with 2 hours. He then decided to post another picture of me under "men seeking women" to compare results. The only reply I got was from a man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 695

You deserved it 4 141

By scared shitless - 10/12/2013 09:50 - United States - San Francisco

Today, at my job as a night janitor, at which I work alone, I saw an old man enter a bathroom. When I went to investigate, it was completely empty. I'm now scared to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 246

You deserved it 3 817

By Courtney - 21/07/2011 09:54 - United States

Today, I found out my grandmother has severe road rage after she complained about Pennsylvania drivers for over an hour, then decided to rear end one because he wouldn't get out of her way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 904

You deserved it 2 726

By elevatorjerk - 02/09/2009 13:01 - United States

Today, I was going to work and got in the elevator. I was going through my bag for my phone and asked the man in the elevator to push the button for me. He gave me a look of death before I realized he had no arms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 609

You deserved it 13 912

By dontbuysamsung - 22/04/2012 20:06 - United Kingdom - London

Today, my mobile phone wouldn't turn on. I took it in to the phone store, but they won't fix or replace it because the account is in my dad's name, not mine. He's abroad for the next month, and the only way to get a hold of him is on a number I only stored on my phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 083

You deserved it 5 733

Childlike

By Anonymous - 13/04/2021 05:01

Today, I told my brother a story about something I did a couple weeks ago. When I'd finished, he laughed and asked, "What grade were you in when you did that?" I'm 45 years-old and I haven't been in any "grade" since I was 17. FML

I agree, your life sucks 658

You deserved it 219

By Daivv - 28/01/2010 15:43 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out that shouting 'arsehole' at a speeding car is not a good idea. Two chavs MIGHT just turn around, drive onto the pavement and push you into a bush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 201

You deserved it 29 316

Humblebrag in disguise

By samantha - 23/06/2020 02:02

Today, while buying drinks, the cashier immediately refused me and said, “Don’t even bother showing me your ID, you’re obviously 12." I’m 31. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 569

You deserved it 130

By monochromatic - 20/02/2010 03:13 - United States

Today, I found out that the 20% pay cut that the "management team" took at my job really only applied to... me. I also found out that my closest friend at work has been lying to me about it, and telling my boss everything I say. His pay was never cut. I guess it pays to be the boss's snitch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 005

You deserved it 2 490

By DanniRae - 13/03/2009 13:48 - United States

Spicy

Today, my mom was helping me clean out stuff from college. She opened a box and took out some anal beads I got as a gag gift. She asked, "What are these?" I answered, "They are for massaging your back". She then insisted I show her. I massaged my mother with anal beads. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 242

You deserved it 70 549

By Anonymous - 11/10/2013 15:40 - United States - San Francisco

Today, it's the fifth day in a row my workmate has worn the exact same clothing. We share the desk. I'm absolutely positive he hasn't hit the shower since last weekend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 026

You deserved it 3 152

Mr. Burns

By Anonymous - 20/09/2020 17:00 - United States

Today, I put icy hot on my aching shoulders, like I have been for several days. They seemed extra tender today, and it wasn't until the burning started that I realized I had put icy hot directly on a very angry sunburn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 893

You deserved it 462

Zone 6

By lukey101 - 30/09/2021 01:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I took the train home to save a few dollars on an Uber fare. I fell asleep on the train, got a fine for travelling outside of my paid zone, and had to take an even longer Uber home than it would have been from where I started. FML

I agree, your life sucks 726

You deserved it 433

By Anonymous - 18/12/2015 01:59 - United States - Pleasanton

Today, I told my parents I was pregnant. They yelled at me until I started crying. I'm 31, married, and I have a good paying job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 815

You deserved it 1 932

By Single and wigless - 14/04/2019 04:00

Today, I was on a FaceTime call with a guy I like and my cat, out of nowhere, attacks my head and snatches my wig off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 060

You deserved it 837

Observation

By Anonymous - 17/04/2009 05:43 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. Right as I was really getting into it, he pauses, frowns, and says, "I think I see the pee hole." FML

I agree, your life sucks 97 556

You deserved it 7 967

By paid to scoop ice cream not nana-sit - 17/06/2016 03:13 - United States - Fall River

Today, I was working when my boss left briefly, leaving me with her elderly, senile mother. Not only did I have to chase her when she ran after a stranger on the road, I turned my back for 5 seconds to do my actual job and she walked off. When my boss returned, I had to tell her I lost her mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 972

You deserved it 1 084

By hungry - 01/01/2015 05:50 - United States

Today, is the fourth day of my husband's and my new diet and exercise routine. I've already caught him eating junk food 4 times. He has lost 2 lbs and I've gained 3. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 666

You deserved it 3 981

By Anonymous - 08/04/2009 00:11 - United States

Today, I ran over a squirrel. I saw it twitching, so I backed over it to end its suffering. It wasn't a squirrel; it was a kitten. The children it belonged to watched as I ran over their kitten. Twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 94 040

You deserved it 243 576

By Why me. - 20/10/2018 11:30 - United States - Kent

Today, I emailed my boss to let her know I was uncomfortable working over what my university’s 28-hour policy allows. She demanded I work 40 hours this week. In any other job, I'd be fine, but if I work over 28 hours, the university will fire me. If I refuse to work 28 hours, my boss will fire me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 572

You deserved it 222

By Lars - 31/01/2009 17:25 - United States

Today, I fell down the stairs twice. I fell from the top, stopped in the middle, stood up, stepped down one more step, tripped, and fell down the rest of the stairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 896

You deserved it 5 827

By keeperstride - 03/09/2009 19:55 - United States

Today, I tried to wash my cat in the shower, conveniently naked myself. He disapproved, scratching my man-parts and nicking a vein. I just got back from the hospital with a blood infection, swollen nuts, and an hole in my butt where I had to get a shot of antibiotics. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 581

You deserved it 71 093

By shameonme - 01/04/2016 19:46 - United States - Nampa

Today, I found out one of my friends had never seen the "Two Girls, One Cup" video, so I loaded it up and told him to watch it. I knew he was squeamish, but I didn't expect him to actually pass out. He cracked his head on the side of my desk and had to be rushed to the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 792

You deserved it 17 239

By anonymous - 06/07/2016 13:53 - United States

Today, I got a question wrong on an exam. The question started with, "In your opinion..." FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 541

You deserved it 1 969

By Anonymous - 06/01/2010 18:19 - United States

Today, I found out my dad spent most of the $500 I earned from mowing lawns on an Xbox 360 for himself. He was the one who encouraged me to put the money in the bank for college and to learn responsibility. I'm 14 years old. He's 37. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 859

You deserved it 2 854

By Anonymous - 22/09/2015 05:09 - United States - Boston

Today, I tried to be nice and let a homeless man have a place to crash for the night. He repaid me by pissing all over my new couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 589

You deserved it 23 284

By bestgirlfriend - 03/09/2015 23:31 - United Kingdom - Stockton-on-tees

Today, my dad made me and my boyfriend break up. Not because he was a bad influence, but because I was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 072

You deserved it 7 333

By Justinthebox - 02/04/2018 19:00

Today, my 5-year-old son made a drawing of our living room, with the addition of an apparition and the text, "I can see you. Daddy doesn't see you. Who are you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 048

You deserved it 304

By reyoflight - 19/04/2013 22:04 - Brazil - Rio De Janeiro

Spicy

Today, I walked in on my 12-year-old daughter lying on her bed, repeatedly opening and closing her legs. I asked her what she was doing, and she replied, "Trying to queef. I saw it online." FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 329

You deserved it 7 388

By angelamegan21 - 28/05/2014 20:33 - United States - Port Saint Lucie

Today, I burned my left breast with hot oil at work. Everyone's now calling me "toaster strudel" and singing "This girl is on fire" every time we cross paths. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 499

You deserved it 6 086

By Sleep Deprived - 25/12/2011 05:27 - United States

Today, I was awoken by my wife, once again. It seems that whenever I stop snoring, she thinks I died so she has to wake me to make sure I'm still living. She does this almost every night, every hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 122

You deserved it 3 785

Smooth.

By yosmurf - 13/08/2018 23:31

Today, I finished taking a huge dump at the public restroom at the mall. When I got up to wipe, my wrist clipped my butt and knocked my brand new Apple Watch into the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 067

You deserved it 1 168

By Diachronic - 12/09/2014 08:05 - United States - Lewiston

Today, at the restaurant where I work, a guest choked on a bone from her crosscut ribs. She asked me to bring the manager over, so I did. When he got there, she complained that the bone could have seriously injured her, and we should be more careful of where we put the bones in the ribs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 183

You deserved it 3 069

By Jordan - 08/04/2012 10:37 - Australia - Wahroonga

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend told me that he believes getting kicked in the balls is a scientifically-proven method of birth control. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 281

You deserved it 3 552

By drama king? - 10/04/2013 22:17 - United States - Bolivar

Today, I had a friend "dump" me over Facebook. She apparently thought we were dating. I'm a gay man who's lived with his partner for 5 years. She says I have commitment issues. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 484

You deserved it 5 980

By Bookworm - 05/06/2013 17:02 - United Kingdom - Singapore

Today, I was on the tram, when an elderly couple got on. I stood up to give them room to sit together, but as I stood up, the tram set off and I went flying, knocking the elderly gentleman over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 851

You deserved it 4 379

By impure - 29/09/2014 16:48 - United States

Today, I found out I have an STD, courtesy of my girlfriend. Funnily enough, she was clean when we first started dating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 064

You deserved it 4 504

By dude i am so sorry - 19/09/2016 19:54 - United States - Richmond

Today, I found out what happens when you sleep with a girl your chemistry major friend likes. He put silver nitrate in my body wash and shampoo. I look like I survived an explosion in a Sharpie factory. He says it'll come off "in a few days". FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 264

You deserved it 4 199

By anon - 25/10/2010 05:42 - United States

Spicy

Today, I found out my boyfriend watches porn. Specifically, today, while I was in the shower. In the next room. We were alone in the house and he still chose porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 610

You deserved it 7 121

By Anonymous - 18/02/2017 15:00 - United States - Pasadena

Today, after having to call in a noise complaint about my downstairs neighbors talking loud past midnight, the managers fixed the problem. Now all I can hear is two little girls who like to throw a basketball at the building for hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 128

You deserved it 913

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Monday 21 May 2012 8:40

Were these people high on Coke? I'm sure this gave you a Jolt, but in Sprite of your ordeal, don't keep Tabs on these people - they could be dangerous criminals. You need to try to stay 5-Alive. I would take a Minute Maid and then get out of town. Maybe take a walk through some Mountain Dew and breathe some Sierra Mist, or take a trip to a Sunkist Orangina grove, or go visit your Crush. I hope my advice Pepsis you up a bit. Good luck.

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Monday 21 May 2012 8:23

Did u grab the unopened one

Comments

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Monday 21 May 2012 8:22

Lmao...my first comment and I'm first. I'll probably never comment again. Have fun bashing me.

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Monday 21 May 2012 8:23

Troll

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Monday 21 May 2012 8:23

You are so amazing. You are my idol.

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Monday 21 May 2012 8:22

You ah should of held onto the open can in case they came back. And if they didn't, free soda.

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Monday 21 May 2012 8:23

Sounds like a game of dodging the soda cans!

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Monday 21 May 2012 8:26

He obviously forgot the 5 d's

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Monday 21 May 2012 8:39

If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a soda can.

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Monday 21 May 2012 8:57

Ouch.. Who does that?!

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Monday 21 May 2012 12:54

At least it was closed because you didn't get all wet!!

Vociferouslife 4

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Monday 21 May 2012 14:09

This is why everyone should be strapped

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Monday 21 May 2012 14:48

might be the same people who are thumbing you down.

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Monday 21 May 2012 8:23

Did u grab the unopened one

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Monday 21 May 2012 8:28

This wouldn't be an FML if he would have been able to grab it. OP clearly says he was hit.

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Monday 21 May 2012 8:31

...OP could have walked over to the can and grabbed it? TheCarChanel didn't ask if he caught it.

failureusername 12

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Monday 21 May 2012 8:32

12_Yes we know that OP got hit but the question of whether he picked it up and drank it still remains.

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Monday 21 May 2012 8:39

#17- It would make an awesome pop commercial if he did catch it.

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Monday 21 May 2012 9:17

If he did, I sure hope he waited a little while before enjoying his drink.

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Monday 21 May 2012 14:48

So it wouldn't fizz every where, right?

realSlimjimShady 7

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Tuesday 22 May 2012 1:01

Shoulda thrown it back break that fools window

tjv3 10

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Tuesday 22 May 2012 2:30

I hope the OP beat the snot out of them, or at least got the lic plate number. Then OP could stalk then and make their life a living hell

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Monday 21 May 2012 8:24

What would happen if they missed the second time?

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Monday 21 May 2012 8:32

Then there wouldn't be an FML..

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Monday 21 May 2012 8:34

Then they would use the car.

thgiL 9

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Monday 21 May 2012 8:35

20- How do you know? Perhaps hypothetically they come around again with a big carton of milk...?

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Monday 21 May 2012 8:41

3rd time is the charm I suppose.. They just got lucky with the second.

thiscrazything 1

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Monday 21 May 2012 16:21

It would have been a six pack.

GovernorGeneral 8

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Monday 21 May 2012 16:27

Heyyy your comment reminded me about that fml where the guy tries kicking a can at op but continualy misses so he picks it up and throws it xD

NNR 0

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Monday 21 May 2012 18:35

They would probley throw a bomb

SqueakyChipmunk 20

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Monday 21 May 2012 18:47

They'd get out of the car, walk up to op, and hit em with the can head on.

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Monday 21 May 2012 21:37

They would open a can and get a funnel so they don't miss.

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Tuesday 22 May 2012 1:01

They throw an empty can at him

nerobluerose 10

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Monday 21 May 2012 8:24

Drive by canning? What has the world come to? Are bullets that expensive?

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Monday 21 May 2012 9:41

Yes they are! That's why I switched to Nerf gun missiles.....that shit is cheap and reusable! :D

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Monday 21 May 2012 10:24

Chris Rocks skit about making bullets worth thousands a bullet starting to stop shootings work in real life

realSlimjimShady 7

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Tuesday 22 May 2012 1:04

53- WTF

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Monday 21 May 2012 8:25

Did you get a look at their registration plate? Of you can try and find it, paint it some nice colors ;) I'm sure they'd appreciate the paint job. If you know what I mean.

onlychildFTW 33

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Monday 21 May 2012 10:30

Ah yes. Vandalism. Always the answer! (sarcasm)

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Monday 21 May 2012 10:54

Ah no. Joking. It gets used quite a lot on this site. (no sarcasm)

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Monday 21 May 2012 15:07

=0 Or pour a bunch of soda all over it.

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Monday 21 May 2012 8:26

Thats what you get for pissing those gangsters off. I told you that was a bad idea!

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Monday 21 May 2012 8:33

In Missouri?

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Monday 21 May 2012 9:19

Only the gangsters that truly go HAM carry out their hits with soda cans.

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Monday 21 May 2012 11:04

Bust a Can ??

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Monday 21 May 2012 12:20

In his ass?

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Monday 21 May 2012 8:28

Free drink!

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Monday 21 May 2012 8:28

Sounds like a fizzy situation! No? Ok.

Nearly

Today, my maid sat me down to tell me that she doesn’t like it when me and my partner fight. We don’t like each other anymore and I keep trying to break up with him, but he won’t let me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28

You deserved it 17

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 90

You deserved it 7

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I'm on day 11 of having COVID. My husband said to me, "I hope you get better soon so we can finally have sex again." Thanks for being concerned about MY health and wellbeing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 410

You deserved it 85

Today, I realized why my boyfriend drove me to his “favorite” hospital about one agonizing hour away while I was in labor. His friend who's a nurse worked there. Or should I say, his side chick. He made out with her in the room while I was “sleeping” after giving birth to our first child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 162

You deserved it 87