Today, I got hit in the face by a ping-pong ball. It hit me so... - FML

By Anonymous - 4/7/2015 06:25 - Japan - Tokyo

Today, I got hit in the face by a ping-pong ball. It hit me so hard, it burst a big zit on impact. FML

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Season finale

Social distancing gone wrong

Breaking Badly

By Pelly - 23/6/2016 10:26 - Belgium - Kasterlee

Today, my grandma told everyone I'm using steroids and amphetamines, all because she mistook my protein powder and vitamin pills for drugs. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/4/2015 22:52 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, while cleaning my desk I found a stray gumball. I quickly popped it into my mouth only to discover with horror that it was a paintball. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/12/2010 08:23 - United States

Today, I received a $105 parking ticket for being in a handicapped space. The lines were covered by snow, and the sign was on the building twenty feet away. FML

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By haphazard2007 - 2/1/2012 09:44 - United States

Today, I got a gift from my wife in the form of divorce papers. She waited till after New Year's so it wouldn't show up on her taxes for 2011. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/7/2013 18:03 - United States - Pleasantville

Today, I saw my girlfriend for the first time in weeks. She had a hickey. FML

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By marisacb - 13/3/2013 18:52 - United States

Today, I was hanging out with my best friend. Depressed, I started telling her about my terrible week. A woman came over and asked me to not be so "whiny and negative" in front of her children. FML

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By lauren_rox - 8/11/2009 17:50 - Canada

Today, I was waiting at home for a phone call. While I was in the bathroom, the phone rang. I quickly stopped my business and ran out of the bathroom with my pants by my ankles. I leaped over the couch, tripping and then stubbing my toe while hopping to the phone. It was a telemarketer. FML

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By CapitolSouthSux - 19/9/2013 12:54 - United States

Today, a street preacher got on my metro car and gave a long, loud speech about how we sinful, polluted congressional staffers must inform our bosses that choosing a homosexual lifestyle was like trading your soul for soup. We got stuck in a tunnel for thirty minutes. FML

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By B_and_W - 21/11/2013 11:35 - France

Today, I watched a little girl laugh while giving bread to some pigeons at a bus stop. A bus then arrived. All the pigeons moved out of the away, except one. Its head got crushed by a wheel, and some blood splattered onto the little girl's shoes, who then screamed. With laughter. FML

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By lageste - 20/11/2008 04:37 - France

Today, while I was out, I was having a drink with a pretty girl. She started looking at my crotch and said, smiling, "There's something burning down there." I smiled, but she insisted. Ashes had set my trousers on fire. FML

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By emilyhendrix0414 - 28/9/2012 10:53 - United States

Today, my 5-year-old, overweight Siberian Husky tackled me because he thought that my lipstick was food. FML

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By yudencow - 18/9/2019 18:00

Reading skills

Today, I showed my parents the latest excerpt from my first book. It's about narratology. My dad thought I was writing about meat. He read "peaks and valleys" as "pork and veal." FML

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By Notpunny - 18/4/2016 22:58 - United States - Silver Spring

Today, while making small talk with a veteran, I made the mistake of using the phrase "Cost an arm and a leg". He was a double amputee. FML

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By Phoellie - 28/8/2009 11:43 - United Kingdom

Today, as I arrived at my house after a two week holiday, I opened the door and heard footsteps upstairs, I went up and found my boyfriend naked in bed. We had great sex and afterwards I found my best friend naked in the wardrobe. Turns out they'd had great sex also. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/11/2009 16:56 - Canada

Today, I canceled my dental check-up because I'm getting busy at work. Then, as I was flossing, my finger slipped, I heard a "crunch" from one of my fillings, and I now have a killer toothache. It's costing me double to go to the dentist because it's now an emergency call. FML

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By Lily - 21/2/2009 11:22 - United States

Today, I came to school late because I had to drop off my daughter at school. When I got on campus, the security told me I was late but I said, "Oh no, I work here." and he said, "Oh like I haven't heard that one before." And he took me to detention. My boss, the Principal, had to bail me out. FML

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By NotSoSick - 12/2/2010 05:11 - United States

Today, my doctor put me on some extra strength antibiotics for an infection. On the label it says "WARNING: may cause Diarrhea"... 'may cause' is a funny term... this is the second time I've sharted in my pants today. FML

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By Dweeb - 2/10/2019 18:00

WOOF!

Today, I ran into a parked car and fell into the gutter. All because a dog suddenly barked at me. From the other side of a wooden fence. FML

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By christian9294 - 8/2/2010 20:21 - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me, saying I was immature for making gay jokes all the time. A few hours later, I got six texts and three calls from guys I didn't know. It turns out, she put my name and number on Craigslist as a gay man seeking a relationship. FML

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By killme - 7/3/2015 18:42 - United States - Broomfield

Today, at a big family dinner, my dad said, "Pfff, gays don't have it hard at all. The things a guy has to do for sex with a girl? Crazy. All a gay guy has to do for sex is become an altar boy!" My husband's side of the family is very religious, and all hell quickly broke loose. FML

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By jauregz - 25/5/2017 00:00 - Australia - Lalor

Today, my neighbours had an extremely loud party, which began at midnight and didn't end until 6. I know this because I had a 15 minute sleep, seeing as I had to wake up at quarter past. FML

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By Cameraman - 1/6/2017 01:00 - Israel

Today, I got a reply from a women who's SD card I found 2 months ago and tried to give back. Yesterday I formatted it. FML

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By tgpgs - 19/1/2011 14:55

Today, at work, I spent half an hour on the phone with a customer. At the end of the conversation, as he was putting down the phone, I heard him say 'God, he was a miserable git'. I'm a 28 year old woman. FML

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By nolove - 14/11/2012 10:36 - Australia

Today, the love of my life, and long term partner, sat me down and told me that he feels so comfortable in our relationship that he no longer feels the need to have sex with me, and he doesn't think that that will ever change. FML

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By idk - 28/5/2014 03:23 - United States - Alexandria

Today, I saw the hottest nurse ever. Too bad he was pulling out a piece of wax the size of a raisin from my blocked ear. FML

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By LTJFP - 26/10/2009 02:00 - United States

Today, I was at ATandT getting my phone fixed. At one point, the salesman said 'you should see this'. It was a text message from some girl apologizing for sleeping with my boyfriend for the past four months, and telling me that they were moving him out of our apartment. FML

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By Isabell - 6/2/2010 05:31 - Australia

Today, my soon-to-be mother-in-law walked in on me masturbating, in my own house. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/5/2009 04:48 - United States

Today, I celebrated my birthday with my family. As part of my presents, my parents gave me prepaid debit card. When I got home, I looked at it again and realized it's the debit card you get from selling back books to our university bookstore. I bought my own books this year. They gave me my own refund. FML

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By pubes - 18/3/2010 01:55 - United States

Today, I came back to my room and sat down at my desk to find pile short, curly hairs on it. Neither me or my roommate have curly hair, and it isn't mine. I think he trimmed his pubes over my desk and forgot to clean it up. FML

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By stupiddrunk - 1/3/2011 01:10 - United Kingdom

Today, I woke up after a night out drinking on my sofa, with an electric dog collar around my neck and handcuffs on my wrists. The keys were on the other side of the invisible doggy fence. FML

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By lalala_hahaha - 23/9/2010 23:18 - France

Today, I had some girlfriends over, while my parents were having a party at our house. My drunken dad decided to come down to the basement and show us all his third nipple. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/5/2016 16:58 - Belgium - De Pinte

Today, my co-workers decided in our meeting with my boss that everything is my fault. When asked for examples, they couldn't come up with any. Now they are mad at me, because I'm apparently good at my job. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/12/2012 15:02 - Australia

Today, I took my child to the park. Having been there an hour, another mum came up to me and we started talking. She then told me that one kid had been harassing her children, pointing to my child. When she asked which one was mine I pointed to a random kid. It was hers. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/5/2012 12:15 - United States - Hanover

Today, I finally got the girl of my dreams to come over for a movie. When I answered the door, my little brother ran up behind me, yelled "geronimo" and pulled down my pants and underwear. FML

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By Lonely - 24/11/2009 10:49 - United States

Today, I had a date in my dreams. It was a pity date, with someone who is already taken. I can't even get a real date in my dreams. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/4/2017 18:00

Today, I had to stop on a long trip to use the restroom at a gas station. Apparently, there was water damage beneath the toilet, because after about two minutes of doing my business, it collapsed about seven inches beneath the floor. Guess who got covered in water, black mold, and poo. FML

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By Weter - 30/1/2009 11:30 - United States

Today, I fell flat on my ass while running for the subway. Made it on only to find out that it was standing by for ten minutes. I then got to ride all the way to work with a train full of people who watched me fall. FML

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By Scabby - 11/4/2012 09:53 - United Kingdom - Manchester

Today, I woke up to my boyfriend pulling off scabs and eating them. My scabs. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/11/2015 14:43 - United States - Tyler

Today, I found out my fiancé is already married when his wife showed up at my door. That's about the same time she found her husband is gay, and that Ashley can be a man's name. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/9/2009 10:23 - Singapore

Today, I was playing hide and seek with my eight year old cousin. For the past two turns, he had been hiding in the bathroom. I saw the bathroom lights on, yet again, and opened the door with a triumphant "AHA!" It was my Grandma, taking a smelly dump. FML

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Top comments

By colton_colton | 49

#6340591 - Sunday 5 July 2015 5:58

So you got the point and popped a zit. Two in one. its a win win

By littleking94 | 14

#6340612 - Sunday 5 July 2015 6:07

So what did we learn today? If you have a fat zit that won't pop, just play ping-pong till you get hit in the face. Hope this lesson helps in your future zit popping endeavors :)

COMMENTS

By dagarr | 11

#6340589 - Sunday 5 July 2015 5:57

That's got to suck

Reply

mattzawesome | 28

#6340593 - Sunday 5 July 2015 5:59

Are any FML's non suckish?

Reply

logicnazi | 18

#6340689 - Sunday 5 July 2015 7:31

#16, they still suck. They're just deserved.

Reply

Lalala579121 | 27

#6340722 - Sunday 5 July 2015 8:23

27 - They don't suck for us. We get to laugh in their faces.

Reply

marigoldcobain | 21

#6340971 - Sunday 5 July 2015 16:57

27, Whenever I click YDI I also click FYL as well for exactly that reason! Finally, someone else understands!!

By qwertycode | 19

#6340590 - Sunday 5 July 2015 5:58

Darn OP. :/ My dad's a ping pong player so he can relate as well.

Reply

Dick_diamond | 22

#6340745 - Sunday 5 July 2015 8:58

Unless your dads got a face full of zits, I doubt that..

By colton_colton | 49

#6340591 - Sunday 5 July 2015 5:58

So you got the point and popped a zit. Two in one. its a win win

Reply

ohSNAPyall | 26

#6340641 - Sunday 5 July 2015 6:38

Probably lost that point.

Reply

sjensen920 | 3

#6341191 - Sunday 5 July 2015 20:18

no shut up. you aren't funny

By platypus546 | 24

#6340598 - Sunday 5 July 2015 6:00

what a time saver!

By Cads1 | 24

#6340600 - Sunday 5 July 2015 6:01

At least you tried to keep your eye on the ball.

By mds9986 | 24

#6340606 - Sunday 5 July 2015 6:04

Well, now you have one less zit on your face!

Reply

MasterTron | 24

#6341519 - Monday 6 July 2015 3:35

It's all fun and games till something happens

By solarsanteria | 15

#6340607 - Sunday 5 July 2015 6:04

the little ping pong ball can sting you pretty good when there's a good arm behind it, sorry OP. Hope you won!

By daddysgirl243 | 21

#6340611 - Sunday 5 July 2015 6:05

head shot

Reply

MrSassypants | 32

#6340619 - Sunday 5 July 2015 6:16

I think zit split has a better ring to it.

Reply

thatguynamedsky | 32

#6340782 - Sunday 5 July 2015 10:55

i find it clever cuz zits have heads...

By littleking94 | 14

#6340612 - Sunday 5 July 2015 6:07

So what did we learn today? If you have a fat zit that won't pop, just play ping-pong till you get hit in the face. Hope this lesson helps in your future zit popping endeavors :)

By iPixelCheese | 19

#6340614 - Sunday 5 July 2015 6:11

Well you lost a zit

Reply

ohSNAPyall | 26

#6340643 - Sunday 5 July 2015 6:39

And gained a friend.