Health: Today, I got hit in the face by a ping-pong ball. It hit me so... - FML

By Anonymous - Japan - Tokyo

Today, I got hit in the face by a ping-pong ball. It hit me so hard, it burst a big zit on impact. FML

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Out of it

Late term

Yeah, fuck the poor

By NoMoney4Me - United States - York

Today, I went for a job interview. Before giving me a tour, the manager pointed to my purse and said, "Better leave that in my office." I didn't know why it was safer in her office than on my shoulder, but I complied. Later, I went to buy coffee and discovered that all my cash was missing. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/7/2020 20:01

Age appropriate

Today, I got refused a Red Bull because I didn't have my ID on me and you have to be over 16 to legally buy one. I'm 26 and was paying for petrol for the car that I was going to drive away in. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/1/2021 00:01 - Australia

You tried

Today, my colleague was wearing a beautiful dress. I decided that I had to go over and compliment her. As I walked over, my coffee cup flew out of my hand and onto said dress. She had to go home and change, and my boss had to cover for her. FML

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By Emma - United States - Saint Louis

Today, I learned I'm not allergic to gluten. My mom has kept me on a gluten free diet since I was 5. She was convinced I was allergic to it. I'm 25 and I am writing this over my first slice of pizza in 20 years. FML

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By biggieT - Sri Lanka - Colombo

Actor's Studio

Today, I was having sex with my wife, when she fell asleep. She then woke up and started moaning, clearly faking an orgasm. FML

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By Eternal_Babyface - United States

Today, I was talking to a friend and bemoaning the fact that my new coworkers keep mixing up my gender. She looked at me critically and said, "Yeah, until you can grow a decent beard, people are going to keep thinking you're an intern or a butch lesbian." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I walked into a T-Mobile store to get a new phone. I wanted all of my numbers on my new phone, but the customer service rep had to transfer them. He said jokingly, "I understand. You don't want to lose your girlfriend's number." My girlfriend and I broke up two days ago. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/11/2020 03:00 - Australia - Warners Bay

What are the odds?

Today, while driving my car, there was a talk on the radio about road safety. I got so engrossed that I drifted and crashed my car into a sign promoting the talk. FML

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By Alex

Today, I was working at my job at a bank. A couple was waiting in the lobby, and not being busy, I asked what they needed. They told me that they were applying for a loan, so I asked if it was for something exciting. It was to pay for their 12-year-old son's burial expenses. FML

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By workaholic - United States

Today, while I was at work, my boyfriend decided to give my Cocker Spaniel a haircut. I now have the equivalent of an over-sized naked mole rat running around my house. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went into work to waitress on a table of 40 guests. They were my only table for the day and the bill came to over 700 dollars. After they left the busser was cleaning the table and threw out the credit card receipt which had my tip on it. FML

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By "skinnydick" - United States - Clifton Park

Today, while riding the bus, I saw my ex-girlfriend get on. Despite several seats being open, she specifically sat next to me. I was at first happy, thinking she might want to make up. Nope, she instead blocked me in with her bag and spent the entire time showing me pictures of her new lover's dick. FML

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By the other man - United States - Fort Smith

Today, I learned that the girl I've been seeing for 6 months is actually married. She just dates me when her husband is pissing her off. FML

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By Burnt - United States

Today, while changing a light bulb, I was electrocuted. I screamed before I blacked out. My entire family was home and heard me scream, but didn't come and check because they were too busy watching Glee. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/1/2021 23:01

Right in the pecker

Today, my girlfriend and I got into a nasty fight. After a few hours, she wanted to give me a blowjob, so I thought we weren't mad at each other anymore. Turns out she was still mad because she bit my penis. FML

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By whatisthisidonteven - Israel - Ramat Gan

Today, I was scheduled for an interview at a local firm owned by two partners. The secretary told me to be there at around 12:00 to 12:30 pm, so I arrived at 12:15. The first boss told me off for being early, the other one yelled at me for being late. FML

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By yeah hun i think insects arent animals too - Germany - Leipzig

Today, I yet again had to pretend to be a dumb bimbo so that my boyfriend wouldn't get upset over the fact that, in some cases, I might be smarter than him. FML

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By Dammit - United States - Long Beach

Today, I found out that I'm allergic to bacon. FML

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By meh - Canada

Today, my teacher, who's Irish, called me insensitive and stupid for imitating her accent. I'm Filipino and my parents immigrated to Ireland where I was born, and then we moved to Canada when I was 14. Her response to my explanation? "Bullshit." FML

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By Stepheroni

Today, I went to the doctor to ask what the weird white lump was on my back, and if it was cancer. He told me it was the biggest pimple he'd ever seen. FML

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By :( - Sweden - Ume

Today, my grandma reduced me to a sobbing wreck in two short sentences, just to win a bet against my mum. FML

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By Lace - United States

Today, my husband just told me that he no longer loves me but keeps me around to handle his finances. FML

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By anon - Canada

Today, my neighbor finally cut the grass on his front lawn. At 2 in the morning. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Fort Lauderdale

Today, I got a new set of acrylic nails put on. While driving home, I had an urge to pick my nose. My car then went over a speed-bump. I now feel like my brain is bleeding. FML

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By fun - United States

Today, my husband threw up on me during our wedding vows. FML

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By moosemay - Germany - W?rzburg

Today, I heard a noise in my garage so I grabbed a baseball bat and went to look. The skunk I stirred was actually better armed than me. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I went on a long overdue vacation to France with my husband and young daughter. As revenge for an earlier prank, my sister has apparently taught my daughter to swear profusely in French. FML

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By turdburger - Australia

Today, I noticed my wife makes more satisfied groans when she's taking a big dump than she does when we make love. FML

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By WIIslave - United States

Today, I went to the doctor to get a pulled arm muscle checked. I told him I had been bowling, and it had just started to hurt badly. He said it was normal for a man of my age (35) to pull a muscle when lifting a ball of 12-15 pounds. I then told him it was on my son's Wii. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I woke up from a nap and thought I felt somebody's arm in my bed. I frantically start hitting it and start screaming. I soon realized it was my own arm. I had fallen asleep on it, and it was completely numb, I couldn't feel a thing. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I overheard my mum tell my sister that she should make me a bridesmaid at her wedding. My sister scoffed, "She looks like Shamu, mum. I can't have THAT in my wedding pics." followed by laughter and my mum saying, "Touché." FML

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By Anonymous - Singapore

Today, my boss pretty much told me that I'm too ugly to meet clients, and should stay in the office doing the paperwork. So basically, I'm a modern day Hunchback of Notre Dame. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my roommate showed me that her pepper spray had expired, so I decided to test it on myself. It worked. FML

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By fun in functioning, I suppose - United States - Starkville

Today, I texted my boyfriend a few dirty messages at lunch time and told him how badly I wanted him home. He texted back lecturing me on how I shouldn't be so drunk so early. I was totally sober, but now I need a drink. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/10/2020 10:05 - United States - Baton Rouge

Medically accurate

Today, I sprained my ankle badly at a volleyball game. I asked my coach for some athletic tape so I could get back in the game. She handed me duct tape and said that athletic tape and duct tape are basically the same. Getting duct tape off your sprained ankle hurts like hell. FML

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By doodoobref - United States - Lake Havasu City

Today, my parents sent me to the hospital because they thought I had diabetes. One of the symptoms is that you a pee a lot. The only reason I go to the bathroom so often is so I can masturbate. FML

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By thankful

Today, I was tripped downstairs as a "joke" by my little brother. When I was yelling in pain from my broken arm, my mom was lecturing me to be thankful "one goddamn day a year". She also thinks I'm lying just to hide that I'm clumsy and my brother is innocent. He won't admit it. Happy Thanksgiving. FML

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By superman_not - United Kingdom

Today, I had to play the role of superman in a production on stage. They had to stuff my underwear because my 'thing' wasn't big enough. FML

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By meeeeeee - United States

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend peeing in the cat's litter box. I'm the one who has to clean it out. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Ottawa

Today, I found out my brother doesn't have a problem with "keeping it in the family". It's now up to me to explain why our cousin is pregnant with his kid. FML

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Top comments

By colton_colton | 49

#6340591 - Sunday 5 July 2015 5:58

So you got the point and popped a zit. Two in one. its a win win

By littleking94 | 14

#6340612 - Sunday 5 July 2015 6:07

So what did we learn today? If you have a fat zit that won't pop, just play ping-pong till you get hit in the face. Hope this lesson helps in your future zit popping endeavors :)

COMMENTS

By dagarr | 11

#6340589 - Sunday 5 July 2015 5:57

That's got to suck

Reply

mattzawesome | 28

#6340593 - Sunday 5 July 2015 5:59

Are any FML's non suckish?

Reply

logicnazi | 18

#6340689 - Sunday 5 July 2015 7:31

#16, they still suck. They're just deserved.

Reply

Lalala579121 | 27

#6340722 - Sunday 5 July 2015 8:23

27 - They don't suck for us. We get to laugh in their faces.

Reply

marigoldcobain | 21

#6340971 - Sunday 5 July 2015 16:57

27, Whenever I click YDI I also click FYL as well for exactly that reason! Finally, someone else understands!!

By qwertycode | 19

#6340590 - Sunday 5 July 2015 5:58

Darn OP. :/ My dad's a ping pong player so he can relate as well.

Reply

Dick_diamond | 22

#6340745 - Sunday 5 July 2015 8:58

Unless your dads got a face full of zits, I doubt that..

By colton_colton | 49

#6340591 - Sunday 5 July 2015 5:58

So you got the point and popped a zit. Two in one. its a win win

Reply

ohSNAPyall | 26

#6340641 - Sunday 5 July 2015 6:38

Probably lost that point.

Reply

sjensen920 | 3

#6341191 - Sunday 5 July 2015 20:18

no shut up. you aren't funny

By platypus546 | 24

#6340598 - Sunday 5 July 2015 6:00

what a time saver!

By Cads1 | 24

#6340600 - Sunday 5 July 2015 6:01

At least you tried to keep your eye on the ball.

By mds9986 | 24

#6340606 - Sunday 5 July 2015 6:04

Well, now you have one less zit on your face!

Reply

MasterTron | 24

#6341519 - Monday 6 July 2015 3:35

It's all fun and games till something happens

By solarsanteria | 15

#6340607 - Sunday 5 July 2015 6:04

the little ping pong ball can sting you pretty good when there's a good arm behind it, sorry OP. Hope you won!

By daddysgirl243 | 21

#6340611 - Sunday 5 July 2015 6:05

head shot

Reply

MrSassypants | 32

#6340619 - Sunday 5 July 2015 6:16

I think zit split has a better ring to it.

Reply

thatguynamedsky | 32

#6340782 - Sunday 5 July 2015 10:55

i find it clever cuz zits have heads...

By littleking94 | 14

#6340612 - Sunday 5 July 2015 6:07

So what did we learn today? If you have a fat zit that won't pop, just play ping-pong till you get hit in the face. Hope this lesson helps in your future zit popping endeavors :)

By iPixelCheese | 19

#6340614 - Sunday 5 July 2015 6:11

Well you lost a zit

Reply

ohSNAPyall | 26

#6340643 - Sunday 5 July 2015 6:39

And gained a friend.