Today, I got hit by a stray cantaloupe. That's not a typo. I hate my neighbors' kids with a burning passion. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went for a jog. While passing by my neighbor's house, their six year old son started throwing peanuts at me screaming, "I hope this kills you!" because I'm allergic to peanuts. FML
Today, my friends thought it would be funny to try and break a watermelon on my head while I was asleep on the couch. FML
Today, my old neighbor pelted me with apples when I walked out the door. I ducked for cover and asked what her problem was. She yelled, "You took fresh peas from my garden!" I looked at her garden, only to see my dad tiptoeing back to our lawn, laughing and holding a bag full of peas. FML
Today, someone threw an open soda can at me from a car. It missed, so they circled around and threw an unopened can. That one hit. FML
Today, I woke up at 4AM to the sound of lightning hitting a tree in my backyard, then that tree proceeding to hit my house. Later, my neighbor's tree fell over, which hit our fence, and they're not even home. FML
Today, I got excited when I learned that the fruit on the trees by my apartment building was ripe and free to pick. I picked myself some juicy summer plums and enjoyed them. Minutes later, my tongue started burning painfully. Turns out, I'm allergic to plums. FML
Today, I lifted up a watermelon, not realising it had gone bad. The thing exploded like an alien giving birth. Stinking juice and rotten inside all over the kitchen. Even behind the build-in closets. It smells like rotten fruit cheese and I can't reach behind the closets. FML
Today, I was riding my bike back to my house. Suddenly I was hit by something in the head. I looked down to see a lemon on the ground and looked up to see a guy yelling at me in a car that was passing. He was yelling at me because I got in the way of the house he was throwing it at. FML
Today, my crazy neighbor screamed at me from her porch for walking "too close" to her plants. I was on the sidewalk. She sprayed me with her hose anyway. FML
Today, I got hit in the face by a ping-pong ball. It hit me so hard, it burst a big zit on impact. FML
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Top comments
ihartmytdi 23
Time to introduce them to a stray watermelon.
pixierara 28
Have you talked to the parents about it? That's very odd to say the least.
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Comments (63)
Tigers___333 3
I think you meant "burning passion fruit".
shinikageWolf 15
Go to the 99 cent store and pelt them with fruit.
EvilLittleMan 23
You live in the grand state of Tennessee so hit them with a stray empty bottle of Jack.
False_Stupidity 42
Maybe they were expecting you to go all fruit ninja on the cantaloupe instead of hitting you with them.
Kuryree 2
sounds like a game of ultimate cantaloupe lol
slidingglassdoor 10
This reminds me of something from Malcom in the Middle
shadowwolf656 8
had something like that happen when I was babysitting my nephews one time I hopped the fence after I made sure my nephew was alright and scared the living piss out of the kids that did it
Jimsey 3
I have a potato launcher....? P.S. you should make one, it's fun
Sliver1991 26
Hate him with a burning passion... fruit!
nikkolaus 15
Sue for assault.