Today, I got high for the first time. Apparently I called my vet and told him my goldfish was barking. I found out when he called me back later to make sure we were both okay. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while being high for the first time after getting my wisdom teeth pulled, I called my dental assistant pretty before leaving, and then shouted, "I NEED TO POOP!" to the whole office. FML
Today, while doing some spring cleaning, I found the remains of my goldfish, which I was sure my cat ate last year. FML
Today, I was so bored that I filmed my goldfish while it was eating. FML
Today, I bought a new goldfish. While leaving my fish on my balcony to go get fish food, I hear a loud squawk and splash, I race outside to see a bird flying off with my fish. FML
Today, I got a call from my brother, saying he was losing his mind at work and did not feel well. I went to pick him up. Turns out he decided to try weed for the first time at work and was high AF. Now I'm the little brother babysitting a 35 year-old man child. FML
Today, I woke up to find my best friend lying down and unresponsive. Frightened, I tapped on the glass. He got scared and started swimming again. My best friend is a fish. FML
Today, as part of my job at a pet store, I helped our frat house president pick out goldfish for the new aquarium the big brothers are installing over summer break. And, once I'm initiated, I'll get to swallow one of the fish. FML
Today, I won a goldfish at the amusement park. My little brother took him out of the bowl because he thought he was drowning. FML
Today, at work, whilst on hold with an important client, I said to my co-workers, "Fucking hell, this woman sounds high as a kite." I heard a cough on the other end of the phone. All calls are recorded. FML
Today, I went to see a fortune teller. She said one of my closest friends will die soon because of me. Frightened I hurried home to avoid meeting anyone I know. At home I found my goldfish floating on its back. Apparently I forgot to feed my closest friend for the past 3 days. FML
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Top comments
Earths_Venus 25
Plot twist: you don't even have a goldfish, but you have got a very wet dog...
NeoTabu 11
Must have been some good shit
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Comments (109)
buckdharma 38
My goldfish are fine. Even when I get the munchies and bite their tails off. I check their little faces, and yep, still smiling. :)
jadedsanity 6
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jadedsanity 6
When you get high you dont hear or see things unless they are off of hallucinogenic substances. Unless you were trying some serious stuff you wouldnt have thought your goldfish was barking nor can you blame your high for your own stupidity. This is why marijuana gets such a bad reputation because people use it as an excuse to be stupid.
Axel5238 29
True, but there are those that prefer laced stuff to get a different high. I smoked pot along time ago ,back in college that was laced. Though I was one of the Duck's from Duck Hunt. Found out the college stoner friend told me it was probably laced with crystal meth.
trendkilla254 4
sounds more like embalming fluid.
skittyskatbrat 19
I figure the neighbor's dog was barking and he was too stoned to figure out where it was coming from and decided it had to be the fish that was barking. I've seen dumber stuff from stoned people.
Onyx3288 22
Ok. OP never said he was high off weed! It could have been shrooms... Which would explain a lot. That said, who the **** chooses shrooms as their first high in the first place?!?!?!
AFaye3964 17
Usaully people who do shrooms or Acid say their Tripping, not High.. just sayingg
elcee1987 18
Unless they're noobs
vikky538 29
What if the fish is also high at that time...
cece23_fml 10
Perhaps thats why he was barking.
pfc_underground 5
That moment when you realized you took the wrong drug
trendkilla254 4
This could not have been pot. FYL for sure.
worldclassrager 41
It's best to avoid drugs
pmacxx 5
It can't be weed. You don't black out from that...
NPN_Scorpio 16
Awesome vet! That's a true professional, right there.
Solano2580 24
How is it he has more FYL than YDI?