Today, I got high for the first time. Apparently I called my vet and told him my goldfish was barking. I found out when he called me back later to make sure we were both okay. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, while being high for the first time after getting my wisdom teeth pulled, I called my dental assistant pretty before leaving, and then shouted, "I NEED TO POOP!" to the whole office. FML
Today, while doing some spring cleaning, I found the remains of my goldfish, which I was sure my cat ate last year. FML
Today, I was so bored that I filmed my goldfish while it was eating. FML
Today, I bought a new goldfish. While leaving my fish on my balcony to go get fish food, I hear a loud squawk and splash, I race outside to see a bird flying off with my fish. FML
Today, I got a call from my brother, saying he was losing his mind at work and did not feel well. I went to pick him up. Turns out he decided to try weed for the first time at work and was high AF. Now I'm the little brother babysitting a 35 year-old man child. FML
Today, I woke up to find my best friend lying down and unresponsive. Frightened, I tapped on the glass. He got scared and started swimming again. My best friend is a fish. FML
Today, as part of my job at a pet store, I helped our frat house president pick out goldfish for the new aquarium the big brothers are installing over summer break. And, once I'm initiated, I'll get to swallow one of the fish. FML
Today, I won a goldfish at the amusement park. My little brother took him out of the bowl because he thought he was drowning. FML
Today, at work, whilst on hold with an important client, I said to my co-workers, "Fucking hell, this woman sounds high as a kite." I heard a cough on the other end of the phone. All calls are recorded. FML
Today, I went to see a fortune teller. She said one of my closest friends will die soon because of me. Frightened I hurried home to avoid meeting anyone I know. At home I found my goldfish floating on its back. Apparently I forgot to feed my closest friend for the past 3 days. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Earths_Venus 25
Plot twist: you don't even have a goldfish, but you have got a very wet dog...
NeoTabu 11
Must have been some good shit
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (109)
zombiekiller52 24
Roflmao!???this is the best fml!!
EmilyEAB 8
so nice you were concerned about your fish :)
Stormcloak 20
Solution: don't get high. (And thus bring on the onslaught of down votes. -.-)
more4me 27
OP is in Ghana. He / she may be high on something else . What I really wanna know is ... what does a barking fish sound like , exactly? Does it make bubbles when it barks underwater? This raises so many questions.... Truthfully, this FML is hilarious and totally made me laugh . Thanks, OP! :)
americanafrican 32
probably. I'm in Ghana and these people can't tell the difference from weed or a flower
hateredblast 7
You deserve it for trying the hard drugs! You cant achieve such effect on pot!
Valkeryia 13
If you're talking about smoking pot for the first time you're lying because it takes a few times.
wizewomyn 13
That's awesome !!!
pkts11 16
Drugs are bad mmkay
JCal585 8
Drugs are bad. Marijuana is not a drug. It is a plant.
metalhead88 9
Are you sure your not smoking salvia? Cuz I used to smoke pot and had strong stuff but never hallucinated
trendkilla254 4
If OP is in Ghana it was prolly opium