Today, I got high for the first time. Apparently I called my vet and told him my goldfish was barking. I found out when he called me back later to make sure we were both okay. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, while being high for the first time after getting my wisdom teeth pulled, I called my dental assistant pretty before leaving, and then shouted, "I NEED TO POOP!" to the whole office. FML
Today, while doing some spring cleaning, I found the remains of my goldfish, which I was sure my cat ate last year. FML
Today, I was so bored that I filmed my goldfish while it was eating. FML
Today, I bought a new goldfish. While leaving my fish on my balcony to go get fish food, I hear a loud squawk and splash, I race outside to see a bird flying off with my fish. FML
Today, I got a call from my brother, saying he was losing his mind at work and did not feel well. I went to pick him up. Turns out he decided to try weed for the first time at work and was high AF. Now I'm the little brother babysitting a 35 year-old man child. FML
Today, I woke up to find my best friend lying down and unresponsive. Frightened, I tapped on the glass. He got scared and started swimming again. My best friend is a fish. FML
Today, as part of my job at a pet store, I helped our frat house president pick out goldfish for the new aquarium the big brothers are installing over summer break. And, once I'm initiated, I'll get to swallow one of the fish. FML
Today, I won a goldfish at the amusement park. My little brother took him out of the bowl because he thought he was drowning. FML
Today, at work, whilst on hold with an important client, I said to my co-workers, "Fucking hell, this woman sounds high as a kite." I heard a cough on the other end of the phone. All calls are recorded. FML
Today, I went to see a fortune teller. She said one of my closest friends will die soon because of me. Frightened I hurried home to avoid meeting anyone I know. At home I found my goldfish floating on its back. Apparently I forgot to feed my closest friend for the past 3 days. FML
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Top comments
Earths_Venus 25
Plot twist: you don't even have a goldfish, but you have got a very wet dog...
NeoTabu 11
Must have been some good shit
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Comments (109)
sajupt 17
Plot twist, ur gf's name was goldfish.
clemscott 10
Nooooo
Klima_fml 29
I'd like to get myself one of those, if you could tell me where to get a barking goldfish?
foxwasalamb 24
this cant be a "your life sucks" this is just righteous man
laden_swallow09 35
Righteous to make yourself a fool? Yeah, riiiighteous, mon!
False_Stupidity 42
This story sounds a bit fishy to me. You've got to be barking mad and even a bit dopey to do those kinds of drugs in the first place. But at least your vet was entertained!
Ohshitdude 21
your shit was laced.
sawapee 21
You are not supposed to have hallucinations when you get high on weed.
marcus369 9
normally if its your first time, you shouldn't be taking hard drugs anyways so people assume it was weed
rannerbananer 8
I would have loved to be the Vet and receive a call like that...
Khaleesi_26 30
Once again I'll say: Drugs are bad mmkay!
AFaye3964 17
Are you sure you werent smoking something else? ive never been so high that i thought my fish was barking
glabberfasted 16
OP didn't even say what they were high on.
otumboo 10
i don't know what kind of weed your smoking but it does not make you think your gold fish is barking . Hope your dealer didn't lace your shit .