Today, after struggling with anorexia for months, I got food poisoning. FML

The squits

Today, I got food poisoning from a restaurant that I had chosen for our company party. Everyone who went blamed me for their predicament. I also had to run to the toilet every ten minutes while they were all mad at me. FML

The big day

Today, it's my wedding day. Almost a year ago, I was in a terrible car accident that nearly left me paralyzed, but I worked my ass off to be able to walk down the aisle. After a lot of blood, sweat, and tears I made it to the big day… and woke up with food poisoning. FML

Today, it's my wedding day, and I have uncontrollable diarrhea. FML

Today, I got food poisoning for the first time after cooking. Yesterday, I met my boyfriend's family for the first time. FML

Today, I went out to eat to celebrate getting over the stomach flu. I hadn't eaten solid food in over a week, so I was really excited and ordered my favorite dish. It gave me food poisoning. FML

Today, my husband started a food fight. During our wedding reception. FML

Today, I had diarrhea and shit myself. During my wedding. In my wedding dress. FML

Today, after a week of staying in at night and fighting off a persistent cold, I was finally feeling well again, so I decided to go to my boyfriend's work BBQ. I got food poisoning. FML

Today, I was fired from the restaurant I work at because I missed my shift. I missed it because I was in the hospital for food poisoning from the meal I ate at work last night. FML