Health: Today, I got circumcised by my zipper. FML

By Bobby M - 16/05/2011 16:33 - Ireland

Today, I got circumcised by my zipper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 547

You deserved it 10 692

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 21/03/2012 04:50 - Canada

Today, I found a bug under my foreskin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 613

You deserved it 22 056

By Chester (Seattle) - 09/09/2010 02:15 - United States

Today, I got circumcised. After the surgery, my girlfriend got drunk and texted all of her friends about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 974

You deserved it 5 830

By loser - 10/10/2009 20:45 - France

Today, I was at a bar and very drunk. I went to the urinal and when I was done I went to zip up when I realized I never unzipped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 605

You deserved it 61 319

Pain like no one has ever seen before

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I found out how it feels to get your nut-sack caught in a belt buckle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 353

You deserved it 5 869

By liu_kang - 16/03/2010 18:55 - United States

Today, my schlong decided to enter Mortal Kombat with my pants zipper. Guess which of the two won a flawless victory? FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 173

You deserved it 7 721

By box bulge - 21/10/2011 01:24 - China

Today, whilst trying on a pair of jeans, I got my genitals caught in my fly. I'm a woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 030

You deserved it 9 987

Butterfingers

By eiregal2 - 15/04/2020 23:00 - Ireland - Cork

Today, I somehow managed to slice open my thumb. The dangerous weapon that caused this to happen? Velcro. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 427

You deserved it 200

By Anonymous - 20/10/2010 03:05 - United States

Today, I got my lip pierced. By the orthodontist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 323

You deserved it 3 241

It's called fashion, OK? Look it up.

By Seamstressed - 09/02/2017 20:00 - Italy

Today, I was sewing a top. Due to a mistake, I had to unstitch the zipper and resew it. When I was almost done, I noticed that the zipper was upside down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 248

You deserved it 1 274

By Anonymous - 25/10/2009 18:28 - United States

Today, while at the store, my fly became undone. It doesn't seem that bad unless an old lady comes to "zip it up for you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 343

You deserved it 4 141

Michaelgee 2

Monday 16 May 2011 23:05

I guess you can you say your fashion sense is certainly "cutting edge" Sincerely, Your useless superhero Bad Pun Man.

hannah1203 2

Monday 16 May 2011 23:13

Rabbi's don't get paid to do circumcisions, but they do keep the tips...

Comments

Joppa 0

Tuesday 17 May 2011 9:47

where the **** did your undergarment go? why did you zip it up before you put your underwear on, retard?

shitslegit 0

Tuesday 17 May 2011 10:18

it's time you start wearing underwear.

mami2flii 0

Tuesday 17 May 2011 12:53

ooooch

e2m2cent 0

Tuesday 17 May 2011 12:58

oh god uaghhg It's hurting me just thinking about it :(

69urmutha 0

Tuesday 17 May 2011 13:27

i RAPED the favourite button

ballesteros1992 0

Tuesday 17 May 2011 13:29

kosher pants?

Stravv 0

Tuesday 17 May 2011 14:30

Omg that sounds like it hurt

imsobad 0

Tuesday 17 May 2011 14:33

awww I'm sorry! ouch.....

Papaw_fml 3

Tuesday 17 May 2011 15:04

FRANKS N BEANS!!!

Blake4477 0

Tuesday 17 May 2011 15:15

126) you should be able to if you go to the middle of the comment because I just did it on my iPhone!(:

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Today, I'm at North Fort Hood deploying with the Army Reserves, where the motto is, "You'll prefer to be in Iraq." We're in COVID quarantine with over 100 people in our barracks. We may never get out of here. FML

I agree, your life sucks 898

You deserved it 140

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend and he ejaculated without warning, shooting straight up my nostril. I accidentally snorted it, started choking, and then coughed it up in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 512

You deserved it 818

Today, while working, a woman complained that she didn't ask for sauce on her sandwich. After examining the sandwich, I realized it was just melted cheese. When I told her, she threw the sandwich at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 295

You deserved it 1 828

Today, I went grocery shopping and tried the self-checkout for the first time. I managed to scan everything except a bag of grapes, which I then dropped, causing them to scatter all over the floor. As I scrambled to pick them up, I slipped on a grape and fell flat on my back. The security footage must have been comedy gold. FML

I agree, your life sucks 440

You deserved it 140

Today, while my roommate was taking a bath, I became horribly sick out of nowhere. Since the bathroom was occupied, I ended up having explosive diarrhea in an Amazon box in my bedroom, which I immediately ran out to the dumpster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 675

You deserved it 160

Today, I tried to be a responsible adult and went to bed early. I woke up at 3 a.m. and couldn't fall back asleep, so I binge-watched a whole season of a show on Netflix. It was a terrible fucking show as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 599

You deserved it 282

Same thing different taste

Pain like no one has ever seen before

Butterfingers

It's called fashion, OK? Look it up.

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