Love, Work and Intimacy: Today, my boyfriend of four years decided that the best way to...

By Anonymous

Today, my boyfriend of four years decided that the best way to break up with me was to move out of our apartment while I was at work, and then text me a video of himself having sex with another girl. FML

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Love

Work

Intimacy

Season finale

Walk on the wild side

You ass!

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me in my front yard. As I stormed off in my dramatic exit, I realized I had locked myself outside. I had to ask my now ex-boyfriend to borrow his phone so I could call my mom. FML

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By nomorecookies - United States

Today, someone broke into my car just to steal the freshly baked cookies in the back seat. They also left a thank you note. FML

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By detour165 - Australia - Ascot Vale

Today, while staying at my brother's place for the Christmas holidays, I had to leave because he threatened to "take me outside". Apparently he doesn't like being corrected on whether a certain car has a long wheel base version, so I guess the family Christmas is over. FML

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By drivingmecrazy - United States - Sacramento

Today, I called 911 to report a drunk driver. The operator yelled at me for following the guy and told me to get off the phone because I shouldn't be driving with a phone to my ear. FML

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29277

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By Godi - United States

Today, I got a call from my girlfriend of 13 months. She told me that she had gotten chlamydia from the guy she cheated on me with, and that I most likely have it too. I gave her a diamond ring, she gave me chlamydia. FML

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33659

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By anonymous - United States

Today, I was having a garage sale and my mother-in-law came by to see what I was selling. She decided to buy these ugly green wine glasses that were still unopened. It turns out that she gave those to my wife and I when we got married. FML

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By Nofun - United States

Today, I was helping my mom pack for our family vacation. We were both talking about how excited we were, when she turns to me and says, "Would you be offended if I asked you not to come? It's just... I want to have fun." FML

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58932

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By moncheri1314 - France

Today, because I have a beach party tomorrow, I used a new gel that is supposed to prevent razor burn after shaving the bikini line. Turns out I'm highly allergic to the gel. Now I have hundreds of beautiful red bumps that look like razor burn. FML

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By Kelly - United States

Today, I heard a girl telling her friend all about her boyfriend, John. They talked about the grocery store that he works at, and that he drives a nice yellow mustang. My boyfriend's name is John, works at that same grocery store, and drives a nice yellow mustang. FML

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62210

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By spiderwoman - Iceland - Reykjav

Today, while walking home, I really had to pee, so I decided to do my business in some high grass just off the street. When I got home, I felt an itch between my butt cheeks. I went to the bathroom to check it out, and a dead, apparently crushed spider fell out of my underwear. FML

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By biblio - United States

Today, I told the man I love to "go first" when we started talking at the same time. I wanted to confess my feelings, he wanted to tell me about his engagement. FML

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28106

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By lying fuck! - 22/6/2020 14:02

Shameless

Today, I walked into my husband's office and accidentally interrupted his business call to tell him dinner was ready. Silly me, I didn’t realize his "business call" included Skyping with his topless ex, with his pants down. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2864

You deserved it

159

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By blabla - Brazil

Today, I rushed home during a torrential downpour. When I got back, I went to take a pee and took off my wet socks while I had the chance. Once I finished, I stood up with used toilet paper in one hand and wet socks in the other. Guess which I tossed into the toilet. FML

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20241

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By NeedALittleRoomToBreathe

Today, after having set up a date with a wonderful guy who seems to really like me, I caught a cold. I have also lost most of my voice because of it, so I now sound like an angry, deranged goose when I talk. This will be the first time he meets me in person. So much for a good first impression. FML

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4579

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By Anonymous - Canada - Toronto

Today, at work my boss called me into his office because he had received multiple complaints from coworkers about a prank sound machine I have been using to make inappropriate fart sounds at my desk. I wish it was a fart machine; I have a condition. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Spanaway

Today, an elderly patient complained because I used the words "vaginal" and "breast". I work at an OBGYN's office. FML

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12898

You deserved it

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By culodegrillo - Spain

Today, a woman approached me in the street and slapped me, ranting about how I stole her man. I don't even know her man, or her, and I live over a thousand miles away in Scotland. I'm back in town for the first time since my childhood to attend a wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51933

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was lost in a new town, so I asked a woman for directions. For some reason, she seemed to avoid me. About halfway down the block, she quickly turned around, and the next thing I remember is my eyes stinging like hell. Apparently she thought I was a mugger and maced me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

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By RustyRuski - United States - Greenwood

Today, my boyfriend told me that we need to talk. I think he dumped me, but I'm not sure, because he muttered it in Russian and quickly left. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45376

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By ouch - United States - Fullerton

Today, I was with a friend at the mall and I made eye contact and smiled at the worker at a smoothie stand that I went on a date with last year. He saw me, and then ducked down behind the register, where he remained while his coworker awkwardly leaned over him to take my order and money. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, a moth was flying around my house. Annoyed, I picked up a shoe to crush it with. The moth landed on a light fixture on the ceiling, so I made my move. Dead, the moth slipped gracefully through air and onto my head. So did the light fixture. FML

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10797

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By ooops - United States - Minneapolis

Today, I went to have dinner with my girlfriend and her family. It got silent, so, noticing her legs were darker than they were a few hours ago, I wanted to ask her if she used tanning lotion. I ended up asking her if her legs were fake. Her dad has prosthetic legs. FML

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By Insane Guy - United States

Today, at work, I jumped under my desk in fear of a nuclear missile attack when the firestation next us let out its new awareness siren. I think I'm going insane. FML

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By unemployed-dude - Australia - Vermont

Today, I got fired from my job because I closed the store 84 seconds early. They found out because the state manager was sitting across the street with binoculars watching me. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I had to walk through an extremely crowded pub wearing a dorky prisoner outfit to get to a dress-up party at the back. When we got there, I soon realised it wasn't fancy dress, but just black-and-white themed. FML

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By annonn - Brunei Darussalam - Bandar Seri Begawan

Today, I found out that people know when you're screenshooting their snaps on Snapchat, by the guy I have a crush on, asking me why I keep doing it. FML

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By sexyfail - Australia

Today, I learned that removing your boyfriends boxers with your teeth is waaaay less sexy when you accidentally bite a chunk of his pubes and yank them out in the process. FML

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By ohno - United States - East Stroudsburg

Today, I found out that when my girlfriend said she gave up sex for lent, it was just with me and not my brother. FML

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By unicornlove - 17/7/2020 20:01

No soup for you

Today, I was bringing a table a bowl of soup at my waitressing job. A new customer taking off his coat threw his elbow out, violently knocking the soup out of my hands and onto his baby in a highchair. The baby screamed; I had a panic attack. FML

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1765

You deserved it

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By tan disaster - United States

Today, I went to get my spray tan before my semi-formal. After I applied lotion to the bottom of my feet as instructed, I went in the booth and began to start the tanning session. I lost my balance and fell right as the machine began to spray. I look like a spotted cheetah. FML

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18470

You deserved it

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By Jacqueline H'ghar - New Zealand

Today, I missed my bus to the doctor's office for my scheduled pap test. I was so desperate, I called my deadbeat mom to ask for a ride. She said "Virgins don't need pap tests", laughed, then hung up on me. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/11/2020 02:01 - United States - Pittsburgh

Alexa, play "Repetition" by The Fall

Today, I woke up and realized it's still 2020. It's like Groundhog Day. FML

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By fmylifebigtime - United States

Today, I found the list my wife made of the things she was going to give up for Lent. The first one was "Sex with other men". FML

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45412

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By anonymous - United States - Torrance

Today, I was over at a friend's house feeding her cats while she was on vacation. After feeding the four of them, I found an extra cat under the sofa. Thinking it was an intruding stray, I kicked it out. She actually has 5 cats. FML

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14806

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I thought it would be a good idea to take a short cut driving through the snow. I skidded to avoid an oncoming car and ended up in someone's garden, inches from their brand new extension. The house belonged to a police officer. FML

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10322

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By FML - United States - Maricopa

Today, I took my boyfriend to a family dinner. It went well, until my dad got drunk and started telling everyone about how "midgets" are assholes and are ruining America. FML

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22608

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By Anonymous - Mexico - Distrito Federal

Today, I opened my heart to my father-in-law, telling him how he was a very good example for us and how his name would be great for our first born son, he interrupted, saying, "Cut the cheesy crap, now." FML

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38685

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By chicoallen - United States

Today, after getting off work from a horrible 16 hour shift, I went out to my truck. My windows were completely covered in window chalk, to the point that I couldn't leave. I had to spend the next hour and a half washing it all off while my manager laughed about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

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By Bec99 - Australia - Bassendean

Today, I found out I have celiac disease. I also happen to be a baker and will be constantly reminded of all the wheat products I can no longer enjoy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2340

You deserved it

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By jenpearl - Australia

Today, I decided to do naked yoga in my lounge room, as I always do. Later, I found a note on my front door saying "Keep doing what you're doing". FML

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Top comments

By Ahmed Sakr | 16

#7649571 - Monday 18 June 2018 1:59

Send it to his parents

By manb91uk | 22

#7649564 - Monday 18 June 2018 1:35

You should do the same thing... Believe me he'll be crying until your grandchildren graduate college

COMMENTS

By real life problems | 26

#7649563 - Monday 18 June 2018 1:33

Did she still have her Eagles cheerleader outfit on?

By manb91uk | 22

#7649564 - Monday 18 June 2018 1:35

You should do the same thing... Believe me he'll be crying until your grandchildren graduate college

chosha_fml | 25

#7649572 - Monday 18 June 2018 2:01

The last thing she should do is give this guy a sex tape.

chosha_fml | 25

#7649574 - Monday 18 June 2018 2:02

The last thing she should do is give this guy a sex tape.

manb91uk | 22

#7649906 - Monday 18 June 2018 17:31

There's this revolutionary new concept that hasn't caught on yet... It's called a joke

By Ahmed Sakr | 16

#7649571 - Monday 18 June 2018 1:59

Send it to his parents

Beverlie Macleod | 9

#7649589 - Monday 18 June 2018 3:51

And every other person they know, including his boss and coworkers.

Mungolikecandy | 19

#7650186 - Tuesday 19 June 2018 7:54

Just take care as revenge porn can be illegal.

By PenguinPal3017 | 19

#7649586 - Monday 18 June 2018 3:39

On the bright side, he has already moved out.

By INDYSTRUCTABLE | 43

#7649595 - Monday 18 June 2018 4:57

Google a picture of genital warts, text it back with the words "I'm so sorry" and never respond again ;)

By RichardPencil | 30

#7649598 - Monday 18 June 2018 5:10

Well, it did get the job done and likely answered all of your possible questions.

By tounces7 | 27

#7649600 - Monday 18 June 2018 5:21

Sounds like it's time to share it with everyone who wants to watch. Lets see how long he keeps that new girlfriend.

Earl_KarmasBitch | 28

#7649614 - Monday 18 June 2018 6:57

Today, I hooked up with a guy. His crazy ex somehow got video of it and posted it for all my friends to see. FML

interesting33 | 36

#7649910 - Monday 18 June 2018 17:36

yeah very harsh on the girl and not ok because of that

tounces7 | 27

#7649971 - Monday 18 June 2018 20:25

Blur just HER face out. Problem solved.

By jellenwood | 34

#7649601 - Monday 18 June 2018 5:31

What a jerk! You deserve so much better!

By Earl_KarmasBitch | 28

#7649612 - Monday 18 June 2018 6:55

Send it to the girl. Let her know what kind of a jerk she's with. Sharing it with anyone else could get you in legal trouble but you're okay sending it to her.

By Isamermaid | 17

#7649615 - Monday 18 June 2018 6:57

Luckily he’s gone before you went on any longer with him.
I’d try to keep my head up.