Today, my boyfriend of four years decided that the best way to...

By Anonymous - 18/6/2018 01:30

Today, my boyfriend of four years decided that the best way to break up with me was to move out of our apartment while I was at work, and then text me a video of himself having sex with another girl. FML

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Love

Work

Intimacy

Live dumping

In my day…

You snooze, you lose

By harvdog - 2/10/2010 19:43 - United States

Today, I went to Seattle with my mom to visit my pregnant sister, only to end up being dragged to a store to buy maternity clothes. The saleswoman apologized to me repeatedly for not having a lounge for the fathers, but congratulated me on the baby. I'm a girl. FML

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By Nuttree - 1/8/2010 07:02 - United States

Today, I noticed my husband chews his tongue while we are having it off. He also does this while he is playing World of Warcraft. FML

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By sadlrana121 - 10/1/2015 22:46 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I psyched myself up and headed out to a really promising job interview. I was sure I was going to nail it and get my first job. That is, until a bird shat on my head on my way there. Thank you so very much, universe. FML

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By toe - 3/2/2015 03:14 - United States - Sullivan

Today, I stole my brother's fuzzy slippers for the day as I usually do. Too bad he had been anticipating this and had left a mouse trap in one of them. FML

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By emilyupsidedown - 16/1/2010 05:08 - United States

Today, I got a popcorn kernel stuck in my throat. It was quite irritating so thought I could get it out with my finger. Good thing, the kernel is gone. Bad thing, I now have the rest of my lunch on my shirt as well. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/1/2009 05:42 - France

Today, I discovered that Paolo has a big penis, that he's good in bed and that the hotel sheets still remember it all. Mum, the walls won't get any thicker just 'cause you're on the telephone. FML

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By Tasji - 27/7/2009 06:24 - Canada

Today, I sent in a fake story to a website that supports a yearly festival in my small town thinking it would boost their spirits. It was how my boyfriend proposed to me at last year's festival. Now the local news station wants to do a story about it. FML

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By Sammy - 27/4/2011 17:07 - United States

Today, I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. My husband, the father of the baby, got a birdie on the golf course at the exact same time. FML

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By judge not, ye cunt - 21/12/2012 23:00 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I was overseeing a nativity play rehearsal. Things went fairly well, until a boy's grandma stormed in, ranting that Christmas is a "Pagan abomination", and shouting for him and his mom to leave with her. Half the kids were left in tears, and we had to cancel the rehearsal. FML

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By Waste Someone Else's Time - 28/6/2015 05:06 - United States

Today, I decided to break up with my boyfriend. The main reason being that he doesn't value my time, and fails to see how canceling at the last minute is rude and a major inconvenience. I wanted to be respectful enough by breaking things off face to face. He cancelled, at the last minute. FML

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By dickwebs - 22/11/2010 03:42 - Germany

Today, I was taking off my underwear to change into fresh clothes. Pulling them down, I realize there's a big fat spider in them. Not only did I have a spider chilling with my genitals the whole day, but I'm deathly afraid of them. FML

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By leftout - 25/12/2015 05:51 - United States - Whitney

Today, I spent the holiday with my husband's big family. They suggested we take a family picture, but two people were purposely left out of it. I was one of them. FML

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By al - 15/4/2012 03:02 - Canada - Cambridge

Today, I had to admit that I hate the wedding dress that I've designed. My wedding is in a week. FML

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By liltravol23 - 15/1/2009 11:36 - United States

Today, the only cute girl in my office made fun of me because I'm 27 and bring fruit cups with my lunch. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/9/2019 04:04 - United States

Heavy

Today, a 100-foot maple tree fell on my house. I was inside. I was sleeping. FML

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By LadyLou - 3/11/2015 11:42 - Australia

Today, at work, a customer told me that my teeth would make a very pretty necklace. FML

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By Aprilfools - 12/4/2009 10:47 - United States

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend of 5 years getting intimate with my best friend. When they saw me they immediately stopped and said nothing. After about 5 seconds of silence my boyfriend yells "April fools!" April Fools was 12 days ago. FML

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By ihatelongflights - 21/8/2009 16:18 - United States

Today, I was on a flight coming back home. On my right was a fat monk who was snoring very loudly, and on my left there were two old women who were talking about their teenage love lives in detail. The flight was 17 hours long. FML

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By Anonymous - 31/3/2014 17:15 - Japan - Takarazuka

Today, as I walked out the door to head to class, my neighbour's kid threw a balloon at me, filled with some kind of foul-smelling liquid that he calls "liquid ass". I had a presentation 20 minutes later and couldn't get the smell off myself in time. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/10/2019 22:00

You wanker!

Today, my brother arrived at the cabin we’re staying at on a trip. He insisted he got the bed I chose. My father responded, "You wouldn’t want the bed if you knew what he did in it last night." I laughed until I realized there's a mirror where he could've easily seen "what I did last night." FML

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By Megan - 19/3/2018 01:30

Weren't there two girls?

Today, I was at my boyfriend's in a back room that wasn’t connected to the main house. I really had to pee, but neither of us wanted to go into the house, so he told me to just go outside in a cup. I ended up having diarrhea in a cup in my boyfriend's backyard. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/10/2011 22:26 - United States

Today, I wore my brand new Wonderbra to school. When I got home, my dad looked at me and started laughing hysterically. Between breaths, he asked if anyone actually thought my chest was that big and said "You know why it's called a Wonderbra? Guys take it off and wonder where your tits went." FML

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By Anonymous - 7/5/2009 19:11 - Italy

Today, I was walking to class with my roommate. She didn't notice the car coming up behind her because her headphones were in. As I pulled her out of the way, she thought I was goofing around and shoved me back... in front of the car. I got hit and rolled off the hood. FML

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By Stellarum - 18/8/2014 15:13 - Mexico - Mexico

Today, I listened to a little girl explain how her scabs taste great with lemon juice. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/10/2019 18:00

Baby, You Can Drive My Car

Today, I had a bad and very unenthusiastic one night stand and tried to quietly order an Uber while she was getting dressed. Turns out, she's an Uber driver and being as she was in the area, the alert came over her phone. She was furious. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/11/2015 11:03 - United States - Rochester

Today, I fractured my shinbone after slipping on a leaf. FML

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By abby181 - 3/9/2011 14:36 - United States

Today, my six year old nephew told me to peel off my skin because, "They say you look prettier on the inside." FML

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By hamandegger - 4/2/2013 20:17 - United States - Raynham

Today, my friend asked me to fix his laptop for him because it is loaded with viruses. When I turned it on and started searching for the problem, I couldn't find it. Luckily I was able to find a video of him banging my girlfriend. We've been together for eight years. FML

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By xx-look-at-xx - 13/4/2013 00:14 - France - Auriol

Today, I was supervising some kids, who were playing on a bouncy castle. One of them managed to kick me in the face during a jump, and looking for an apology, I asked, "What do you say?" He paused, then shouted, "HEADSHOTTTTT!" FML

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By imfullthanks - 14/3/2009 23:06 - Norway

Today, my mother had to take a stool sample because she has been ill for several days. Curious, I eventually had to ask, "how did you intercept the poo before it got submerged in water?". She yelled from the other room, "you know that little plate with the red stripe". I was eating off of it. FML

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By not impressed - 9/10/2015 18:27 - Canada - Nanaimo

Today, I told my boyfriend that I love him. He replied, dead serious, "That's nice and all, but anal speaks louder than words." FML

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By Anonymous - 21/6/2016 23:24 - United States - Winder

Today, my girl and I got in a huge fight. Because I cuddled with her the wrong way. While I was asleep. FML

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By - 19/3/2019 06:00 - New Zealand - Palmerston North

Today, after a 3-month dry spell because I am recovering after having a baby, I was finally in the mood to get intimate with my husband. Foreplay was great, the sex was great until my back gave out right as I was about to cum. I can't move without intense pain. I just wanted to orgasm! FML

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By "GumStickExtraGmail" - 14/9/2017 17:30 - United States - Arvada

Today, I found my daughter playing on my phone. When I got it back, I saw multiple texts to my boss saying that I quit. FML

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By itchyyet - 3/1/2016 05:52 - Australia - Hawker

Today, a friend who visited me a week ago with "allergy rashes" told me that it's actually scabies, and she hopes I didn't catch it from her. It takes 2-6 weeks for the symptoms to show and I can't use the medication for it anyway because I'm pregnant. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/10/2009 02:15 - United States

Today, I decided to take a personal day from class and e-mailed all of my profs saying I had flu symptoms. While standing in line at Starbucks later, someone behind me says "Glad you're feeling better. Hope you can attend class tomorrow, we'll discuss lying." It was my Ethics professor. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/5/2011 15:44 - Romania

Today, I overheard a conversation between my boyfriend and his best friend about how to shave one's nuts completely. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/9/2019 20:00 - New Zealand - Wellington

Market crash

Today, my son took some of my underwear to school. What's worse is he sold it to his classmate for $10. FML

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By leftwardfoil - 19/8/2011 06:32 - United States

Today, I woke up to my roommate sniffing my underwear. He said he was checking if they were clean, so he could borrow them later. Which may have been reasonable, if I weren't still sleeping in them. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/9/2010 21:28 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out that my mother has been seeing my maths teacher. I'm still failing his class. FML

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Top comments

By Ahmed Sakr | 16

#7649571 - Monday 18 June 2018 1:59

Send it to his parents

By manb91uk | 22

#7649564 - Monday 18 June 2018 1:35

You should do the same thing... Believe me he'll be crying until your grandchildren graduate college

COMMENTS

By real life problems | 26

#7649563 - Monday 18 June 2018 1:33

Did she still have her Eagles cheerleader outfit on?

By manb91uk | 22

#7649564 - Monday 18 June 2018 1:35

You should do the same thing... Believe me he'll be crying until your grandchildren graduate college

chosha_fml | 25

#7649572 - Monday 18 June 2018 2:01

The last thing she should do is give this guy a sex tape.

chosha_fml | 25

#7649574 - Monday 18 June 2018 2:02

The last thing she should do is give this guy a sex tape.

manb91uk | 22

#7649906 - Monday 18 June 2018 17:31

There's this revolutionary new concept that hasn't caught on yet... It's called a joke

By Ahmed Sakr | 16

#7649571 - Monday 18 June 2018 1:59

Send it to his parents

Beverlie Macleod | 9

#7649589 - Monday 18 June 2018 3:51

And every other person they know, including his boss and coworkers.

Mungolikecandy | 19

#7650186 - Tuesday 19 June 2018 7:54

Just take care as revenge porn can be illegal.

By PenguinPal3017 | 19

#7649586 - Monday 18 June 2018 3:39

On the bright side, he has already moved out.

By INDYSTRUCTABLE | 43

#7649595 - Monday 18 June 2018 4:57

Google a picture of genital warts, text it back with the words "I'm so sorry" and never respond again ;)

By RichardPencil | 28

#7649598 - Monday 18 June 2018 5:10

Well, it did get the job done and likely answered all of your possible questions.

By tounces7 | 26

#7649600 - Monday 18 June 2018 5:21

Sounds like it's time to share it with everyone who wants to watch. Lets see how long he keeps that new girlfriend.

Earl_KarmasBitch | 28

#7649614 - Monday 18 June 2018 6:57

Today, I hooked up with a guy. His crazy ex somehow got video of it and posted it for all my friends to see. FML

interesting33 | 36

#7649910 - Monday 18 June 2018 17:36

yeah very harsh on the girl and not ok because of that

tounces7 | 26

#7649971 - Monday 18 June 2018 20:25

Blur just HER face out. Problem solved.

By jellenwood | 34

#7649601 - Monday 18 June 2018 5:31

What a jerk! You deserve so much better!

By Earl_KarmasBitch | 28

#7649612 - Monday 18 June 2018 6:55

Send it to the girl. Let her know what kind of a jerk she's with. Sharing it with anyone else could get you in legal trouble but you're okay sending it to her.

By Isamermaid | 16

#7649615 - Monday 18 June 2018 6:57

Luckily he’s gone before you went on any longer with him.
I’d try to keep my head up.