Miscellaneous: Today, finishing up in the shower room, I walked into the kitchen... - FML

By Anonymous - United States

Today, finishing up in the shower room, I walked into the kitchen to get a drink. Apparently both bathrooms were occupied and my grandmother really had to go... She was bent over in the kitchen peeing into a cup. I may never be able to erase this image. FML

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Recycling helps

Runner up

By jimmy - Canada - Orangeville

Today, my 5-year-old son put my car keys in the microwave thinking that they would 'warm up' my car. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my dad forgot me at cross country practice. When he got there two hours late, instead of apologizing, he said, "Hey, that's only the third time I've forgotten you at practice. You should be congratulating me." FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, my mother, my aunt, and my two sisters are all on their periods. I can't even brush my teeth in my own house without being treated like a criminal. FML

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By helpfulmom - Canada

Today, my mom taught my boyfriend of 2 weeks how to put on a condom. FML

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By nicegirl08 - United States

Today, my boyfriend came to visit me for my birthday. Over dinner he handed me a blank card that had the words "I love you" hastily written on it. When the waiter came to take our order he informed him that we'd be paying separately. Happy Birthday. FML

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By JustADream - United States

Today, I woke up and went to the bathroom and took a massive piss. Then I actually woke up, well and truly soaked. FML

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By Pauper - United States

Today, I talked myself out of buying $1 candle at the Dollar Tree. That's how broke I am. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out my mom paid my best friend $20 to be my friend when we were 10. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Saint John

Today, I fell down the stairs while holding some dirty glasses from my room. I ended up pulling pieces of glass from my body. Meanwhile all my mom cares about is the fact that I broke three of her favorite glasses. FML

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By Yay..... - Canada

Today, my friends thought it would be a good idea to make fun of a homeless man. I didn't fancy making fun of the less fortunate, so I stayed a bit back. Still, the homeless man didn't think it would matter to throw a rock at me after my buddies ran away. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I took an afternoon nap, and when I woke up, it was pitch black outside. Still groggy, I went downstairs, only to see my dad sporting a shocked expression and a suspiciously powder-white beard. He actually almost convinced me that I'd just woken up from a five year coma. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, my extremely loud and nocturnal flatmate phoned me to tell me excitedly that he got an accordion for his birthday. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/6/2020 02:00

Notification sound

Today, I farted during a Zoom call in front of our client. I thought mic was muted. My Team Lead had lot of things to say to me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, my grandma got piss drunk off two glasses of wine and kept telling me how I'm "so... ROUND...!" FML

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By ShutUp007 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, I learned that if life gives you lemons, your sister is going to squeeze them over your face while you take a nap on the couch. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was on the computer in the library on campus. I was facebook stalking this really cute girl that I often see on campus. As I'm looking at her profile pictures, I turn around and the girl is standing right behind me. She gave me a disgusted look and walked off. FML

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By skyinthesky - United States - Pasadena

Today, I bought a desk for my new apartment. After ignoring the warnings on the box saying it should not be carried alone, I made it all the way to my apartment with the desk. I walked in the door and dropped it on my foot. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Atlanta

Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time. His father was completely wasted, his mom was high, and his 11-year-old sister was talking about her favorite alcoholic drinks at the dinner table. FML

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By epistaxis - Australia

Today, my nephew asked me how babies are made. I thought he'd had this chat with his mom, but I went in to it again. After a 20 minute 'discussion', he says "So what about the good stuff - get to the blowjobs and the lesbians." He's 11. FML

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By bdw89 - United States - Warrensburg

Today, my boyfriend of 4 years still can't get it that dry humping me and saying, "But I'm horny" in a goofy voice isn't a turn on. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I saw a group of attractive guys at the mall. One of them looked exactly like a friend, so I decided to take a picture. Trying to be discreet, I put my phone up to my ear as if I was making a phone call, and pressed the capture button. The flash went off. FML

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By Boss Troubles - United States - Anaheim

Today, my boss insisted I go in front of him up the stairs. Out of respect, I insisted he go first. After a few seconds of back and forth insisting, he went. The reason he wanted me to go first was because he had to fart. I inhaled the raunchy gas for over three flights of stairs. FML

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By Interrupted - United States

Today, while I was making love to my fiancé, his mom walked out of the hotel bathroom and sat in a chair less than two feet away from the bed. She made idle conversation with us for the next 15 minutes. My fiancé was still inside me the entire time. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - London

Today, I heard that my ex-girlfriend was spreading scurrilous rumours about me all over our university. It appears that I distribute white supremacist propaganda, and that my sexual fantasies involve animals and vegetation. FML

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By K. - United States

Today, my dad demonstrated just how incredibly illiterate he is. He sent me a chain email about the awful lives of people with "Asparagus syndrome". FML

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By Alexander - Russian Federation

Today, I found that my cats somehow managed to pull the plug of my fridge out of the socket. Several days ago. Now I have to get rid of a ton of stinking food and clean the stinking fridge. FML

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By idontevengetpaid - Brazil - Rio De Janeiro

Today, I arrived at my internship at 7 am after three hours of sleep with a massive hangover. When I got there, my boss told me he had made a mistake and I was meant to come in next week. He then said, "Well, now that you're here, you might as well get some work done. Come in next week as well." FML

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By banana2894 - United States - Eugene

Today, I looked over at the car parked next to me and noticed a very large woman plucking her mustache. She locked eyes with me and kept plucking. After that, every time I looked over, she was still staring. Staring and plucking. Now when I close my eyes, I can still see her. FML

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By NextTimeMom'sDriving - Canada - Kelowna

Today, my family and I were on a road trip. Everything was fine until we discovered that my dad, the driver, was not only fast asleep, he was also snoring. We were in the middle of the highway. FML

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By Anonymous

Experimentation is good

Today, I was at my friend's place with a bunch of people. I saw a pair of panties in his laundry basket, so of course I yelled, "DUDE! YOU GOT LAID!" Turns out he didn't get laid, he was 'experimenting'. He was so mortified, he burst out crying and threw us all out. FML

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By baby shak - United States

Today, I was planning to start my fitness regime and lose weight, using the bike that had been lying unused in my garden for the past six months. Tonight, the bike was stolen from my garden. FML

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By InsertPopcicle - United States

Today, I forgot I left my tampons in a grocery bag packed with food that I put into the fridge. I realized two hours later while frantically looking for a tampon. I'm still cold down there. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, at Arby's, there were two cute guys behind me in line. Right before ordering, my dad said loudly "Go get the calorie sheet. You need to lose more weight before you think about going after those guys." FML

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By BeboKhaos - United States

Today, I had my first blow job. My girlfriend thought it would be sexy to "caress" my ball sack. By caress she meant bitch slap from side to side. FML

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By furred - Philippines

Today, I was playing an online game in nothing but my boxers, when suddenly a girl joined my team. I immediately felt embarrassed and put some pants on. There were no webcams involved. I need to get out more. FML

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By mehdi

Today, I woke up and switched on the TV. The first thing I saw was a picture of a wanted rapist, who looks just like me. I'm afraid to leave home. FML

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By Dandy

Today, after having given up video games for two weeks to focus on school, I finished my last exam of the semester and finally became free. I got home to find that Steam is down worldwide. I just received an email saying every game on my wish list is on sale, but I can't log in. FML

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By Shalamar - Canada

Today, the new guy at work - who is probably at least ten years older than I am - admired the photo on my desk of myself with my husband and teenage daughters and asked "Are those your grand-children?" I'm in my 40's. FML

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By makeuuuuup - Canada

Today, I learned the hard way that my foundation shows up under a black light. At a black light party. No one told me until afterwards. Everyone took pictures. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Louisville

Today, my in-laws kept mocking me for being "too clean" because I take a shower every day. They think I'm weird and kept saying things like "Be careful when you hug your daughter, she might squeak!" and calling me names like "water-wasting bitch." They haven't stopped all day. FML

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Top comments

By quepasaguapo | 10

#1567005 - Monday 18 October 2010 20:13

Hahaha. Wow. Talk about scarred for life. Reminds my of the time my great grandmother was doing laundry, and decided the shirt and bra she was wearing needed to be washed too. O.O

By Zebidee | 8

#1567270 - Monday 18 October 2010 20:50

1) Make a note of which cup it was.
2) Make sure you never use it.
3) Wait until a sibling is really annoying.
4) Make them a tasty beverage in the cup.
5) Tell them the hilarious anecdote.
6) Run.

COMMENTS

By lovelyliz916 | 5

#1567002 - Monday 18 October 2010 20:13

Ewwww, that's soo nasty!! Dx

Reply

ChubbyCake | 5

#1567213 - Monday 18 October 2010 20:38

>.<

Reply

code2264 | 0

#1567321 - Monday 18 October 2010 21:02

yummy

Reply

boyguydudemalema | 0

#1567411 - Monday 18 October 2010 21:18

kinky

Reply

flipflipflipidel | 0

#1568015 - Tuesday 19 October 2010 0:09

shower room?

Reply

corporatescoundr | 25

#1568168 - Tuesday 19 October 2010 0:49

does any one else think you are cute?

Reply

PieInTheSky24 | 0

#1568399 - Tuesday 19 October 2010 1:32

coffee anyone?

Reply

Canuck13 | 12

#1569380 - Tuesday 19 October 2010 6:20

there are some FML's you wish you never read lol

Reply

pwincessa23 | 1

#1570063 - Tuesday 19 October 2010 9:10

she raised the girls from "two girls one cup" lmao jk

Reply

ICallShenanigans_fml | 0

#1579374 - Thursday 21 October 2010 2:10

U TOOK A PICTURE??!? wanna send me the image?;)

Reply

RacistPancake | 6

#3311290 - Monday 19 September 2011 14:31

Clevlend?

By quepasaguapo | 10

#1567005 - Monday 18 October 2010 20:13

Hahaha. Wow. Talk about scarred for life. Reminds my of the time my great grandmother was doing laundry, and decided the shirt and bra she was wearing needed to be washed too. O.O

Reply

corytheboss | 0

#1567186 - Monday 18 October 2010 20:32

YUCK!!! FYL^

Reply

quepasaguapo | 10

#1567308 - Monday 18 October 2010 21:01

Of course, I've also created my share of things-that-can't-be-unseen as well ^_^

Reply

thecrazyasian | 3

#1569859 - Tuesday 19 October 2010 8:23

I hope u never drink out of that cup again

By jazmixer | 0

#1567069 - Monday 18 October 2010 20:19

can you say YOUTUBE.

Reply

Rallred32 | 20

#5861128 - Monday 17 February 2014 21:06

Corrections:
Can you say "YouTube"?
You can say "YouTube".
Say, can you YouTube this?
Either way your grammar was incorrect.

By mintcar | 9

#1567071 - Monday 18 October 2010 20:20

Awkward much? What do you even say to that?

By blahzz | 4

#1567104 - Monday 18 October 2010 20:22

Grandma FTW!

By smashgrab | 0

#1567137 - Monday 18 October 2010 20:26

Grab a spoon and start digging your eyes out. Keep going till you die, or you will forever have that image in your mind. Definitely FYL.

By iheartglasses | 0

#1567157 - Monday 18 October 2010 20:28

Wow...

By Mirorbo | 26

#1567180 - Monday 18 October 2010 20:31

Mental image...unsee please.....

By Mesocoollike | 8

#1567183 - Monday 18 October 2010 20:31

Fascinating....

By bonsaiboy26 | 1

#1567221 - Monday 18 October 2010 20:38

you may need therapy.