Miscellaneous: Today, finishing up in the shower room, I walked into the kitchen... - FML

By Anonymous - United States

Today, finishing up in the shower room, I walked into the kitchen to get a drink. Apparently both bathrooms were occupied and my grandmother really had to go... She was bent over in the kitchen peeing into a cup. I may never be able to erase this image. FML

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College life is hell

Now you know

You went too far

By Tights2Tight - United States

Today, I was at the local theatre watching "The Nutcracker" ballet with my mother. When the prince made his appearance in his tights my mother leans over to me and says, "Those are some well defined butt cheeks!" loud enough for everyone around us to hear. FML

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By mnavy - United States

Today, while wearing my Navy Dress White Uniform, I decided to stop and help this attractive girl who was not feeling well. Without warning, she blew chunks all over my "Whites". I have a uniform inspection later this afternoon. FML

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By thebickster - United States

Today, I was boarding my flight when I got pulled aside for looking suspicious. As she was opening my bag, I said, "Be careful, I jammed so many clothes in there it may explode." I was then strip searched for my trouble. FML

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By Dilly_20 - United Kingdom

Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend why I'd be angry if he had a foursome with 3 other people. FML

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By anonymous - United States

Today, my wife heard that wifi could be harmful for our newborn baby's undeveloped brain box. Her solution was to switch the wifi off on our laptops. She won't listen to the flaw in her plan. FML

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By lifesux - United States

Classic playa move

Today, I had a blind date. When I arrived at our meeting place, I spotted my date, because he was the only one in the bar wearing a nametag. I walked up to him and asked, "Are you John?" He responded, "That depends. Are you Jen?" When I said yes he said, "Then no," and left. FML

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By Lovenem - United States

Today, my girlfriend said "It's funny how every time we have sex I'm wearing these panties." We've been having sex every day for the last six days. FML

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By ???

Today, I finally had the guts to tell my mom about her boyfriend hitting on me. Not only did she not care, but she got mad at me. I'm 15. FML

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By marriedtoacunt - United Kingdom - London

Today, our kids left for the weekend so that my wife and I could have some much-needed alone time. We've been fighting a lot recently and really need some time to have fun together. Now it turns out that she doesn't want to be around me because of the fighting. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/9/2020 02:00 - United States - Bronx

More faces than Khloé Kardashian

Today, my mom told me she'd scheduled me for a cleaning with my hometown dentist. When I reminded her that, according to my university's COVID guidelines, students shouldn't leave the county unless there's an emergency, she threw a hissy fit and told me I'm being "combative" and "looking for an excuse to fight." FML

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By zitgirl - United States

Today, after 22 years of perfect skin, I woke up with a bunch of angry zits on my nose. I used a clay face mask that was supposed to dry them out. Instead, they were bigger and green. Today is Valentine's day, I finally have a guy to go out with, and my nose looks like it's rotting off. FML

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By TheDrugsAreStrongWithThisOne - United States

Today, a customer wanted corporate's number because we aren't allowed to sell pies after midnight. After a drug-fuelled cuss-storm, she punched me in the face through the open window and peeled out of drive-thru like a bat out of hell. FML

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By Trouble

Today, at work, I was informed that my manager told the owner, "Everything wrong with my department" is me. FML

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By HkxAliso0302 - China - Beijing

News from China

Today, I've been trapped at home for almost two months because of the epidemic. Now I'm thrilled just to get to go outside to throw garbage away, as if I'm going on a trip. FML

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By Earthling - Colombia - Bogot?

Today, our art teacher told us we will have to build a giant Coca-Cola bottle made of smaller ones as our art project for next week, meant to represent the damage consumerism does to our environment. I think he doesn’t understand we will have to buy tons of Coke to get the bottles needed. FML

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By iltdtsm - Canada

Today, while showering I slipped and fell, taking down the shower curtain and smashing my head against the floor, resulting in a concussion. My family came running because of the noise and I lay naked, bleeding and concussed for few minutes before they could stop laughing enough to get me help. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I was making out with my girlfriend in my room. About two minutes into it, my cat walks in and jumps on the bed with us. Without hesitation, my girlfriend tells me to stop, rolls over, and starts petting my cat. FML

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By heckinfrick - 8/10/2020 08:01

What a headache

Today, it was the day of the doctor's appointment that I've been waiting for for eight months. I woke up with a fever and had to reschedule. The next appointment is next year. Guess I have to put up with my daily migraines until 2021. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/3/2021 05:59 - United States

Legend

Today, I tripped really hard and twisted my ankle on a toy that was on the floor, dropping a bag of trash filled with coffee and energy drinks my husband has piled around his desk. Instead of helping me up or helping me clean, he berated me about it. Told me that it's not my problem and went to his LoL game. FML

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By Bullet dodged - 20/2/2021 00:59 - United Kingdom

Get out while you still can

Today, my fiancée called off our wedding out of the blue. After a long discussion about it, it turns out that last week I voiced an opinion about the wedding she didn’t agree with, and doesn’t want to spend her life married to someone who’s going to argue with her every five minutes. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/2/2021 07:58 - United States - Edison

Booze don't cure the blues

Today, it was my birthday, and even the person who seemed excited about me finally turning 21 and can legally drink forgot. Guess who got drunk alone tonight? This guy. FML

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By NJ - United States

Today, I went to work things out with my girlfriend that I'd had a huge fight with. She told me the night before to come over at noon and that she would be awake. I unlock our flat to see that the place was a mess. She had thrown a party and was still passed out naked next to her boss. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I shaved my beard off. Turns out the skin under my beard is six shades lighter than the rest of my face. I look completely ridiculous. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, it was the first day of astronomy class and we all waited for the professor to enter the classroom. All of a sudden, someone turns the lights off, it's pitch black, and we hear the professor saying, "Greetings earthlings..." It's going to be a long semester. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I figured out why my name is Ashley. In order to tell my older sister about getting a new little sister, my parents thought it would be a good idea to make her imaginary friend "Ashley" real. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I discovered that just because I got my braces removed does not mean my painful mouth ulcers will stop. I now have them under my tongue. I can't even lick my lips. FML

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By effedfosh - Canada

Today, I overheard a couple talking behind me. She said, "You wanna know what's really scary?" He said, "the size of that guy? Yeah he's huge", to which she replied, "no, the scary thing is that's a chick." They weren't talking about me, but they sure were talking about my girlfriend. FML

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By WetPhone - United States

Today, I was being pulled into a pool by my girlfriend. To avoid ruining my phone, I tossed it into one of the chairs behind me. I missed and it landed into the hot tub behind it. FML

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By wtf dad - United States

Today, my dad made me deliver a welcoming cake to our new neighbors. While I was making small-talk, I saw him climb over their backyard fence. A minute later, he climbed back over, with a plastic deck-chair in hand. I feel like an accessory to the pettiest theft in history. FML

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By Anon - United States

Today, after months of dating, I asked my boyfriend if he wanted to take things to the next level. He told me that he couldn't have sex with me because of his religious beliefs. I would've been fine with this if it weren't for the fact that I know he and his family are all atheists. FML

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By JoanT - 31/8/2020 20:01 - United States - Kailua Kona

Bed of nails

Today, my boyfriend’s bed is so uncomfortable that even after six months of not seeing him, I’m sleeping on the floor so I can actually get some sleep. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I dreamt I had a secret admirer whom I met in person. She had red hair, a plus size body and a beautiful smile. This would've been great if it weren't for the fact I was a straight woman. FML

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By Barstaff - United Kingdom

Today, I found out that I have to work Christmas Day. There's no public transport running and taxis are triple fare. It'll cost me more getting to work than I'll actually earn during the shift. FML

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By sandwhiched - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I went on a road trip with my boyfriend and his best friend. What I thought was going to be a great, fun time ended up with me alone in a car with two large men who wouldn't stop farting for 14 hours. FML

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By notsohappilyeverafter - United States

Today, my boyfriend dropped by my work to break up with me. I had to go the rest of my shift with a smile, fighting back tears. I work as the Cinderella at Disney Land. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend came home while I was making a snack in the kitchen. We started making out and he lifted me up and sat my ass on the hot stove. FML

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By virginwhore

Today, my boyfriend's dad called me a whore and said I'm trying to use his son and "steal" his virginity for my own needs. My boyfriend has had sex with over 10 girls and I'm a virgin. FML

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By amy

Today, I had a dream about sleeping, which is a dream I have frequently. I’m exhausted even when I sleep. FML

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By ShittyProposal - United States - Columbus

Today, my boyfriend of 3 years drunkenly proposed to me, while sitting on the crapper, with the door open. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/12/2020 13:02 - United Kingdom

Pants on fire

Today, I was told by my sister over the dinner table that some guy is telling people I’ve had sex with him; that’s not even the worst part. He’s telling people my sister walked in. One, I haven’t talked to him in years; two, he’s really not my type, three, I’m in a relationship. FML

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Top comments

By quepasaguapo | 10

#1567005 - Monday 18 October 2010 20:13

Hahaha. Wow. Talk about scarred for life. Reminds my of the time my great grandmother was doing laundry, and decided the shirt and bra she was wearing needed to be washed too. O.O

By Zebidee | 8

#1567270 - Monday 18 October 2010 20:50

1) Make a note of which cup it was.
2) Make sure you never use it.
3) Wait until a sibling is really annoying.
4) Make them a tasty beverage in the cup.
5) Tell them the hilarious anecdote.
6) Run.

COMMENTS

By lovelyliz916 | 5

#1567002 - Monday 18 October 2010 20:13

Ewwww, that's soo nasty!! Dx

Reply

ChubbyCake | 5

#1567213 - Monday 18 October 2010 20:38

>.<

Reply

code2264 | 0

#1567321 - Monday 18 October 2010 21:02

yummy

Reply

boyguydudemalema | 0

#1567411 - Monday 18 October 2010 21:18

kinky

Reply

flipflipflipidel | 0

#1568015 - Tuesday 19 October 2010 0:09

shower room?

Reply

corporatescoundr | 25

#1568168 - Tuesday 19 October 2010 0:49

does any one else think you are cute?

Reply

PieInTheSky24 | 0

#1568399 - Tuesday 19 October 2010 1:32

coffee anyone?

Reply

Canuck13 | 12

#1569380 - Tuesday 19 October 2010 6:20

there are some FML's you wish you never read lol

Reply

pwincessa23 | 1

#1570063 - Tuesday 19 October 2010 9:10

she raised the girls from "two girls one cup" lmao jk

Reply

ICallShenanigans_fml | 0

#1579374 - Thursday 21 October 2010 2:10

U TOOK A PICTURE??!? wanna send me the image?;)

Reply

RacistPancake | 6

#3311290 - Monday 19 September 2011 14:31

Clevlend?

By quepasaguapo | 10

#1567005 - Monday 18 October 2010 20:13

Hahaha. Wow. Talk about scarred for life. Reminds my of the time my great grandmother was doing laundry, and decided the shirt and bra she was wearing needed to be washed too. O.O

Reply

corytheboss | 0

#1567186 - Monday 18 October 2010 20:32

YUCK!!! FYL^

Reply

quepasaguapo | 10

#1567308 - Monday 18 October 2010 21:01

Of course, I've also created my share of things-that-can't-be-unseen as well ^_^

Reply

thecrazyasian | 3

#1569859 - Tuesday 19 October 2010 8:23

I hope u never drink out of that cup again

By jazmixer | 0

#1567069 - Monday 18 October 2010 20:19

can you say YOUTUBE.

Reply

Rallred32 | 20

#5861128 - Monday 17 February 2014 21:06

Corrections:
Can you say "YouTube"?
You can say "YouTube".
Say, can you YouTube this?
Either way your grammar was incorrect.

By mintcar | 9

#1567071 - Monday 18 October 2010 20:20

Awkward much? What do you even say to that?

By blahzz | 4

#1567104 - Monday 18 October 2010 20:22

Grandma FTW!

By smashgrab | 0

#1567137 - Monday 18 October 2010 20:26

Grab a spoon and start digging your eyes out. Keep going till you die, or you will forever have that image in your mind. Definitely FYL.

By iheartglasses | 0

#1567157 - Monday 18 October 2010 20:28

Wow...

By Mirorbo | 26

#1567180 - Monday 18 October 2010 20:31

Mental image...unsee please.....

By Mesocoollike | 8

#1567183 - Monday 18 October 2010 20:31

Fascinating....

By bonsaiboy26 | 1

#1567221 - Monday 18 October 2010 20:38

you may need therapy.