Work: Today, I got a haircut. The guy quickly cut off most of the hair...

By Anonymous - 07/03/2015 03:22 - United States - Naples

Today, I got a haircut. The guy quickly cut off most of the hair above my forehead. When I angrily asked him what he was doing, he said, "Quitting." FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 850

You deserved it 2 493

Work

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

You tried

Hot lava

Last trip

By cap - 09/12/2019 01:00 - United States - Manhattan

Today, I had sex with my wife only to be told that the sex was horrible and to be given divorce papers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 152

You deserved it 283

By FlyingCoffeeMonster - 08/08/2016 19:12 - United States - Oreland

Today, I was having my morning coffee while getting ready for work. I grabbed clothes off the floor to throw in the hamper. I accidentally threw my full coffee instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 729

You deserved it 3 041

By anbrown6 - 12/04/2009 17:55 - United States

Today, I found my dog, who had been missing for over a month, at the local pound. Clearly it was my dog, she responded to her name and cried when she saw me. However, the woman there told me I could not simply take her, I had to follow through with all policies. I paid $250 to adopt my own dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 584

You deserved it 9 753

By evenmybodyhatesme - 15/05/2016 06:47 - United States - San Jose

Today, after spending a day in the ER and a day in hospital, I was recovering from emergency surgery. My boyfriend left to eat and didn't come back. He texted me 4 hours later that he was drinking with his friends and that he loved his "brown eyed girl". My eyes aren't brown. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 408

You deserved it 1 240

By ravenskater - 04/04/2011 02:47

Today, I was at a grocery store with my 3 year old son. As I was picking a cereal out, an older man comes over and says, "You should have used condoms. What an ugly boy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 321

You deserved it 6 488

By wdavi022 - 05/01/2011 09:01

Today, I found out my identity was stolen. The person got credit cards in my name and didn't pay the bills, which has ruined my near perfect credit. The worst part about all of this is that I can't turn the person in. It's my mom, and sending her to jail wouldn't really work out for anyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 373

You deserved it 5 417

By Nutless - 02/04/2009 00:34 - United States

Today, one of my baseball teammates thought it would be funny to perform a "cup-check", by hitting our crotches with the end of a baseball bat. I was actually watching the game, so I didn't see him when he came up and hit me. I wasn't wearing a cup. My nuts have shrunk by half of regular size. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 465

You deserved it 12 404

By WTF - 12/10/2012 23:00 - New Zealand - Hamilton

Today, I had to eat my breakfast in terrified silence, as my hungover mother staggered into the room, shouted at the kettle for not boiling fast enough, and after a few seconds, screamed that I'd sabotaged it. I'm now grounded for supposedly trying to fuck with her head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 827

You deserved it 1 666

By asianjoe - 11/07/2011 01:13 - United States

Today, at work, I told a lady checking out to sign her name after sliding her credit card. After she started signing her name, she threw the pen down in frustration saying that the pen was out of ink. We use electronic pin pads. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 778

You deserved it 2 774

By ants9omarching - 10/03/2011 01:48 - United States

Today, the seat in my car broke and wouldn't move forward. I had to walk to school in the rain because I was too short to reach the pedals. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 507

You deserved it 5 926

By KHAAAAA-RMA!! - 10/05/2014 21:32 - United States

Today, I found a bird that had fallen from its nest, so I made a new nest for it in a shoebox and put it as close to the old one as possible. When I checked back on it later, all I found was a chewed-up corpse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 787

You deserved it 6 177

By belieber101 - 17/03/2012 12:45 - United Kingdom

Today, I have been left home alone, the electricity has cut out, and I am petrified of the dark. I am stuck downstairs making karate noises every few minutes to scare off creepers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 941

You deserved it 13 816

Get me out of here

By Anonymous - 25/06/2021 23:02 - United States - Schertz

Today, I had a sleepover with two of my friends. We only had one bed, and it ended up with me against the wall. I then remembered that I'm very claustrophobic, and can't sleep. It's 4 a.m. FML

I agree, your life sucks 612

You deserved it 196

Letting you know

By Anonymous - 18/02/2013 21:30 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I felt like letting my ex know just how I felt about all the bullshit he put me through. I dug up his number, typed a long paragraph with lots of pain and emotion, and sent it. The reply was, "No wonder he broke up with you." Thanks, whoever has that number now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 493

You deserved it 46 396

By Lord Kane of Flatulon - 06/10/2015 11:13 - Australia - Warrnambool

Today, I found out my dad has been using the flip-flops I wear in the shower. The reason I wear them is to prevent myself from getting his nasty foot fungus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 791

You deserved it 1 660

By staringisrude - 27/08/2009 23:00 - United States

Today, at work, I was putting away clothes in the Men's department, when a guy came and started shopping in the aisle in front of me. He kept staring at me non-stop. Getting fed up, I said "What are you staring at?" Turns out he was wearing his sunglasses on the back of his head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 268

You deserved it 64 561

By dumper - 05/11/2009 06:41 - United States

Today, I finally got the courage to go on a first date with this guy I had a crush on for months. It was such a big deal for me cause it was my first date ever. The first thing he says when we met was "I have to take a dump." I sat by myself for 10 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 074

You deserved it 5 564

By Anonymous - 07/01/2011 23:42 - United Kingdom

Today, I went on a date for the first time in months. Over dessert, my date told a joke, and I tittered vigorously, causing me to choke and throw up all over my date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 053

You deserved it 6 308

By lectro - 23/11/2008 08:22 - France

Today, I swallowed the piercing that I had bought for my tongue yesterday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 900

You deserved it 30 955

By Coach - 30/10/2009 13:19 - United States

Today, I was woken up from a phone call from my boss. He asked if I had been asleep. I told him I wasn't, that I was in my car on the way to work. Then my alarm went off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 323

You deserved it 41 529

By marryinghimanyway - 29/08/2013 02:21 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I announced my engagement. My mother's response was to freak out and demand that I postpone my wedding indefinitely. Why? My younger sister caught the bouquet at a wedding last year, so "she has to get married first!" My sister has been single for 3 years and showers once a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 876

You deserved it 2 923

By Rowansgonnarow - 05/07/2014 20:19

Today, a girl I recently slept with messaged me, explaining through a rendition of "Call Me Maybe" that she'd given me chlamydia. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 344

You deserved it 15 922

By Betrayed - 27/08/2012 06:11 - United States

Today, I attended my college roommate's wedding. We were best friends for 4 years, but have only talked occasionally since graduation. I was looking forward to meeting her new husband, having heard so much about him during our conversations. Turns out she forgot to mention he's my ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 068

You deserved it 2 402

By checkup - 15/07/2012 00:50 - United Kingdom - Redditch

Today, I finally hooked up with the girl of my dreams. We went back to her place, and I explored every inch of her body; luscious lips, hourglass curves, genital warts... The worst part was when she got angry when I refused to continue, shouting, "No wonder you're still a virgin!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 135

You deserved it 5 035

By damnit - 03/02/2009 10:47 - United States

Today, my girlfriend asked me to get her new clothes. She's gone from a size 4 to a size 12 during our relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 525

You deserved it 13 574

By Anonymous - 20/09/2009 05:18 - United States

Today, my grandma wasn't feeling well, so I went to her house to check on her. After about 20 mins, I knew she was feeling better when she looked at me and said "So do you have a boyfriend yet? I pray everynight that I get to live long enough to see you with a boyfriend." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 254

You deserved it 4 041

By Anonymous - 11/09/2010 04:47 - United States

Today, I woke up very excited because I was going on my first date with this guy I really liked. I dressed very nicely and went to where we were supposed to meet. I waited for about 2 hours. I called him to ask him where he was. He got angry because he was still sleeping and I woke him up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 426

You deserved it 3 766

By Anonymous - 12/10/2009 06:41 - United States

Today, my electricity went out. The electric company said it was because the bill was at least 4 months overdue. Apparently, I have been paying for my roommate to go out and party for weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 689

You deserved it 4 002

By sadkid - 25/09/2011 23:23 - United States

Today, my mom called me a bastard, told me I should run away, and said I don't deserve to live in her house. All because I didn't use a plate when I ate a Poptart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 817

You deserved it 4 376

Seems fair

By Anonymous - 20/09/2017 20:00

Today, so far, 3 of my employees have requested tomorrow off because of "emotional damage" due to Toys 'R' Us closing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 506

You deserved it 332

By GshDrnt - 21/04/2011 02:57 - United States

Today, I logged on to Facebook and had 64 notifications. I thought that perhaps I was popular. But no, it was my ten year old sister, liking 64 of my pictures. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 095

You deserved it 6 577

By Anonymous - 23/01/2013 01:33 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I discovered that my downstairs neighbor is running a business out of her apartment. Or I should say, her pimp is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 923

You deserved it 2 530

One hell of a poker game?

By Anonymous - 23/10/2020 17:02

Today, I lost 1200 dollars, my fiancée, my dog, my apartment, and my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 111

You deserved it 273

By Chipper - 09/08/2018 03:50

Today, my girlfriend and I were laying in bed. She rolled over and began rubbing my chest. She then said, "Wow babe those are a solid B-cup." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 593

You deserved it 855

Quite the catch

By Anonymous - 29/06/2020 05:05

Today, I found out my girlfriend of 3 years has been cheating on me with more guys than I can count on one hand. I'm not sure what's worse, realizing this only after she's moved in, realizing two of the guys were my close friends, or realizing I'd given up my dream career for this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 754

You deserved it 275

By kdeeeceee - 09/11/2011 05:59 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I had dinner at my boss's house. Just before we were ready to eat, my girlfriend came to me with a desperate look in her eyes. Apparently, she took a dump, clogged the toilet, and it flooded. I took the hit for her, and now my boss thinks I'm a jackass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 445

You deserved it 4 555

Still waiting on Q

By Anonymous - 07/11/2021 08:01

Today, I’m married to a man who thought Trump had several good ideas but just went about it the wrong way, but he’s sure he’ll do better next time when he takes the White House back from Biden. FML

I agree, your life sucks 958

You deserved it 659

By stanDman - 21/01/2009 20:06 - Canada

Today, I sprayed hair spray under my arms instead of anti-perspirant. I didn't realize it until I went to put my shirt on and couldn't raise my arms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 023

You deserved it 10 914

By SpiderMan - 12/03/2009 00:23 - United States

Today, I was masturbating into a sock when I felt something on my cock. I quickly ripped the sock off and threw it on the floor... and watched a huge spider come scurrying out. I just inadvertently fucked a spider. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 358

You deserved it 106 446

By Anonymous - 23/10/2017 16:19

Today, my dad tried to help me overcome my intense fear of horses (due to nearly being killed by one as a child) by taking me to a ranch. Within 30 minutes, a horse bit my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 908

You deserved it 442

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Top comments

boating_guy 33

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Saturday 7 March 2015 19:34

That's just really fucked up. You deserve appropriate compensation and he deserves to get fined or thrown in jail or something. Too bad kicking his ass would land you there instead

MidnaLink 33

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Saturday 7 March 2015 19:34

Quitting or not, I'd kick his ass and get him fired!

boating_guy 33

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Saturday 7 March 2015 19:34

That's just really fucked up. You deserve appropriate compensation and he deserves to get fined or thrown in jail or something. Too bad kicking his ass would land you there instead

vikky538 28

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Saturday 7 March 2015 19:43

all he can get is a wig... hair cut is one thing which you can't get it back once done..you just have to live with that until it grows back..

Mitchellbassists 29

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Saturday 7 March 2015 19:47

Why would he deserve to be thrown in jail? That is a little harsh.

the_real_dvd 21

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Saturday 7 March 2015 19:59

IMO, there are some things worth spending the night in jail for. Kicking this guy's ass definitely qualifies.

slingerslasher 24

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Saturday 7 March 2015 20:26

In recent news: local barber gets jail time for giving terrible haircut. Details at 10

cakefete2 30

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Saturday 7 March 2015 20:41

We were going to cover the barber, but like the hairstyle that landed him in prison, we decided to "cut it short". Back to you in the studios, Jim.

Horsempeg 25

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Saturday 7 March 2015 21:29

So if you messed up at your job would you deserve to be thrown in jail? I agree it will suck for OP to grow back, and it wasn't professional for the stylist to do that, but it is definitely not worth being sued over.

blakeyboy22 12

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Saturday 7 March 2015 21:54

So if a doctor purposefully messes up they can be fined, face jail time and get their license to practice medicine revoked. If a school teacher purposefully teacher a class the wrong information they'll most likely face probation from the district. What happens to a barber who purposefully ruined a clients hair... Nothing? Something should be done, maybe not jail but definitely taken further than reprimanding from an employer

brandoneyez1 25

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Saturday 7 March 2015 22:49

I would have kicked his ass. Point blank. People have to work, or go to school and this barber had no regard for how OP looks. His pay should be cut, op should be compensated, and OP should have kicked his ass. I think OP could have called the cops.

Ichiya 29

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Saturday 7 March 2015 23:46

If it was a guy use a straight razor blindfolded to manscape for him.

slackerjoe 22

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Sunday 8 March 2015 3:27

I believe that could be classified as some sort of battery, or assault, especially in Florida. lol, You should have ''stood your ground''.

Daelynn_17 19

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Sunday 8 March 2015 7:57

I literally love this comment. Hahaha. I feel like this would be a line from Parks and Recreation. Perd Hapley

Daelynn_17 19

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Sunday 8 March 2015 8:00

#32 I literally loved that comment. Hahaha. I feel like it would totally be a line from Parks and Recreation. #PerdHapley

MidnaLink 33

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Saturday 7 March 2015 19:34

Quitting or not, I'd kick his ass and get him fired!

TheLadyOpal 30

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Saturday 7 March 2015 19:58

I think that's what he wants, though - he's trying to get himself fired.

MidnaLink 33

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Sunday 8 March 2015 15:18

No. He wants to quit, he can quit. No need to take it out on a defenceless customer.

Kirbyrocket 3

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Monday 9 March 2015 9:33

He was already quitting in the first place so there's not much to really fire from.

MrValeska 8

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Tuesday 12 July 2016 11:11

? he wants to quit so you would be paying him a favor for gettin him fired

sophiehelen 32

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Thursday 27 October 2016 23:56

Response to the comments above - you would not be doing him a favour at all. Being fired looks bad on your behalf for future employers, quitting, for the most part, does not