Money: Today, I got a chance to have dinner and a movie with a girl... - FML

Nearly

01/10/2021 22:55

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14

You deserved it 2

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77

You deserved it 5

Spicy

Spicy

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 08:01

Spicy

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 331

You deserved it 88

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Spicy

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 134

You deserved it 1 183

29/03/2009 13:38

Today, I got a chance to have dinner and a movie with a girl I've liked for a while. I ran late, so in a hurry to make the movie, and trying to be smooth for her, I told the waiter I'd "take care of him" if he made it fast. He did. When he brought the check, I realized I had forgotten my wallet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 274

You deserved it 64 162

Batman

But there's panic on the streets of Carlisle

What?

Freud intensifies

By Anonymous - 08/07/2021 22:01

Spicy

Today, I accidentally said the wrong name during sex. An ex? A friend? A side guy? Nope, none of those. I called him “Dad”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 474

You deserved it 976

03/03/2009 21:27

Today, I drove my two kids to their friends' houses. In my convertible, looking what I though was my best, I slowed down outside a bar with cute 20 year old girls in front. My daughter noticed the speed reduction and said, "Keep driving dad, you're fat and mom left you for a reason." FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 578

You deserved it 43 687

24/01/2015 01:17

Today, I saw selfies of my aunt and her friends on Facebook having a great time. They took the pictures at my mother's funeral last week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 851

You deserved it 2 414

Air Conditioned Egg on Face?

By Anonymous - 05/08/2019 06:00

Today, I went to see the mechanic who'd just serviced my car, because it was still leaking cooling fluid. I started to explain the problem, but he stopped me and asked if I'd had the AC on. I said yes. He smiled and said lots people have this "problem" in summer. Did you know the AC releases fluid when you turn it off? I didn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 141

You deserved it 716

15/08/2010 04:39

Today, I was volunteering at a nursing home. As a volunteer, I'm not supposed to accept any money or gifts from any of the residents. However, one elderly woman kept insisting I take her gold watch. After politely refusing for the fifth time, she decided to chuck it at my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 271

You deserved it 4 071

21/08/2013 14:08

Today, after I had watched a few videos of myself, I realized the sound of my own voice is the single most annoying thing I have ever heard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 719

You deserved it 5 785

Truth

By why - 04/11/2015 01:13

Today, it's easier to buy a house than it is to get out of a gym contract. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 770

You deserved it 2 169

07/12/2016 04:32

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting intimate when she pulled me in close and whispered in my ear, "We're getting Chips Ahoy after this." I came. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 501

You deserved it 2 930

02/08/2013 20:57

Today, I was washing up in a public bathroom, when I looked up for a second and saw a kid in the mirror staring back at me. I gasped, as I thought the place had been empty. He whispered, "It's time to die." I screamed and ran out, only to hear him burst out laughing behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 832

You deserved it 9 174

21/12/2018 04:00

Today, I was pulling in to my work parking lot gate, accidentally hit the accelerator instead of the brake pedal, ran through the gate arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 644

You deserved it 1 227

02/07/2011 05:33

Today, I went to the carnival with a guy I like. When we went on the big scary ride where you flip upside down a lot, he asked me to be his girlfriend. Then, I threw up on him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 552

You deserved it 4 724

15/02/2011 17:10

Today, after struggling for hours to fall asleep with my husbands rather rattling snoring, I finally managed it... only to be rudely awakened an hour later by my husband elbowing me in the face in his sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 743

You deserved it 3 828

13/12/2014 20:21

Today, after months of saving, I went to buy the wedding ring I promised to buy my fiancée. Just seconds after I walked in, the owner asked me to leave, saying he doesn't serve "trash" like me, while pointing at the memorial tattoo on the back of my hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 761

You deserved it 3 662

05/12/2009 00:22

Spicy

Today, my dad offered to take me and my sister to school because we just moved houses. On the way, he asked us why we looked so tired. We just said we were tired from moving house. Truth is, our room is right next to theirs. We heard everything. Loud and clear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 334

You deserved it 2 363

07/01/2016 15:52

Today, my 70-year-old coworker managed to do something to our shared computer for it to not boot up. This is our 4th computer since we've been working together, and he refuses to believe that he's the problem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 839

You deserved it 1 437

Insane parents

By can’t nerd right - 04/08/2020 02:02

Today, I was wondering why the new book series I'd ordered hadn’t arrived. I ordered new books because my mom constantly bitched at me about being on the internet too often. She took my laptop away to "teach me a lesson". Only I need my laptop to get the confirmation number to track my books. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 332

You deserved it 189

27/09/2015 07:57

Today, I was driving to work and stopped at a stop light. A full 2 or 3 seconds passed, followed by a car rear-ending me. The idiot driving it got out and gave me hell, calling me a maniac because I braked "too quickly" and didn't give him a chance to react. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 600

You deserved it 1 536

23/02/2016 05:01

Today, I farted at a crowded concert, and people started commenting on said fart. I specifically went out of my way to eat certain foods all day so that it wouldn't happen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 230

You deserved it 2 754

26/02/2009 15:30

Today, I was a TA for a history class and the class was taking a test. About halfway through, I noticed one kid had a small piece of paper in his hand. I ran up the row, grabbed his test, and ripped it into four pieces. Then I took the note from him. It said "I believe in you, -Mom." FML

I agree, your life sucks 85 929

You deserved it 475 084

01/12/2011 03:52

Today, I photocopied several hundred pages of my school's textbook because I didn't want to buy it. My school later says to just buy it and it will be reimbursed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 827

You deserved it 33 885

13/08/2011 07:25

Today, I started to fall in love with my wife again. We are in the middle of a divorce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 332

You deserved it 18 333

All is fair in love and war

By Backstabbinghxx - 15/10/2021 20:00

Today, my best friend got engaged. I would be happy for her, if it wasn’t for the fact that her fiancé was my boyfriend just 2 months ago. Upon hearing the news, I severed all ties with her. She ended up bitching me out and calling me selfish for being upset. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 062

You deserved it 76

A teachable moment

By rickshaw rider - 28/05/2021 00:01

Spicy

Today, I caught my son and my wife’s daughter “experimenting” with each other’s privates. They’re not blood related and they are teenagers, so it’s maybe not too bad, but they’ve been raised together since they were roughly about 5 years-old, so it’s still too weird to really understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 276

You deserved it 172

07/10/2015 13:45

Today, I told one of my classmates for the third time that I'm not into guys and wasn't interested in going on a date with him. He just looked at me blankly and said "So I'll pick you up at 9?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 258

You deserved it 2 172

01/07/2019 02:10

Today, I was trying to fall asleep. Unfortunately, my next-door neighbor's baby began to cry. I closed the window and rolled over, unable to hear the crying anymore. My dog's hearing is better than mine, and so he started barking. Goodbye, good night's sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 542

You deserved it 157

22/10/2012 09:01

Today, my boyfriend told me he wants to break up. But not until after our anniversary tomorrow, because he's already gotten dinner reservations for us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 900

You deserved it 1 945

23/12/2016 09:19

Today, I saw a bike locked to a short bollard, making it very easy to steal. Being as nice as I am, I stayed, hoping the owner would come soon and no one else would take it. Then the guy who bullied me in highschool showed up, asked me what I was doing, laughed at me, took the bike, and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 176

You deserved it 1 191

10/12/2009 19:00

Spicy

Today, I got a call from my girlfriend of 13 months. She told me that she had gotten chlamydia from the guy she cheated on me with, and that I most likely have it too. I gave her a diamond ring, she gave me chlamydia. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 686

You deserved it 2 956

Fashion influencer

By children ain't pawns - 21/11/2016 15:23

Today, after discussing having our son's hair styled nicely for school, my ex returned him with his head shaved. I didn't realise bald was in style for 4-year-olds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 867

You deserved it 982

10/10/2012 02:59

Today, I found out that my daughter's "pen pal" is really a 58-year-old man in prison. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 157

You deserved it 3 160

17/07/2009 15:01

Today, while backpacking in Switzerland I had my camera stolen. Not only does this have photos of my entire trip but the pictures I took for my best friend's wedding. I was the only photographer of her elopement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 051

You deserved it 12 180

08/03/2017 09:00

Today, the new security guard of my apartment building tackled me for "suspicious behavior" while I was taking a bag full of dirty kitty litter to the trash chute. He broke my arm and cause the trash bag to explode. When I got back from the hospital, I was fined for littering in the hallway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 673

You deserved it 286

09/08/2012 06:44

Spicy

Today, as I was cashing a customer out, he stopped me in the middle of the transaction just to tell me that the condoms he was buying are too big for him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 918

You deserved it 2 459

24/07/2009 10:01

Today, I was in an elevator with my dad and several strangers. When the elevator voice said, "Going down," my dad excitedly said, "Man, I love it when she says that!" loudly enough for everyone to hear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 978

You deserved it 4 674

02/10/2015 00:45

Today, my pain-in-the-ass co-worker is finally leaving. Unfortunately, I was chosen to do the bulk of her job. She has given me no training and on her last day, just smirked at me on her way out and say, "Enjoy doing my job too, fucker". I don't get paid enough for this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 782

You deserved it 1 879

29/05/2010 13:16

Today, someone switched my hairspray with bug spray when I didn't notice. I used it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 929

You deserved it 6 522

#choices

By natedudelol - 07/06/2018 19:00

Today, at the self-checkout, I didn't have enough money for honey, so I just walked out with it and ended up getting caught. Now I have to hold a sign in front of the store wearing a big bumblebee costume. FML

I agree, your life sucks 891

You deserved it 8 409

20/06/2015 20:54

Today, I realized I'm pregnant by a man who won't even accept my Facebook friend request. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 043

You deserved it 20 300

05/03/2009 06:38

Today, I was dumped by my boyfriend of almost a year because he was no longer sexually attracted to me because I'm "overweight," even though I only weigh 130 pounds. Afterward I went to my friend's house and sat in an old wooden chair. It broke into pieces as soon as I sat down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 93 981

You deserved it 9 795

05/07/2018 01:30

Today, I gave birth to my first son. He was 11 pounds and the labour lasted 22 hours. My husband was absent for 8 of those hours because he slipped when my water broke, cracked his head, and ended up in the ER next door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 775

You deserved it 352

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

jtek 0

Send a private message

Sunday 29 March 2009 20:22

That could have happened to anybody. I feel your pain!

TheAntiComment 0

Send a private message

Sunday 29 March 2009 21:30

so you didnt get laid Im guessing

Comments

Send a private message

Sunday 29 March 2009 20:03

you deserved that one. edit: first.

Send a private message

Sunday 29 March 2009 20:04

were you driving without a license?

pingpongpickle 8

Send a private message

Thursday 10 June 2010 5:06

who drives with a license these days?

Send a private message

Wednesday 17 August 2011 0:28

Maybe OP didn't have his license in his wallet?

Send a private message

Sunday 29 March 2009 20:04

very smooth...YDI

Send a private message

Sunday 29 March 2009 20:10

you blew it

StopWhiningPpl 0

Send a private message

Sunday 29 March 2009 20:11

You deserved it, but that still sucks. I've had those days before.

Send a private message

Sunday 29 March 2009 20:11

at least fuck him to make up for it

Send a private message

Thursday 23 September 2010 9:51

her*!

jtek 0

Send a private message

Sunday 29 March 2009 20:22

That could have happened to anybody. I feel your pain!

Send a private message

Sunday 29 March 2009 20:25

Ohhh, FYL :( I sometimes forget my wallet @home... Lucky that you werent stopped by police.

Frlf 0

Send a private message

Sunday 29 March 2009 20:29

Wao. That sucks.

Send a private message

Sunday 29 March 2009 20:38

I think we've all done it. I lost my debit card the day before prom and I didn't have any cash... I didn't realize it until dinner was over : All that aside, YDI.