Today, I got a call from my long distance girlfriend. She's about a month pregnant. I haven't seen her in person for six months, but she still insists it's mine. I don't know which would be worse: her lying or her being that stupid. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, my ex called, saying she's 3 months pregnant. She seems to have forgotten that we haven't been in the same room, much less friends, in over a year. My dimwitted wife thinks the baby is mine. FML
Today, my ex showed up at my doorstep, claiming to be pregnant with my baby. Of course, I pointed out we broke up ten months ago and hadn't seen each other again until just now, and she is currently six months along. She actually admitted to my face that she figured I'd be too stupid to put the pieces together. FML
Today, I found out that my girlfriend is four months pregnant. She can't wait for us to be parents. I guess she forgot that I haven't seen her in 7 months. FML
Today, I came home from an eight month deployment to find my wife four months into her pregnancy. She actually thinks that I believe it's mine. FML
Today, I saw my girlfriend after 10 months of being away. She was pregnant. She actually had the brass balls to tell me I needed to "Man up and be this child's father." Get the fuck out, you cheating whore. FML
Today, three weeks after my girlfriend told me she was pregnant, she admitted it was a lie. Turned out it was just a test to see if I'd break up with her or not. I didn't, but I did just break the bank buying all the things we'd need for an actual kid. FML
Today, I found out that my long-distance boyfriend just got married because his "real" girlfriend is pregnant. FML
Today, my girlfriend blew up at me for a comment I had made several weeks ago about not wanting kids. Then, she told me that she's pregnant. After consoling her and telling her that whatever we do, we'll do it together, she further explained that she's not sure if it's mine. FML
Today, my pregnant girlfriend asked me if she should take a pregnancy test to make sure the baby is really hers. FML
Today, I called my ex boyfriend to tell him that not only am I still in love with him, I'm also three months pregnant with his child. Upon hearing the news, he swore, called me a pathetic liar, swore some more, and hung up on me. FML
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Top comments
sweet_candy_ 17
She probably thinks you will be stupid enough to fall for it.
DocBastard 38
Your **** has obviously been whoring around without your knowledge. Take some responsibility for it, stupid. /King Missile
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Comments (256)
GoodLookingGeese 10
great... this FML made my day
docscientist 9
Than you Admiral Asshole! Not really, I just wanted to use that.
prince122 0
that's why u guys like chuck Norris... I thought it was because of his fighting.
polysyllabist 3
No no!! You have it all wrong!! I find it far more likely that she stole his sperm in his sleep, froze it away for a rainy day then inseminated herself after six depressing months of missing her man.
underpaid011 0
you deserve a beer notthedad! dodged the bullet there.
TheNewGuy03 28
...the only conclusion i can come to is that you have the longest penis in the universe. i am envious. you should consider naming it. any suggestions? |the kid|
Lufferkinz 0
John..? :D
DarkJoy_fml 5
He's probably from Nantucket.
asianpowaaa 0
Maury! Maury!
nutsackmuscle 0
no it's because every piece of furniture in chuck norris's house is total gym.
chosha_fml 26
OP: Thank your lucky stars this dipshit is NOT the mother of your child.
Autoshot 9
Every night before going to sleep, the Boogeyman checks his closet and under his bed for Chuck Norris.