Today, I got a call from my long distance girlfriend. She's about a month pregnant. I haven't seen her in person for six months, but she still insists it's mine. I don't know which would be worse: her lying or her being that stupid. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, my ex called, saying she's 3 months pregnant. She seems to have forgotten that we haven't been in the same room, much less friends, in over a year. My dimwitted wife thinks the baby is mine. FML
Today, my ex showed up at my doorstep, claiming to be pregnant with my baby. Of course, I pointed out we broke up ten months ago and hadn't seen each other again until just now, and she is currently six months along. She actually admitted to my face that she figured I'd be too stupid to put the pieces together. FML
Today, I found out that my girlfriend is four months pregnant. She can't wait for us to be parents. I guess she forgot that I haven't seen her in 7 months. FML
Today, I came home from an eight month deployment to find my wife four months into her pregnancy. She actually thinks that I believe it's mine. FML
Today, I saw my girlfriend after 10 months of being away. She was pregnant. She actually had the brass balls to tell me I needed to "Man up and be this child's father." Get the fuck out, you cheating whore. FML
Today, three weeks after my girlfriend told me she was pregnant, she admitted it was a lie. Turned out it was just a test to see if I'd break up with her or not. I didn't, but I did just break the bank buying all the things we'd need for an actual kid. FML
Today, I found out that my long-distance boyfriend just got married because his "real" girlfriend is pregnant. FML
Today, my girlfriend blew up at me for a comment I had made several weeks ago about not wanting kids. Then, she told me that she's pregnant. After consoling her and telling her that whatever we do, we'll do it together, she further explained that she's not sure if it's mine. FML
Today, my pregnant girlfriend asked me if she should take a pregnancy test to make sure the baby is really hers. FML
Today, I called my ex boyfriend to tell him that not only am I still in love with him, I'm also three months pregnant with his child. Upon hearing the news, he swore, called me a pathetic liar, swore some more, and hung up on me. FML
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Top comments
sweet_candy_ 17
She probably thinks you will be stupid enough to fall for it.
DocBastard 38
Your **** has obviously been whoring around without your knowledge. Take some responsibility for it, stupid. /King Missile
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Comments (256)
pixiecjbh 0
because a woman does not ovulate until the 14th day of her cycle (roughly) she is probably a month and a Half preggers but doesn't understand that the first 2 weeks of the cycle count too... probably is yours... has she ever given u a reason not to trust her b4? also women can get their period all the way through the first trimester so she could be even further along than she thinks... go see her and go to the doc together, give her the benefit of the doubt for now and just see what the doc says
HelenMariee 0
well some women don't grow so big && don't have all the symptoms it's rare but possible my cousin got prego and she didn't even look it through her whole pregnancy ever pregnancy is different in one way or another
domolovesyoshi 33
he hasn't seen her in 6 months, she'd have to be 6 months or later pregnant for it to be his kid.
Mercedeh910 0
she's not stupid. she just knows how dumb and gullible you are
gkflower 0
obviously he isn't dumb or gullible and she is stupid. get your facts straight
Stupidpeopleanno 5
Discipline her.
shutupK 0
she isn't a dog... and how could he? keywords: long-distance relationship. ...sexist idiots these days... -.-
Jaded21 0
Have her go to the obgyn b4 anything they will be able to tell u how far along, but I would get ready to say goodbye just in case
darkmis1 17
Thank you captain obvious!
SilenceIsSilver 0
Yes, THANK YOU Chuck Norris. For raping my mother and sister after having your way with me. :P
darkmis1 17
58 and 72 both fail. @72: I knew the OPs girlfriend was a dumb cheating (and now pregnant) *****. You don't haveto read the name to know that. @58: You were trying to make an insult and said "maybe your the stupid girlfriend's sister". It should have read you're. Your = ownership. You're = you are.
ktrose 0
I read it as the girlfriend was making up the whole story lol. Once I read through it again, I saw it different and read the name. The rest is explanatory.
larfam 2
Come on ktrose, get over it. you said something stupid, it happens to the best of us. Everybody is going to forget about it anyway.
gotbiscuits 0
Except for those with eidetic memory.
ktrose 0
107- I laughed about it (hence the "lol") and explained myself haha?
nutsackmuscle 0
nice. (:
KiddNYC1O 20
YEAH, it's the Juggernaut, bitch!
jbmeh 1
I can't believe she's that stupid. she's got to be blond! but that really sucks.
shutupK 0
all blondes are dumb? wow, news to me!