Xbox (not in) One (piece) - FML

Xbox (not in) One (piece)

By amandadonnelly97 - 01/05/2020 05:00

Today, after weeks of saving, we finally got our Xbox One delivered. The courier guy who was bringing it up the two stories of stairs tripped on his laces, throwing the package over the side of the stairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 636

You deserved it 114

Commando

Mother of the year

Temporarily Embarrassed Millionaires

By Pelota - 01/07/2009 21:46 - United States

Today, I tried to stop a drunk girl from driving home. She took a couple swings at me, which I dodged. Feeling pretty good about it, I tried to get the keys from her hand. She leaned over, and sunk her teeth in to my bare shoulder. The doctor says I will have a scar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 399

You deserved it 5 204

By anonymous - 01/02/2009 10:53 - United States

Spicy

Today, I slept with this new guy for the first time. After sex, he said the doggie style position was fun, it made him wonder what it would be like to rape a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 023

You deserved it 6 258

By Scaryman - 21/02/2010 00:03 - United States

Today, I was sitting down in a store when a stroller stopped by me. While the parents were fixing the strap, the baby looked at me, gasped, looked at me again, gasped, and then screamed. Ten minutes later, another baby looked at me and screamed. My face scares babies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 214

You deserved it 4 150

Alexa, play "Isolation" by Joy Division

By Anonymous - 06/11/2020 22:56 - United States - Ashburn

Today, I jokingly said to my coworker, "God, what I wouldn't do for a week off work." I was then tested positive for COVID fifteen minutes later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 799

You deserved it 425

By Red Face, too - 24/10/2018 13:30

Today, I saw Niagra Falls. Not the one in Canada, but the one that was released when I went to check on my period at work. I had no change of clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 687

You deserved it 253

By yee-whore - 18/10/2014 18:44 - United States - Waterbury

Today, I confronted my girlfriend after catching her cheating on me. After she finished crying, she had the brass balls to say she'd understand if I needed a couple of weeks to forgive her, and asked me for bus fare so she could go tell the other guy they could only be friends now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 218

You deserved it 3 767

By stephiew - 14/07/2011 03:15 - United States

Today, I got a nose bleed in the ladies bathroom. An old lady comes out of a stall and says, "Oh, your nose is bleeding. Well I shit my pants. I'm sure it'll come out in the wash." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 615

You deserved it 2 515

By Anonymous - 21/06/2013 04:44 - United States - Vancouver

Today, my boss held my hair while I threw up. It's day two on the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 061

You deserved it 9 021

By dead - 09/03/2010 00:49 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend of 3 years left me because apparently I'm "too beautiful and he can no longer handle other guys always trying to flirt with me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 535

You deserved it 6 452

By Anonymous - 18/08/2010 06:58 - United States

Today, I was alone in the car with my grandma for five hours while she told me all about the multiple bladder infections she's had in the past year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 482

You deserved it 3 242

By apenglishstudent - 31/03/2009 05:12 - United States

Today, I overheard a conversation two of my friends were having about Homer, so I interjected with a quip about a Simpson's episode I had seen before. They were talking about the poet. I'm an AP literature student. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 150

You deserved it 70 718

By Man Shamed - 29/06/2019 10:00 - United States - Hyattsville

Today, while using the bathroom in a small coffee shop, I somehow passed out sitting on the toilet. There is nothing more jarring than waking up to the vicious banging of 7 angry, urine-filled patrons attempting to break down a door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 373

You deserved it 1 069

By GrumpyBunny - 28/03/2016 07:27 - United States - Marysville

Today, I learned the true meaning of "throwing money down the toilet" when pulling my pants up, somehow my $100 Easter money fell out of my pocket mid flush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 919

You deserved it 4 409

By fiftyshardsofbroccoli - 26/10/2012 17:58 - United States

Spicy

Today, my grandma took it upon herself to give me the sex talk. After explaining the mechanics in excessive detail, she said I shouldn't be afraid to sleep around. Apparently, I need to be comfortable with the man who'll be "conning me into blowing him for the next 50 years." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 237

You deserved it 3 011

By Shan.nel - 20/11/2017 19:30 - United States - Greer

Today, I met with my trainer, despite having an upset stomach. Have you ever tried to hold in diarrhea while doing squats? It doesn't end well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 376

You deserved it 1 276

Creepy

By dogless - 15/10/2019 06:00

Today, at my surprise birthday party, my neighbor gave me a new dog collar. My dog was run over by him a week ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 039

You deserved it 98

By Ouch - 29/07/2009 05:42 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me that I look better in different kinds of light. I asked him which kind of light I looked best in. His reply? "No light at all." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 180

You deserved it 6 788

By Yoda - 08/07/2011 05:23 - United States

Today, my drunk father chased me down the street with my little brother's light saber screaming, "Come back Yoda! Teach me how to use the force!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 892

You deserved it 4 884

By poomaster - 22/11/2010 02:33 - United States

Today, I spent an hour at work trying to make a tortoise poo. When he finally did, I was so excited and felt pretty triumphant. Then I realized that my job was to make animals drop their load. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 738

You deserved it 5 143

By Anonymous - 20/04/2009 18:22 - United States

Today, I told my mom that I was taking antidepressants because I hate myself. She said "That's not surprising. You hate everybody. And, you're kind of a bitch." FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 947

You deserved it 23 553

By Anonymous - 25/10/2012 05:45 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. When she went to give me a blow job, I got embarrassed and told her I'd rather just please her instead. Now she thinks she's inadequate and I'm being a jerk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 297

You deserved it 18 231

By idonteven - 12/08/2013 20:04 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I was watching a movie with my family in which a character said "Fuck you, dad." My dad then slapped me over the head to get my attention and said, "Never talk to your father like that." Okay, dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 951

You deserved it 4 451

By wasp infestation - 03/10/2016 04:54 - United States - Aurora

Today, the owner of the house I'm renting said he doesn't want to pay $4000 to fumigate the home, and that he'll take care of the issue himself. I have killed 30 angry wasps in the last hour. There are thousands living in the walls, but I think their favorite place is my bathroom and my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 438

You deserved it 1 004

Please don't do this

By Anonymous - 17/03/2010 15:38 - United States

Today, I took my girlfriend of five and a half years to family dinner at a restaurant. After we all had finished dessert, I got down on one knee, pulled out my great grandmother's ring and proposed. The entire restaurant was dead silent. She looked around and then slowly walked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76 026

You deserved it 6 666

By Sybille - 06/12/2008 12:14 - France

Today, my boyfriend was lying down on top of me and he was looking at me with passionate eyes. I thought he was finally going to tell me he loved me. But instead he said "You have a bogey". FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 452

You deserved it 4 031

By zuper_duper - 29/08/2009 22:20 - United States

Today, after six months of dating, my girlfriend decided to break up with me because my "obsession" of being on the computer and playing games all the time was cutting into "our time". She then told me to "get a life" and never wanted to see me again. She told me all of this on WoW. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 081

You deserved it 52 677

By fifthtimesacharm - 26/04/2011 15:03

Today, it's hot and sunny, and a customer asked me how I was, I responded by saying "It's a hot sunny day. Who doesn't love the sun?" He responded by telling me he had just had three melanomas cut out. I guess I did find someone who doesn't like the sun. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 844

You deserved it 5 510

Put it away!

By Put on some trousers, you asshole! - 27/06/2021 11:01 - Mexico - Mexico

Spicy

Today, I'm temporarily staying at my parents' place because my mother injured her knee and can't walk, and for the second time, I caught my father walking around with his bare dick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 015

You deserved it 108

By TractorUWG - 27/09/2009 06:32 - United States

Today, I received a $100 bill in the mail as a late graduation present. I placed it on the table so I could go to the bathroom. I come back to find the table empty and my $100 bill missing. The fan blew the money on the floor and my 8 week old puppy ate it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 272

You deserved it 18 082

By ugh - 24/05/2015 19:53 - United States - Dearborn

Spicy

Today, I realized that my relationship has hit a new low when I made an appointment with my girlfriend to have sex. I have a two week wait. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 946

You deserved it 5 080

By the girlfriend - 26/08/2011 10:41 - United Kingdom

Today, at my boyfriend's house, I met his mother for the first time. And promptly fell in their pond. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 015

You deserved it 4 138

By waxinghorror - 11/07/2009 20:11 - United States

Today, my friend and I decided to get bikini waxes. Afterwards, the women who did the waxing told my friend it was $30 for her wax. Then, in front of the whole salon, the women points at me and says, "You! You so hairy- $35!". FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 504

You deserved it 9 209

By sigh - 16/04/2012 03:10 - United States - Medford

Today, my daughter told me that when she dies, she'd like her ashes spread on her laptop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 208

You deserved it 3 575

Baywatch music starts

By Anonymous - 01/05/2019 12:00

Today, I nearly drowned. I was at a wave pool for the first time and stupidly swam out to the deep end. When the waves turned on, I discovered I can't swim in rough water. Despite my yelling, "Help!" and flailing around, the lifeguard paid me no attention. My friend had to save me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 975

You deserved it 524

By 1ndustrytx - 04/09/2009 16:46 - United States

Today, I was awakened by the sound of chain-saws. Moments later a tree branch came through my roof. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 200

You deserved it 2 210

By Anonymous - 19/04/2009 19:21 - United States

Today, I found out that the girl I've been in love with for a long while got back together with her ex boyfriend because he had confessed his true feelings to her through a note in her locker. It was my note. FML

I agree, your life sucks 115 167

You deserved it 11 593

By ugly duckling - 06/08/2015 19:18 - United States - Reston

Today, feeling very self-conscious about my looks, I told my mom I felt ugly and wished I could be as beautiful as her. She only said, "Yeah, I'm pretty, I wonder what happened to you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 967

You deserved it 3 131

Broken dreams

By Anonymous - 09/06/2021 02:01 - Luxembourg - Luxembourg

Today, I discovered the man I'm in love with, the only person I've found attractive in the past 8 years, has a girlfriend, and has done for almost a year. I feel physically sick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 733

You deserved it 353

By Anonymous - 19/09/2014 15:30 - United States - Montpelier

Today, I went with a couple of my friends to see a friend who's fallen very ill. Her dad walked in with a gun and demanded to know which of us had gotten his daughter pregnant. By the time I realized it was a joke, I'd already pissed myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 460

You deserved it 5 233

By holdengurl18 - 21/06/2011 04:46 - China

Today, I found out that my boyfriend is extremely jealous of a stuffed toy that sits on my bed, all because it gets to 'sleep in the same bed as me and he doesn't.' Now, whenever he comes over, he throws it at the wall, death glares at it, then gets up and kicks it under my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 693

You deserved it 13 022

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Friday 1 May 2020 5:28

I mean, better than you destroying it yourself I'd assume, as whoever is employing the courier guy would be liable for it.

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Friday 1 May 2020 12:00

There are still console exclusive games that the OP might want, hence why he brought it.

Comments

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Friday 1 May 2020 5:28

I mean, better than you destroying it yourself I'd assume, as whoever is employing the courier guy would be liable for it.

GamerChickxoxo 16

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Friday 1 May 2020 10:15

atleast nothing of value was lost lel

GamerChickxoxo 16

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Friday 1 May 2020 10:14

Now thats a sign your meant to join the PC-Masterrace. Its time to enjoy games at a high resolution and a high refreshrate Its time to understand the mechanics driving your experience. Its time to save money on games with amazing steam sales,humble bundle,fanatical,gog,origin epic games ect And who could forget the R.G.B. Its time to leave behind the life of console peasantry May your frame-rates be high and your temperatures be low

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Friday 1 May 2020 12:00

There are still console exclusive games that the OP might want, hence why he brought it.

BurnInDemonFire 32

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Friday 1 May 2020 18:03

Please. Using consoles doesn't make anyone less of a gamer. I've always used consoles, and there are plenty of console-only games I enjoy playing that make my laptop nearly redundant. I mean how the fuck am I supposed to play BotW or AC:NH on a PC? And even if they were available, they'd be way more expensive to buy. Not to mention the cost of a decent gaming PC/laptop. After 30+ years as a console gamer, there would have to be a pretty significant shift in the market for me to move to PC, and I don't see that happening any time soon.

Yolanda Patrice Evans 17

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Saturday 2 May 2020 18:37

You’re giving me Jehova Witness vibes lol Stop trying to convert people 😂

sickerthanyou 13

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Friday 1 May 2020 19:46

Dude, just join in the master race already and play in better graphics and speed. PC master race

guitarherogeek 22

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Saturday 2 May 2020 0:25

Should’ve got a PS4 anyways, it’s a sign

Mellowyellow15 8

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Saturday 2 May 2020 5:39

That sucks. Sorry dude.

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Thursday 25 February 2021 7:08

And the company he works for will have to replace it.

Nearly

Today, I realized that I wore ripped jeand AND ripped boxers to work. Both ripped at the same place, in between the legs. The result was my looking down and seeing my dick halfway out of my trousers. I can't get up from my seat the rest of the day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7

You deserved it 15

Today, my maid sat me down to tell me that she doesn’t like it when me and my partner fight. We don’t like each other anymore and I keep trying to break up with him, but he won’t let me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33

You deserved it 18

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I'm on day 11 of having COVID. My husband said to me, "I hope you get better soon so we can finally have sex again." Thanks for being concerned about MY health and wellbeing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 669

You deserved it 147

Today, I realized why my boyfriend drove me to his “favorite” hospital about one agonizing hour away while I was in labor. His friend who's a nurse worked there. Or should I say, his side chick. He made out with her in the room while I was “sleeping” after giving birth to our first child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 403

You deserved it 101