Miscellaneous: Today, I got a bikini as a birthday present. I pulled the bikini... - FML

By gross - 09/04/2015 16:00 - United States - Muskegon

Today, I got a bikini as a birthday present. I pulled the bikini bottom out of the box first, only to find a pubic hair stuck to the hygienic liner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 618

You deserved it 2 400

Walk on the wild side

Best teeth in the game

Best of both worlds

By pogodrake - 24/01/2010 05:01 - United States

Today, I got a call from the girl I'd really like to date to meet up for drinks. Excited, I walked out my front door, slipped on a patch of ice, and dislocated my shoulder. She won't go out on a date with me now because I "ditched her". FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 648

You deserved it 2 839

By go choke on a gonad - 08/08/2013 13:13 - United States - Dayton

Today, my fiancé asked for money to bail his brother out of jail, the same brother who happily spent a whole day recently trying to convince my fiancé that I've been cheating on him with my own cousin. So I said no. He shook his head in disgust and said that I'm "unbelievably spiteful". FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 191

You deserved it 5 572

By so embarrassing - 02/08/2016 06:27 - United States - Renton

Today, I got so anxious while trying to fight the ticket I got earlier this month that I passed out in front of the judge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 552

You deserved it 1 495

By Noname - 10/03/2009 18:52 - United States

Spicy

Today, me and my boyfriend had some crazy rough sex. In the process I ended up with huge bruises and bite marks all over my neck and chest. I'm giving a speech on domestic violence today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 345

You deserved it 92 058

By ninjapup - 02/01/2010 04:40 - Canada

Today, I was at a party, chatting up this guy while we were petting my friends dog. The dog had just been outside and was kinda wet, I assumed it was raining out. Just then someone came up and said "Um, that dog's covered in pee." Apparently someone peed off the deck onto the dog as it walked by. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 068

You deserved it 2 953

Haircare protip

By Anonymous - 09/06/2011 20:32 - United States

Today, I put lemon juice in my hair as a cheap and easy way to get highlights. I left it in my hair and I laid out in the backyard to get some sun. The sunshine wasn't the only thing that found me; it seems every bug in the neighborhood is now hiding in my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 497

You deserved it 51 006

By still broke and jobless - 17/09/2015 20:24 - United States

Today, I saw a missed call on my phone. Thinking it was one of the multiple jobs I applied for, I called back. Turns out it was just a debt collector. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 796

You deserved it 2 543

By virginwhore - 18/01/2015 06:29

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend's dad called me a whore and said I'm trying to use his son and "steal" his virginity for my own needs. My boyfriend has had sex with over 10 girls and I'm a virgin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 834

You deserved it 3 463

By Makusu420 - 03/12/2015 00:44 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my dad sent me $200 by mail, only to mail it to the wrong person. So now some random person is getting $200 from my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 533

You deserved it 1 560

By guy - 25/11/2011 02:49 - United States

Today, my entire family came over for Thanksgiving. It went pretty well, only four family members got in a fistfight and only one cop car was called. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 732

You deserved it 2 286

Fartmageddon.

By dusty bean - 18/11/2017 05:00

Today, I held in an explosive fart during a co-worker's rant and waited a few seconds after he left the room to release the Kraken. Forgetting something, he returned mid-fart. Before either of us could say anything, our boss came into the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 644

You deserved it 585

By thatsucks - 17/05/2009 17:42 - United States

Today, I realized that my father's weekly unemployment check is more than my bi-weekly pay check. My full time job pays less than my father's unemployment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 992

You deserved it 5 145

Sneaky

By Anonymous - 07/10/2019 14:00

Today, after losing a battle with ants in my apartment, I just pulled one off that was biting me in the vagina. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 825

You deserved it 187

By ledon - 16/11/2011 04:15 - Canada

Today, I kindly asked my crazy roommate to move out. She answered by stuffing raw hamburger meat down all the drains in the apartment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 197

You deserved it 3 177

By Harry - 13/05/2014 22:37 - United States - Milledgeville

Today, I went to a restaurant with my friend, where my credit card got denied in front of everyone. The staff teased me and made me sit in the restaurant while my friend begged for money outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 776

You deserved it 8 270

By Anonymous - 23/01/2015 14:58 - United States

Today, my girlfriend was rushed to the hospital with anal tearing. We've never tried anal before, but it turns out she and my "best friend" sure have. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 030

You deserved it 3 050

By Anonymous - 13/05/2009 20:15 - Canada

Today, I woke up after a night of partying and went to the bathroom. That’s when I realized that after passing out with my shoes on last night, my friends decided use a black sharpie and play “connect the dots” with my acne. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 655

You deserved it 19 924

By awkward - 27/02/2011 12:39 - Finland

Spicy

Today, my mom got me a job working for the man she's cheating on my dad with. My dad doesn't know that she's cheating, and my mom doesn't know that I know. It's just awkward. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 666

You deserved it 4 044

By Max - 30/01/2017 12:00 - United States - Bluffton

Today, I tried to grab a coffee at the McDonald's drive-thru on my way home from work, but as I drove away from the restaurant a kid darted across the parking lot right in front of me. I had to slam hard on my brakes to avoid hitting him, in the process spilling my hot coffee all over my jeans. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 006

You deserved it 641

By fmlfmlfml - 02/06/2009 18:03 - United States

Today, I was taking a nap. Apparently, my two year old daughter decided to crawl on top of the covers on my bed because she was scared since there was a thunder storm. I thought she was one of our cats so I kicked her off. She hit the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 96 792

You deserved it 251 508

Rumble in the night

By Deanna - 02/10/2019 06:00

Today, I spent the night with in a hotel with my boyfriend's parents, because I went with them to visit him in Atlanta. This morning when I woke up, the first thing they said to me was, "Wow, you're a small girl but you snore like a man." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 471

You deserved it 260

Do not disturb

By Anonymous - 19/06/2021 14:00

Today, I’m camping in the middle of nowhere and my mom wrote me not one, but two emails asking where my car keys are, because she needs to move my car. She apparently did not think to check in the key cabinet first. You know, the one where we keep… keys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 737

You deserved it 82

By black and yellow - 21/01/2013 06:32 - United States - Salinas

Today, I went to see my new dentist. He was really cute, so after the checkup I started flirting. He stopped me right after I asked him out, saying, "Being a dentist has its advantages, I can see the girl's mouth before I stick my tongue in it. And in your case, it's a big no." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 765

You deserved it 45 624

By innocentbarista - 17/03/2013 19:00 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, while serving two middle-aged women at the coffee shop, I was screamed at and accused of being a "sexist and chauvinistic bastard." This was prompted by me charging one of them 40 cents for the addition of steamed milk, which is clearly stated on the price sheet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 475

You deserved it 2 568

By unforgettablee - 29/04/2013 07:08 - United States - Los Angeles

Spicy

Today, I was getting into the mood with my boyfriend. Ten minutes into it, I told him to "teach me a lesson." His response: "I ain't no teacher." FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 622

You deserved it 13 003

By noname - 18/02/2009 20:35 - United States

Today, I was feeling really upset and called my boyfriend. He said "Can you feel upset a little later? I'm watching a movie." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 223

You deserved it 6 023

By Anonymous - 14/11/2010 01:39 - United States

Today, I came home to my family remodeling our (extremely) out of date bathroom. I was SUPER excited to help them get it done. I walked down the hallway and opened my bedroom door to find a huge, gaping hole in my wall and my room covered in dust. I had to sweep every surface in my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 283

You deserved it 3 245

By iris - 18/05/2012 23:01 - Portugal - Lisbon

Spicy

Today, I brought my boyfriend home, and I introduced him to my parents. Afterwards, I took him to my room so we could have some "bonding" time. Right as things got pretty intense, I heard my dad yell, "Stop faking, honey." FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 191

You deserved it 36 042

Blender time!

By Anonymous - 28/07/2020 17:04

Today, I've told my boyfriend several times that my toothless grandma can only eat pureed foods, but likes any kind of soup, "as long as there's no meat in it." Guess what was his idea of a gift for her when meeting her for the first time? A steak. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 378

You deserved it 160

By PntsLessWonder - 01/12/2009 04:53 - United States

Today, I left my friend this big Facebook wall comment about how adorable his son is. Just after posting, I read the other peoples' comments and find out that it's his daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 170

You deserved it 39 952

By disappointed - 23/07/2012 01:05

Today, I got to live my life's dream of going whale watching. Apparently my true life's dream was to get extremely seasick, sunburned to a crisp, and pay $60 to see only seagulls in the end. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 222

You deserved it 4 191

Doofus

By Anonymous - 09/01/2021 13:58 - New Zealand

Spicy

Today, I discovered that the father of my son cheated on me, but with fake sex bots that pretend to be real people. I don’t know whether I’m more disappointed in him cheating, or the fact that he couldn’t even get it right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 888

You deserved it 164

By Heartbroken - 20/06/2011 02:17 - United States

Today, I spent 2 hours making the perfect card for my dad for Father's Day. When I handed it to him, he smiled and said "Thank you" and then killed a fly with it. I found it in the trash a couple of hours later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 294

You deserved it 4 282

Socialite

By Jason - 22/11/2009 15:11 - United States

Today, I was finally able to hang out with a girl I really liked at a party. We had a great time and spent hours together. When I leaned in for a kiss at the end of the night, she stopped me and said , "You're a great guy, but we can't go out because you'd be bad for my social reputation." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 980

You deserved it 3 813

By Mr. E - 14/11/2018 17:30

Today, as I was teaching my 10th grade biology honors class, a student came in with a dead frog and asked if we could dissect it. He tried to toss it to me and missed, so it landed in a girl's lap. She threw up all over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 829

You deserved it 177

By Anonymous - 11/11/2012 03:10 - Canada

Today, my dad offered to pay me $40 to wash his car. Needing money to buy a video game, I agreed, and went out in the freezing weather to do the job. I finished the task, only to be paid in Monopoly money. My dad still hasn't gotten over how "funny" his prank was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 092

You deserved it 3 893

By Remember the parking brake - 06/10/2010 23:41 - United States

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and I were making love in the backseat. Being in the moment we didn't notice the car moving. We DID notice the pole that stopped us though. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 134

You deserved it 36 992

Masterchef

By Todd - 18/09/2020 17:00

Today, I bought tomato sauce and tomato paste to make rigatoni. Forgot to buy the meat and the pasta. FML

I agree, your life sucks 448

You deserved it 857

By Anonymous - 27/08/2009 23:49 - United States

Today, while driving, I realized I had left my phone on top of my car when I was getting in. Panicking, I drove back to look for it. I found it in the middle of the street, still intact. Yay! When I went back to my car, I noticed I had locked my door. And the keys were in the ignition. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 085

You deserved it 38 501

By UniverseHatesMe - 26/05/2016 10:04 - United States - Cuyahoga Falls

Today, my neighbor kindly set off a bed bug fogger rather than getting an exterminator, which we'd even offered to help him pay for. We have baseboard heating in our condo building. Guess where the parasites crawled to now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 913

You deserved it 823

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Top comments

patrickalamo 47

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Thursday 9 April 2015 23:58

So are you thinking your boyfriend tried it on first?

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Friday 10 April 2015 0:00

That's why I think you should always wash the clothes you buy before putting them on.. Just in case

Comments

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Thursday 9 April 2015 23:58

Gotta love hand-me-downs

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Friday 10 April 2015 3:47

it's not a hand-me-down, someone just tried it on in the store without underwear on

Rainbow2Cloud 12

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Friday 10 April 2015 4:20

This makes me slightly afraid to buy another bikini at the store. o.o

uncle_ssaamm 12

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Friday 10 April 2015 5:58

funfact... you can get herpes from trying swimsuits on without washing them first

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Friday 10 April 2015 6:17

Hahaha not so fun when you find out you have herpes and have no idea where it came from

Rainbow2Cloud 12

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Friday 10 April 2015 19:52

Thank you for that fun fact. It made me feel even more afraid. Haha

patrickalamo 47

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Thursday 9 April 2015 23:58

So are you thinking your boyfriend tried it on first?

Norja 33

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Friday 10 April 2015 0:10

Still nasty but I'd rather it be my boyfriend's pube than some random stranger.

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Friday 10 April 2015 4:57

Girls have pubic hair too

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Friday 10 April 2015 5:41

i think everybody knew that already #68

StraightUpBaller 14

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Friday 10 April 2015 5:52

"I wonder if this fits..."

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Saturday 11 April 2015 9:23

Op never said who they got it from.

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Thursday 9 April 2015 23:59

that is nasty.

ShatteredPulse 15

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Friday 10 April 2015 4:49

I'm so glad you said that, i wasn't sure if it was but i am so relieved now :)

MyDadLeftMeInKFC 21

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Thursday 9 April 2015 23:59

That's absolutely disgusting. I would disinfect that right away. Don't let it ruin your birthday!

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Friday 10 April 2015 9:17

You mean give it back to the person that offered it?

unscrupulous 13

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Thursday 9 April 2015 23:59

Yuck.. :p

Mynamewontfi 40

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Friday 10 April 2015 0:33

But #5 did say something.. No need to be so rude about it.

ana_lee_bonde 17

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Friday 10 April 2015 0:39

#5 How dare you post that, prepare for the judgemental downvotes from the almighty FML community. Tremble in fear at our grammatical accuracy weakling!

AlwaysWatching 27

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Friday 10 April 2015 1:07

The grammatical accuracy that you don't seem to be able to grasp, #30.

photographer49 22

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Friday 10 April 2015 1:25

#23 I'm not normally a grammar nazi, but it's ANYTHING****

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Friday 10 April 2015 4:58

This fucking website I swear

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Friday 10 April 2015 6:13

App* thank you very much.

why_teh_hell 25

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Friday 10 April 2015 7:41

#79- This is both a website and an app. lol

Zebediabolical 39

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Friday 10 April 2015 18:34

This was a website before it was an app. Just sayin'.

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Friday 10 April 2015 0:00

At least it was on the liner??

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Friday 10 April 2015 4:46

As opposed to...?

cameosurgeon 16

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Friday 10 April 2015 11:35

The liner is a removeable tape like piece inside the crotch. She meant that's better than it actually being in the swim suit.

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Friday 10 April 2015 0:00

That's why I think you should always wash the clothes you buy before putting them on.. Just in case

Norja 33

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Friday 10 April 2015 0:02

Even if I washed them, I dont think I could forget that hair every time I looked at them.

VitalDistance 14

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Friday 10 April 2015 0:03

Someone must've liked being all natural.

emmatheamazingx 17

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Friday 10 April 2015 0:03

That's what washing machines are for

Nearly

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11

You deserved it 3

Today, I found out my mother listens to my therapy sessions. She’s the reason I need therapy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10

You deserved it 1

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my college fuck buddy started sending my wife our dirty chat logs. Not only have I not spoken to her in years, but the logs are time/date stamped from when Obama was still President. She's never met my wife and I have no idea what she hopes to get out of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 525

You deserved it 71

Today, I’d been bicurious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 165

You deserved it 283