Miscellaneous: Today, I got a bikini as a birthday present. I pulled the bikini...

By gross - United States - Muskegon

Today, I got a bikini as a birthday present. I pulled the bikini bottom out of the box first, only to find a pubic hair stuck to the hygienic liner. FML

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Miscellaneous

Recycling helps

The end of the road

Pull your shit together, Bezos

By fuckyoudeadgunnuts - United States - San Francisco

Today, I met my Canadian friend at the airport. As we were heading into the city, I told him not to worry about all the US stereotypes and that gun crime in my city is rare. A few hours later, we witnessed a guy get shot in the street in broad daylight. Now he's too scared to leave the house. FML

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By ahhhboys - Romania

Today, my boyfriend of six months said he wanted to take our relationship one step further. I thought he was going to ask me to move in. He meant he wanted to fart in front of me. FML

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By whoahshloann - United States

Today, I was watching Harry Potter. When all the students at Hogwarts started to clap at one point, I started clapping myself. FML

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23827

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was introduced to friends of my boyfriend as "My other girlfriend." FML

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45599

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4068

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By Anonymous - United States - Shawnee

Today, my husband suggested we get divorced, "for tax purposes". FML

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52567

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5199

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By Anonymous

Today, while working at a restaurant, I told an old couple their “vibrator will go off when a table is available”. I meant to say pager. They walked out. FML

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3824

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By Ballshurt - United States

Today, I learned that you can pierce your balls. However, sitting on a thumbtack is not the best way to find this out. FML

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53391

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7002

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By misterhippo - United States

Today, I texted the hottest girl in the school saying, "I really like you, we should date". She responded with a text saying, "Sorry, I'm not into you." I then got a text saying, "Sorry, my brother stole my phone, and answered, but still it's no". I got rejected twice. Once by a man. FML

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64548

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By Ouch - United States - Costa Mesa

Today, I tried to beat my dad to the car. I jumped over the steel cables in the parking structure and hit my head on a metal pipe, then bounced off the wires, and onto my back on the pavement. Good thing we were already at the hospital to visit my sick mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10565

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By newscorp employee - United States

Today, my coworker told me that the framed picture our boss put on her desk last week was not, as I originally thought, a picture of her father, but a picture of Rupert Murdoch. FML

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16299

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By jnr1234 - United States - Princeton

Today, I was sent a letter by the vet, saying my cat was late for her yearly checkup. My cat died last week and I'd had her cremated by the same people who had sent the letter. FML

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33508

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By Poopie - Canada

Today, after suffering from constipation for three days, I finally took a dump. Just as things reached the point of no return, my land line and doorbell all rang. FML

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By danthecomplicate - United States

Today, my girlfriend changed her relationship status on Facebook to 'It's Complicated' because I didn't give her my last cookie. This happens all the time. FML

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35191

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By Ava

Today, a jobless person felt sympathy for me because I work retail. FML

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1835

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226

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By Sidney - United Kingdom

Today, I fell in love with a girl on the internet, she's great and funny. She says she's 16, but everyone keeps telling me she's only 11 and that I'm a pedophile. FML

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10019

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41673

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By Broc'n dreams - New Zealand - Auckland

Face Your Fears

Today, I woke up screaming "FUCK OFF!" because I had a dream that someone threw broccoli through my window. FML

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6428

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761

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By worst day of my life

Today, my friends kidnapped me as a surprise birthday prank, and threw me into my own car's trunk. As they drove the car to PF Chang's, I'm freaking out, blindfolded and hogtied. My car was low on gas, and they ran out on the highway. They left me in the car on I-275 for 9 hours. FML

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2697

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178

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By anonymous - United States

Today, my girlfriend told me I look like a fish gasping for breath when I "finish" during sex. FML

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21728

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4446

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By Out of Shape - Egypt

Today, I decided to start exercising. I almost passed out five minutes into the warm up, and couldn't even stand in the shower afterwards. I'm only 21. FML

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14874

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35491

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By mastermind

Today, I can add "Ferrari" to the long list of cars I’ve almost been hit by. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1319

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201

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By mothtal - Bulgaria

Today, my boyfriend picked me up to take me on a date. Just as we were about to drive away, my dad ran out of the house in his underwear and started yelling that he'd kill my boyfriend if I wasn't back home within the hour. FML

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27439

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By california - United States

Today, I was walking down the street and noticed a man in ripped clothes with a cup out asking for money. I was on my way to the movies but I felt like this man needed it more that me. Right as I gave it to him, he pulled out his blackberry. FML

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65359

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By Damn - Australia

Today, I noticed my nephew has blue eyes, freckles and dimples which don't run in my family or my sister's husband's family, but they do run in my husband's family. FML

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43155

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By anonymous - United States

Today, I found out my ex-boyfriend is getting engaged. He broke up with me five months ago because our relationship was too serious for him. FML

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32811

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By bonehead69 - United States - Taylorville

Today, I'm so deprived of intimacy that I got a raging boner when a waitress called me "hun". FML

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34545

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By Anonymous - United States - Scottsbluff

Today, my girlfriend and I tried out a website where you upload pictures of two people, and it shows you what their future children might look like. She actually started crying because the kid we were shown wasn't cute enough for her liking. FML

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40255

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By birthday girl - United States - Toledo

Today, it's my birthday. The only thing I received was a bill for a piss test I took earlier this year. FML

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41801

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4155

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By me - United States

Today, I arrived at the beach for a week's vacation. I walk on the beach only to find they are "rebuilding" it. They have heavy machinery all over the place, they work 24/7, and this only happens every 15 years. Glad I picked this week. FML

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29901

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By Anonymous - 2/3/2021 15:30 - United States

Time to adopt a bunch of cats

Today, I burst into tears when my 35 year-old cousin announced on social media she is going to be a grandma. Her 16 year-old son's girlfriend is pregnant. I am 33, single, and have been romantically invisible to everyone my whole life. I'm gonna die alone. FML

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843

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167

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By lauren - United States - Saint Paul

Today, I was chaperoning for my 8-year-old sister's class in school. The bus ride was an hour long, so several people didn't make it to the bathroom in time. Unfortunately, one of them was me. FML

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11032

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By wowza - United States

Today, a boy I'm not even dating took it upon himself to tell me that we would never work out. Via text message. FML

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29400

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By krray

Suspense

Today, I was walking up the stairs with my lunch behind a heavy co-worker. His arms were full, and step by step, as we went up the stairs his pants dropped a little further. By the time we reached the top, his knickers were below his knees and it was a full moon. I prayed he wouldn't fart on my food. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4848

You deserved it

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By sdeeter - United States

Today, I had a job interview at the local donut shop. It turns out I misunderstood the position, and that the job was actually to wear a donut costume and wave at cars outside the shop. I was told this after I got hired. FML

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44743

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By Username - United States

Today, while babysitting I decided to play with a children's puzzle to pass the time. Fifteen minutes in I gave up. The kid then came over and put it together in less than five. There were only ten pieces. FML

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11920

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By HousemateHorror

Today, I walked into my dorm to find the guy I have feelings for sleeping with my roommate. I signed a lease with them for next year and can't back out now. FML

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4145

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546

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By Gus - Canada - Richmond

Today, my girlfriend confronted me for forgetting to take the trash out. At some point during the argument, I tried to calm her down, and the words "I should of" escaped my lips. She spent the next ten minutes calling me stupid and laughing at how my grammar goes to hell when I'm distressed. FML

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22209

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By thegreatcometofawayhamilton

Today, I twisted my ankle and fractured my wrist while dancing. I audition for a performing arts school in one week. FML

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3093

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262

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By me - United States - West Babylon

Today, I managed to infect a clean computer with a virus while looking up info on how to rid my other computer of the same virus. FML

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40534

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By MeanMother - United States - Saint Louis

Today, I realized just how much of a bitch I am when I grounded my son for not telling me what he got me for my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7935

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90950

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I took a call. Wrong number. A few seconds later, they called back and I told her that she had the wrong number. She said she just hit redial and didn't understand how she got me again. I tried to explain how redial works. She called me a moron and hung up. Then my phone rang again. FML

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109764

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Top comments

By patrickalamo | 47

#6257912 - Thursday 9 April 2015 23:58

So are you thinking your boyfriend tried it on first?

By LunaaBluee | 27

#6257920 - Friday 10 April 2015 0:00

That's why I think you should always wash the clothes you buy before putting them on.. Just in case

COMMENTS

By marinegrant | 14

#6257911 - Thursday 9 April 2015 23:58

Gotta love hand-me-downs

hunterluv1 | 20

#6258113 - Friday 10 April 2015 3:47

it's not a hand-me-down, someone just tried it on in the store without underwear on

Rainbow2Cloud | 12

#6258134 - Friday 10 April 2015 4:20

This makes me slightly afraid to buy another bikini at the store. o.o

uncle_ssaamm | 12

#6258222 - Friday 10 April 2015 5:58

funfact... you can get herpes from trying swimsuits on without washing them first

badluckalex | 23

#6258231 - Friday 10 April 2015 6:17

Hahaha not so fun when you find out you have herpes and have no idea where it came from

Rainbow2Cloud | 12

#6258671 - Friday 10 April 2015 19:52

Thank you for that fun fact. It made me feel even more afraid. Haha

By patrickalamo | 47

#6257912 - Thursday 9 April 2015 23:58

So are you thinking your boyfriend tried it on first?

Norja | 33

#6257959 - Friday 10 April 2015 0:10

Still nasty but I'd rather it be my boyfriend's pube than some random stranger.

buddy_J | 16

#6258172 - Friday 10 April 2015 4:57

Girls have pubic hair too

kerstileann | 26

#6258209 - Friday 10 April 2015 5:41

i think everybody knew that already #68

StraightUpBaller | 14

#6258217 - Friday 10 April 2015 5:52

"I wonder if this fits..."

xsydneyx123 | 28

#6259161 - Saturday 11 April 2015 9:23

Op never said who they got it from.

By noelsom7 | 13

#6257915 - Thursday 9 April 2015 23:59

that is nasty.

ShatteredPulse | 15

#6258162 - Friday 10 April 2015 4:49

I'm so glad you said that, i wasn't sure if it was but i am so relieved now :)

By MyDadLeftMeInKFC | 21

#6257917 - Thursday 9 April 2015 23:59

That's absolutely disgusting. I would disinfect that right away. Don't let it ruin your birthday!

EatUrGreens | 20

#6258361 - Friday 10 April 2015 9:17

You mean give it back to the person that offered it?

By unscrupulous | 13

#6257918 - Thursday 9 April 2015 23:59

Yuck.. :p

Mynamewontfi | 40

#6257991 - Friday 10 April 2015 0:33

But #5 did say something.. No need to be so rude about it.

ana_lee_bonde | 17

#6257997 - Friday 10 April 2015 0:39

#5 How dare you post that, prepare for the judgemental downvotes from the almighty FML community. Tremble in fear at our grammatical accuracy weakling!