Love: Today, I found out the real reason why me and my boyfriend of...

By Hopeless - 08/02/2011 03:22

Today, I found out the real reason why me and my boyfriend of four and a half months have "so much in common". He used to be my stalker, who followed me around in a black hoodie and always posted stuff on my Myspace as an anonymous person. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 797

You deserved it 6 095

Love

Batman

Taking stock

Mystery

By Anonymous - 23/09/2013 06:15 - United States - San Diego

Today, while I was working, someone came in and attempted to purchase GTA 5 with a medical marijuana card. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 000

You deserved it 3 428

By guitar_chick7 - 20/08/2009 08:54 - Australia

Today, I said something in class and someone mimicked me. In a self-pitying mood, I exclaimed, "Everybody hates me!" The girl behind me then said, "Pretty much." FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 485

You deserved it 47 849

By daybyday - 22/11/2011 08:08 - Australia

Today, I found out that what I thought could be a life-threatening issue causing me chest pains was only because I over-obsessed about it. Now not only do I have social anxiety, but I get so anxious I can create fake illnesses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 610

You deserved it 6 345

By xoxo96 - 03/05/2009 20:09 - United States

Today, I went to a Bat Mitzvah. We played a game where all of the girls grabbed one of their shoes and placed it in the middle. Then, all of the guys had to pick a shoe. Whatever guy picked the shoe, the girl had to dance with. No one picked my shoe. Everyone else was dancing except for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 340

You deserved it 5 088

Get some rest

By Anonymous - 20/06/2021 18:01

Today, I dislocated my shoulder doing a really big stretch when I woke up. After the doctor relocated it, my dad told me I still had to do my chores. No excuses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 830

You deserved it 101

By GrumpyBunny - 28/03/2016 07:27 - United States - Marysville

Today, I learned the true meaning of "throwing money down the toilet" when pulling my pants up, somehow my $100 Easter money fell out of my pocket mid flush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 923

You deserved it 4 409

By Allycat - 09/10/2013 01:19 - United States - Ronkonkoma

Today, I was working a kid's birthday party dressed as a clown. The child's mother made me change because he was scared of clowns. The only thing I had in my car was a princess costume that was owned by a girl co-worker. So for 4 hours I had to entertain in a tight pink dress. I'm a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 073

You deserved it 5 091

By Courtney - 21/07/2011 09:54 - United States

Today, I found out my grandmother has severe road rage after she complained about Pennsylvania drivers for over an hour, then decided to rear end one because he wouldn't get out of her way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 911

You deserved it 2 726

By Anonymous - 25/11/2015 17:13 - United States - Seattle

Today, my 4-year-old twin boys are fighting because they both want to watch the SAME show on Netflix. They don't want the other one to choose, because somehow that invalidates their own choice, even though they both get to watch what they want, which is "Barbie, life in the dream house". FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 774

You deserved it 2 423

By nothowscienceworks - 13/11/2015 07:06 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I had the mother of a five year old come in for parent teacher conferences. When I told her that her son was very smart, but he often made up fantastical stories about his home life, she burst into tears. She then ran out of my office crying, "I knew it! I knew he was a sociopath!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 855

You deserved it 1 719

By oooooops - 23/03/2015 00:32 - United States

Today, I made a speech in front of my entire graduating class and their families, despite my fear of public speaking. It seemed to go well and I got a big round of applause at the end. Then I panicked and instead of waving, I lifted my arm straight out in a Hitler salute. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 019

You deserved it 7 600

By Anonymous - 07/02/2015 02:32 - Netherlands - Amsterdam

Today, my new boyfriend and I really wanted to have sex, but he went soft as soon as he entered me. This happens every time we try. I feel cursed by my year-long dry spell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 722

You deserved it 4 505

By 282 - 29/10/2018 14:00

Today, I was sitting on my younger sister's bed while I was on my phone. She came in the room and pushed me off the bed, and I ended up slicing the skin under my eye. Now, my parents are forcing me to pay for the injury for "hanging off the bed". FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 662

You deserved it 308

By sunshine - 29/06/2017 02:00

Today, I saw my uncle after six months. The first thing he says to me is, 'I didn't even recognize you! You've gained so much weight.' Gee thanks uncle. Just what I wanted to hear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 807

You deserved it 898

By Anonymous - 17/06/2009 12:27 - France

Today, I gave a beautiful book of baby names to a friend of mine who's been trying to get pregnant for a while. She just burst into tears when she saw it. Just before meeting me, she'd found out she was sterile. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 208

You deserved it 7 241

By Darcy - 26/10/2011 06:58 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend and I were about to have sex. He passionately laid me down onto the bed, both of us fully naked. Pressing down on my shoulder, he ended up dislocating it. The pain made me pee myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 398

You deserved it 4 539

By Anonymous - 20/11/2010 15:46 - United States

Today, I took my driver's test. I was so nervous that I peed my pants halfway through the exam. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 094

You deserved it 17 201

By IHateMySister - 02/01/2016 10:36 - Denmark - Kirke-hyllinge

Today, my sister confessed that when she runs out of clean underwear, she uses mine. That wouldn't be so bad if she didn't also put it back in my dresser afterwards so I wouldn't notice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 731

You deserved it 1 336

By Anonymous - 14/12/2012 23:12 - Denmark - Copenhagen

Today, I wanted nothing more than to go home and get into bed. While I was unlocking my front door, the flimsy key snapped off inside the lock. A locksmith was called out, who did nothing but sadistically guffaw at my misfortune and crack sarcastic jokes as he undid the lock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 807

You deserved it 2 626

By Nothingonyou - 08/09/2010 07:35 - France

Today, it was my birthday. But instead of a decent surprise, my friends decided to smash a cake on my face and unhook my dress, while taking a video of it. In a public shopping mall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 103

You deserved it 3 307

So selfish

By Anonymous - 26/04/2020 14:00

Today, my family yelled at me for being a "selfish disappointment." My crime? Not being able to help my sister's boyfriend do his homework while I'm working on my class finals. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 714

You deserved it 104

Best foot forward

By Anonymous - 06/07/2020 02:02

Today, after a month of things going wrong in my life and finally getting better, I woke up refreshed and ready to face the day. Then, I fell down the stairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 517

You deserved it 120

By Baikal - 12/05/2013 04:09 - Singapore

Today, my cousin thought it would be funny to make copies of my house keys and give it to random people on the street. I live alone and work a 12 hour shift daily. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 919

You deserved it 3 605

By BeatByA9yrold - 12/04/2014 19:59 - Canada - Red Deer

Today, my girlfriend's little brother challenged me to a water gun fight. I accepted, not knowing he was going to fill his gun with vinegar, then shoot me in the eyes with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 631

You deserved it 4 661

By Anonymous - 04/02/2011 23:07 - United States

Today, my husband who asked for a divorce four days ago announced his engagement on Facebook. His new woman's profile picture is my engagement ring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 720

You deserved it 3 484

By Anonymous - 28/05/2009 05:04 - United States

Today, I was dealing with a psychiatric patient with a colonostomy bag. She got agitated and ripped the bag from her abdomen and threw it at my face. I got a bag filled with poop thrown at my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 194

You deserved it 3 417

By dumbbb - 27/12/2011 08:30 - United States

Today, I tried to open the door with my mouth because my hands were full. I chipped a tooth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 245

You deserved it 45 904

By jjjjjjmmmmm92 - 20/07/2010 23:08 - United States

Today, I was at work, when a co-worker began to shake a near empty box. Without thinking, I shouted "What if there was a baby in there? You just killed it!" I then remembered she recently suffered a miscarriage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 849

You deserved it 76 849

By shitpile - 06/08/2010 18:09 - United States

Today, I was at a water park with my family. While on the 100ft slide, my father decided it would be a great idea to pants me. I slipped and went down the 100ft slide naked for everyone to see. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 386

You deserved it 4 034

By OhaiiKid - 07/03/2010 05:02 - United States

Today, I was home alone. It was very dark and so I went to turn on the lights, when I heard the sound of a gun loading. I dropped to the floor but never heard a gun fire. I got up and heard the sound again. When I got lights on, I discovered it was only my printer telling me it was out of paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 448

You deserved it 25 996

By umm - 08/12/2009 20:35 - United States

Today, my future father in law motorboated my breasts as I bent down to give him a hug goodbye. The rest of the family stood there laughing. This is what I'm marrying into? FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 679

You deserved it 3 317

Jesus wept

By chicochico - 19/12/2008 16:05 - France

Today, I had sex with a girl who cried out as she came, "Forgive me Lord! Forgive me Lord!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 211

You deserved it 7 022

By Delicious - 06/12/2009 07:28 - New Zealand

Today, I found out that the shower sponge I've been using for a while now is the very same sponge my friends used to wipe up my vomit when I was drunk. I have been exfoliating a puked on sponge for more than a month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 386

You deserved it 31 795

By hihaay - 30/09/2011 18:15 - United States

Today, while on the bus, I found out the seat I'd taken was the preferred spot of a very hostile and extremely overweight freshman. Instead of letting me find different place to sit, she half sat on me, and completely ignored my attempts to dislodge myself all the way to school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 061

You deserved it 2 947

By Anonymous - 16/05/2015 09:11 - United Kingdom - Aberdeen

Today, my boyfriend decided to suddenly stop in the middle of sex, just as I was actually starting to enjoy myself, just to bear hug me and exclaim, "Crikey, she's angry!" in the voice of Steve Irwin. He laughed so hard at his own joke that he went soft and couldn't continue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 390

You deserved it 3 662

By LostSleep - 24/05/2016 21:54 - United Kingdom

Today, I was woken at 4 a.m. by the sounds of someone crashing down the stairs. I scrambled out, still half-asleep, to find out that nobody was in an agonized heap at the bottom. The walls are so thin in my house that I could hear the neighbour falling down HIS stairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 695

You deserved it 775

By Anonymous - 09/11/2013 22:30 - New Zealand - Hamilton

Today, I heard my dad complaining that he won't be able to go to a concert, because it's happening on my birthday. This is the first time he's even acknowledged my birthday in over ten years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 707

You deserved it 3 296

By Delilah - 01/03/2010 08:53 - Norway

Today, I was at the gym with my boyfriend. He is a bit feminine, but it has never really bothered me. Until I realised I was lifting heavier weights than he was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 783

You deserved it 9 726

Asshat

By Anonymous - 13/08/2014 14:18 - United Kingdom - Paignton

Today, a potential customer was looking at a treadmill at the fitness warehouse I work at. Once he was done testing it out, I asked him if he'd like me to order it for him. His reply? "Nah. I only had a go on it 'cause it looked like fun. Hey, but you could order one for yourself, huh, chubs?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 875

You deserved it 5 293

By Timeless - 24/02/2009 05:22 - Canada

Today, I decided to brush up on my flirting skills and ask a guy I thought was kind of cute what time it was. He pointed to the very visible watch on my wrist and said "You should know already". FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 179

You deserved it 55 792

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

behnke40 4

Send a private message

Tuesday 8 February 2011 8:48

awww he got his girl... in a creepy way..

auzzrage 1

Send a private message

Tuesday 8 February 2011 8:45

haha that's rlly creepy

auzzrage 1

Send a private message

Tuesday 8 February 2011 8:45

haha that's rlly creepy

regine22joy 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 8 February 2011 8:46

LOL OMG.

auzzrage 1

Send a private message

Tuesday 8 February 2011 8:52

auzzrage 1

Send a private message

Tuesday 8 February 2011 8:55

and also in my comment I mention to ask do u like him tho cause he might of just had some rlly bad crush on you

Vivera93 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 8 February 2011 8:59

yo bro put a shirt on.. there be kids up in here

auzzrage 1

Send a private message

Tuesday 8 February 2011 9:02

apart from fact wen u download app u gota be 17 years or older

Vivera93 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 8 February 2011 9:06

broooo u can lie about ur age!

auzzrage 1

Send a private message

Tuesday 8 February 2011 9:08

Soo Ur like 12?

Vivera93 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 8 February 2011 9:09

no man 11.. u kno how I do

auzzrage 1

Send a private message

Tuesday 8 February 2011 9:10

know how u do what? and why Would I know anything bout u?

GreatGeak 8

Send a private message

Tuesday 8 February 2011 9:17

you're both officially idiots in my book. just fyi

auzzrage 1

Send a private message

Tuesday 8 February 2011 9:19

ummm ok thanks for telling me?

creepers_go_BOOM 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 8 February 2011 10:32

creepin creepers is creepin'!

dudeitsdanny 9

Send a private message

Tuesday 8 February 2011 10:59

35- I couldn't agree more.

VinegarStrokes 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 8 February 2011 11:12

SHAAAAADY..... What a creep!!!! Wow Auzzrage, you actually have to TRY to be as huge of an idiot as you have successfully achieved above. That is truly amazing. Now, go put your shirt back on because it makes you appear as dumb as you sound. After you've determined which limbs pertain to which holes promptly proceed to eighty-six your account. FML appreciates your cooperation, thank you .

Tsunami87 17

Send a private message

Tuesday 8 February 2011 11:38

burrrrrrrn!

Penguinman909 7

Send a private message

Tuesday 8 February 2011 11:53

56- creepers are awesome! minecraft is awesome! zombies are awesome!

dre_bro11 12

Send a private message

Tuesday 8 February 2011 12:17

hmm something you said bugged me. you mentioned you have to be 17 to download the app. but there is an actual site, and I don't think internet explorer or mozilla or watever Internet browser you use (for those smart asses that will say a completely different one) is going to ask for your age before loading the site so it is possible a kid could be on the site without agreeing they are 17+ apart from the t&cs that no one reads

CakeBaker11 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 8 February 2011 15:27

I'm 14 and I have an account here?

DejaRasch 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 8 February 2011 15:40

83:okay so pretty much I love your picture!!!

Illblowyourmind 3

Send a private message

Tuesday 8 February 2011 20:58

personally, I don't mind #1 shirtless ;) oh and I'm sure the 'children' on here have seen a lot worse than that...

sexxy_skater 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 8 February 2011 21:04

haven't those "little kids" been to the beach before?

daeval14 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 9 February 2011 5:35

Dear 1, I hate how you speak. I don't know if you're trying to be a gangster or something or if you're really that stupid. And though I do love guys without shirts, your blurry nipple shot annoys me. Oh, and you're an idiot.

IAmOtter 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 9 February 2011 6:27

I said I was 18 when I was 13 more than I actually said I was 13 if u know what I'm saying... puberty turns u in to a perverted little monster lol

Suchagoonnn 4

Send a private message

Wednesday 9 February 2011 8:20

hi im 12 and what is this

Canuck13 12

Send a private message

Thursday 10 February 2011 19:09

At least you know he's committed....or needs to be committed. Either or.

Smarties49 0

Send a private message

Friday 3 June 2011 9:41

same :P

4ugu4 7

Send a private message

Saturday 25 June 2011 2:41

OK PPL WE ALL KNO THAT PPL UNDER 17 GO ON THIS SITE AND IT DOESN'T MATTER IF HE IS SHIRTLESS HAVEN'T U BEEN TO THE BEACH????

gabybilyk 5

Send a private message

Saturday 19 May 2012 22:28

LOL wow your dating your own stalking nice move :D

bossybella 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 8 February 2011 8:47

interesting.. weird.

mysterygirl699 1

Send a private message

Tuesday 31 May 2011 5:03

nice tat ^.^

audiophileMom 11

Send a private message

Saturday 15 October 2011 17:10

Yeah... If there actually was 6 lines on sheet music. Fail. Plain fail...

ElShus 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 31 January 2012 7:24

There is for guitar tabs. You just failed trying to point out someone's fail. You sir, fail.

takeapieandrun 9

Send a private message

Tuesday 8 February 2011 8:48

At least he won't dump you so easily.

FMLJFL 5

Send a private message

Sunday 5 August 2012 7:13

That guy is a champion if he can get a girl with that method.

behnke40 4

Send a private message

Tuesday 8 February 2011 8:48

awww he got his girl... in a creepy way..

jdozer 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 9 February 2011 8:26

haha

Pandakins12 0

Send a private message

Thursday 9 February 2012 2:31

Nice tits bad face :(

krazy_glu3 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 8 February 2011 8:49

obsessed much?? major red flag.. wonder how he would take you breaking up with him?

mrnorth 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 8 February 2011 11:36

mental break down I bet

zyzy92 8

Send a private message

Saturday 18 June 2011 14:14

followed by a knife in her neck.....

bariforlife 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 8 February 2011 8:50

wat a creep and a freak...dump him now

crzyry 6

Send a private message

Tuesday 8 February 2011 8:51

He's got dedication..haha. But seriously, I'd be worried if I were you.

stephyhull 4

Send a private message

Tuesday 8 February 2011 9:28

I wonder what he'd say if she broke up with him :')

Alexxcunningham 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 8 February 2011 10:51

he wouldn't say anything. it'd probably end in a murder/suicide d:

filomiir 3

Send a private message

Tuesday 8 February 2011 8:52

I hoped u dumped him and filed for a protective order against him..

Perksofbeingawal 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 8 February 2011 8:52

Haha, that's retarded.

ipwnlosers 4

Send a private message

Tuesday 8 February 2011 14:10

You shouldn't say things are "retarded" just because something's stupid. Here's a cookie for making yourself look like an idiot.

3slinky3 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 9 February 2011 3:28

shut up your retarded

jeremy418 0

Send a private message

Thursday 10 February 2011 17:35

92 looks like a fag

isallwaysme 27

Send a private message

Thursday 7 March 2013 11:56

Don't call someone "retarded" if you cant even use the right you're*

xIINotorious 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 8 February 2011 8:52

how sweet, shows he really loves you

Nearly

Today, I feel like I'm going crazy as I'm in a 2-year relationship with a guy who's 17 years older than me (I'm 23). He's a wonderful partner and I'm totally in love, but the age gap causes monthly, sometimes daily, shifts between wanting to have it all with him, and wanting to leave him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 29

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41

You deserved it 22

Spicy

Today, I found out my husband has to take Viagra to get it up with me. He never needed it with his ex-wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 644

You deserved it 195

Today, my boyfriend has spent all morning claiming there’s nothing to do when it’s raining outside. Sex is always an option, but he’s missed all my hints, including stripping naked and kissing him, because he thought I was on my way to get a shower instead of trying to fuck him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 868

You deserved it 264

Get some rest

So selfish

Best foot forward

Jesus wept

Asshat

Add a comment - Reply to : #

Top comments

Comments