Today, I found out my "wonderful" boyfriend was recently dumped...

By cheated - 06/07/2019 22:03

Today, I found out my "wonderful" boyfriend was recently dumped by another woman, not just after he started stalking her, but after he wrote her a love letter in his own blood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 918

You deserved it 144

Weird reason to leave, but OK

Heaven knows I'm miserable now…

Missing the one

By Anonymous - 18/09/2014 15:38 - Taiwan - Taipei

Today, I'm so broke that I had to call in sick to work because I couldn't afford to pay my bus fare. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 363

You deserved it 5 237

By Anonymous - 15/03/2012 11:50 - United States

Today, my girlfriend compared my penis to a snake. Not because of the size or shape, but because a snake is not something she imagines herself ever touching. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 056

You deserved it 3 702

By arekusa - 23/06/2011 03:00 - United States

Today, I found out my boyfriend's mother thinks I'm a loser and a scumbag. We haven't even met yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 264

You deserved it 3 467

By Anonymous - 14/01/2016 12:51 - Australia

Today, my girlfriend actually slept with one of the celebrities on her "5 celebrities we're allowed to sleep with" list. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 341

You deserved it 18 347

That hurts, BTW

By phillij2 - 09/07/2011 00:03 - United States

Today, I got surgery on one of my hands. I opted for a local anesthetic instead of being put all the way under. I soon discovered my hand hadn't gone completely numb when the doctor started slicing into the finger that needed operating on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 383

You deserved it 6 288

Jonah begs to differ

By JOTA - 07/10/2020 04:02 - New Zealand

Today, my girlfriend told me she was worried about being eaten by a whale while out kayaking on our holiday tour. I told her that she was way larger than whale food, and that it wouldn’t be interested in her. Now she is accusing me of trying to tell her "nicely" that she's fat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 118

You deserved it 336

Doggy dog world

By limey6g - 22/10/2021 17:00

Today, I work at a doggy day care. Employees are not allowed to leave the dogs unsupervised for any reason. So while I was alone in a yard, my stomach decided that it would be the perfect time to empty itself. Because I didn’t want to lose my job, I puked in front of everyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 847

You deserved it 79

By Stewtato - 12/07/2019 22:30

Today, a bat flew into my house. We locked it in my brother's room, complete with cats, and just barely got it back outside alive. We later found out it was an endangered species, so we also narrowly avoided arrest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 352

You deserved it 470

By "Geric Brawner" - 12/05/2017 22:00

Today, my car broke down in traffic. It's okay though, everyone honked in support while I moved my vehicle from the busy intersection. Only the third time this month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 577

You deserved it 995

By Anonymous - 10/11/2009 17:53 - United States

Today, I talked to my crush for twenty minutes at Wal-mart. Then I realized I forgot to take off my Weight Watchers meeting nametag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 115

You deserved it 27 222

By dumping time - 25/11/2012 22:38 - United Kingdom - Aylesford

Today, I woke up to my balls covered in Icy Hot, a big old "fuck you" note from my girlfriend, and my door slamming shut. I'm starting to get the distinct impression I shouldn't have made that off-hand remark last night about her PMSing, after she rage-quit a game of Mario Kart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 052

You deserved it 30 732

Strange terminology

By Not true - 18/07/2016 02:56 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me that I don't have a "grippy vagina" after he slipped out for the third time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 301

You deserved it 1 732

By murphslaw - 29/03/2009 05:15 - United States

Today, as I was doing the morning count for the registers, a lady walked by and saw me. She's got Alzheimer's, and thought I was robbing the guy I'd bought the store from, so she called the cops. I spent six hours in jail while they looked into it, and didn't even get an apology. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76 182

You deserved it 3 110

By Brian - 26/10/2009 04:25 - United States

Today, I saw an article that Burger King is selling a whopper with seven patties in celebration of the Windows Seven release. Upon reading this, I immediately got an extremely forceful erection. I think this is a sign to stop putting off that diet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 734

You deserved it 10 420

By broke - 16/11/2016 03:08 - United States - Orlando

Today, I paid $125 to get my car back after it was towed. Yesterday, I bought the car. When I got it to my apartment, the office wasn't open, so I couldn't get a parking decal. The same office that towed my car while they were still closed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 706

You deserved it 787

By cupcake_butt - 17/10/2011 08:39 - United States

Today, my 28-year-old brother who has been pranking me all my life, put a chocolate cupcake on my chair. I sat on it, with my white dress. On my wedding day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 998

You deserved it 4 378

Bad data

By maida - 02/06/2021 04:01

Today, I discovered my mother has been replacing my chronic pain meds with sugar pills, to prove to me that "the placebo effect is real and works on everyone." No wonder I’ve been in excruciating pain for days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 126

You deserved it 58

By Username - 19/02/2011 07:57 - China

Today, while at a party, a cute topless woman sat next to me to flirt with the guy on the other end of the couch. This is the closest I've been to a pair of boobs in 3 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 342

You deserved it 6 883

By Anonymous - 10/07/2015 19:54 - Canada - Sudbury

Today, my phone kept beeping, so I put it on silent and went back to sleep. When I woke up later, I found the guy I went on a date with last night had sent dozens of messages. The first was "Good morning! :)" and the last was "Answer me u fuckin cunt!!!!" I think I'm staying single. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 058

You deserved it 3 157

Issues

By Anonymous - 04/06/2020 05:00

Today, I woke up from a vivid dream in which I murdered my entire family. It took 20 minutes after waking up, drenched in sweat and tears, to realize I'm not a murderer and my life is OK. This dream is recurring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 891

You deserved it 144

By trainE - 30/03/2009 02:08 - United States

Today, I was masturbating in my room when my dog started to bark obnoxiously. He does this all the time so I ignored it and kept going. This went on for about a half hour. When I went downstairs, I found an open door and an empty TV stand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 292

You deserved it 94 398

By uncomfortable - 12/03/2009 00:20 - Canada

Today, I was watching a movie with my boyfriend and his parents. It got to an intense sex scene. I felt grateful when I saw his father reaching for the remote to fastforward past the scene. He put it into slowmotion. We watched in silence for about 3 minutes before he managed to fix it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 87 179

You deserved it 5 583

By callie - 18/06/2011 06:08 - United States

Today, I got some really bad mosquito bites on the outside of my thighs. They itched, and my jeans prevented me from scratching them, so I unbuttoned my pants, stuck my down my leg and started scratching. My mom walked in, and won't believe I wasn't masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 853

You deserved it 6 618

By Binks - 23/11/2018 09:30 - United States - Bonneau

Today, my dad took away my Xbox because "You never do anything active." I had just run a 5K. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 867

You deserved it 230

By Anonymous - 30/11/2010 03:08 - United States

Today, I won employee of the month. I was then fired for being late. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 733

You deserved it 6 975

By offended - 07/04/2009 06:15 - United States

Today, I was putting the finishing touches on my portrait of a young boy in art class. I asked my teacher if she could help correct the bad parts of my portrait. She said, "Well that would take all day and I just don't have the time." She was serious. I thought this was my best work yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 161

You deserved it 5 114

By Unlucky - 15/11/2014 02:18 - Australia - Cairns

Today, I realized that at 20 years old I already have noticeable wrinkles around my eyes. But to balance it out, my chronic acne keeps me looking youthful. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 879

You deserved it 3 008

By anun - 14/01/2014 14:06 - Australia

Today, my girlfriend asked me, "Is it in yet?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 791

You deserved it 7 012

By littleman - 06/04/2012 11:32 - United States

Today, I realized I'm too short to use the urinals at work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 377

You deserved it 2 972

By mrssagdiyev - 05/03/2011 14:19 - United States

Today, my husband decided to imitate Borat and shout "Very Nice! I Excite!" while having sex. He's also decided that it was ingenious and does it every single time, the entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 499

You deserved it 5 422

By Mattrd - 05/02/2013 00:42 - United States

Today, my co-worker told me that I need to quit smoking because it was making me look and smell horrible. I've never smoked in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 639

You deserved it 3 915

Delete your account

By Anonymous - 06/08/2021 08:01 - United States - Delhi

Today, I learned that Dolph Lundgren's "daughter", Lisbeth Olofsson, is not only fictional, but a stolen identity. Who the hell have I been talking to on Facebook since 2013? FML

I agree, your life sucks 261

You deserved it 881

By JeffeeBojangles - 28/02/2012 12:46 - United States

Today, my grandma seemingly decided that it was a really nice day to put my cat in the dryer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 391

You deserved it 2 544

By StayedHome89 - 20/12/2009 06:25 - United States

Today, I ran into some friends from high school who had just gotten back from college. We were talking about what happened during our sophomore year. When it was my turn to tell them what I had been doing, all I could say was "Well, I started wearing V-Neck t-shirts and they're pretty comfortable." FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 696

You deserved it 28 176

By Anonymous - 15/03/2010 02:09 - United States

Today, while making out with my boyfriend, he started playing with my nipples. Suddenly he stops kissing me, looks at my nipples and says, "Have they always been like this? They look like joysticks!". He then started singing the Super Mario Brother's theme song and playing the game with my nipples. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 610

You deserved it 5 802

Unflattered

By lindsay - 28/10/2019 00:01

Today, I was at the airport walking around, killing time. There was a man about twenty years older than me who kept on eyeballing me, and it really wasn't flattering. I get on the plane and guess who I get to sit next to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 694

You deserved it 124

By Anonymous - 15/02/2015 16:02 - United States - La Grande

Today, my girlfriend confessed to cheating on me. Unfortunately, she's a pathological liar and I can't be sure if it's really true, along with half the stuff she tells me on a daily basis. Love is hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 076

You deserved it 11 241

By Anonymous - 20/04/2013 01:16 - New Zealand

Today, I was the victim of a drive-by egging by some bastard riding a segway. He still got away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 950

You deserved it 9 259

Toilet drama

By Anonymous - 04/05/2021 17:01

Today, I'd always thought the scene in Scrubs when JD passes out while pooping was hilarious, until it happened to me. I recently found out I have a heart defect that can cause me to pass out if my blood pressure rises, and yes, I did pass out on the toilet and woke up covered in my own shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 122

You deserved it 110

By Anonymous - 07/01/2011 02:45 - United States

Today, feeling melancholy, I took a blanket out to the backyard and lay down to look at the clouds. My dad came out to ask me what I was doing. I told him, he smirked, squatted over my face, and farted. He then ran back inside and told my mom. She laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 022

You deserved it 6 195

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Top comments

Mooglefox 23

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Saturday 6 July 2019 23:55

I would be very worried... why hasn’t he wrote you a love letter in blood. Also is it his own blood?

RichardPencil 30

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Sunday 7 July 2019 0:32

You’re the winner!

Comments

Mooglefox 23

Send a private message

Saturday 6 July 2019 23:55

I would be very worried... why hasn’t he wrote you a love letter in blood. Also is it his own blood?

RichardPencil 30

Send a private message

Sunday 7 July 2019 0:32

You’re the winner!

Soviet Chilingulo 7

Send a private message

Sunday 7 July 2019 12:40

Run.....

Antoine Karam 8

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Monday 8 July 2019 14:00

*insert brutal meme here*

roguespartan113 15

Send a private message

Tuesday 9 July 2019 4:31

What the fuck?! dumb that psycho!

Nearly

Today, I feel like I'm going crazy as I'm in a 2-year relationship with a guy who's 17 years older than me (I'm 23). He's a wonderful partner and I'm totally in love, but the age gap causes monthly, sometimes daily, shifts between wanting to have it all with him, and wanting to leave him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6

You deserved it 46

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47

You deserved it 25

Spicy

Today, I found out on Facebook that my mom and step-dad have an open marriage. To make matters worse, my step-dad shamed me for not being more sex positive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 375

You deserved it 95

Today, I found out why my husband faked being sick on Thanksgiving. He was invited to Thanksgiving dinner by to the coworker he’s seeing. She was planning to introduce him to her family. He never told her he was married, so knowing I would tag along if he came, he faked having a “fever” so he couldn’t go out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 697

You deserved it 34