Today, I was taking a piss at a urinal when a fly started harassing...

By Anonypiss - 22/7/2015 16:21 - Canada - Pembroke

Today, I was taking a piss at a urinal when a fly started harassing me. I got so annoyed, I tried to swat it. Didn't go too well. I ended up losing control of my stream, soaking the guy beside me. He busted my face in. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17601

You deserved it

26459

Favorite

Health

KoBabe

Fashion Police

Boom, headshot

By fgbh456 - 28/12/2011 00:48 - United States

Today, I confronted my mom about her drinking problems. After I blurted everything out, she completely denied it. She did this as she was drinking a huge cup full of vodka. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30005

You deserved it

2344

Favorite

By hellogoodbye - 6/6/2009 03:36 - Canada

Today, at work my arms were full. I needed to get the door open, so instead of pushing the swing door open with my shoulder, I kicked it open with my foot. Right into my manager's face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39479

You deserved it

12428

Favorite

By feistychick - 25/4/2009 13:31 - United States

Today, I was fired from my job of 5 years. I was let go because I couldn't take the company to 'the next level'. My now ex-boss asked me if I could process my severance check because he didn't know how. I had to write myself my last paycheck. FML

I agree, your life sucks

58004

You deserved it

2742

Favorite

By Charlie - 5/5/2011 03:30 - United States

Today, I brought my girlfriend of four months home for dinner to meet my parents. The first thing my mom says to her? "Oh my God, you're real!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

41395

You deserved it

4884

Favorite

By GabyLeann - 29/9/2015 02:01 - United States

Today, while showering, I broke the cap off the shampoo. Not my shampoo, my roommate's. The $60 shampoo I swore I wouldn't touch. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11288

You deserved it

34508

Favorite

By Anonymous - 5/10/2014 19:31 - United Kingdom

Today, I replied to a party invite. I thought I was only replying to the hostess, who's a close friend, so added a P. S. about a recent sex toy purchase I'd made and how rubbish it had been. I only realised after pressing "Send" that I'd selected "Reply All". FML

I agree, your life sucks

28358

You deserved it

41191

Favorite

By Anonymous - 30/10/2010 00:10 - United Kingdom

Today, my mother, my aunt, and my two sisters are all on their periods. I can't even brush my teeth in my own house without being treated like a criminal. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47642

You deserved it

5282

Favorite

By Anonymoose - 19/8/2016 20:06

Today, I was in a public toilet. I looked down and realised someone in the stall next to me was peeing on my foot underneath the divider. They didn't even attempt to aim for the toilet bowl. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14614

You deserved it

974

Favorite

By Anonymous - 13/3/2010 09:17 - United Kingdom

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house, when I needed the loo. The door was ajar, so I walked into his bathroom, sat down, and started to pee. I then looked up to see the shocked face of his dad sitting naked in the bath. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31622

You deserved it

10008

Favorite

By half-dead in CA - 31/5/2014 16:39 - United States - San Francisco

Today, as I was standing in line at the checkout, the elderly guy in front turned around and said quietly to me, "Sometimes I shit my pants." He then nodded grimly and turned back around, hitting me with the full force of the stench now coming from his pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47191

You deserved it

3998

Favorite

By a7xforever - 14/9/2010 08:31 - United Kingdom

Today, I got to my weekly drama group a bit late. Everyone looked surprised when I walked in. Casually, I sat down and apologised for being late. I thought everyone looked awkward, probably because it turned out I'd been kicked out of the group. The teacher had decided to announce it before making sure I'd got the email. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26785

You deserved it

3380

Favorite

By Foam - 26/12/2009 06:10 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend went in to kiss me. He came in too aggressively and passionately and his front tooth knocked against mine. I am now missing a third of my right front tooth. Average cost for a dental crown? $900. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33582

You deserved it

2984

Favorite

By Worst City in the World - 22/3/2018 15:00

Today, I traveled through a winter storm to NYC. After a miserable interview, I got in my car and drove only 200 feet before being pulled over and ticketed for momentarily picking up my GPS. Today's total: 5 points, $150, no new job, and 6 hours of driving in a Nor'easter. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3437

You deserved it

471

Favorite

By Whatthehell - 22/10/2017 05:00

Today, my husband's mistress purposely and dangerously induced her own labor so that she would have the baby on my birthday. Yes, I'm divorcing him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6387

You deserved it

301

Favorite

By - 17/11/2019 18:00

I will always be in her thought

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me after being "pressured" into a relationship with another guy. But it's okay, she said she would think of me every time she made love to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3028

You deserved it

194

Favorite

By Anonymous - 18/6/2015 12:36 - United States - Tallahassee

Today, my ex-boyfriend dumped sand into the crankcase of my truck and then filled it to the top with water after I dumped him for being immature and not respecting my things. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32393

You deserved it

3463

Favorite

By Smiley - 31/12/2016 14:33 - Aruba - Oranjestad

Today, as always, I tend to smile and giggle when I'm nervous. I couldn't stop it from happening at the funeral of my friend's grandmother. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20878

You deserved it

3592

Favorite

By beingthebossisoverrated - 16/7/2009 02:08 - United States

Today, I realized the extent of my crush on one of my employees. I found myself cropping our picture out of the staff photo to see what we would look like as a couple. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18351

You deserved it

42032

Favorite

By cockblocked - 11/5/2012 18:29 - United States - Goose Creek

Today, I asked my dad if my girlfriend could sleep over. He winked at me and agreed. When I brought her home, we went to my room for a quickie. There, I saw that my dad had taped multiple Richard Simmons posters to the wall, causing my girlfriend to suddenly come down with a "headache." FML

I agree, your life sucks

14831

You deserved it

23791

Favorite

By hannieannie - 9/2/2016 21:51 - United Kingdom - Oxford

Today, my boyfriend said he was too tired to have sex with me because he'd spent the whole day jerking off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25237

You deserved it

3089

Favorite

By bumblebee - 14/9/2009 21:30 - United Kingdom

Today, I was hanging out with a guy I liked. We sat in the gardens, me facing the path, him with his back to it. We were in deep conversation when I noticed a dog that looked exactly like mine. Then I looked up and saw a man that looked like my dad. Yes - my parents followed me on a date. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54914

You deserved it

3696

Favorite

By kingpin7 - 30/3/2011 04:43 - United States

Today, I decided to go down on my girlfriend. In the midst of her orgasm, she grabbed my head with her legs, performing a submission most UFC fighters could be proud of, and she held on for so long that I was suffocated. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44204

You deserved it

10181

Favorite

By Lola - 29/7/2019 06:00

Today, for the third time, I’ve had to clean a puddle of pee from the bathroom floor. I live alone, and I’m a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1377

You deserved it

513

Favorite

By Anonymous - 26/8/2013 01:28 - United States - Marietta

Today, I got screamed at by a woman at work for feeding her 3-week-old infant formula instead of the bottled Kool-Aid that she packed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51214

You deserved it

3397

Favorite

By Anonymous - 4/8/2009 20:22 - United States

Today, I was working the lighting for a drama production. In the last scene, two characters realize they are in love and kiss, then the stage goes dark. I mixed up my settings, and instead of a blackout, flashing party lights started going off. 300 people turn around to stare at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18483

You deserved it

39311

Favorite

By Anonymous - 9/2/2011 15:01 - United States

Today, my mother got me to guess who she spent the night with. I then find out it was the gas station guy. The same creep that I've been complaining about because he hits on me every time I go get gas. Good pick Mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36738

You deserved it

3328

Favorite

By LeoCor - 27/8/2018 20:30

Today, and for the past 2 weeks, I've had a massive pain in my throat. It went down for a while with antibiotics, but when it came back I had to go to the hospital for an emergency surgery. There was a 3cm abscess growing in my throat. Happy birthday to me! FML

I agree, your life sucks

1996

You deserved it

105

Favorite

By thatsucks - 28/2/2009 11:10 - United Kingdom

Today, my husband dropped me off at work. Ten minutes later I got a text saying "I just dropped the b*tch off I'll be there in a few baby, miss you". I asked him about it. He said, "I don't know what you're talking about, Megan". My name isn't Megan. Not even close. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1283225

You deserved it

142330

Favorite

By - 3/1/2020 18:33

Official meeting

Today, I went to meet my boyfriend's parents for the first time. His mother, seconds upon meeting me, gave me a hug, smiled at me, and said: "It's so nice to finally meet you! All I ever hear is 'Emma this', and 'Emma that', 'I love Emma!'. He never stops talking about you!" My name's not Emma. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2990

You deserved it

167

Favorite

By boss stabber - 4/1/2015 06:52 - United States - Kings Beach

Today, I got reprimanded by my boss for saying "It's a stab in the dark, though." According to him, it's a euphemism for anal sex and I was being offensive to a gay colleague, the same one who kept insisting it was no problem. I got written up anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34400

You deserved it

2455

Favorite

By Anonymous - 25/10/2011 01:29 - United States

Today, I proudly presented my research project in class that I've worked for day and night for 3 weeks straight. My teacher fell asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28406

You deserved it

3520

Favorite

By Bloody Nose - 16/4/2016 05:14 - United States - Saint Louis

Today, I had the longest, bloodiest, bloody nose ever when I was at work. I got blood on a few materials as I was running to the restroom. I work in a food factory, so everything had to be sanitized and thrown out. Now management wants me to pay for everything we had to throw out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21579

You deserved it

1962

Favorite

By woodchuck0022 - 21/5/2011 21:16 - Canada

Today, my pants felt a little looser than usual. Thinking I'd lost weight, I proudly went about my day. It wasn't until much later that I realised I hadn't lost any weight at all; my fly was down. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13392

You deserved it

30755

Favorite

By Lincoln - 20/1/2009 01:23 - Australia

Today, I had to sit here for 8 hours copying and pasting thousands of product codes on a frigging spreadsheet. My job title is not data entry, I'm a graphic designer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23220

You deserved it

2780

Favorite

By Anonameow - 19/7/2016 13:49

Today, I woke up to an unexpected surprise for my birthday. It wasn't cake, nor ice cream. It was hundreds of baby spiders crawling all over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13793

Phew, glad it wasn't me

2476

Favorite

By Anonymous - 31/1/2010 18:37 - United States

Today, I'm in the hospital because I sliced my leg open. Why? I jumped off my bed and scratched myself on the metal bed frame when Miss America was crowned to Miss Virginia. I'm 20 years old, and a man. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9435

You deserved it

34460

Favorite

By Aldoch - 30/5/2012 22:41

Today, my daughter was still acting out her teenage issues. This morning, when I told her to, "Have a nice day" she screamed at me, "DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

35918

You deserved it

4815

Favorite

By squidwardpotatoes - 14/11/2009 11:08 - United States

Today, I went to the movies. Not only did the movie end up being awful, but I came to my car to find out someone drew Squidward from "SpongeBob" with large letters spelling "I LIKE POTATOES!" on my windshield. In permanent marker. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32156

You deserved it

3241

Favorite

By yobruh - 17/5/2011 04:54

Today, I had a parent-teacher conference with my 8 year old son. He'd written "Chuck Norris" as the answer for every question on his test. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42837

You deserved it

11223

Favorite

By fuckmyliiiiiiife - 1/5/2009 01:40 - United States

Today, I woke up with the worst cold, ever. My nose was running like crazy and my eyes were all puffy. So I stumbled over to the medicine cabinet and took what I thought were three tylenol cold's. Two hours later I'm still sick and I can't leave the bathroom. They were laxatives. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44330

You deserved it

25890

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By jonjonguapito | 15

#6358274 - Thursday 23 July 2015 0:13

I guess you pissed him off

By chaseafterwind82 | 29

#6358300 - Thursday 23 July 2015 0:23

Should have pissed on the fly instead.

COMMENTS

By jonjonguapito | 15

#6358274 - Thursday 23 July 2015 0:13

I guess you pissed him off

ohSNAPyall | 26

#6358310 - Thursday 23 July 2015 0:31

Sounds like he pissed him on.

hacksaw246 | 24

#6358390 - Thursday 23 July 2015 1:24

Better to be pissed of than pissed.. Oh wait

JohnTheDonJuan | 11

#6358397 - Thursday 23 July 2015 1:30

How was the fly harassing you? Was it of a sexual nature? Or more in the line of bullying? I'm very curious. .

Queensland | 27

#6358405 - Thursday 23 July 2015 1:37

Wtf #32? Sexual nature? ...

JohnTheDonJuan | 11

#6358523 - Thursday 23 July 2015 3:50

It was a joke... because he said harassing. Not many people describe a fly as harassing them.

milehigh52 | 22

#6358559 - Thursday 23 July 2015 4:33

Harassing literally means to bother. So yes, the fly was harassing OP.

Ted_brosby | 4

#6358678 - Thursday 23 July 2015 7:00

People tend to get pissed off if they get pissed on

ariasmake1 | 9

#6358736 - Thursday 23 July 2015 8:35

I strongly dislike your comment.

ariasmake1 | 9

#6358739 - Thursday 23 July 2015 8:37

You're as creepy as your profile pic.

RayRey009 | 5

#6359576 - Friday 24 July 2015 4:25

I really don't see why ppl dislike your comment so much. I think it's hilarious and it makes sense. Who tf says "a fly was harassing me"?

By Jakk100 | 20

#6358277 - Thursday 23 July 2015 0:14

Did you at least do your fly up when you left?

By Liyuesigs | 8

#6358279 - Thursday 23 July 2015 0:14

Can you blame him?

thecrazymancan | 17

#6358423 - Thursday 23 July 2015 1:48

I know I could.

By emeraldisle | 30

#6358280 - Thursday 23 July 2015 0:15

I would've punched you too. Next time pay attention to you're doing.

lambda_fml | 40

#6358628 - Thursday 23 July 2015 5:51

what

By DoWT | 11

#6358281 - Thursday 23 July 2015 0:15

Time to move out

SPN_lover666 | 27

#6358328 - Thursday 23 July 2015 0:50

Wrong FML.

Diarrhea_Volcano | 29

#6358449 - Thursday 23 July 2015 2:14

He doesn't live in the fucking urinal.

Mcstud1y | 30

#6358479 - Thursday 23 July 2015 2:51

42 this made my day

milehigh52 | 22

#6358560 - Thursday 23 July 2015 4:35

42 your picture made my day.

By summer4me | 25

#6358289 - Thursday 23 July 2015 0:17

Next time choose your fights a little more wisely. No fly is worth your face.

By demetrius1551 | 15

#6358291 - Thursday 23 July 2015 0:19

did you fight back? you may have deserved it but never go out without hittin back

tantanpanda | 26

#6358612 - Thursday 23 July 2015 5:28

What kind of stupid maxim is that? Even if it's your fault, punch them back anyway? Genius train of logic /sarcasm

jogihoppa8343 | 23

#6358754 - Thursday 23 July 2015 8:54

you mean it would've been a good idea to urinate on someone first and fight back consequently after getting hit on the face? who are you ??

legendairy3000 | 16

#6359048 - Thursday 23 July 2015 18:19

This guys only 14, you have to remember that.

By cksmith51 | 14

#6358292 - Thursday 23 July 2015 0:20

Maybe he was just trying to hit the fly, too.

By mrut92 | 17

#6358293 - Thursday 23 July 2015 0:20

In all honesty...ydi. If a fly big enough to do that was harassing me I'd be like its cool man I'll leave.

By Cassandra2015 | 21

#6358299 - Thursday 23 July 2015 0:23

Your joking right ?

slutfactory | 17

#6358317 - Thursday 23 July 2015 0:35

**You're

Cassandra2015 | 21

#6358337 - Thursday 23 July 2015 0:57

My sincere apologizes for spelling something wrong .