Today, I found out that the candy bracelet my sister gave me a few days ago was actually a candy cock ring she'd used on her boyfriend just a few hours prior. Apparently, she didn't like the taste. I however, did. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, a guy informed me that the cute, really tiny little leather bracelet with little silver hearts and several snaps that I'd found in a head shop is actually a cock ring. I'm a girl. FML
Today, at work, I gave a piece of candy to a co-worker I have a crush on. She looked at me weirdly and walked away. I then remembered that my friend wrote "penis" on the wrapper. FML
Today, my boyfriend gave me a fancy chocolate candy and I got angry at him for forgetting that I'm allergic to chocolate and threw the candy into the garbage disposal. Turns out, he had spent a ton of money getting a chocolatier to put an engagement ring inside the candy that I just destroyed. FML
Today, I got into a fight with my sister. Later on she brought me a bowl of tortilla chips, which I thought was her way of apologizing. I found out too late that she'd licked the flavoring off them and it was really her way of saying "Fuck you." FML
Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try flavored condoms. I guess I enjoyed them a little too much; I almost choked half to death on a strawberry cockcicle. FML
Today, my girlfriend wanted to try something new in the bedroom, so she got an assortment of different sized cock rings. She laughed when the one we were trying to use kept falling off, and said to try a smaller one. It was the smallest in the set. FML
Today, my girlfriend's dad pulled out the chocolate-flavoured condom that went missing under the couch. FML
Today, my sister offered me a couple of doughnuts she bought recently. Thinking she was just being nice, I went ahead and started eating, and was met with the most horrid taste I've ever experienced. Turns out her "recently" was two weeks ago. FML
Today, I realized that my girlfriend had never said anything about the proposal ring I had put into a box of her Froot Loops. When I hinted it to her, she said that the cereal had expired, so she threw out the box. FML
Today, I saw one of those candies that you spray on your tongue. Only after spraying some in my mouth did I find it was actually perfume. FML
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Top comments
RavensRule97 0
if he used it as a **** ring and you thought it was a bracelet either you have a small ass arm or hes hung like a horse
UTTU 0
Now you just need to figure out what exactly you liked the taste of...
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Comments (105)
Trupe 3
Lol I bet you had that "what is this...I don't even" look on your face. Priceless.
perdix 31
Maybe you should be the one tasting his ****, instead of her. You might not get promoted to the rank of girlfriend, but you could at least be his fluff girl :D
lBMTHl 0
I'm sorry, I ******* lol'd.
firecapez 4
"******* lol'd", one step above "lol", one step below "rofl".
WingsFan80 4
I rotflmao'd on that one
iiTzPokemon 4
You laughed out louded ? Dummy.
Not_Ever_Telling 3
Wow, you're sister is ****** up. Kinda hilarious, though...
CourtneyDanielle_fml 9
Ew. Sorry OP. Gross.. But kinda funny.
Bertj 5
Belgium FTW! But still, eww xD Don't tell your brother in law that :P
Jizwold 0
it's her boyfriend not her husband
shattered567 0
I love badminton I'm the star player at my high school
ImaginaryFoe 1
Why would you eat already opened candy? Was it not obvious she tasted it? I just don't trust anything I didn't open myself or at least saw opened and untouched. Too many sick people in this world, especially siblings.
LexieBabe 0
can you say paranoid?
Mewzakuro240 0
Can you say totally justifiable?
ImaginaryFoe 1
I don't care if it means I'm paranoid as long as it means I don't eat someone's pubic hair, spit, or semen (all things I have seen schoolmates put on food they offered to others).
tooFLY 0
There's usually a difference when something comes from a sibling.
hebron77 0
That and some candy(especially holloween candy) come in one big package and would be open already.
ImaginaryFoe 1
Why would you eat already opened candy? Was it not obvious she tasted it? I just don't trust anything I didn't open myself or at least saw opened and untouched. Too many sick people in this world, especially siblings.
underpaid011 0
either you have a very small wrist, or your sister can pass a watermelon without noticing.
varkey 7
that's messed up get her back