By diggingaplotforone - 11/08/2012 23:47 - United States - Redlands

Today, I was digging in my lawn, trying to ignore the suspicious glances coming from my nosy fuckball of a neighbor. When he asked what I was doing, I replied with dripping sarcasm, that I was digging up the schoolkids I killed last year. Fifteen minutes later, the cops he called arrived. FML
I agree, your life sucks 37 170
You deserved it 9 577

Same thing different taste

Top comments

Plant drugs in his house and call the cops.

CoffeeChickBlows 13

couldn't be gardening, **** no, that'd be WEIRD


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ImmaB3AST 7

Just had to get in the pointless, one-word comment, didn't you? Derp, eh? Just derp...

That was a derp moment for the neighbor, why would anyone confess a murder. What I want to know is how he convinced the police.

26- If you call the police saying you are have reason to believe there's been a murder, I'm pretty sure they'll come. There's really no convincing involved.

"with dripping sarcasm" was the key phrase here you all.

Well I sort of assumed that the neighbor would call the police stating that OP is digging up school children he murdered a year ago (for some unbeknownst reason) And that his only proof is a confession (one where the sarcasm is misunderstood). I guess I just assumed he was an idiot. But you're right he could have just said he suspected a murder.

Considering some of these early responses, some people either can't or don't read the comments.

rebel_belle1974 5

124- No problem dude. I understand where you're coming from with that. Just for future reference, a confession from the murderer is all the proof the cops need to make an arrest. Just letting you know.

I love how he had the nerve to walk up to the op and ask what he was doing

youjustmademelol 4

OP don't you know you can never use sarcasm on idiots? Damn, the world would explode if everyone used sarcasm with idiots...

188 That's good and all, but OP's neighbor is neither the police, nor more credible than OP. Ever heard of "It's your word against mine"?

#44 , thumbs up because of your comment AND your DP. May earth,fire,air and water be ever in your favor.

mrsquiggles6900 5

DP also means double penetration

But, I actually DID bury little school children there... what if the police find them? Shit, I gotta run!

Well gee, that looks like a poorly planned comment with the benefit of hindsight. I saw nobody else commented and I got a little excited. :

irishpassion16 6

I meant to thumb that up not down! Sorry

53- well, thanks for that consolation. I think it's safe to come back out from under my rock now. *gets hit by a bus*

LO388 7

3 - Your comment was about as good as the Jets playoff chances this year. :P

104- Yes! Trollololol! Lol. Pardon me, I'm a jackass.

3 -**** if they find the school children you killed, they're surely gonna find all the dead puppies I buried a couple more inches down from the children!

121- murdered children is one thing.. But puppies? That's too far, man.. Too far.

137- i agree >:( go sit in your room 121

And then if they dig further, they will find this dead comment we buried.

HairyPunisher 27

Why were you digging in the yard?

CoffeeChickBlows 13

couldn't be gardening, **** no, that'd be WEIRD

Aug1508 9

Who cares its his backyard. Do you really think he would tell his neighbor he was digging up school kids if he really did bury them there last year?

Inediblepeaches 15

Actually, it wasn't specified whether it was in the front or backyard, but it doesn't really matter.

I've always though of the front yard when someone says "lawn". If it was their backyard I would think they'd just call it a backyard.

Did any of you by chance look at OP's name?

HairyPunisher 27

181, I figured the name was just a pun not so much an insight into the reason he was in the yard. And I had a legit question. He clearly wasn't gardening if it was enough for the neighbors to get all nosey.

Plant drugs in his house and call the cops.

Two wrongs don't make a right.

flipfloperson 5

25- But three lefts do. Edit- you barely beat me! Lol

At first I thought it was rather harsh of OP to call his neighbor that.. Then I finished reading the FML.

Dr0reos 8

That's why I always burn the bodies after I'm done

I like acid, get rid of all the evidence. Oh god, why did I lead this on with more bullshit?

Congratulations on being the first comment not buried on this FML. I commend you.

Actually, it's hard to burn a body and acid is too slow. I prefer to pour a sack full of flesh eating beetles on the bodys and when only bones remain, I crush them and use it as fertilizer. That way the poor kids get a second life!

6 - I could never do something like that for the guilt and fear of getting caught. Yes, indeed I am a "pussy". Have you checked my profile picture?

SharnaaaBanana 22

Haha I love the word fuckball I'm gonna use that so often now

True, but depending on the circumstances, it can feel mighty damn good.

Dr0reos 8

119-I like the way you think. but flesh eating Beatles are way too expensive were I live

167- Paul, George, Ringo, and John were not flesh eaters!

No... Three lefts just makes a circle... Or a square, really.

It's weird, because I would've given the exact same sentence OP said, and now I'm worrying about the extent of my sarcasm.

91, just to **** with the crazy neighbor, I would have said something along the same lines, followed by a wink. It throws them off :-).

stephhrunsaway 21

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reallytho3 11

I'd say op expected him to mind his own business to worry about and stop being nosy... But that's just me

Hey, I've seen worse. Like a nether portal opening in my backyard releasing archaic demons into the world. But you don't see me snitching to the 5-0, do you?

LappDance 16

Find his own business? Yeah, that makes much more sense.

19, that just seems exciting! Have any pictures? ;-) (For the people who can't sense sarcasm, I'm being sarcastic.)

Tragichero92 12

^ this mine craft reference, me gusta !

That same thing happened to me, except instead of school kids, they were sheep, and instead of cops they were the board of judges from American Idol.

So let me try to make sense of this... you were burying sheep in your lawn, while American Idol judges watched you? I'm not even going to try to go any further... *facedesk*

I think he was trying to make a joke that only sheep watch American Idol, and so the American Idol judges came to protect their sheep viewers. Sorry, man. I don't think comedy is your strength.

mrsquiggles6900 5

I agree with 139 agreeing with 102 agreeing with number 65

I disagree with all of you. >:( ...except 172.

Inediblepeaches 15

Am I the only person who understands sarcasm...?

96- This is totally and utterly unrelated..., but your picture is amazing. Alright I'm done now.