Miscellaneous: Today, I learned that if you make fun of a man for walking with... - FML

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53

You deserved it 5

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 103

Spicy

Spicy

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Spicy

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14

You deserved it 99

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Spicy

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 706

You deserved it 113

20/10/2009 16:05

Today, I learned that if you make fun of a man for walking with a cane, you'd better be ready for him to hit you with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 328

You deserved it 171 698

Dementia or hate? You decide

Own it

Weird reasoning

20/08/2009 15:55

Spicy

Today, an extremely attractive woman from FedEx came to deliver my new phone. I was wearing athletic shorts and had an erection. She looked down and laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 683

You deserved it 19 177

18/10/2018 12:00

Today, my coworker brought chocolate muffins to work for everyone. This would have been really nice if they hadn't tasted like rotten blueberry muffins spray-painted brown. I reflexively gagged after taking a bite and coughed up a brown mush in front of her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 442

You deserved it 215

07/05/2011 11:54

Today, I learned that my apartment building has two new tenants: my ex-girlfriend and her fiancé, the guy she cheated on me with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 730

You deserved it 3 284

Because I'm worth it

By Anonymous - 30/03/2009 13:34

Today, a mother wrote me a $130 check for babysitting her four kids for a few hours. Trying to be gracious, I said, "Wow, thank you, this is very generous!" She thought for a minute, then said, "You're right." She took the check back, ripped it up, and wrote me a new one for $55. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81 966

You deserved it 30 692

25/07/2009 04:21

Today, I went to the dentist to have two cavities filled. I hate the dentist. After he'd started drilling, I heard a "clunk" noise followed by an "Oops." My dentist had cut my tooth in half. Now I have to go to surgery to have the tooth extracted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 957

You deserved it 2 913

28/06/2010 08:12

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were messing around. When he slipped his hand down my pants, he scratched my pubic hair and said "scruffy, scruffy, scruffy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 759

You deserved it 37 341

21/01/2016 18:09

Today, while I was working replacing a windshield, some jerk off hit my truck. A truck carrying 2 grand in glass. Including the windshield I was about to install. The driver gets out and says, "Sorry man, I had to text my girlfriend." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 592

You deserved it 1 225

26/01/2016 02:56

Today, my boss used our communal notebook to bitch out our entire department for not leaving a note notifying her that one of the machines was down. She wrote it on the same page as the note I left saying that one of the machines was down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 654

You deserved it 1 213

14/11/2008 11:20

Spicy

Today, I sent a text message to my girlfriend telling her how much I wanted to make love to her tonight. I've just realized I sent it to her brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 458

You deserved it 24 008

23/12/2016 12:09

Spicy

Today, on WhatsApp, I jokingly said, "I have been a naughty furry, I need spanking" in a group chat with all my friends. They had a good time laughing their asses off, not only because of the text, but because I put it in a group that included my boss and all of my colleagues. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 454

You deserved it 9 432

20/10/2012 07:06

Today, it was my first day in Paris. I've been saving up for five years. It was a rainy day, but I was determined to go see the Eiffel Tower. On my way, I fell down a slippery set of stairs and knocked both of my front teeth out. Now, I have the view of the Eiffel Tower from my hospital window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 309

You deserved it 3 244

My anal beads

By Anonymous - 16/11/2019 18:00

Spicy

Today, my bathroom flooded. I frantically cleaned my apartment as fast as I could before the plumber arrived. Everything was finally clean when I let him in. It wasn't until after he finished that I noticed I'd left my anal beads in the shower. There's no way he didn't notice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 990

You deserved it 2 034

16/05/2009 15:20

Today, I was at the doctor and I had to get a "finger stick" in the lab to get blood drawn. There was a 6 year old boy waiting to go next. He was terrified. His mother told him to "watch this brave girl go first." I panicked and began to hyperventilate. The boy fainted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 826

You deserved it 9 717

02/04/2015 06:43

Today, at the DMV I was told I had to prove, with a doctor's note, that I was an amputee and my disability was permanent to get my placard. Apparently, setting my prosthetic leg on the counter wasn't proof enough, and is considered "threatening". The police were called. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 037

You deserved it 2 605

24/04/2014 02:21

Today, I was on the London underground reading a newspaper. A huge guy was sitting next to me and there weren't many other people around. As I turned a page, he leaned into me, glaring, and said, "I'm not finished yet". At the next stop I put down the paper and jumped off. It wasn't even my stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 119

You deserved it 5 384

25/12/2016 01:01

Today, Christmas Eve, I told my wife she has three presents to choose from: one large, one small and one tiny. She immediately responded, "is the tiny one in your pants?". FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 635

You deserved it 2 166

08/10/2014 06:02

Today, I showed my mom a picture of a baby sloth. She then said, "Wait, sloths are real?" She thought Ice Age made them up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 284

You deserved it 3 714

Thanks, I guess

By joAnne - 03/03/2009 21:36

Spicy

Today, I went to visit my fiancé's dying grandmother in the hospital with him. She started talking to us about living each day to the fullest. His grandmother points to me and says, "Life is short. That's why you don't waste any time screwing girls who look like that." FML

I agree, your life sucks 77 578

You deserved it 4 137

26/09/2009 05:34

Today, I told my girlfriend of 9 months that I was ready for marriage and start having kids. She hasn't called or texted me since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 282

You deserved it 68 905

22/11/2015 04:54

Today, after having my tonsils removed, I coughed so hard in my sleep that I woke up spitting blood. Turned out I'd ripped my throat. They had to put me to sleep and cauterize the damaged area. Now I'm in even worse pain than before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 414

You deserved it 1 533

07/02/2012 08:11

Today, I had a package stolen from my porch. It was a shipment of customized M and M's for a Valentine's gift. I spent $60 for someone else to eat "I love you" messages. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 481

You deserved it 4 018

03/02/2009 14:25

Spicy

Today, two girls invited me up to their room at 3 am. As soon as we pressed the up button on the elevator, the fire alarm went off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 689

You deserved it 5 459

13/01/2010 16:42

Spicy

Today, I met my boyfriend's notoriously difficult mother. I had been looking forward to meeting her and making a good impression. Unfortunately, I could not greet her as her son's penis was still in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 998

You deserved it 16 300

04/06/2012 23:50

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me in a restaurant in front of a lot of people. Once I said yes, some guy yelled out, "SEX. SEX. SEX." My boyfriend yelled back, "LATER!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 856

You deserved it 6 789

06/12/2018 21:00

Today, when I went to my gp for an annual check up, I was complaining to the nurse about my chronically sore ankle. Turns out it has been fractured for 8 years. When I was 11 I was playing in my grans garden and went over on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 595

You deserved it 278

23/01/2010 08:38

Today, while my boyfriend and I were eating an icecream, he put his arm around me and began leaning in for what I thought was a kiss. Instead, he grabbed and began jiggling my stomach fat, along with making raspberry sounds. Once he was done, he did the same to my thighs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 548

You deserved it 7 964

22/01/2009 11:10

Today, I decided to get a Blizzard from Dairy Queen. As bent down to put my pen away, my Blizzard somehow defied the laws of gravity and fell on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 166

You deserved it 4 232

03/08/2009 04:11

Today, I finally decided to tell my mother, a former Miss North Carolina winner, that I was several weeks pregnant. She immediately burst into tears and hugged me. She kept saying, "Thank god, thank god." At first I was relieved. Then she said, "I thought you were just getting fat." FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 855

You deserved it 4 764

You did ask…

By Anonymous - 01/05/2012 00:22

Today, I was visiting my 8-year-old nephew. He told me he learned about fire safety, so I asked him what he'd do if there were a fire right now. He pushed me out of the way and I fell, then he ran over me and out the front door, leaving me on the floor in pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 880

You deserved it 4 324

27/12/2014 20:53

Today, I got into a fight with my sister. Later on she brought me a bowl of tortilla chips, which I thought was her way of apologizing. I found out too late that she'd licked the flavoring off them and it was really her way of saying "Fuck you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 048

You deserved it 4 829

06/10/2009 13:53

Spicy

Today, my roomate thought it would be funny to take pictures of my morning wood and put it up on Facebook for everyone to see. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 340

You deserved it 3 350

24/10/2010 00:50

Today, I was sitting on a plane waiting for everyone to get on. A cute guy around my age had the option of sitting next to me or an old guy. He gave me a horrified look and immediately sat next to the old man. I got to sit next to his mother. She evil eyed me the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 333

You deserved it 3 604

14/01/2010 19:04

Today, I got my cell phone bill. I pay for 700 minutes per month. I used 9 last month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 421

You deserved it 17 968

16/04/2011 19:18

Today, I got hurt and spent the remainder of the day limping. I wish I could say it was from something badass like roller derby, but I can't. A woman with a rolling cart filled with packs of Pepsi rolled over my foot on the bus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 015

You deserved it 4 093

30/09/2013 16:22

Today, while in class, I had to sneeze. Not wanting to make a lot of noise, I held it in, only to instead let out a huge, long fart. Everyone, including the teacher, turned and stared at me intently. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 293

You deserved it 8 073

03/08/2011 14:33

Spicy

Today, I got an anonymous letter, stating my condo's community and all my neighbors can hear me having sex. Not only that, but kids gather around my window to listen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 631

You deserved it 37 418

06/04/2012 16:58

Today, I woke up with a splitting headache. I have no idea what happened the night before, except for the fact that I'd tucked two uncapped vodka bottles into bed beside me, and now my room reeks of a Russian sorority house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 422

You deserved it 26 144

I should?

By potatoehead178 - 28/01/2020 05:00

Today, while I finished my business with my girlfriend, she asked if I used Viagra. I replied, "No I never use Viagra." She responded with, "You should." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 059

You deserved it 376

28/10/2009 11:00

Today, I won a raffle organised by a friend. I discovered one of the "prizes" was actually a present that I had given to her, that she had "loved". When I asked her where she had gotten it, she said, "Oh, just some crap someone gave me once." She didn't even remember that I had given it to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 073

You deserved it 3 706

23/05/2013 05:11

Today, I was stuck in my apartment complex's elevator. I was shouting out for help when a voice came screaming, "This is the fire department." I was relieved until he said, "Just kidding." FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 225

You deserved it 3 401

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Tuesday 20 October 2009 20:03

so deserved

0515_dw_090084 0

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Tuesday 20 October 2009 20:07

Pretty sure this FML should be this way: Today, this asshole was making fun of me for walking with a cane. so i had to go out of my way to beat his ass with it. A very wasted 5 seconds. FML. karma my friend. ; ]

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Tuesday 20 October 2009 20:03

so deserved

Reyo 2

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Tuesday 20 October 2009 22:09

I made fun of someone and had my ass handed to me. Someone feel sorry for me. ...dick

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Tuesday 20 October 2009 22:11

TOTALLY deserved... thats not cool

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Tuesday 20 October 2009 22:18

I wonder...do people do this just to try and see how many YDIs they can get??

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Wednesday 21 October 2009 1:10

Maybe they do it for YDIs, but if this guy really wants us to feel sorry, then hopefully he dies a horrible death. Maybe he will break his leg and have Aslan run over to him and gobble him up :) _________________________________ www.myspace.com/rapid99

theduckiequacks 0

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Wednesday 21 October 2009 1:17

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

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Wednesday 21 October 2009 1:30

boom headshot!!! yes ydi

brutallyhonest24 0

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Wednesday 21 October 2009 2:20

you didnt already know that?

JFry 0

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Wednesday 21 October 2009 17:12

And have them run you down? Oh yeah, thats a great idea Einstein

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Thursday 22 April 2010 1:32

you got served!

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Thursday 6 June 2013 17:09

What the hell did you expect op? for him just take it?

plutosaplanet 0

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Tuesday 20 October 2009 20:04

YDI nothing else needs to be said

iheartjustinsane 0

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Tuesday 20 October 2009 22:11

Agreed. The OP is such a dumbass. I'd beat him with the cane too.

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Wednesday 21 October 2009 4:05

I'd like to thank the OP for reminding me that, in addition to all the truly crucial problems we already have in society, we still have fucktards like you who make me abandon all hope of a truly united, tolerant nation. What the hell is wrong with you? Making fun of a disabled man? How would you like it if someone came up to you and made fun of your age, gender, weight, height, appearance, race or sexual preference? You people are the worst. Have we learned nothing from World War II? Would you like it if I smacked your face because you have green eyes or red hair? Do you get off on making fun of people? I hope that he beat you over the head with his cane until you bled.

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Wednesday 21 October 2009 5:09

Agreed with 67 I'm 19 and don't need a cane, but I'd buy one just to beat him with it.

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Wednesday 21 October 2009 6:24

I love you! I always think these things as I read and see the people on the internet, but figure it's not worth it and don't say anything, but I love when people voice this stuff. It needs to be said. We really should be at a point in time where people are people and that's that but unfortunately we are not...

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Sunday 25 October 2009 3:10

Agreed. You pretty much said it all =] OP totally deserved it.

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Tuesday 20 October 2009 20:05

yeah you're pretty much an asshole.

sempisaviour 17

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Tuesday 8 July 2014 0:47

Yup

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Wednesday 27 August 2014 16:20

Yeah today I learned that he was totally an asshole I agree with you #3

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Tuesday 20 October 2009 20:05

You're a dick.

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Tuesday 20 October 2009 20:49

You took the words right out of my mouth.. Wish they had a knife on the end of there cane.

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Tuesday 20 October 2009 20:05

Why would you make fun of someone for walking with a cane? That's pretty fucked up. YDI.

0515_dw_090084 0

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Tuesday 20 October 2009 20:07

Pretty sure this FML should be this way: Today, this asshole was making fun of me for walking with a cane. so i had to go out of my way to beat his ass with it. A very wasted 5 seconds. FML. karma my friend. ; ]

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Wednesday 31 August 2016 15:17

That's action and reaction. I'm pretty sure that's not karma

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Tuesday 20 October 2009 20:08

Srsly? you douchebag.

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Tuesday 20 October 2009 20:13

I wish Dr.House was real, so he could find a way to humiliate you worse in return. =P (Any HOUSE fans may recall that ignorant cop with the rectal thermometer! Haha!)

BellaMuerte_fml 0

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Tuesday 20 October 2009 20:41

This. (I love you for the House reference.)

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Tuesday 20 October 2009 22:40

Was gonna make a House reference too ;)

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Tuesday 20 October 2009 22:54

Just to play the devil's advocate, the guy might have had it coming. Just because someone has a handicap, they shouldn't use it as an excuse for being an asshole. Anyone see the House with the Canadian war vet, or Almost an Angle? However, OP, even if your insult was deserved, YDI for not being able to handle yourself against a guy with a stick. Pansy.

Witchcraft_fml 4

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Tuesday 20 October 2009 23:06

That's fair, but the OP didn't say he was just making fun of a man who was walking with a can. He said that he was making fun of a man FOR walking with a cane, and that should never be excused. If the man with the cane was being a douchebag and the OP is/was too degenerate to take the high road, than whatever - be a douchebag back, but there's no need to insult the guy's handicap, no matter what.

lapetitesinge 0

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Wednesday 21 October 2009 2:23

Totally what I was thinking too. ;) House approves of this message.

Rota 0

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Tuesday 20 October 2009 20:13

You fucking idiot. My uncle has MS that forces his to walk with a cane and will probably kill him in the next 10 years, and you think it's funny? It's too bad he didn't bash your fucking head open with it.

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Sunday 25 October 2009 3:13

I'm sorry about ur uncle, and ur totally right about OP. =]

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Thursday 12 May 2011 3:18

I'm sorry to hear that. :( OP: you are a fucking douchebag. I hope someone runs you over and forces you to use a cane. People like you need to get the fuck off of the planet.

fantasyworld 37

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Saturday 15 November 2014 21:42

I'm sorry 9.

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Tuesday 20 October 2009 20:14

I'm sorry? You're expecting anything but YDI? Haha fag I hope he bruised you good.

silvermoonstar3 3

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Tuesday 20 October 2009 23:43

While I agree that the OP is a dumbass, I fail to see how this makes him a "fag". You're just about as bad as him.