Intimacy: Today, I found my beloved hamster dead in her cage. Later that... - FML

27/09/2010 14:47 - Netherlands

Spicy

Today, I found my beloved hamster dead in her cage. Later that day, my boyfriend told me he already noticed that she was dead last night, but did not feel like telling me because he was afraid I wouldn't feel like doing it anymore that night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 330

You deserved it 4 461

Walk on the wild side

Make it work

Show me where it hurts

16/06/2011 06:37 - United States

Today, I was working the register at our local McDonald's. After a strange man left a massive order, he said, "Can I pay you in gummy worms?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 018

You deserved it 4 335

10/02/2010 17:34 - United States

Today, in between the passing times at school, one of my classmates opened the door to my next class, so I turned to tell him thank you. Apparently, he was opening it for the teacher who was leaving. I collided with her and her very hot cup of coffee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 621

You deserved it 4 839

16/04/2016 05:14 - United States - Saint Louis

Today, I had the longest, bloodiest, bloody nose ever when I was at work. I got blood on a few materials as I was running to the restroom. I work in a food factory, so everything had to be sanitized and thrown out. Now management wants me to pay for everything we had to throw out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 622

You deserved it 1 969

14/03/2010 05:46 - United States

Today, while at work, I was told by a man who had literally just gotten back from his mothers funeral to cheer up, I was depressing him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 590

You deserved it 5 951

20/12/2011 17:16 - Canada

Today, I found out while skiing that my dad likes to call me Pimple because I have a pink coat and white helmet. He has tried to squeeze me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 617

You deserved it 5 556

25/08/2017 04:30

Today, I was at our hotel waiting for my husband to finish his shower so we could have our anniversary dinner, when hotel security forcefully removed me from the building because they do not allow "prostitutes" to look for clients on their property. They thought I was a hooker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 631

You deserved it 613

Gross

By clips - 16/02/2011 21:08 - United States

Today, I was on the bus. I heard a click right before something small hit my cheek. I looked over to see the lady next to me cutting her long, dirty fingernails. The bus was too crowded to move and It was a 20 minute ride to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 882

You deserved it 2 582

SHAME!

By Poowee - 18/09/2009 04:29 - United States

Today, I urgently needed to use the bathroom at my boyfriend's house. When I went to flush, it wouldn't go down the pipes. After about ten panic-filled minutes, I noticed the cat litter box. I carefully scooped out my logs, and buried them in the cat litter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 552

You deserved it 49 322

01/01/2016 16:23 - United States - Dublin

Today, my father told me he hasn't brushed his teeth for 30 years: he just wipes them with paper towels. I don't know whether to be horribly disgusted, or horribly jealous that he has never gotten a cavity. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 200

You deserved it 1 530

20/06/2009 16:06 - United States

Spicy

Today, my husband and I were having sex in the shower while our 5-year old was sleeping. Apparently, she wasn't sleeping and she asked me what those loud noises were. I told her I was singing. Now I can't get her to stop "singing" in the shower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 989

You deserved it 61 406

21/02/2012 23:56 - United States

Today, while driving, I slowed down and made sure I safely went by a pedestrian, and in the process rear-ended the car in front of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 305

You deserved it 22 072

13/03/2011 18:55 - United States

Today, I went out for some very expensive sushi. Two hours later, I found myself on the toilet, violently voiding my bowels. I essentially paid to have liquid orange shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 434

You deserved it 7 487

13/02/2018 09:00 - United States - Athens

Today, I was studying in my university library when I noticed an attractive boy sitting alone four tables ahead of me. I wrote down my phone number, scrunched it into a ball, and threw it at him. He looked up, opened it, scrunched it up, and threw it back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 743

You deserved it 3 670

04/08/2016 14:42 - United States - Urbana

Today, I got mugged. I almost felt sorry for him: he got a $15 cell phone, a frozen debit card, a credit card with only $50 of credit left on it, and no cash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 291

You deserved it 1 586

04/07/2009 06:07 - United States

Today, my boyfriend returned from a 2 month internship in New York. As I saw him exit the plane, I imagined him running to me and kissing/spinning me around passionately like in movies. He got closer and closer, and as I opened my arms to embrace him, he runs past me saying, "BRB, I GOTTA TAKE A SHIT." FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 501

You deserved it 10 648

05/02/2016 12:37 - Australia - West End

Today, as my brother parked in our hotel's parking lot, I told him to be careful because the car wasn't straight. He retorted, "Yeah, just like you". My mother was in the back seat and heard everything. I hadn't come out yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 704

You deserved it 3 050

14/04/2018 15:00

Today, I realised yesterday was my 30th birthday. What made it worse is that my parents forgot, along with my other relatives and friends. No cards, no texts, no calls, no Facebook messages. Nothing. Happy 30th to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 560

You deserved it 621

23/05/2011 10:17

Today, I found out that the peaceful rain I'd been listening to all night was really a broken water-main flooding my entire yard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 244

You deserved it 4 128

08/07/2015 07:04 - United States - Keller

Today, while waiting the required 5 minutes for my hair removal cream to work, my cat rubbed all over my legs while I wasn't looking. After getting clawed to death throwing her in the bath to get the cream off, all her hair on that side fell off. I now have a half hairless cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 977

You deserved it 4 588

Sworn to secrecy

By TheEpicWario - 01/06/2021 14:02

Spicy

Today, my mom confirmed my suspicions that my dad cheated on her. She then told me to hide my knowledge about it from my dad, and to keep my brother completely in the dark for now. Now I can't even look at my dad without reaching the brink of crying, and I'm somehow supposed to keep this under wraps. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 235

You deserved it 116

15/01/2014 02:38 - United States - New York

Today, my grandfather told me that I was ugly. When my mom found out, she said that "old people are allowed to tell the truth". FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 483

You deserved it 4 769

Denied

By Anonymous - 23/04/2021 23:01

Spicy

Today, my fiancé decided that we shouldn't have sex before we get married. Even though we've been doing it for years. We can't get married right now due to Covid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 999

You deserved it 148

Early show

By Anonymous - 26/01/2020 20:00

Spicy

Today, I was at work, working on a new play. In the final dress rehearsal, I heard some of the crew laughing so I looked down at the very revealing costume to see that my left testicle was hanging out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 428

You deserved it 489

One ring to…

By bchorror - 22/04/2020 02:00

Spicy

Today, I went to take out my NuvaRing. To my surprise, I couldn’t find it. I’ve had unprotected sex almost every day this month. I don’t know when it fell out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 892

You deserved it 1 099

17/02/2011 06:50 - United Arab Emirates

Today, I found a horde of ants in one of my socks when I put it on my foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 488

You deserved it 4 967

Psycho

By Anonymous - 12/10/2011 05:14 - United States

Today, I was on a drive with my uncle. We saw a dead deer on the side of the road and expressed our pity for it. Then a squirrel runs across the road and my uncle swerves toward the squirrel, laughing hysterically and yelling, "Run rodent run." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 539

You deserved it 4 209

23/03/2009 19:22 - United States

Today, I was having lunch with my sister and my mother. While my mom was busy ordering food, my sister said to me, "look at this face I can make!" and she grossly contorted her face so that she had a double chin. My mother looked over and said to her, "stop making fun of your sister!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 777

You deserved it 5 383

17/06/2009 23:27 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was on the phone with my best friend who lives out of town. He was strangely quiet. Later that day I asked him why he didn't talk much. He admitted he was jacking off to the sound of my voice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 933

You deserved it 5 033

21/04/2013 17:36 - Kuwait - Kuwait

Today, I had to explain to my girlfriend that taking triple the maximum dosage of painkillers won't actually triple its effects. She rolled her eyes, called me clueless, and said that I should "leave this stuff to the professionals." She's studying to become a doctor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 124

You deserved it 6 417

10/04/2016 16:49 - United States - Rockland

Today, while working my job as a swim instructor, my coworker sprayed me with the hose. I instinctively held up what I was holding to block the cold water. I was holding a 4 year-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 176

You deserved it 5 101

13/01/2010 08:07 - United States

Today, I went on a blind date. We were walking in the park and I noticed a funny smell. I looked down and realized I stepped in dog crap. I tried to nonchalantly rub it off on the grass, but instead hit a patch of wet grass and slipped onto my butt, right into a pile of goose poop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 603

You deserved it 4 500

Once again

By Perry85 - 04/01/2020 05:00

Spicy

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend when I said the wrong name in bed. On top of that, it was the name of her ex-husband's ex-girlfriend. Who he cheated on my girlfriend with while they were together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 865

You deserved it 3 210

23/09/2015 15:48 - United States - Bedminster

Today, I got an angry call from my 7-year-old son's school. It turned out that while doing a "what I want to be when I'm older" assignment, he wrote that he wants to be an internet troll so he can make people mad and make them kill themselves. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 329

You deserved it 4 309

22/06/2012 21:13 - United Kingdom - Derby

Today, I met my biological parents for the first time. Their justification for giving me up for adoption was that I wasn't conceived at the ideal time for them. Apparently, the ideal time was six months after the adoption, when they conceived the first of my two brothers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 855

You deserved it 2 302

13/07/2011 23:49 - United States

Today, I'm staying with my mother for a week. Every time I eat something, she tells me that it's "swimsuit season" and that I need to eat less. Every time I say I'm not hungry, she panics and insists I have an eating disorder. I can't win. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 888

You deserved it 2 510

12/03/2015 13:53 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I discovered that the man I have been talking to on a dating site is actually my ex-boyfriend. He created a fake profile and made me fall for someone that doesn't exist. We got on better anonymously than we ever did in 3 years together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 681

You deserved it 3 870

13/03/2015 19:35 - Bahrain - Manama

Spicy

Today, I spent 5 hours organizing my porn collection on my computer. What the hell am I doing with my life? FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 323

You deserved it 27 521

20/08/2013 17:38 - United Kingdom - Derby

Today, my husband bought me a present for our three year anniversary. It was a pack of 20 cigarettes. I don't smoke. He does. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 115

You deserved it 8 970

18/09/2009 06:17 - United States

Today, I took my 5 year-old son to the barber shop. When the man finishes with him, I tell the guy, "while we're here, I might as well get a trim too." My son then exclaims very loudly in front of a very full barber's shop, "Dad! You don't need a haircut, you need hair!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 860

You deserved it 6 663

15/08/2011 16:22 - United States

Spicy

Today, my daughter decided to come out to me by leaving a browser window open with the results page of an online "Are you lesbian?" quiz. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 071

You deserved it 10 389

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Top comments

RedPillSucks 31

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Monday 27 September 2010 19:55

Sorry, I thought he had fucked the hamster to death or something for this to be in the intimacy section. Had to read it again to realize that he didn't want to be cock blocked.

Phustercluck 11

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Monday 27 September 2010 23:23

So sex is worth delaying your sorrow to him... It's one thing if this is an isolated moment of assholedom, but men who's actions are driven by their high value of sex could only lead to far worse situations of the same type. If you don't think it's that bad, pretend that instead of a pet hamster it's a pet dog or cat.

Comments

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Monday 27 September 2010 19:42

wow what a douche

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Monday 27 September 2010 19:52

If u guys did it that night, then smart of him. BUT im sorry OP that sucks...

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Tuesday 28 September 2010 0:27

It does, but your boyfriend is... a selfish jerk!! Wow... I'm also sorry to hear about your hamsters.

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Tuesday 28 September 2010 3:29

ydi for having aa terrible boyfriend i feel sad

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Tuesday 28 September 2010 16:05

18 it was one hamster and I enjoyed the fight the other day about u being stupid and ugly :)

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Sunday 3 February 2013 18:56

When I saw your profile pic I though u had sliced your hand

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Monday 27 September 2010 19:46

i woulda done tha same hahahaha....sorry bout the hampster tho...

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Monday 27 September 2010 19:48

Haha. The hamster almost cock blocked.

ifyouwereasheep 0

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Monday 27 September 2010 20:05

lmfao

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Tuesday 28 September 2010 1:27

You laughed your 'fucking-ass' off? Goodjob.

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Tuesday 28 September 2010 2:44

lol Mi boyfriend said tht to his mom when we waz bout to do it she called him as soon as we started nd he goes mom ur cockblocking

MollyyMakeout 0

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Tuesday 28 September 2010 3:19

Hahahah. You're dumb.

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Monday 27 September 2010 19:49

Well, he's honest. Which is usually a good thing, but not always I suppose. Poor hamster.

RedPillSucks 31

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Monday 27 September 2010 19:55

Sorry, I thought he had fucked the hamster to death or something for this to be in the intimacy section. Had to read it again to realize that he didn't want to be cock blocked.

Johnny6speed2 0

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Monday 27 September 2010 20:06

That sounds about right. He knew you'd be upset over a stupid hamster. Now a dog or cat totally understandable if you got upset. But I wouldn't let a hamster mess up my chances of getting some tang.

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Tuesday 28 September 2010 6:09

I fucking agree bro

Action_Bastard 0

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Monday 27 September 2010 20:12

Blame Hamtaro for this one.

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Monday 27 September 2010 20:15

ydi for having a hamster

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Monday 27 September 2010 21:48

^^^ don't forget "beloved"

RedPillSucks 31

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Tuesday 28 September 2010 1:07

I thought you were talking about the movie "Beloved" with Oprah

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Monday 27 September 2010 20:23

If I were you I'd never be in the mood... with him ;P

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Monday 27 September 2010 20:57

ahhh, men are jerks anyway

Nearly

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53

You deserved it 6

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 115

You deserved it 8

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend came out as a polyamorous, and then immediately asked me if he could date another guy I thought was my friend. I’m such a pushover, I said yes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 114

You deserved it 378

Today, I have an internal defibrillator from trauma to my heart 12 years ago. I finally experienced for the first time what it's like when it shocks me. Nothing says I'm a keeper like getting kicked in the chest and smacked upside the back of the head with a baseball bat while clapping cheeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 612

You deserved it 69