By Anonymous - 24/03/2013 10:30 - Australia - Brisbane
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He's an eleven year old boy.. trying to watch porn.. There's nothing you can do to stop him.
Burn him? Stab him? He's 11. Bit harsh don't you think? I know you were joking or being sarcastic but geez!
How about you *gasp* spank your child. I know parents today are against it a lot of the time, but my parents used to spank me all the time and they still would if I did something like that. All I'm saying is punishment is a better lesson learned for your child than placing easily broken restrictions on a computer he's still allowed to use. And if you spank your child and put a little fear in him, good for you! You're the parent and he's the kid. You get to make the decisions and he needs to follow them one way or another.
If the kid is watching porn, somehow I doubt spanking would necessarily be a punishment. He might have learned to enjoy it. ;-)
@55 I soooo agree with you, growing up I always got spanked, and im thankful I did, if I didnt id probably be some spoiled brat teenager who thinks i have entitlement to everything, im spanking my kids when I have them to, because if u just talk to them or ground them, when they go to do it again they will think, "its ok, they arent really gunna do anything" but if you spank them and they go to do it they would think "oh I better not, I don't wanna get spanked again," and I don't mean a leather belt and beat the crap outta them, I mean like a couple hard pats to the bum, and never do it out of anger, and after you do spank them, sit them down and talk to them, tell them what they did was wrong and that you love them and that your doing it to help them,
@soccorchick My parents spanked me and it didn't make me do any better in school it just ended up causing me more problems because I became to scared to admit when I was having problems at school. Spanking doesn't do shit it's just causing pain for the sake of getting your own frustrations out. Also it's not going to stop a kid from doing what he wants it may while the pain is still there but eventually it passes. The better and smarter options are to ground kids to take away things they want when they break the rules but to also reward them when they do good. Spanking a kid is just the easy option parents take when they are to lazy to try anything else.
Just to give a fair look at "today's generation", I've had my own computer as long as I can remember because my dad is a software developer person. I didn't get my first phone until I was around 14 or 15, and only got a new one recently because my dad updated the plan...not all kids who have access to fancy things are spoiled brats =/ plus, by the time I was 11, teachers were assigning all kinds of computer work, and it was convenient for my parents that I had my own computer to do my work on. Maybe it's the same for this kid...sorry for the rambling, I'm kinda tired
Computers are becoming extremely important in todays society (ik the post is laptops but really theres very little difference). I know it would have been difficult in my junior high to get by without one and that was 8 years ago and highschool is damn near impossible now without one. My family (of four, mother who was a child psychologist) had one PC that we all shared and I found ways to watch porn on it. Not saying its good but its bound to happen. And spanking is not the best way to punish. Pain is a fleeting sensation and despite what people say about remembering pain the truth is the majority you don't. A better punishment is something psychological, I'm not saying emotional abuse but taking away something that they enjoy (in this case obviously the fucking laptop) for a while. Sorry about rambling. Congrats if you read the full thing ☆☆☆☆☆ heres some stars for you. Sorry about spelling mistakes if they exist. Silly galaxy S III.
ok lets add a little perspective. almost all of is who are on about not getting a phone or laptop until a 18 or older didnt get one earlier because they were not around or affordable when we were younger. its the same with the " when i was a nipper i played outside rather than using tech" its because it was not around. we all know fine well we would have begged for those items if they were available the way they are now. now as for the 11year old why dont you learn some real computer skills OP and lock that thing up tight. either that or take it away until he understands why porn is not sutiable for a young kid.
I've never been spanked by either of my parents. There are different types of people in this world. Parents needs to learn how to be parents an not spoil their kids so much. I respect both of my parents. My dad scares me but not because he has ever hit me, he just does lol. But if my parents does not let me out to a certain place or buy me a certain item that is expensive, then i an completely fine with that because they raised me not to be spoiled.
#155, I'm not yet 22, meaning when I was growing up the laptops were already affordable; hell, I learned to read on a (stationary) PC when I was 4, since we had this one game where you had to put the letters together, and this was the time when you had a BIOS system that you had to use to get the computer to work instead of it doing it automatically. Still, I got my first laptop only when I was moving away to a university. My parents would understand when I needed the family computer to work on my assignments, but if I was just playing games or surfing the Internet and they wanted to use it - I had to find myself something else to do. Now, I know a kid will find a way to watch porn, and nowadays it's even easier that it used to be - sure. But giving 11-year-old own laptop? Come on. If the parents and the kid both need the computer so much they are not able to share, sure, buy another one if you can afford it - and place it in your living room, not in child's room, where they can do all sorts of stuff. Have some control over your kid.
Hey 146 I never said my parents enjoyed it. I said parents who spank there kids are doing it because it's the easy way out and it gets their own frustrations out. Think about it people who are angry hit a punching bag and they calm down or they squeeze a stress ball, so if a kid is being naughty and a parent spanks that child what is it really doing? it's the parent releasing there own frustrations. Sometimes they don't do it for that reason and do it because the child needs to be punished and that's the only way they know how now because they haven't tried other methods. In this case the kid doesn't need a spanking it would do nothing.
Exactly 182. I mean it's not 100% the parents faults sometimes kids are just out of control and push a parent to far but also the main factor they grew up in times when spanking was such a normal thing no one ever called anyone on it. They grew up in times when getting smacked at school was still ok. But times have changed and it's time to realize all smacking does is make a child terrified of their parent which isn't the right way to go about things. Not to mention the amount of times I've seen a parent smack their child and then yell at them to stop crying because the crying is driving the parent more nuts than the original problem did.
This is the internet; why is everyone bashing the OP's stance on laptops but does no one seem to think that keeping porn from an eleven year-old is ridiculously out-dated and short-sighted? Aside from the fact that you're never going to keep porn from anyone nowadays; the kid is eleven. He's going to start showing interest in sex and that's fine, healthy even. Your priority should be to explain to the child that porn is fantasy and that the objectification of women is a bad thing. This is inherently different from condemning porn in its entirety.
Llama612, it sounds like you're just against any type of spanking. It's true that it is not the only type of punishment, but it doesn't make children terrified of their parents. My younger brother and I were both spanked growing up, sent to our rooms, then lectured an hour later after we "thought about it." I wasn't ever scared of my parents, and I knew without a doubt if I did wrong, lied, back talked, skipped chores or disrespected my parents in any way I was going to be punished. It made me respect adults, my self, and my work for worry I would disappoint my parents and myself. NOT fear of punishment, fear of disappointment. Today's children and teenagers could use a little punishment and discipline at home and school.
199. Sure in some cases kids who get spanked turn out fine but a lot of studies are now showing that spanking kids leads to more problems in the long term and as a child who was spanked I can vouch for that spanking just made more problems than it ever fixed for me. I will stick by my guns when I say spanking is the illogical choice in punishment of a child. There are plenty of more better options that gets the message through better that doesn't involve you hitting your child. People think it's ok to spank kids because it has been going on so long, but just because something has been happening for a long time and feels like the norm doesn't make it right.
It might also be the type of person you are. Kids who naturally are a bit more resistant might see spanking as something that isn't a big deal. Kids like me, however, learn in a different way that doesn't involve pain. My mother never hit me, and I still love and trust my mother with all my heart. My father, who has more of a temper, does at times hit me and all I can say resulted from that is a lack of trust of my father. I never learned from pain, I just became afraid and avoided interactions with him.
Llama612, I agree it's not right for every child. I've just seen some of the other ways don't seem to work as well. My cousins never were spanked, their parents believed in reasoning with them, and they turned out awful. They emotionally abuse their parents, they are almost thirty and until recently lived and partied one hundred percent off of mom and dads money. I'm not saying beat the snot out of a kid, and especially not for porn (which is something I believe should be seriously discussed between parent and child about why it is inappropriate) but a few well placed firm swats and 20 minutes in a corner wouldn't harm the child any.
I agree with you in the fact their is a fine line parents have to balance, you don't want to give to much leway to kids because then they become spoiled brats who don't respect you. Their does need to be a firmness to any punishment. But you can do everything right and be the perfect parent and still have a kid who is a total asshole and who hates you, you can also be a parent who beats the crap out of their kid and that kid grows up to do well in school get great grades and become very successful and will still love the parent who beat them. There is always exceptions to the rule. I see the point you are making but I just don't feel spanking should be an option at least not the first to any extent. You make valid points though Sonfang and I admit I mainly started saying all this because some commenters above thought the best option here is to spank a young boy for doing something he can't help but I see you and I do agree on that.
Thank you Llama612, I understand that there are many options in "punishments", I appreciate that you can see other points too. I agree that spanking is not always the option, it's just sometimes a good one (in my opinion). Thank you again for your thoughtful responses, and not being an Internet jerk.
No probs. I don't see the point in being an internet jerk if I'm going to debate something with someone I will do it logically and respectfully as long as that person seems respectful which you do Sonfang. I try and see the other persons point as well especially when it makes a lot of sense like your does. I think in the end it all falls down to everyones own experiences and since mine with spanking were quite bad I will always be against it whereas yours were not so you see it in a different light. But I was very happy to have this internet conversation with you it's always nice to have a debate with someone where both parties are respectful of each other.
This is a huge argument.. But I'm 14 and have my own laptop, iPod, and phone. No, I have never been spanked to those of you who think its right. No, I am not a spoiled little shit. I paid for the laptop, earned the iPod, and paid for the phone. Me being an atheist teenager of course I watch porn, my parents don't know but they don't need to. The only thing that op's son did wrong was watch it on a laptop where there's a chance of malicious virus'.
And to all the people saying that he is too young for a laptop . This is 2013 everything is done on computers these days. Our local schools are giving kids iPads to use to read books, whole classes now use computers and tablets as teaching aids. This kid just needs to be taught how to mind and follow the rules.
So 228 you obviously didn't read the next few arguments I made against spanking right? or did you read them and think hmm this guy i making respectable valid points but I'm just going to be an asshole anyway because I was spanked as a child and have now grown to have a spanking fetish and since I don't want to feel weird I'll just say it taught me "respect" when it actually means it taught me fear which is completely different to respect but who cares.
Your augment against 228 is completely invalid. I agree with that person, being spanked taught me respect. And when I say it's taught me respect, in no way do I mean I have a fetish for being spanked. You know, not everyone has to have the same opinion as you and when you result to personal attacks on someone with a differing opinion, you're just making yourself look dumb and incapable of making a valid argument.
Probaton- I can't thank you enough for being the only one in 50+ comments to actually point out that interest in sex and pornography at OP's son's age is completely normal and healthy. What OP needs is a mature conversation about sexuality and separating fantasy from reality, not more complex parental blocks. Also, sorry guys, it's 2013, spanking is out. Your BS anecdotal "I was spanked and I turned out fine" argument pales in comparison to the psychological community that is almost entirely against spanking. Do some fucking research. All spanking does is teach you fear, and that if you can get away with something there are no consequences. And it doesn't matter if you didn't have a phone/laptop until you were 18; we live in an increasingly technological society where computers are a necessity for education, as well as social communication. Times have changed.
Llama, you do realise that the majority of people commenting here who have been spanked are endorsing it? Without reading all your arguments, I don't know whether you were spanked - if you were, then it'd appear you were smacked incorrectly, and if not, I can't see how you can argue with so many people who were. You can quote as many studies as you like, but then, you can find studies proving almost anything. Parents need to know their kids and how they'll respond, and smack responsibly. For example, I was smacked a lot more than my brother, because that was what worked for me but not for him. It might not have worked for you. Some studies might prove it isn't effective. That still doesn't make you right and everyone else wrong. It is purely case-specific.
kwyk - you're committing a sampling size fallacy. Finding a couple people who claim that they were spanked and turned out fine and therefore concluding that spanking is fine is like filling a cup with ocean water and concluding there's no whales in the ocean. Obviously not everyone who's spanked will develop problems, but that doesn't make it okay. The psychological community is almost entirely against spanking; it's not just a couple studies here and there. Is that really meaningless to you?
2 - Agreeing with #19 here. Well, I had a laptop at 11, and I don't think kids are any worse for having laptops at such a young age. Privileged, yes, but as long as the parents establish its uses and the rules that come with it in the first place, there shouldn't be a problem. And putting parental controls on just tells the kid that he'll have to be more ingenious if he wants to watch porn. There isn't a real consequence; he's not learning anything. On the other hand, he's an eleven year old boy. Porn is probably the least of OP's problems.
Even if the son did buy it himself, OP can take it away...or at least restrict access to it. It's his house and his rules, and the kid is only eleven so he probably got the money from the OP anyway. If those rules happen to include "no laptop" then so be it. It might not be 100% moral, but you are your child's parent, not their friend. I think a lot of parents forget that and let their children do anything, in fear that their kids will be upset with them.
It may not be necessary for an 11 year old to have his own computer, but it could definitely be useful. Similarly, it's not necessary for so many people to have iPhones but they do. Just because people, even children, have technology that you didn't have growing up doesn't make them spoiled. Some people are just privileged. And that's something some people on here are way too bitter about.
Just wanted to point out that watching porn at that age is perfectly healthy and normal, and an adult discussion about separating fantasy from reality and how to properly respect women is much more necessary here than parental blocks. Also, we live in an increasingly technological world; having a personal laptop at that age is fine.
18, If you have physical access to a computer then you can bypass ANY "parental control" software installed on it. Proper access control must be implemented either on ISP side, or on a router you can't directly access/administer yourself, but even in this case there will be neighbor's wifi and mobile networks. So it is simply easier to take laptop (and all devices with internet connectivity) away - since the brat doesn't listen to you.
@226, you're not a guy, you're a kid that can't spell. People like you make me think that society need a law that would make it illegal to access porn to anybody who hasn't completed at least high school with good grades. Because you've started watching it too early, you 1. might grow up with screwed-up character or sexual preferences. 2. By the age of 20 you might get erectile dysfunction and won't be able to "get it up" unless it is involves extreme fetish (vomit, scat, etc). Enjoy the consequences of your actions, though.
Why all the thumbs down? 190 has a totally valid point. If you disagree, why not post actual arguments instead? An interest in sexuality and pornography at that age is perfectly healthy. As long as OP explains the difference between fantasy (the essence of porn) and reality (where you need to treat women with respect) there's virtually no harm done. What harm *can* be done is inadvertently teaching children to feel ashamed of their sexuality by labeling pornography as taboo, which can lead to consequences later in life.
Its true. You have to be careful when telling a kid he/she is bad for exploring sex because it could screw them up when trying to have a relationship when they are older. I used to watch the Sunday Night Sex Show when I was 8 and explored the idea of sex, but didn't act on it until I was 19 and was responsible, however my parents didn't know. But I hear a lot about catholics having intimacy issues because of the up bringing... Let him watch the damn porn as long as he doesnt make it obvious to you. Since he has already, hopefully he's more decreet in the future
98, although children do need sexual education, stuff available on the internet (*freely* available) can be very extreme. It might involve vomit, excrements, piss, midgets, amputees, sadism, staged rape, bestiality, etc. That's if the source provides photos or videos of real people. If he manages to find artworks or comics, he might be lucky enough to get torture leading to death, forced prostitution, sexual slavery, pedophilia, necrophilia and cannibalism graphically depicted in detail. I.e. the kind of stuff that would give a decent adult nightmares for several days. So the stuff you watched is probably fine. Any other source depicting consensual sex or light erotica might be fine too. But giving a free internet access to underage person is pure insanity. Parent that think otherwise simply either irresponsible or never stumbled upon extreme stuff by accident.
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He's a boy turning into a man. No need to worry. Your husband probably watched some back in the day. I've never watched it, but it's just porn. No big deal. It was gonna happen anyways.
I remember when I was 10 y/o trying to print out a color picture of Pamela Anderson topless off of AOL. 20 minutes later, I had to rip it from the printer halfway bc my parents pulled in the driveway! Discovering porn as a kid is part of growing up. I guess what worries me about my future kids is how absolutely available and *hardcore* the porn is nowadays. Since its so hard to monitor (if your child doesn't have a laptop or cellphone, a friend certainly will...) I think its more important to explain to kids how different pornography is from real life when they get "the talk". And if your boy hasn't gotten the talk yet, OP, needless to say now is a good time.
Okay, people, calm down. I understand both sides of the argument, but the reality is that OP doesn't want his son to watch porn. Sure, the kid can easily find porn using different venues, however, he deliberately bypassed his father's protective measures. THAT'S the point of the FML, in my opinion.
41: sheltering kids about sex is the absolute worst thing you can do. at 11 years old, he is probably just starting to go through puberty and beginning to explore such things. by sheltering him, all he'd be doing is ensuring that he'd be going to friends and classmates about it rather than his father. I honestly think the best thing for OP to do is sit down with his son and give him the sex talk, since he is obviously already aware of it. Explain what is and isn't appropriate, and inform him that his laptop is not to be used for porn purposes. If it is, revoke his privileges to use it.
Excuse me, but not wanting an 11-year-old to watch porn is not "sheltering" him. There are age-appropriate sites where a kid can learn about sex. And watching porn is NOT going to help a kid learn anything. Not to mention what the kid is doing is illegal. And OP, I assume you bought the laptop, so you can very well take it away. If he needs it for schoolwork, he can only use it in your presence (or his mother's presence), and you will monitor his usage. He's violated your trust and needs to be punished.
I also see both sides of this argument; Curiousity in sex/women/whatever is fine. Sex education is fine. Asking about and discussing sex is fine...imho. :) Having your child learn about sex by watching a video of some hairy ape pounding all 3 holes in some drugged out, whimping shadow of a girl while calling her his dirty little whore....not as fine....at least, not yet, I hope. ;p Ick. Obviously the boy is curious about it, perhaps take the opportunity to Educate, not punish him, might be more effective....?
Guys! This kid is eleven!! Eleven is within the normal range of time when boys are supposed to become attracted to girls. You have to get out of the "holy shit! It's littler than me!!! It's immature!! Quick! Someone get it a diaper!!" mindset If he's actively seaking out the porn then there's a more than good chance he's not going to be traumatized by it. Nor is he likely to start trying out what he sees in the middle of class or in the supermarket Explain to him (in a non- traumatizing way, ie don't get it into his head that Any of this is wrong, bad, incorrect, etc... Unless you want a seriously sexually repressed, socially anxious, self-confidence-gone-to-shit kid) how porn online works, give him a quick walk-through, answer any questions, and buy him a book on puberty/what is sex The Most important thing in a situation like this is to Not connect the way he's feeling and his Natural and perfectly Normal curiosity to punishment, embarrassment, and/or shame God damnit why are so many people so empathetically stunted when it comes to kids growing up? Get some perspective people!!
61: if your comment was to me, did you even read what I said? i was referring to 41's comment about him learning about these things as an adult; my comment even mentions that he should be setting boundaries about what is and isn't appropriate. in no way did i say that not allowing him to watch porn is sheltering him. if it wasn't to me, then ignore me :3
Is it really necessary for an 11 year old to have his own personal laptop? And OP, unless he bought it himself, you have rights to take it away
#1, there are many things that could be done to stop him. Snap his computer in half. Turn off the Internet router. Stab him, light him on fire, and dump his body behind McDonalds. Or simply just take the computer away.