Today, I finally went to the bathroom after being constipated for two days. The good news? I lost two pounds. The bad news? The toilet won't flush. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, after 4 days of constipation, I finally pooped. Sadly, I was not on the toilet. FML
Today, after a five day bout of severe chronic constipation, I decided to get some orange juice and increase my water intake. The good news is that I'm no longer constipated. The bad news is that I've got diarrhea now. FML
Today, after suffering from constipation for three days, I finally took a dump. Just as things reached the point of no return, my land line and doorbell all rang. FML
Today, I finally got over having constipation for two days straight. It came in the form of a normal-sized, rock-hard turd that made me scream "Ow!" when it came out. FML
Today, it's been a week that I've had bad constipation. Overeating on my 16th birthday last week got me sick; since then I've pooped only once, and it took a hard push to go it out. Today I had my second poop. Good news: I did go. Bad: it happened on the bus home from school. My pals actually cheered when I finished straining. FML
Today, I was fired from my job for being constipated. FML
Today, after months of grueling hard work, I'd finally gained five pounds. Too bad I lost it all and then some, due to one good stomach flu. FML
Today, after being chronically constipated for the better part of a week, I finally have the urge to poop. Too bad I'm 30 minutes early to work and locked out of the building. FML
Today, I had a date with a girl. After movies and dinner, we came back to my place. I had to go to the washroom BADLY. I took a BIG #2 and when I went to flush the toilet to my horror it wouldn't flush. FML
Today, after 8 days of being on a medication that makes it hard to go to the bathroom and no luck taking laxatives and drinking coffee and apple juice, I finally got to go. Too bad I was at my desk at work when it happened. I washed out my pants in the bathroom and got to sit in wet pants for 4 hours. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
HippoCampus 7
Tell your toilet to quit being so full of shit!
miserypoison 13
0-1 Toilet wins.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (217)
SunDropGirl 0
toilet plunger?
shutupK 0
I would say losing 2 pounds and finally taking a shit after being in agony for two days kind of beats "the toilet won't flush"... call a plumber and suck it up. damn.
NomNomMuffin 5
How do you even fit 2 pounds if shit in your ass??!??!?!?!!?????
thexChiotorie 2
Bravo! You should've taken a picture and sent it to all your friends; that's what I would've done, and I would've held my head up high with a heart full of pride for the monstrosity of a turd clogging my toilet. Good show, good show. :)
isac1234 0
Mr. Toilet loves to eat shit & drink pee :D
jesscarrr 10
141 - sorry hun but constipated people just don't give a shit.
jakekennedy17 0
Just like get latex gloves and get some out.
iamyourmum 1
I never knew that you can actually lose two pounds from bowels.
whitesox365 0
is anyone else reminded of south park with the biggest crap ever taken?
Javalounge 0
did you shit a brick or something??