Today, I finally went to the bathroom after being constipated for two days. The good news? I lost two pounds. The bad news? The toilet won't flush. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Same thing different taste
Today, after 4 days of constipation, I finally pooped. Sadly, I was not on the toilet. FML
Out of the frying pan…
Today, after a five day bout of severe chronic constipation, I decided to get some orange juice and increase my water intake. The good news is that I'm no longer constipated. The bad news is that I've got diarrhea now. FML
Today, after suffering from constipation for three days, I finally took a dump. Just as things reached the point of no return, my land line and doorbell all rang. FML
You need more fiber
Today, I finally got over having constipation for two days straight. It came in the form of a normal-sized, rock-hard turd that made me scream "Ow!" when it came out. FML
Rolling thunder
Today, it's been a week that I've had bad constipation. Overeating on my 16th birthday last week got me sick; since then I've pooped only once, and it took a hard push to go it out. Today I had my second poop. Good news: I did go. Bad: it happened on the bus home from school. My pals actually cheered when I finished straining. FML
Today, I was fired from my job for being constipated. FML
Yoyo
Today, after months of grueling hard work, I'd finally gained five pounds. Too bad I lost it all and then some, due to one good stomach flu. FML
Today, after being chronically constipated for the better part of a week, I finally have the urge to poop. Too bad I'm 30 minutes early to work and locked out of the building. FML
Deal breaker
Today, I had a date with a girl. After movies and dinner, we came back to my place. I had to go to the washroom BADLY. I took a BIG #2 and when I went to flush the toilet to my horror it wouldn't flush. FML
Slid right out
Today, after 8 days of being on a medication that makes it hard to go to the bathroom and no luck taking laxatives and drinking coffee and apple juice, I finally got to go. Too bad I was at my desk at work when it happened. I washed out my pants in the bathroom and got to sit in wet pants for 4 hours. FML
Top comments
HippoCampus 7
Tell your toilet to quit being so full of shit!
miserypoison 13
0-1 Toilet wins.
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Comments (217)
philliesbabex0 0
ok?!?
em1nem13 0
you need to get a backup toilet for just such occasion
devvie7 4
that happened to me too!
footballtracksta 0
fyl for losing two pounds
BadKitty13 28
You are supposed to Flush as You go.... Because: 1) It will actually go down 2) To get rid of the nasty smell (constipated for 2 days.... yea that's gonna stink)
danielle25 15
What the ******* did you eat? Poor toilet.
Happiness2Joy 3
I feel more bad for the toilet rather than OP.
FarSide 23
Maybe take a lesson from bears and next time go for a walk in the woods.
toastyjustice 5
he shoulda done the "mid crap" flush. it works 60% of the time, every time.
XxHunterHavocxX 0
You know, there's this amazing new invention called a plunger... I've heard it works wonders.