Today, I figured I needed to go on a diet when I discovered I could make farting noises with my neck. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was so ashamed of my weight when I sat down and the suction of my thighs made a loud fart noise, I admitted to it being a fart rather than my fat rolls. FML
Today, I learned that the vomiting and uncontrollable flatulence I've been suffering from is normal with my new diet. FML
Today, I gave myself a hernia while farting. FML
Today, the smell of my own fart made me feel hungry. FML
Today, while in my backyard, I had some insane gastric distress. I let out a fart so powerful that it made me yelp in pain, and left my asshole numb. A second later, I heard a cough come from over my neighbor's fence. I had to quietly limp back into my house in shame. FML
Today, I've gotten to that point in life where I can no longer seem to trust a fart. FML
Today, I decided that I need to lose weight when I discovered I could no longer chew on my own toenails. FML
Today, I was woken up by my own fart. FML
Today, I farted at a crowded concert, and people started commenting on said fart. I specifically went out of my way to eat certain foods all day so that it wouldn't happen. FML
Today, I tried to get to bed at a reasonable hour. Despite not deviating from what I typically eat, I was kept up nearly all night by my farts. The foods I eat typically don't give me gas this badly. FML
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Top comments
gracehi 33
You mean it's not normal to fart out of your neck??? Uh oh.
Earths_Venus 25
There are lots of tasty things that are good for you. Try clean, unpeeled fresh carrots as a snack, you can microwave a potato in around 5 minutes and if you leave the skin on it is much better for you. Instead of bacon and eggs have eggs with some lightly fried tomatoes and mushrooms. Make one small change every day, and you'll get there.
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Comments (84)
JessieTheUnicorn 1
What are you talking about? I can make a farting noise with my neck and everyone says I'm like a twig.
countrygir94 4
It's called a gym
sugar94_fml 17
Acknowledgement is the first step towards the solution. You're already a step of the way there.
JJ_V3N0M 19
Don't lie. You tried to fart from your neck too. admit it.
Dreyu 3
Lol
pumpkinpii 14
You could need to lose weight idk, but I can do the same thing and I'm positive I don't need to lose weight, so if that's all you're worried about, don't be
silverkaast 9
total ydi. I have joint issues like mad and still stay in moderate shape. if you can neck fart, get off the couch, get fit, and lead an awesome life. don't let you be your own downfall. live like a boss.
smokey1408 1
that is nobody's fault but yours asshole. your life doesn't suck. I'm sure your health does though
Youcandewit 8
I can do that, just saying
rodgem89 2
If you can do that you actually deserve a wake up call such as this.