Today, I figured I needed to go on a diet when I discovered I could make farting noises with my neck. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I was so ashamed of my weight when I sat down and the suction of my thighs made a loud fart noise, I admitted to it being a fart rather than my fat rolls. FML
Today, I learned that the vomiting and uncontrollable flatulence I've been suffering from is normal with my new diet. FML
Today, I gave myself a hernia while farting. FML
Today, the smell of my own fart made me feel hungry. FML
Today, while in my backyard, I had some insane gastric distress. I let out a fart so powerful that it made me yelp in pain, and left my asshole numb. A second later, I heard a cough come from over my neighbor's fence. I had to quietly limp back into my house in shame. FML
Today, I've gotten to that point in life where I can no longer seem to trust a fart. FML
Today, I decided that I need to lose weight when I discovered I could no longer chew on my own toenails. FML
Today, I was woken up by my own fart. FML
Today, I farted at a crowded concert, and people started commenting on said fart. I specifically went out of my way to eat certain foods all day so that it wouldn't happen. FML
Today, I tried to get to bed at a reasonable hour. Despite not deviating from what I typically eat, I was kept up nearly all night by my farts. The foods I eat typically don't give me gas this badly. FML
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Top comments
gracehi 33
You mean it's not normal to fart out of your neck??? Uh oh.
Earths_Venus 25
There are lots of tasty things that are good for you. Try clean, unpeeled fresh carrots as a snack, you can microwave a potato in around 5 minutes and if you leave the skin on it is much better for you. Instead of bacon and eggs have eggs with some lightly fried tomatoes and mushrooms. Make one small change every day, and you'll get there.
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Comments (84)
Ironmayhem 22
hey you're special, take pride
kelsorg 21
that's just talent! you're fine op.
Siettadulce 21
Good luck!
PrincessCastiel 27
Such talent you have! Embrace what a glorious musical gift you were given! Jean from Bob's Burgers would be proud.
DevilsMetsGiants 30
Good luck OP! A little willpower goes a long way!
SuperStormCindy 8
I don't quite understand how you let your weight gaining get that far but just do some good exercising and dieting for a while and you'll be good as gold! FYL, OP.
Nessco 36
It took that to make you realise?? Try with some light exercise to begin with and then slowly increase it. Don't starve yourself with silly diets, stick to natural foods in moderation. Stay well away from manufactured stuff.
luxlarius 22
it called being fat..
TristianityMan 2
Well I can do that too bou I'm skinny as hell
Matttis 7
How..? I am not exactly skinny myself and I have no idea how you do that!