Today, I figured I needed to go on a diet when I discovered I could make farting noises with my neck. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I was so ashamed of my weight when I sat down and the suction of my thighs made a loud fart noise, I admitted to it being a fart rather than my fat rolls. FML
Today, I learned that the vomiting and uncontrollable flatulence I've been suffering from is normal with my new diet. FML
Today, I gave myself a hernia while farting. FML
Today, the smell of my own fart made me feel hungry. FML
Today, while in my backyard, I had some insane gastric distress. I let out a fart so powerful that it made me yelp in pain, and left my asshole numb. A second later, I heard a cough come from over my neighbor's fence. I had to quietly limp back into my house in shame. FML
Today, I've gotten to that point in life where I can no longer seem to trust a fart. FML
Today, I decided that I need to lose weight when I discovered I could no longer chew on my own toenails. FML
Today, I was woken up by my own fart. FML
Today, I farted at a crowded concert, and people started commenting on said fart. I specifically went out of my way to eat certain foods all day so that it wouldn't happen. FML
Today, I tried to get to bed at a reasonable hour. Despite not deviating from what I typically eat, I was kept up nearly all night by my farts. The foods I eat typically don't give me gas this badly. FML
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Top comments
gracehi 33
You mean it's not normal to fart out of your neck??? Uh oh.
Earths_Venus 25
There are lots of tasty things that are good for you. Try clean, unpeeled fresh carrots as a snack, you can microwave a potato in around 5 minutes and if you leave the skin on it is much better for you. Instead of bacon and eggs have eggs with some lightly fried tomatoes and mushrooms. Make one small change every day, and you'll get there.
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Comments (84)
WordAficionada 19
That's actually so gross.
listner1 9
That's pretty sad...
joemud 13
I wish I could fart with my neck
Ali_Br_fml 33
You can make fart noises with your hand and neck easily if you wet your hand and catch air between your Palm and neck, then squeeze a few times...but I'm assuming OP can make it just by moving their neck a certain way, without the aid of their hands...Cool only if it only happens when you are trying to make it happen, not so cool if it just happens unintentionally when you move a certain way, especially while eating in a quiet room where everyone thinks you just farted.
laden_swallow09 35
19- No, you don't.
False_Stupidity 42
You should so be on the next season of America's got talent.
Grauncho 27
I would imagine how embarrassing it would be to eat tacos in public.
PewDiePie_Lover 14
I know this has nothing to do with his FML, and I'm new, but if I'm submitting an FML, do I write the words FML, or does it do that for you?
nmrat 10
22, you type it.
Brandi_Faith 34
You also write "Today," at the front of the fml too.
Miss_Whipped 43
It puts 'Today,' for you. Unless that is only the app? Either way, the FML part you do yourself.
Adam5858 17
Suitable for a talent show
Futacy 30
If you're going to diet, you should also add exercise. I know it can be exhausting, but it's literally the only way you'll loose weight successfully.
LennyComa 39
How is that even possible?.....Well done for deciding to get healthier, that is nothing but a good thing, but I can't figure out the mechanics of making farting sounds with your neck
FireDragonV 6
That's so much cooler than an armpit fart