Work: Today, I fell asleep in class. I'm the teacher. FML - FML

By quickfingers100 - 01/06/2011 16:05 - United Kingdom

Today, I fell asleep in class. I'm the teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 620

You deserved it 47 994

This Charming Man

It's complicated

Kids these days…

By Yulia - 09/03/2009 10:09 - United States

Spicy

Today, my mom decided to give me a solid reason for not having pre-marital sex. She told me that my future husband will want me to be tight for our first time. My mom and I were on a ski lift. The ride lasted 10 more uncomfortable minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81 012

You deserved it 5 190

By weirdedout - 24/05/2010 15:14 - United States

Spicy

Today, while sitting at a red light, my mother asks "Do you have any intimacy questions?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 567

You deserved it 5 217

By Anonymous - 02/06/2012 10:24 - United Kingdom - Northampton

Spicy

Today, I said to my boyfriend that he makes the same noises when he smells bacon as he does when we have sex. Now everytime we have sex, he whispers "Bacon..." in my ear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 183

You deserved it 32 570

By lexiiiiiiweee - 19/02/2010 22:00 - United States

Today, I went bowling with my friends. As I was about to take my turn, my friend came up behind me and yelled in my ear, "Don't mess up!" Startled, I dropped the ball on my foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 591

You deserved it 3 810

By HomelessGirl1 - 21/05/2012 05:28 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, while volunteering at a local homeless shelter, I asked the woman next to me how long she'd been homeless. She works there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 720

You deserved it 10 801

By RIP - 07/10/2012 18:34 - Finland - Espoo

Today, I had to call the cops to break up a fistfight at my mother's funeral. It turns out my two brothers care more about having a pissing match over their favorite football teams than they do honoring our mother's memory. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 599

You deserved it 1 807

Panic

By Lexy - 19/07/2021 07:01

Today, I'm so afraid of Covid, I lied to my friends to avoid hanging out with them every time I was invited. Yes, I've been vaccinated already. FML

I agree, your life sucks 490

You deserved it 1 193

By Anonymous - 30/07/2016 03:14

Today, my girlfriend dumped me after I told her I was learning how to start having lucid dreams. She was convinced the only reason I could possibly want to have them was so I could cheat on her in my own dreams. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 304

You deserved it 1 312

By Clueless - 14/05/2011 23:35 - United States

Today, I went to my phone company and had my text history pulled. Why? Because a few days ago my 4 year old daughter told me that, "Daddy has a wife and a girlfriend." Turns out she was right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 719

You deserved it 4 382

Nun the wiser

By Anonymous - 11/07/2021 16:01

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend offered to roleplay as a sexy nun, then dumped me, claiming my saying yes meant I was attacking her catholic faith and that I’m a sick, depraved criminal. She was the one who offered. I’m not remotely interested in roleplay, I only agreed cause I thought it was her kink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 473

You deserved it 102

Medicare for all, please

By Anonymous - 14/08/2020 02:01

Today, I'm sitting in the ER with my 6 ovarian cyst rupture. The pain meds have already worn off and my vag hurts. I also had my gallbladder removed last June, and my right ovary removed last January. The staff here remember me. Most expensive friends I've ever had. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 668

You deserved it 99

Bye bye Tiddles

By Anonymous - 05/07/2020 05:02

Today, while I was driving around the neighborhood, I passed my neighbors' house only to see their dog with a full-grown dead cat in its mouth. Only one family owns a cat in our neighborhood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 306

You deserved it 98

By Anonymous - 19/11/2009 09:03 - Australia

Today, I found out that if you lose contact with people in your previous school, they decide to spread rumors about you and make everyone believe that you're dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 013

You deserved it 3 473

By badcomparison - 18/12/2016 07:02 - United States - Warrensburg

Today, I was at Bath and Body Works with a friend of mine. She wanted me to smell a particular lotion and when she brought it up to my nose, she squeezed the bottle and lotion went all over my face. Right after, a worker came by and commented how the lotion "got a little too excited". FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 489

You deserved it 808

By lifestinks - 05/04/2009 04:17 - Canada

Today, when my boyfriend reffered to my hair, I told him I was going to dye it. He responded by saying, "finally, so how much you going for, 40, maybe 50 pounds?". I said dye it, not diet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 864

You deserved it 9 509

I'm Jim Morrison, I'm Dead

By lizardhater - 12/03/2020 22:09 - Singapore

Today, a lizard got caught in some loose duct tape in my office. A perk of working alone, I get to clean up. Lizards scare the Bejeezus out of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 132

You deserved it 256

Bad women's anatomy

By RazorBumps - 16/12/2009 05:15 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend asked me why I have "crotch acne". When I attempted to explain that I have razor bumps from shaving, he got mad and said I was lying and insecure about my obvious facial and bodily acne problem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 942

You deserved it 3 476

By siighh - 06/07/2011 14:52 - Australia

Today, my dad came home from work complaining about all the people he'd seen. He said he doesn't understand why so many people with problems have to confide in him. He's a psychologist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 267

You deserved it 3 235

By Anonymous - 18/02/2014 19:49 - Virgin Islands, U.S. - Kingshill

Spicy

Today, while getting intimate with my boyfriend, he started sucking on my breast. He ended up popping a pimple on it into his mouth. He threw up and that, as they say, was the end of that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 164

You deserved it 19 225

By Veronica Rambo - 24/10/2018 17:30

Today, it was my first day going to work with new hours where I'm in the office alone for an hour. I managed to lock myself out without my jacket, my phone, and my keys. It was raining. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 373

You deserved it 687

By Anonymous - 17/07/2012 08:00 - United States - North Pole

Today, my husband and I stopped at a scenic overlook on top of a mountain. I looked down and noticed several small shells and excitedly called him over. I said, "I can't believe I found fossils here!" The moment it came out of my mouth, I realized they were pistachio shells. So did he. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 277

You deserved it 25 271

By jake - 12/08/2012 15:49 - United States - Bend

Today, I invited my girlfriend over to a family lunch, planning to propose to her at just the right moment. My family was in on it, including my apparently disapproving mom, who kept causing a scene to grab my girlfriend's attention every time I went to pull out the ring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 572

You deserved it 2 770

By burnmyeyes - 19/04/2014 21:26 - United States - Richmond

Today, I walked in on my brother shaving his nuts, all while giggling like a maniac and seemingly high out of his mind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 313

You deserved it 5 314

Willpower

By Anonymous - 11/09/2019 14:00

Today, I started my new health kick: granola for breakfast, salad for lunch and gym after work. I was so proud of myself until I couldn’t take it anymore and binged at McDonald’s. My health kick lasted 11 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 744

You deserved it 1 630

Hello? Hello?

By Anonymous - 12/10/2010 05:16 - United States

Spicy

Today, I learned that my boyfriend has narcolepsy when we were having sex and he passed out on top of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 456

You deserved it 4 071

By Sam - 28/11/2008 08:50 - France

Spicy

Today, my dad surprised me by moving my bed (involving disassembling and reassembling it) in my new room, because I couldn't find how I wanted to set it up. He also took care of putting back my vibrator between the mattress and the base, where it was hidden. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 402

You deserved it 11 212

By Workplace woes - 12/05/2016 17:00 - United States - San Francisco

Spicy

Today, my coworker showed me photos of her anal fissures. I'm not a doctor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 091

You deserved it 1 006

By Anonymous - 04/07/2015 03:29 - United States - Panora

Today, I took an online IQ test, even though I knew they give everyone unrealistically high scores. My score was 73. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 585

You deserved it 5 486

By Anonymous - 23/05/2014 22:06 - Canada - Oakville

Today, while driving home, some idiot kept tailgating me, so I slowed down, hoping he'd overtake me. He didn't, so I pulled to the side of the road. He did the same, in front of me. He kept toying with me until I crashed into another car trying to speed away from him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 512

You deserved it 15 844

By Anonymous - 09/08/2019 14:00

Today, I was prescribed two different medications. I was also informed that they will both give me diarrhea for the next two weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 518

You deserved it 87

By lmaofuck - 26/05/2016 01:06 - United States - Westerville

Today, I had a guest at my house. I stood up to shake her hand and kiss her on both cheeks, which is common in my culture. When she was kissing my cheeks, I went the opposite way from her and I ended up kissing her on the lips instead. Her eyes went big and I ran away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 512

You deserved it 1 380

By anon - 21/11/2012 19:34 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I tried to motivate my 9-year-old sister to clean her room. She said she'd only agree if she could kill me. Thinking she was just kidding around, and not a total psychopath, I said sure. She ran to her room shouting, "Yes! I'm gonna use the big knife!" She's still cleaning now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 849

You deserved it 6 340

By Idigrespectfulattire - 18/03/2015 00:18 - Trinidad and Tobago - Port-of-spain

Today, my brother wore a T-shirt to my birthday party that said "I dig skinny chicks". I'm a recovering anorexic and told him that I didn't really like his shirt. His response? "Don't let the liberal media brainwash you into thinking it's OK to be fat." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 328

You deserved it 4 983

Still got game

By Anonymous - 27/09/2009 12:52 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I listened to my voice mail messages for the first time in months. One was from my Grandma that must have been meant for Gramps. I think I know now why my mother has so many siblings. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 319

You deserved it 2 130

Leaking all over the place

By JR. - 08/08/2020 20:02

Today, my nearly ex-husband called in a panic so I could come rescue the dogs because he'd called 911 due to a gas leak at the house. I came over, after which the fire department and gas company inspected, and they found the issue. The dog. The dog farted so bad it smelled like rotten eggs and was mistaken for a gas leak. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 505

You deserved it 131

By Anonymous - 16/12/2012 07:27 - United States

Today, I was pulled over and administered a sobriety test due to an officer's suspicion that I was driving under the influence. I was completely sober, and, apparently, I suck at driving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 908

You deserved it 11 865

By zoe777 - 09/11/2013 02:54 - United States

Today, my mother not only told me that my ex-husband will be spending Thanksgiving with her and my dad, but that I'm also no longer invited to spend the holiday with my family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 755

You deserved it 4 337

By mrosewrosem - 12/12/2018 05:00

Today, I woke up with a swollen face and have been diagnosed with mumps. Despite having been vaccinated against it. Twice. I have three assignments due next week and I can barely stay awake long enough to type this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 603

You deserved it 239

Not fair

By Anonymous - 03/11/2021 17:00

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend is quite capable of getting an erection. He gets one when we watch porn, when I talk dirty to him and do handjobs or blowjobs, but the moment I get naked for the main event, he goes as soft as a boiled noodle. I haven’t been properly shagged in 6 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 867

You deserved it 254

By Anonymous - 30/11/2015 16:34 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, my school's theater production was canceled. Not because of budget, but because my co-star fell in love with me and asked me out. When I pointedly declined, he refused to act alongside me since it was "awkward." Everyone's blaming me for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 952

You deserved it 2 826

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Wednesday 1 June 2011 22:50

Damn, that boring? Jk, I'm sure the kids didn't mind.

volley4eva1698 0

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Wednesday 1 June 2011 22:50

everybody needs a nap sometimes

Comments

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Wednesday 1 June 2011 22:50

Damn, that boring? Jk, I'm sure the kids didn't mind.

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Wednesday 1 June 2011 22:53

A7x Rocks dude!

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Wednesday 1 June 2011 22:59

So does Disturbed, but you don't see me blurting that out. Oh wait... Anyway, OP should've had a five hour energy.

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Wednesday 1 June 2011 23:11

agree with 19 - just don't take two. they will give you the shakes! lol (pulled an all nighter remodeling my store and studying for 3 tests) - so if anyone asks :P

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Wednesday 1 June 2011 23:11

I think that says something about your class...

urdirtyolduncle 15

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Thursday 2 June 2011 0:48

Unless it was nap time in pre-k, you have no right!

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Thursday 2 June 2011 2:44

OMG OP is so boring she/he nagged herself/himself to sleep.

JacksonCampbell 9

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Thursday 2 June 2011 3:13

Once, my socials teacher took my phone away... as he was texting! Asshole. I told the principal and got my phone back.

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Thursday 2 June 2011 4:19

my teacher did fell asleep this year the most scary thing I have ever seen... I had nightmares about it!

boatingboy1011 0

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Thursday 2 June 2011 4:36

19- DISTURBED IS THE BEST BAND ON EARTH!

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Thursday 2 June 2011 5:21

maybe the kids were borinng.

xavier1623 4

Thursday 2 June 2011 14:27

Today class, we'll be learning.. learning... about.... -snore-

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Thursday 2 June 2011 15:05

in soviet Russia students bore teacher

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Saturday 4 June 2011 1:44

And you feel bad for yourself think of the children

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Thursday 16 June 2011 5:33

you took them both at once?

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Wednesday 1 June 2011 22:50

were you that boring?

whiteboy7thst 2

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Wednesday 1 June 2011 23:10

That or she has a serious oxy addiction...

iSitt 0

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Wednesday 1 June 2011 23:28

was this study hall or during a test

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Wednesday 1 June 2011 23:44

It was during a lecture. He fell asleep mid-sentence.

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Thursday 2 June 2011 5:18

I've done it before. Don't feel too bad

volley4eva1698 0

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Wednesday 1 June 2011 22:50

everybody needs a nap sometimes

whiteboy7thst 2

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Wednesday 1 June 2011 23:12

It's just normally frowned upon to take that nap while working that's all...

TigerWoods101 0

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Thursday 2 June 2011 6:28

Ehh, no. Have you ever flown a plane?

a_nutritionist 10

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Thursday 2 June 2011 6:56

if the students would get in trouble for napping then the teacher shouldnt be doing it. everyone may need to nap sometimes, but id like to see the response from the average employer who found out someone was asleep on the job...even if they would do it themselves.

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Thursday 16 June 2011 9:34

weezy

metfanatic1986 0

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Wednesday 1 June 2011 22:50

oh what fun I would have had if I was a student!

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Wednesday 1 June 2011 23:24

draw on her face

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Thursday 2 June 2011 3:07

Draw on her face, that's it 0.0

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Wednesday 1 June 2011 22:50

hypocryticiser

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Wednesday 1 June 2011 23:24

I love your picture.

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Wednesday 1 June 2011 22:51

wait ... isn't it half term break now? o.O

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Thursday 2 June 2011 13:59

Wow. There are other countries on earth besides the United States.

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Thursday 2 June 2011 14:16

Wow, #6 is from London.

metalhead5564 0

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Monday 6 June 2011 9:38

Nope. Still at school in Australia. :(

Kiing0fDarkness 0

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Wednesday 8 June 2011 13:08

^^^AUSTRALIA!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Wednesday 1 June 2011 22:51

So what your saying is..you bored yourself to sleep? nice..

UnknwnClassicGrl 5

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Wednesday 1 June 2011 22:51

Did you snore??

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Thursday 2 June 2011 1:50

did the students draw things on ops face I wonder? ^_^ gosh what a great opportunity !!!

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Thursday 2 June 2011 12:32

Ahahah

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Wednesday 1 June 2011 22:51

Your students are still in school?

metfanatic1986 0

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Wednesday 1 June 2011 22:56

she's in the uk

HannahLouise96 13

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Wednesday 1 June 2011 23:31

^^ It's the holidays in the UK as well...

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Thursday 2 June 2011 0:26

Our school doesn't end until next Friday...

HannahLouise96 13

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Thursday 2 June 2011 0:31

My school broke up for half term last Friday :3

HannahLouise96 13

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Thursday 2 June 2011 0:31

My school broke up for half term last Friday :3

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Thursday 2 June 2011 0:42

my school isn't over until june 17.

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Thursday 2 June 2011 1:09

same

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Thursday 2 June 2011 1:57

My school got out on May 25th. :D

omg_a_BALLOON 0

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Thursday 2 June 2011 2:55

My School Ends In June 21.

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Thursday 2 June 2011 6:21

My school ends this friday

a_nutritionist 10

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Thursday 2 June 2011 6:58

omg an fml written about something more than 24 hours ago?! OH THE HORROR...

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Thursday 2 June 2011 15:53

well now I know when every school ever in existence ends for summer. thnx.

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Thursday 2 June 2011 21:14

you are welcome 133

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Wednesday 1 June 2011 22:52

Nap Time :D

Nearly

Today, I feel like I'm going crazy as I'm in a 2-year relationship with a guy who's 17 years older than me (I'm 23). He's a wonderful partner and I'm totally in love, but the age gap causes monthly, sometimes daily, shifts between wanting to have it all with him, and wanting to leave him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 39

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44

You deserved it 23

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I found out on Facebook that my mom and step-dad have an open marriage. To make matters worse, my step-dad shamed me for not being more sex positive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 136

You deserved it 36

Today, I found out why my husband faked being sick on Thanksgiving. He was invited to Thanksgiving dinner by to the coworker he’s seeing. She was planning to introduce him to her family. He never told her he was married, so knowing I would tag along if he came, he faked having a “fever” so he couldn’t go out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 455

You deserved it 25