Work: Today, I fell asleep during naptime. I'm the teacher. FML - FML

By yogabbagabba - 03/09/2009 05:05 - United States

Today, I fell asleep during naptime. I'm the teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 172

You deserved it 38 694

Compromises

Mama's boy

Stop talking!

By Sarah220 - 12/07/2010 04:31 - United States

Today, I woke up to a pain on my eyelid. I stumbled into the bathroom to find a huge tick attached to the edge of my eyelid. My dad used tweezers to pull it off, only the head stuck. I had to go to the doctor and sit there for 15 minutes so she could pull the rest out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 505

You deserved it 3 283

By Anonymous - 20/03/2013 02:16 - United States - Charlotte

Today, at a science-fiction convention, a woman came up to me and told me that my white face paint was a mess, my contacts looked cheap, and my costume was an all-round failure. I wasn't wearing a costume, I'm an albino. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 022

You deserved it 3 042

By babyeaternomnom - 30/06/2012 16:22 - Canada - Brampton

Today, I caught my elderly neighbour skinny-dipping in my pool. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 817

You deserved it 2 316

By snapped - 13/11/2009 04:19 - United States

Today, my 6 year old daughter asked me if the tooth fairy was real. I said yes, and she said she wanted to try to catch her. Later, she pulled out a tooth and put it under her pillow. I came in to take out the tooth and replace it with money. There were mouse traps behind her pillow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 031

You deserved it 9 403

By Anonymous - 22/07/2009 08:16 - Australia

Today, my boss sent out an email with the subject line "Urgent". He accidentally left the body of the email blank. I replied to all staff "You're firing blanks Peter". I later heard that his wife once got drunk and told everyone that they couldn't have kids because he has a low sperm count. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 508

You deserved it 11 564

By DepressedCellist - 27/09/2018 12:00

Today, my boyfriend and I had band practice for our duo. I've been playing cello for almost a year and wanted to incorporate it. He picked it up for pretty much the first time and sounded surprisingly good. I was excited until I realized he sounded better than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 471

You deserved it 495

Frustrated

By Anonymous - 13/05/2020 08:00

Spicy

Today, after 10-plus years of marriage, my husband still gets off after 5 minutes. I find myself just wanting to just go down on him, instead of being unsatisfied right when I start to get into it myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 880

You deserved it 307

By wow. - 06/05/2009 20:09 - United Kingdom

Today, I got into my driving instructor's car for my first lesson. He looked at me, then said, "I'm sorry, but I wasn't told about your disabilities, what do you have?" I'm not disabled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 872

You deserved it 3 707

Chill the fuck out, Todd

By itsdezzz - 09/03/2016 23:43 - United States - Hatfield

Today, I noticed a customer looking for expired products in hopes of receiving a coupon from my store. I told them to let me know if they found anything. They promptly began following me around, telling me how to do my job, only to later file a complaint saying that I was harassing them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 433

You deserved it 1 349

By Anonymous - 25/08/2015 07:32 - United States - San Francisco

Spicy

Today, I was undressing for my girlfriend. I thought I was being all smooth and sexy, until I went to sit on the side of the bed and beckon her over. Instead, I sat heavily on my balls, screamed, then fell off the bed sobbing like a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 249

You deserved it 7 086

Intense

By counterproductive - 21/09/2020 11:01 - United States

Today, after I'd finally decided to see a doctor about my anxiety and insomnia, I was so nervous about what the doctor would think of me that I had anxiety attacks that kept me from sleeping a wink all night. I ended up oversleeping and missing the appointment I was so nervous about. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 302

You deserved it 195

By skyllabeauty1234 - 23/07/2015 03:18 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I am probably the only person in the world who can manage to pull a muscle in their neck while brushing their teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 177

You deserved it 2 703

By gravycoveredblackberry - 19/11/2009 23:37 - United States

Today, I had my new Blackberry Curve sitting on my lunch tray. Unthinkingly, i tossed it into the garbage can. 10 minutes later i realized I had thrown it away and spent the next hour searching through six garbage cans of half-eaten food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 377

You deserved it 29 998

By cooploops - 31/01/2015 15:13 - United States - Memphis

Today, I went to the mall with some friends. We all kept smelling this god awful B.O. smell and had no idea where it was coming from. On the car ride home, we all figured out it was actually me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 371

You deserved it 12 063

By Anonymous - 01/02/2010 07:34 - United States

Today, I was playing rugby. I was tackled very hard at the end of a play, and I got up to find my head bleeding profusely. Not one person offered to drive me to the ER. I had to drive myself to get six stitches in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 881

You deserved it 3 640

By need my own place - 24/10/2015 23:24 - United States

Today, while I was cutting myself some watermelon, my mom walked in. I could tell she hadn't taken her medication in a while because she freaked out, grabbed the knife, and burst into tears before yelling at me, saying I could have cut myself and bled out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 860

You deserved it 1 573

By LuckySperm - 12/08/2011 13:14 - United Kingdom

Today, my dad told me that after my two older siblings were born, he got a vasectomy. However, something went wrong, and the vasectomy had failed, resulting in me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 340

You deserved it 3 113

By Whoops - 02/11/2018 14:00

Today, my mom decided she wants to try a new family bonding experiment: Being naked around the house for an entire week. She wants us all to eat dinner, watch tv, etc. completely naked. She says she will ground me and my siblings if we don't try it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 124

You deserved it 242

Night visitor

By Anonymous - 08/11/2021 14:00 - New Zealand

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to go pee. While in the bathroom, I felt something move inside my shirt but just ignored it, thinking it was my shirt brushing on something. Something moved again. I ripped my shirt off to reveal a massive cockroach inside my shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 240

You deserved it 118

By Jim - 11/01/2012 01:32 - Belgium

Today, I told a co-worker to "lighten up, and stop wearing black all the time, it makes you look depressed." I didn't know his father had died the week before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 298

You deserved it 41 662

By dynomyte - 11/02/2009 20:04 - United States

Today, as I sat on the table in my gynecologist's office for my yearly checkup, I realized that was the most action I got in the past year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 890

You deserved it 8 134

By jemma - 04/08/2009 11:27 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend was reading me a love poem he wrote for me. It was beautiful, and going really well until he read the last line, which had a girl's name in it. It wasn't my name. My boyfriend said "shit, wrong girl", and dug through his bag for a different poem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 999

You deserved it 4 716

By crimsoncon - 25/11/2011 10:24

Today, my dog nearly died when my mom fed him chocolate. After finding out dogs are not supposed to eat chocolate, she promptly grounded me for not telling her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 442

You deserved it 2 796

Talking Heads song playing?

By Anonymous - 26/02/2021 07:30 - Australia - Geraldton

Today, I almost burned the house down while changing a lightbulb. FML

I agree, your life sucks 538

You deserved it 229

By my first job - 06/04/2016 20:02 - Canada - Westerose

Today, after working for 12 hours in the cold rain on muddy terrain, my coordinator drove down a hill and didn't come back. I was stuck in the middle of nowhere, forced to walk two hours uphill back to HQ to find him there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 106

You deserved it 1 156

By Anonymous - 24/06/2012 05:01 - United States - Sacramento

Today, my boyfriend told me I was almost perfect. And the only reason I'm not completely perfect is because I don't like Mountain Dew. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 305

You deserved it 29 639

Clean me, humanoid

By Anonymous - 02/03/2020 15:00

Today, I had to wash my cat. Twice. The first time was because he decided to roll over in the litter tray after using it. The second was the result of him pissing on the floor, then rolling in it right after I'd dried him from the first time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 372

You deserved it 228

By Anonymous - 05/02/2012 20:41 - Canada

Today, I pulled into a parking lot and waited for a car to back out so I could take their spot. The apparently batshit insane psychopath in the other car managed to completely overlook me waving him out, and backed straight into my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 201

You deserved it 5 049

By Jackie - 18/09/2009 01:36 - United States

Spicy

Today, I finally told my fiancé about the crippling sexual abuse I suffered through as a child. He immediately broke off the wedding. His reason? He can't marry someone who isn't "pure". FML

I agree, your life sucks 95 599

You deserved it 4 875

By LowOnGas - 02/05/2019 18:00

Today, I drove my toddler to a schoolmate’s birthday party at a chuck-e-Cheese an hour drive away, only to find out the party is tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 596

You deserved it 1 031

By Anonymous - 16/12/2011 05:30 - United States

Today, I talked to my dad about joining the military. He got up, laughed, and said, "As if the army would accept a pussy like you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 327

You deserved it 6 649

By Kelli - 28/08/2010 04:56 - United States

Today, I was taking care of a friend's hamster. Thinking the hamster wanted to make a bed, I put some cotton balls in his cage so he would be comfy. He promptly ate them and died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 143

You deserved it 42 134

By burned - 24/05/2009 13:44 - United States

Today, my boyfriend was cooking me dinner. He walked away and I decided to help by giving the pan of veggies a sautee flip. My boyfriend failed to mention that he had just pulled that pan out of a 500 degree oven. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 079

You deserved it 63 961

By Olz - 22/01/2019 14:00

Today, I received my 12-month diet plan from an online coach. It said, “Eat less calories lol.” I just lost £175. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 115

You deserved it 1 155

Life imitates art

By Anonymous - 11/01/2021 20:58 - Philippines

Today, my hypochondria is getting worse. I think it's because of watching too much Grey's Anatomy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 215

You deserved it 620

By gotadirtydick - 14/04/2017 22:00

Today, my neighbor's kid started learning the violin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 352

You deserved it 475

By HBC - 10/12/2011 07:23 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend insisted that the dog stay in our bedroom while we had sex. He said it would prove his dominance, and "show the dog who's boss." My boyfriend needs to prove his self-worth to an animal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 352

You deserved it 5 107

By goin4broke - 07/08/2009 15:23 - United States

Today, my parents came to the restaurant I work at as a waiter. After, I picked up the check to realize they had left me a $500 tip! We split the tips among the employees so I only got $50 back but I was still psyched. When I got home they asked me if I had noticed that they used my credit card. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 015

You deserved it 6 897

By Anonymous - 30/06/2011 17:30 - United States

Today, I woke up to find that not only did the toothpaste I put on my pimple make it more noticable, but it made it worse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 429

You deserved it 34 583

By Insensitive - 15/04/2009 16:17 - United States

Today, I was talking on my mobile and walking into a grocery store saying, quite loudly, "Time heals all wounds!" right as I passed a woman with significant burns covering her face. I guess I was wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 397

You deserved it 53 506

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Thursday 3 September 2009 12:51

I wish we had naptime in high school

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Thursday 3 September 2009 12:14

ABCDEFGHIJK...ZzZzZzZzZz

Comments

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Thursday 3 September 2009 12:13

This is not a FML. It happens. People fall asleep. Who cares? Time to move on.

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Thursday 3 September 2009 12:24

BTW who did rock the boat.

emilysanftwsom 0

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Thursday 3 September 2009 12:40

It's a funny FML for once, shut up. EDIT: This is a reply to #1 btw.

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Thursday 3 September 2009 13:00

For once, an idiot doesn't say "FIRST!" and #1 still gets bashed. That's COOL. I didn't say it wasn't funny, #12. So get that stick out of your ass.

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Thursday 3 September 2009 14:27

Dude, calm down. (:

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Thursday 3 September 2009 19:41

Who cares? Are you serious? What happens when one of the kids wakes up and wanders about (like they do all the time) and hurts himself. Who is responsible for that, huh?

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Thursday 3 September 2009 20:59

Nothing did happen, obviously, or the OP would of said so. I said who cares and move on because nothing happened. It was a mistake. It doesn't mean your life is fucked.

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Thursday 3 September 2009 23:46

YDI for being a teacher

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Friday 4 September 2009 3:12

What's up with all these people flaming now anyways? Every other thread I see has atleast 2 people attacking someone about a joke, or just a little thing.

TheLoneWolf87 4

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Friday 4 September 2009 3:28

What happens in naptime, stays in naptime.

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Friday 4 September 2009 4:01

I just gotta say that this is kinda cute

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Wednesday 28 April 2010 3:45

are you fucking kidding me? get this fucking shit off of FML. you know what, fuck this website! screw this shit most if not all of these so called "FML's" are either fake as hell, downright stupid, or both. im outta here, whoever made this site: fuck YOUR life.

friedchickenpie 14

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Friday 2 December 2011 1:19

Lol... #84 just rage quit FML. We would all miss you... if it weren't for your username. EDIT: Wait... this happened a while ago.

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Thursday 3 September 2009 12:13

it's ok, they never noticed

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Thursday 3 September 2009 12:32

I hope they didn´t noticed!!!

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Thursday 3 September 2009 12:38

Did or didn't notice, that is HILARIOUS

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Thursday 3 September 2009 12:14

ABCDEFGHIJK...ZzZzZzZzZz

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Friday 4 September 2009 1:27

Okay, Be honest, How many kids drew on your face?

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Friday 20 August 2010 4:06

HAHAHA!!

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Thursday 3 September 2009 12:15

well it was naptime wasnt it ? lol you werent teaching anyway. YDI !

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Thursday 3 September 2009 12:17

i dont blame you

22cute 17

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Sunday 9 October 2011 15:54

No kidding! I'd be sleeping hard during naprime everyday if I taught little kids. That's one of the few perks that job has to offer.

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Thursday 3 September 2009 12:24

Good excuse. :)

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Thursday 3 September 2009 12:28

are you depressed?

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Thursday 3 September 2009 12:37

If it was me I have my gang of markers on your face! Screw naptime!

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Thursday 3 September 2009 12:51

I wish we had naptime in high school

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Thursday 3 September 2009 14:31

I wish we had naptime at work. It turns out that if you schedule your naps during boring meetings (am I being redundant?), your career doesn't go very far, but at least you're well-rested. You don't get fired for that because everybody does it.

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Thursday 3 September 2009 19:17

naughty things mite happen at nap time in high school

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Friday 4 September 2009 5:46

We have nap time in high school. It's call math class. ;)

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Thursday 24 June 2010 17:33

naw I would say nap time would be french class

stevenJB 25

Monday 3 December 2012 6:46

My nap time is in Spanish (:

rosierosierosie 0

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Thursday 3 September 2009 13:14

ahahahaha

Nearly

Today I ripped my lovely £50 coat on barbed wire, what I only worn a hand full of times, ended up having to spend £10 to get it repaired, have to wait till Friday to pick it up, it’s only Tuesday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9

You deserved it 8

Today, a tech came to repair my cracked phone screen. He told me to remove my case and took it to his van in my driveway to fix it. Thirty minutes later, he rings my doorbell and hands me my phone back. He says he fixed the screen but tripped and dropped it walking back to my house, and completely shattered the back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65

You deserved it 4

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I spent all day waiting for an unlikely follow up text from the girl from Tinder I let peg me on the first date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 360

You deserved it 977

Today, I swear I'm off men for good after my latest dud date wanted me to pee on his chest to turn him on, and we were only 20 minutes into the first date. The entire male gender are disgusting pigs, no matter how nice they pretend to be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 812

You deserved it 1 138