Today, I dropped a whole batch of penis-shaped cookies on the floor. Then I thought, "5-second rule" and started eating them. And then I realized that I was home alone, in pajamas, eating broken dick-cookies off the floor. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I found some cookies on my bed and got so excited that I kneed myself in my face. FML
Today, my roommate left a bomb looking package of cookies on the kitchen counter. My sweet tooth got the best of me and I made that split second decision of, "Oh, I'll just have one." Halfway through it, I noticed the fine print, "For dogs" on the package. FML
Today, I dropped some food on the floor and picked it back up, took a bite, and quickly realised it had toenail cuttings in it. I never cut my toenails in my dining room. FML
Today, I helped myself to some homemade biscuits that had been left in the kitchen. I thought they looked a little odd, but they tasted pretty good. I found out later they were homemade dog treats. FML
Today, I was sitting on the couch, computer next to me, lotion on the floor, and my dick in my hand when my roommate walked in on me. Scared and looking me right in the face he says, "What's for dinner?" FML
Today, I tried my hand at baking homemade individual apple tarts. While taking them out of the oven, I dropped the entire tray on the floor. My dog acted like it was Christmas in August and scarfed at least half of them. FML
Today, I made heart-shaped cookies for my girlfriend. My mom's reaction? "They look like dicks." FML
Today, my room-mate came out of the bathroom, tossed a Playboy on the coffee table, threw away a used condom, dug his hand into my bag of Doritos, and washed his hands. In that order. FML
Today, I woke up early to bake cinnamon rolls for a party. I came home later to find the whole tray spilled onto the floor, most of the rolls eaten, and my dog sitting happily nearby. FML
Today, I made a small batch of cookies and took them to work. Mostly everyone took one, but nobody said anything until I asked how they were. Someone asked what my recipe was, because it tasted like I'd forgot to add sugar. I bit into one. I had. The cookies tasted like muddy mush. FML
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Top comments
Lifeh8sme2 11
I'm more curious as to why you had penis-shaped cookies.
ohcoolstorybro 14
How many could you fit?
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Comments (185)
angel_of_death55 7
Who makes penis cookies
andrealovvve 17
Sounds like u got a personal problem
blackvyper 8
If you don't make it before 5 seconds is up then switch to the 10 second rule.
rita91 5
Question is why do you have dick cookies lol
DylansMomma 9
Your comment : Yeah, your life sucks. What made you make penis shaped cookies anyhow if you were alone? That's no fun.
spongbobsyellow 1
Omg XD
Justin768 2
Why the f did you even make penis cookies?!
catchbigtuna 0
Being a single gay man is tough
Dracoboxer357 36
158- Okay......but I don't see how that pertains to Op and Her situation, homosexual or otherwise. :)
mrsmaglietta 6
sometimes a girl just needs a cookie
Derrrrrrp32 6
That's not an FML that's an LOL