Love, Lonely, Cooking and Miscellaneous: Today, I dropped a whole batch of penis-shaped cookies on the...

By RawrSparkle - 21/09/2012 07:31 - United States - Davis

Today, I dropped a whole batch of penis-shaped cookies on the floor. Then I thought, "5-second rule" and started eating them. And then I realized that I was home alone, in pajamas, eating broken dick-cookies off the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 114

You deserved it 14 361

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Same thing different taste

By brittholzworth - 27/06/2019 20:00

Today, I found some cookies on my bed and got so excited that I kneed myself in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 166

You deserved it 718

Yummy

By Sisi - 29/08/2016 16:49 - United States - Mesa

Today, my roommate left a bomb looking package of cookies on the kitchen counter. My sweet tooth got the best of me and I made that split second decision of, "Oh, I'll just have one." Halfway through it, I noticed the fine print, "For dogs" on the package. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 517

You deserved it 11 300

Spice

By Anonymous - 07/04/2021 04:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I dropped some food on the floor and picked it back up, took a bite, and quickly realised it had toenail cuttings in it. I never cut my toenails in my dining room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 439

You deserved it 956

By Anonymous - 07/07/2011 22:52 - United States

Today, I helped myself to some homemade biscuits that had been left in the kitchen. I thought they looked a little odd, but they tasted pretty good. I found out later they were homemade dog treats. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 499

You deserved it 30 641

Right place, wrong time

By Anonymous - 22/01/2009 16:09 - United States

Today, I was sitting on the couch, computer next to me, lotion on the floor, and my dick in my hand when my roommate walked in on me. Scared and looking me right in the face he says, "What's for dinner?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 209

You deserved it 29 823

Bon appétit, I guess

By Jenn86 - 18/08/2023 08:00 - United Kingdom - Leicester

Today, I tried my hand at baking homemade individual apple tarts. While taking them out of the oven, I dropped the entire tray on the floor. My dog acted like it was Christmas in August and scarfed at least half of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 530

You deserved it 138

The medium is the message

By adam - 15/02/2010 02:16 - United States

Today, I made heart-shaped cookies for my girlfriend. My mom's reaction? "They look like dicks." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 130

You deserved it 4 222

By Doritos - 17/06/2010 08:06 - United States

Today, my room-mate came out of the bathroom, tossed a Playboy on the coffee table, threw away a used condom, dug his hand into my bag of Doritos, and washed his hands. In that order. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 510

You deserved it 4 730

Bad boy

By Anonymous - 08/01/2016 21:57 - United States - Spring Valley

Today, I woke up early to bake cinnamon rolls for a party. I came home later to find the whole tray spilled onto the floor, most of the rolls eaten, and my dog sitting happily nearby. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 807

You deserved it 4 647

By jessica - 02/02/2011 20:59 - United States

Today, while my boyfriend and I were having sex, he stopped, got off, walked into the kitchen grabbed a doughnut, and came back to finish while he ate it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 357

You deserved it 7 465

Lifeh8sme2 11

Friday 21 September 2012 12:04

I'm more curious as to why you had penis-shaped cookies.

ohcoolstorybro 14

Friday 21 September 2012 12:03

How many could you fit?

Comments

angel_of_death55 7

Saturday 22 September 2012 0:50

Who makes penis cookies

andrealovvve 17

Saturday 22 September 2012 1:08

Sounds like u got a personal problem

blackvyper 8

Saturday 22 September 2012 1:29

If you don't make it before 5 seconds is up then switch to the 10 second rule.

rita91 5

Saturday 22 September 2012 2:13

Question is why do you have dick cookies lol

DylansMomma 9

Saturday 22 September 2012 2:22

Your comment : Yeah, your life sucks. What made you make penis shaped cookies anyhow if you were alone? That's no fun.

spongbobsyellow 1

Saturday 22 September 2012 3:48

Omg XD

Justin768 2

Saturday 22 September 2012 6:26

Why the f did you even make penis cookies?!

catchbigtuna 0

Saturday 22 September 2012 7:35

Being a single gay man is tough

Dracoboxer357 35

Saturday 22 September 2012 16:21

158- Okay......but I don't see how that pertains to Op and Her situation, homosexual or otherwise. :)

mrsmaglietta 6

Saturday 22 September 2012 8:37

sometimes a girl just needs a cookie

Derrrrrrp32 6

Saturday 22 September 2012 13:37

That's not an FML that's an LOL

Keywords

Painful School Health Embarrassing Skincare Anxiety Relatable Sextoys Work Poopoo peepee Art Kids Birthday Covid Relationship advice Love Transportation Awkward Cars Gross Family Intimacy Sex Neighbours Lonely Dreams Management Jealousy Mental health Geek

The Top

Today, my housemate picked me up from the psychiatric ward, after I'd spent ten days there with a major depressive episode. She said that she thought it rather odd that I'd gotten so bad, since she'd replaced my antidepressants with homeopathic pills. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 576

You deserved it 90

Today, we realized we had a problem with two appliances. Their manuals were in a high cabinet. My husband got down the one for the appliance he was working on, but left the one I needed up too high for me to reach. I got the step stool and said, "OK" as I climbed up. My husband flipped and yelled that I am "disrespectful." FML

I agree, your life sucks 368

You deserved it 70

The Top

Today, my boyfriend asked me how women could urinate with a tampon in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 998

You deserved it 8 223

Today, I found a book in my attic that I always read when I was a kid. For old times' sake I read it again. On the very first page, child me had written, "Go to page 15" so I did. On page 15, in big red letters, it said, "Get bent." I got pranked by myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 618

You deserved it 8 696

Today I woke up feeling good and ready for my online business class final, only to find that it had somehow been submitted and graded with a zero. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 087

You deserved it 128

Today, the only cute girl in my office made fun of me because I'm 27 and bring fruit cups with my lunch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 205

You deserved it 4 627

Today, at the small daycare I run, I turned around to put something away. I heard a splashing sound and then saw one of my kids vomiting. He puked several times, and managed to hit the only rug in the entire house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 493

You deserved it 1 983

Today, I realized that our generation will be remembered as the kids who liked sparkly vampires. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76 525

You deserved it 13 510