By Deadpool434 - Ireland - Dublin

Well played

Today, I found a book in my attic that I always read when I was a kid. For old times' sake I read it again. On the very first page, child me had written, "Go to page 15" so I did. On page 15, in big red letters, it said, "Get bent." I got pranked by myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33538

You deserved it

8656

Tweet

Share

Serious times

The X Factor

Knock off

By hotmommy

Today, I went to the mall with my daughter. She asked me if she could go see Santa, so I said yes. She made me sit on his lap with her, and that's when I felt something on my bum. Let's just say Santa had a present for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45069

You deserved it

6580

Tweet

Share

By mnote - United States - Sapulpa

Today, I didn't make dinner fast enough so somebody had a yelling and screaming temper tantrum. It would be understandable if the person who threw the tantrum was a child, and not my 57-year-old father. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34251

You deserved it

2901

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, I fell asleep on the way to a pool party and woke up covered in sharpie swastikas and dicks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3306

You deserved it

1054

Tweet

Share

By upsetandunjustified - United States

Today, I got fired from my job where you build teddy bears. I got fired not because I did anything wrong, just because they don't like my personality. I'd never worked with my boss, and that means all the employees that work there had a meeting about me, and all confirmed they don't like me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26770

You deserved it

6338

Tweet

Share

By Nathan - United States

Today, I went to see a therapist for the first time because I've been feeling depressed lately. I opened up and said everything that was on my mind. I really spilled my guts. After a good 30 minutes, her first question was, "Do you always talk this much?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

75018

You deserved it

7822

Tweet

Share

By lovealways22 - United States - Littleton

Today, my boyfriend and I broke up after three years. I came home and when my dad asked what was wrong, I told him. His first reaction was, "Well damn it. Who'll go fishing with me now?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

28970

You deserved it

2818

Tweet

Share

By oumalina - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I ordered pizza and watched a movie. After dinner we started to make out. I began to take my clothes off when he stopped me. He said that sex is exercise and you can't exercise for 30 minutes after eating. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40907

You deserved it

8387

Tweet

Share

By beforegirl - Australia

Today, I discovered I am the "before picture" in an internet weight loss advert. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47448

You deserved it

8956

Tweet

Share

By soccer_bball - United States - Frisco

Today, I was at the dentist. I ended up having some work done and left with a numb mouth. I have school pictures in less than 2 hours and I can neither smile nor stop drooling everywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46814

You deserved it

7025

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had to file for bankruptcy because my ex-wife didn't want to pay for the house she didn't want me to have in the divorce, and didn't bother to have my name removed from the loan before she filed bankruptcy herself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28761

You deserved it

3564

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I took my Spanish exam. One of the questions was to translate "Mark is lazy and antisocial." My name is Mark. Everyone kept giving me weird looks the whole test. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33038

You deserved it

2776

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Rowlett

Today, I found out that mishearing my boss and laughing at what I thought he said can make him think I'm high and nearly force me to submit to a drug test. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19047

You deserved it

2770

Tweet

Share

By shoeaddiikt - Australia

Smurf mouth

Today, I was in an exam and was chewing the end of my pen, stuck on a question. My mouth filled up with ink. I wasn't allowed to leave, so I had to sit for another hour with a foul-tasting blue tongue and a half-working pen. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16219

You deserved it

42344

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I after getting off the bus, I realized that the man I was talking to was distracting me so his "buddy" could steal my wallet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27583

You deserved it

3756

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - New Zealand - Wellington

Today, I almost got lucky with a girl from my course. We've been flirting since we met. After removing her top and moving downwards with my tongue, whilst moaning my name she decided to mention she has a boyfriend and that we needed to stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55646

You deserved it

6239

Tweet

Share

By tee - United States - Kansas City

Today, I found out people are suspicious of me at work because I do a good job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14150

You deserved it

1466

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Phoenix

Today, my husband told me that he is done having sex because it eats up his online gaming time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30808

You deserved it

3511

Tweet

Share

By farrahfarrest_ - United States

Today, I went to the doctor. I told her I felt down all the time. She asked me a few questions and she told me I was depressed. She suggested to go home and find the sources of my depression. When I told my parents, they started laughing and said "Yeah, right." I think I found my source. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54565

You deserved it

3809

Tweet

Share

By takeshi

Today, I took my girlfriend to a restaurant we both like. By the end of the date, we were fighting and she angrily broke up with me. To make things worse, I got food poisoning. She didn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3172

You deserved it

275

Tweet

Share

By emasculated 10000% - Sweden - Ljungby

Today, I was out with my grandma when a pair of very shady guys approached us in the street, hands in their pockets. Without breaking stride, she pulled a knife out of her handbag and told them they'd better keep walking. They did. What the fuck, gran? FML

I agree, your life sucks

55702

You deserved it

7784

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Just a question

Today while I was about to go into the shower, my mom walked in on me while I was naked. She looked down and asked me if I was cold. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1984

You deserved it

235

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 19/9/2020 17:02 - Germany - Aachen

This woman's work

Today, I looked at pictures of myself from 20 years ago when I was a teenager and realized I have only about a quarter of my hair left. I'm a woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1107

You deserved it

80

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had a job interview. I have a nervous tendency to rub my foot against the bar under the table. After the interview I noticed I had been rubbing my foot against the interviewer's leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24434

You deserved it

39241

Tweet

Share

By spastic hardon - Australia - Templestowe

Today, I misplaced my phone at small house party. I found it later, but not before being called a sick bastard by my crush. It seems one of my "friends" sent her a cock pic with my phone, and now she wants nothing to do with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45929

You deserved it

5329

Tweet

Share

By beta

Today, my date unexpectedly brought her friend to dinner with us. They seemed bored of me after ten minutes and left me out of their conversation for the rest of the night. Oh, and they made me pay for both of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2924

You deserved it

810

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 14/5/2021 11:01 - United States - Wilmington

Unreasonable

Today, my fiancé of over 5 years and I split, since I don't want kids and he does, which I have told him throughout our relationship. It gets better: we live in a house that his father owns and his father wants me out… in a fucking week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1116

You deserved it

578

Tweet

Share

By Cody - United States

Today, I got pulled by a cop because I forgot to put my registration sticker on. I get nervous around authority and have nervous shakes. I ripped the registration sticker 3 times trying to put it on. The cop then gave me a ticket for "Improper Equipment". FML

I agree, your life sucks

30645

You deserved it

7021

Tweet

Share

By WhoNose

Today, the smoke detector in my bedroom malfunctioned and started going off while my cat was asleep on my shoulder. He panicked and deeply lacerated my nose with his claw as he ran off. Blood got everywhere, and to add insult to injury the unit has no removable battery and wouldn't turn off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9609

You deserved it

740

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, after a broken smoke detector in my home caused the fire department to come, I got an angry visit from my neighbor who was upset because she had parked in front of a fire hydrant and got a ticket. She demands that I pay it, "or else." FML

I agree, your life sucks

33622

You deserved it

2434

Tweet

Share

By sarah - United States

Today, I went to the store to pick up some tampons. After waiting in line for about 10 minutes, the male cashier looked at me when I was leaving and said, "Have a nice... week!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

35964

You deserved it

5136

Tweet

Share

By smoochie

Today, I was holding my baby daughter during a checkup. To reassure her, I was kissing the back of her head while the Dr. was checking her hearing. After a few minutes, I realized the Dr. had put his hand to steady her head. I was kissing his hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41915

You deserved it

23249

Tweet

Share

By Crombinator - United States - Estacada

Today, my roommate was making a waterproof iPhone case and decided to use my phone to test it out. It didn't work. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33309

You deserved it

4019

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 20/4/2021 21:30

Maybe it's by accident?

Today, I've been binge-watching a certain Twitch/YouTube streamer. I love his political insights, but I've noticed he keeps saying, "On accident." It grinds my gears so much, I had to go outside and listen to birds chirping instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

455

You deserved it

448

Tweet

Share

By fml boy

Today, my 10k dirt bike stopped starting. I used it once and owned it for less than 24 hours. Later in the afternoon, I dropped my phone and it cracked. Later in the evening, I was walking in my room towards my bed in the dark and I stubbed my toe on my Pc and one of the panels fell off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2199

You deserved it

318

Tweet

Share

By Kenny - Nigeria - Lagos

Today, I noticed my laptop kept shutting down and the mouse cursor was all over the place, clicking on every folder. I dismantled the entire computer only to notice something in one of my USB drives: the receiver to a wireless mouse my colleague put there earlier to play a prank on me. 5ML

I agree, your life sucks

39372

You deserved it

8303

Tweet

Share

By MineAlwaysTouching

Today, while studying pictures of a cadaver for an anatomy class, I found myself jealous of its thigh gap. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3360

You deserved it

1755

Tweet

Share

By Ted

Today, I finally felt comfortable enough to fart in front of my boyfriend for the first time. He went quiet, got up and left in his car. I haven't heard from him in 4 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2070

You deserved it

436

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 24/8/2020 02:02

Heartless

Today, I received a positive Covid-19 test. Despite being largely asymptomatic, the company I work for decided that I've behaved with "gross neglect" by coming to work in an attempt to support the company's ambition, and promptly fired me with no benefits. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1569

You deserved it

1385

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was supposed to present a speech on diabetes. The girl who went first chose the same subject, knowing I'm diabetic and that it was my topic. I went last, so I had to change half of my speech on the spot. I sounded ignorant about my own illness. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30968

You deserved it

6507

Tweet

Share

By Noname - United States

Today, I discovered my mom has over 20 sites bookmarked on her laptop, all having to do with 'How To Boost Your Insecure Teen's Confidence' or 'How To Help Your Overweight Teen Have A Positive Self Image'. Thanks, mommy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34579

You deserved it

7212

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By garrett_8614 | 14

#6094233 - Monday 20 October 2014 8:56

You: 0
You: 1

wait a minute.....

By Marie54321 | 19

#6094239 - Monday 20 October 2014 9:02

You win some and you lose some, but you my friend, did both.

COMMENTS

By garrett_8614 | 14

#6094233 - Monday 20 October 2014 8:56

You: 0
You: 1

wait a minute.....

Reply

Cryptical | 13

#6094238 - Monday 20 October 2014 9:01

I kindly request you to stop screwing with my mind.

Reply

ForwardUn2Dawn | 18

#6094255 - Monday 20 October 2014 9:19

The Great Time War has begun.

Reply

AnOriginalName | 19

#6094325 - Monday 20 October 2014 10:59

That profile pic goes perfectly with your comment though, #1. It was my face as well after I read your comment.

Reply

happyturtle | 16

#6094400 - Monday 20 October 2014 12:57

hey, at least you pranked someone.

Reply

incoherentrmblr | 21

#6094852 - Monday 20 October 2014 20:19

This is a good setup for Back To the Future 4...

Reply

PoisonOrchid | 21

#6096515 - Wednesday 22 October 2014 4:33

This sounds like the work og The Doctor.

By ethan_unoxx | 29

#6094235 - Monday 20 October 2014 8:59

I don't know what to say. I literally cant find the right words to say.

Reply

Nexoux | 18

#6094261 - Monday 20 October 2014 9:32

So what happened after? The suspense is unbearable.

Reply

AnOriginalName | 19

#6094326 - Monday 20 October 2014 11:00

If you don't know what to say then shut up.

Reply

thevelociraptor | 31

#6094331 - Monday 20 October 2014 11:05

^That was a little rude

Reply

warsun | 27

#6094423 - Monday 20 October 2014 13:22

But entirely relevant

Reply

RBntM | 10

#6094576 - Monday 20 October 2014 15:53

Then why did you comment?

Reply

Ki11erC | 18

#6094613 - Monday 20 October 2014 16:16

You managed to add literally in to something that not only didn't need it but actually makes the sentence incorrect by using it.

Reply

xxreikoxx | 31

#6094636 - Monday 20 October 2014 16:53

Then don't say anything at all. o.O

Reply

Adm_Twigs | 19

#6095198 - Tuesday 21 October 2014 2:20

word crimes.... I literally want to punch you in the face. that works, how about I honestly can't find the words.

Reply

kamryno | 20

#6096295 - Wednesday 22 October 2014 0:48

Commenting isn't mandatory...

By Meowdisen | 15

#6094236 - Monday 20 October 2014 9:00

Child you is pretty rad.

Reply

sayyestothedress | 24

#6094391 - Monday 20 October 2014 12:40

Self prank! I should definitely try that to adult me!

Reply

kristabelli | 19

#6098274 - Thursday 23 October 2014 21:31

This is one of my favorite FMLs ever. It made me laugh so hard. :D

By Marie54321 | 19

#6094239 - Monday 20 October 2014 9:02

You win some and you lose some, but you my friend, did both.

By x3jmac27 | 22

#6094241 - Monday 20 October 2014 9:03

You were a pretty awesome child! (:

By BlackIrish21 | 7

#6094243 - Monday 20 October 2014 9:04

Ha that's probably the best win you could ever claim. literally years in the making!

By x3jmac27 | 22

#6094244 - Monday 20 October 2014 9:04

You were a pretty awesome child! (:

Reply

NicH1799 | 20

#6095027 - Monday 20 October 2014 23:16

That really carries meaning when you type it the second time, I have to say.

Reply

Mortoli | 30

#6095395 - Tuesday 21 October 2014 6:46

Future reference eh. Lol

By Cryptical | 13

#6094248 - Monday 20 October 2014 9:09

I think there might be a chance you broke logics.

By celinadepp | 21

#6094249 - Monday 20 October 2014 9:09

Why is this so funny to me?

By TheKingKen | 22

#6094250 - Monday 20 October 2014 9:10

Are you a wizard?

Reply

Cryptical | 13

#6094321 - Monday 20 October 2014 10:53

No, he's just some keen kid.