Today, I dropped a whole batch of penis-shaped cookies on the floor. Then I thought, "5-second rule" and started eating them. And then I realized that I was home alone, in pajamas, eating broken dick-cookies off the floor. FML
Collection
Black Friday
70% off something you didn't need, a stampede and a cart that crashes at checkout. Thanks, Black Friday.
Today, I found some cookies on my bed and got so excited that I kneed myself in my face. FML
Today, my roommate left a bomb looking package of cookies on the kitchen counter. My sweet tooth got the best of me and I made that split second decision of, "Oh, I'll just have one." Halfway through it, I noticed the fine print, "For dogs" on the package. FML
Today, I dropped some food on the floor and picked it back up, took a bite, and quickly realised it had toenail cuttings in it. I never cut my toenails in my dining room. FML
Today, I helped myself to some homemade biscuits that had been left in the kitchen. I thought they looked a little odd, but they tasted pretty good. I found out later they were homemade dog treats. FML
Today, I was sitting on the couch, computer next to me, lotion on the floor, and my dick in my hand when my roommate walked in on me. Scared and looking me right in the face he says, "What's for dinner?" FML
Today, I tried my hand at baking homemade individual apple tarts. While taking them out of the oven, I dropped the entire tray on the floor. My dog acted like it was Christmas in August and scarfed at least half of them. FML
Today, I made heart-shaped cookies for my girlfriend. My mom's reaction? "They look like dicks." FML
Today, my room-mate came out of the bathroom, tossed a Playboy on the coffee table, threw away a used condom, dug his hand into my bag of Doritos, and washed his hands. In that order. FML
Today, I woke up early to bake cinnamon rolls for a party. I came home later to find the whole tray spilled onto the floor, most of the rolls eaten, and my dog sitting happily nearby. FML
Today, I made a small batch of cookies and took them to work. Mostly everyone took one, but nobody said anything until I asked how they were. Someone asked what my recipe was, because it tasted like I'd forgot to add sugar. I bit into one. I had. The cookies tasted like muddy mush. FML
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Top comments
Lifeh8sme2 11
I'm more curious as to why you had penis-shaped cookies.
ohcoolstorybro 14
How many could you fit?
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Comments (185)
ambear26 14
I'm more scared to ask why you were baking dick shaped cookies in the first place .... Alone.
MisterEx 28
In her pajamas.
Conner93MB 5
Penis shaped cockies. HAH.
Fisheyedfool7 2
Baked bukkake?
SApprentice 34
One day, OP wished to bake some sugar cookies, but the only cookie cutter in the house was that one her bestfriend gave her. Unshapely sugar cookies simply wouldn't do. With a rueful smile, she pulled out the cookie cutter. "I will make penis cookies. I will make the best penis cookies of them all." Come on, you can't tell me you guys wouldn't do that.
olpally 33
Giggity Giggity goo! He he, alright!! :D lol.
swedeNix 13
Im curious... Natural size?
brandonlee09 5
Dirty dick eater!
kittykat1818 6
Sounds like fun to me... :) enjoy the little things in life But uk what they say.... Size does matter
berryblizzard 11
There was white icing on them right?
drkpyn 10
Why did you have dick-shaped cookies?