By RawrSparkle - 21/09/2012 07:31 - United States - Davis

Today, I dropped a whole batch of penis-shaped cookies on the floor. Then I thought, "5-second rule" and started eating them. And then I realized that I was home alone, in pajamas, eating broken dick-cookies off the floor. FML
I agree, your life sucks 27 087
You deserved it 14 326

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Top comments

Lifeh8sme2 11

I'm more curious as to why you had penis-shaped cookies.

ohcoolstorybro 14

How many could you fit?


ohcoolstorybro 14

How many could you fit?

saIty 17


siickman 7

Well assuming they arent full size penis and are flat it shouldnt be that hard to fit more than two ;x

Wow, you're a buzzkill...

I'm refering to good old #51 over here ^

siickman 7

Yay being thumbed down for not being funny or going with the flow of immaturity. Here they come again :)

You're so right. In light of your wisdom, brilliance, and maturity, I suppose I'll have to "get on my knees and suck yo dick," as you so request in your profile, my good sixteen-year-old man.

What a coincidence that he is #69 :)

Lol. Look at the irony. Usually you try to put a dick in a cookie. Oh well,eat a dick. Lol. If op was low on cash flow they could say that they are broke dick.

Am I the only one that has no fucking idea what #101 is saying?

Well now when a girl says "suck my dick" ot can litteraly be done. Just take her cookie and suck. The only thing is that it will probably dissolve in your mouth. Swallow bitches.

No, no you are not. But it's better than the one guy a few days ago talking on the FML about having a flat chest and said he didn't care and there fore thought he was "a real Romeo" and then proceeded to tall every to face plant the cement and had a bunch of random sentences thrown in...god people piss me off sometimes...

Sayings kids don't get anymore. :-( my bad,I guess I need to keep in mind that young teens also look at Fml.

20- I really wanna thumb up your comment but the fact that your "69" comment has 69 thumbs up is just absolutely perfect and I don't wanna ruin it. Lol

mowmowlife 21

I think you guys are being a bit harsh. Sure it isn't delightfully immature, but he's not being obscene in any way. Thinking the thumbs down system is being abused

171, if you're referring to 51 he's getting thumbed down because he took what was a semi-funny joke and completely ruined it by being "technical". The thumbs aren't not being abused, and the negativity has nothing to do with maturity or obscenity.. it was just a sucky comment.

Lifeh8sme2 11

I'm more curious as to why you had penis-shaped cookies.

I, too, wish to know why they were making penis shaped cookies.

Yeah I was wondering the same thing! Seems quite random to even have a cookie cutter in the shape of a penis if you ask me. It could be for an upcoming bachelorette party, or a new messy alternative to the old fad of dildos and cucumbers! ;)

Why wouldn't OP want to make/eat penis-shaped cookies if given the chance? Would make for a very interesting treat ;)

MetalxSoldier 26

I would think that eating dirty cookies off the floor would be hard to swallow. If you know what I mean!

Perhaps they were baked to be a gag gift? Lol

perdix 29

Because she can't get any real penis to put in her mouth, she baked a substitute. She should just go to a bar around closing time and get the real deal. It's not that hard.

Perhaps OP dropped the delicious penis-shaped cookies as she was reaching for a teabag for the tea that was to go along with the penis cookies

Inheritance 10

Did you have 'white' frosting on them at the time? Cause that would be ironic..

Actually perdix, depending on her decision, it might very well be 'that hard'.

That is exactly what I was thinking! Maybe she was bored and made them like that as a joke. My friends and I did that once at like 2 in the morning during a sleepover.

perdix 29

#64, considering that the OP is not very attractive, and her victim will be quite inebriated, "it" most certainly would not be "very hard" -- it could remain flaccid and floppy.

agonydrum 7

64 what are you talking about, if op goes to a bar or club at closing and wears something slutty it doesn't matter how ugly she is, probably going to succeed

Or maybe it is????? Wink wink

^ might i ask, what parents are ok with teenagers stuffing their mouths with penis?

How do you know what the OP looks like?

I live in philadelhpia, and there's a store called Condom Kingdom that sells penis shaped cookie cutters. They also sell penis candy yum.

It was the only cookie cutter they had at the dollar store

perdix 29

#107. Deductive reasoning. If the OP is so desperate to get a penis in her mouth that she has to resort to buying or making penis-shaped cookies, she must be rather unattractive. Any ordinary-looking girl should be able to get a dick in her mouth if she wants it *lowers sunglasses* hard enough.

Iknowsomestuff 9

All this debate about why she was making dick shaped cookies. If I was bored enough to bake cookies and had a breast shaped option, why not?

Maybe she just doesn't have a boyfriend and doesn't just go suck random guys' dicks. She might have made the cookies to be funny for a gift or something. And from how big of an ass you're being I would think that you're either really ugly with no life or just a big time douche bag.

Aw come on, he's just trying to be funny- no need to start a comment war. Although I don't agree with the assumption that she is ugly, it was a good attempt.

I'm more curious how the hell this made it past moderation!

Is what she said

Well there are worse things that could've happened like say, finding your roommate's dirty, smelly dildo under the bed...

Or taking your child to the ER, only to find that they were just toying with you.

Pretty_Pink_Lady 10

Or dying.

Why would you bake penis shaped cookies?

Perhaps OP liked the challenge since the cookies were probably very hard to make.

Heh, "hard" to make :') *prepares to get voted down due to childish sense of humour*

Yea. I had Peter Griffin laugh moment on that one.

starburst7596 14

Bachelorette party.

thrAsHeRr9081 16

My bachelorette party is this weekend :-)

113 congratulations! Have a penis cookie to celebrate.

thrAsHeRr9081 16

Thanks! I'm getting married next week! I'm sure somebody will bring something penis-shaped. Haha

I can only say i hope we don't see an FML from you in the next week :')

Why the penis cookies?

tifani322 13

Why not penis cookies?

cheshireau 26

This is the best FML ever.

8======3 nom nom

LMFAOwned 9

Personally, I use 8==========D

7) (in my personal opinion) yours looks like it has balls on both ends . . . What kind of guys do YOU go for ???!

Inheritance 10

53 or in your case an odd arrangement of vegetables in the shape of a penis.

56: It's a literal boner.

alexhaz64 4

Well on the bright side, now there won't be any evidence that you baked yourself a batch of penis cookies.

Shadow_Phantom 26

Kinda speechless on this one... *Clicks the YDI option*

Cheers for the commentary... Now get off the internet.

Darn OP, I know the situation blows but don't get too cocky, or else you won't be able to swallow the load of...cookies

I normally can't stand all the puns people try to pass off on this site, but that was damn funny!

and the thumbs up are at 69. how...perfect :)

PrimeRibYum 10

You tried too hard making that comment.


This gave me a chuckle to wake up to