Today, I drew a face on a balloon and pretended to make out with it. The balloon popped and shot to the back of my throat, where it got caught. FML
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Black Friday
70% off something you didn't need, a stampede and a cart that crashes at checkout. Thanks, Black Friday.
Today, I had to blow up an air mattress using only my lungs. After nearly passing out from lack of oxygen, I realized there was a hole in it. FML
Today, I got so bored that I drew a face on my index finger, and made a video of me garrotting it with a string. I ended up rupturing a blood vessel, and had to think up a cover story for my girlfriend to explain my screaming. FML
Today, I felt rain on my face. I looked up and saw a man peeing out of a hot air balloon. FML
Today, I flew a toy airplane into my face. FML
Today, I was about to make out with my boyfriend, so I quickly swallowed my gum. Moments later, I started choking on the gum, and ended up spitting it out into his face. FML
Today, I was walking my dogs. I had a doggy bag, and was holding it closed, then breathing in it, so it would blow up. My dogs 'went', so I picked it up and kept walking. As I was heading home, I absent-mindedly started blowing into the bag again. Everything ended up in my mouth and on my face. FML
Today, I saw a little kid struggling with a balloon, so I tried to help tie it for her. It popped in my hands, and she started crying. Then her mom came running up, yelling, "What did you do to my daughter?" I had to run away while saying sorry. FML
Today, I was sitting with my crush at lunch. Trying to flirt, I tried to stare seductively into his eyes while sucking on my straw. I missed. The straw shot straight up my nose, causing me the worst nose bleed of my life. FML
Today, in an attempt to impress a girl I like, I tried to crush a soda can by hitting it with my forehead. Not only did I fail, I knocked myself out in the process. When I regained consciousness, the girl was gone and someone had taken the liberty of drawing a penis on my face. FML
Today, a gnat hit my forehead, fell into the space between my glasses and my face, and bounced off my eye while trying desperately to escape. When I tried to get my glasses off, it fell into my mask instead, and I accidentally inhaled it. FML
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Top comments
barbarajean 0
Thats what you get for makin out with balloon boy. Damn pedo.
Hannalea_fml 0
Someone needs a life.
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Comments (141)
Dblock26 0
Do you really suck that much at life?
9010649 3
no I'm guessing braces...
theodore214 0
I guess you can say that really.... blows.
Umbreon_fml 0
yyyyyeeeeaaaahhhhhhhh....?
balldeep 0
sucks for u muthasucka
Residence_fml 4
A balloon for making out but no balloon to do the Heimlich
teentee401 37
How would a balloon be used for the Heimlich?
caroline954 0
this got posted 1 min ago and already there are like 20 comments! cough cough attention wh0res.
AttitudeMel 4
i feel bad for the balloon, it obvisouly killed itself!!!!!
MartinFootball 0
I was think the same thing as 13 u don't need to use u teeth for making out or anything else.... and op don't bite
ilinca_luvsyou 0
Sucks for you.. But next time try it with ur hand or a Teddy bear or a person
lovesamystery 0
did it have helium in it?
saranottelling 7
Seriously, a balloon? Stuffed animals work much better.
hannah1203 2
The sad part about this is that even a balloon doesn't want to make out with you.