Intimacy: Today, I told my girlfriend's father that I wanted to talk about... - FML

05/02/2010 00:29 - United States

Spicy

Today, I told my girlfriend's father that I wanted to talk about his daughter. I then went on to tell him I was thinking about 'popping the cherry', instead of 'popping the question'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 929

You deserved it 13 723

Mother of the year

Triage

Coherence dude, do you have it?

02/07/2019 12:07

Today, I had breakfast at a hotel in Jamaica. The bill came to $1087 Jamaican Dollars, which is roughly $8.30 USD. When they swiped my Visa card, the hotel accidentally charged me $1087 USD. That's the most expensive omelet I've had in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 098

You deserved it 145

12/12/2014 01:17 - United States - Gainesville

Today, I noticed that I'm way more productive when I'm drinking than when I'm not. I think I just figured out why I'm related to so many alcoholics. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 038

You deserved it 3 424

02/09/2009 09:20 - Canada

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were having a shower together for the first time. He was trying impress me and did some sort of dance move, he slipped, and when he fell he kicked my leg out causing me to fall and hit my face on the faucet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 245

You deserved it 4 194

29/04/2015 01:36 - United States - West Chester

Today, I was sitting in McDonald's. A lady came up to me and started complaining about the bad service, and asked for the manager. I told her that I didn't work there. "But you must, someone that fat has to work here!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 227

You deserved it 5 212

19/02/2015 16:24 - United States - Gainesville

Today, my boss used the restroom at work. She returned and told me I needed to go clean the toilet because "someone left a mess in there." It was her mess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 542

You deserved it 2 524

The struggle is real

By WiredUp - 21/08/2020 13:05 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, my step-kids proudly announced that their mum lets them drink coffee at her house. They both have ADD and I've been struggling for months to get them to eat right. Hello futility. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 301

You deserved it 153

20/11/2009 21:27 - United States

Today, I was enjoying the benefits of marriage with my new husband. We were changing positions when my joints started crackling and popping like my mother's did when I was a kid. My husband stopped, concerned about my possible pain... I'm 20 years old and pop like an arthritic 50 year old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 526

You deserved it 3 858

01/06/2018 05:00

Today, I came home to a completely trashed house and just stood there in shock until I heard something upstairs. I ran to heroically catch the robber and, despite being a 4'10" woman, I did it! How? The fat fuck got stuck in my window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 447

You deserved it 261

20/10/2018 14:00

Today, I found out that while I was in the ICU for having had a life-threatening seizure, my boyfriend was out partying with other girls. His excuse was that he needed to find a new girl if I died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 070

You deserved it 290

11/02/2015 13:39 - United States - Appleton

Today, someone walking my way started waving. I waved back until I realized he wasn't looking at me. To make things worse, while walking past he said, "Get a fucking friend." FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 249

You deserved it 3 740

02/06/2011 01:25 - United Kingdom

Today, I bought a car. After just ten minutes, my hub caps had been stolen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 196

You deserved it 3 316

26/06/2018 19:00

Today, my fiancé's mother made him pack his stuff and move to Montana while I was at work. I came home to a half-written note because she wouldn’t let him finish. We own a house together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 348

You deserved it 444

Boundaries

By Sfg_926 - 26/06/2016 05:02 - United States - Newberg

Today, I told one of my coworkers that she looked really cute today. Later she sent an email to me and cc'd the entire office saying, "It really makes me feel uncomfortable when you say things like that to me. And I shouldn't have to feel that way at work." FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 838

You deserved it 3 511

25/08/2011 21:17 - United States

Today, I was out shopping when an old lady bumped into me and dropped her purse. Trying to help, I bent over to pick it up, at which point she battered the shit out of me, called me a "filthy thief" and threatened to open an umbrella in my ass. What the fuck has the world come to? FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 247

You deserved it 3 023

17/11/2011 16:50 - United States

Today, I told my boss about a coworker that had been hitting on me. She looked me dead in the eye and said "I was afraid that would happen. He's a bit of a chubby chaser." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 100

You deserved it 5 154

22/01/2014 01:16 - United Kingdom - Scunthorpe

Today, my husband and I are sick. He keeps whining about how bad he feels. I'm just as sick, as well as 7 months pregnant. I've not only been taking care of his whiny ass: I've cooked, cleaned, and gone to the store several times because the tissues we had were too rough on his nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 239

You deserved it 9 395

14/11/2008 11:20 - France

Spicy

Today, I sent a text message to my girlfriend telling her how much I wanted to make love to her tonight. I've just realized I sent it to her brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 458

You deserved it 24 009

18/01/2010 11:01 - Norway

Today, I was vacuuming our house because I wanted to help my parents. I wore a headset while listening to REALLY loud music. The vacuuming job took me two hours and when I took of my headset I noticed that I hadn't started the vacuum cleaner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 386

You deserved it 65 552

07/04/2012 19:12 - Canada - Gander

Today, I cleaned my computer screen for the first time in ages. When I turned it on a few hours later, I spent an embarrassing amount of time trying to figure out why the brightness was suddenly so painfully high. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 609

You deserved it 27 498

10/02/2009 03:59 - United States

Today, I got a ticket. From my dad the cop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 655

You deserved it 18 295

11/05/2012 00:28 - United States

Today, it was my birthday. I was heading back to my apartment and I heard noises inside the door. Assuming it was the surprise party I'd hinted at, I flicked on the lights as two heavy guys pushed past me. I was robbed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 455

You deserved it 2 292

18/03/2016 15:05 - Germany - Munich

Today, while working in a customer service call center, a customer berated me for using a fake name. He said my name is "too stupid" to be real and that no sane person would ever use it. It was my real name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 502

You deserved it 1 350

17/05/2015 14:05 - United States - Columbus

Today, I decided to impress my friends by doing a flip on the trampoline. What did impress them, was my lack of tears after I hit the edge of the trampoline and broke my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 721

You deserved it 7 000

26/08/2013 18:22 - United States - Pasadena

Today, I asked my mom if I was ugly. She said, "Ask your girlfriend." I said I don't have one. She said "Exactly." FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 392

You deserved it 5 299

Winner winner chicken dinner

By Anonymous - 26/02/2021 14:02

Today, I realized I have finally turned into my mother when I got excited about using so many coupons that I only paid 70 cents for $14 worth of groceries. I need a life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 705

You deserved it 207

Physician, heal thyself

By MDpending - 01/11/2019 13:00 - United States

Today, just 8 months away from graduating medical school, I successfully diagnosed myself with basal cell carcinoma. At least all that studying is paying off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 342

You deserved it 122

Catfished

By phonesage - 13/12/2010 20:29 - United States

Today, I went to meet the girl I'd been talking to online for a while, and fallen in love with. When I arrived at her house, my brother answered the door and took a picture of my shocked face. He and his girlfriend had planned the entire thing because I'm apparently the most gullible member of the family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 577

You deserved it 10 427

28/10/2010 09:26 - Australia

Today, I met my husband's other wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 315

You deserved it 4 770

18/08/2012 00:39 - United States - Seattle

Today, my family and I went to the movie theater. There weren't enough free seats near the front, so I sat a few rows back with my grandpa. He kept throwing our snacks at my parents' heads all through the movie. He claimed he'd been asleep the whole time, and I'm now grounded. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 845

You deserved it 2 351

29/06/2010 17:34 - Canada

Spicy

Today, after going down on my boyfriend, we were cuddling and I went to kiss him. Just before I could reach his lips, he ran his finger over my mouth and whispered, "S-s-s-semen." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 603

You deserved it 25 683

Biphobia is a thing

By Anonymous - 05/08/2021 06:01

Today, I’m bisexual. My straight friends think it’s a phase and I should just "pick one". My LGBTQ friends think I’m straight and should stop "posing". I’m regularly accused of trying to steal people's partners or asked to join marital threesomes. Can’t I just be a regular person? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 239

You deserved it 315

Stinky neighborhood

By Anonymous - 11/08/2021 22:01

Today, I came home to a terrible smell in the apartment. Three hours, and a scoured kitchen later, I took the trash out. The smell was not my apartment, but from just across the alley: a neighbor had moved and emptied their fridge. Six more days of sunned milk until pickup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 837

You deserved it 47

01/11/2009 03:05 - United States

Today, I got rear-ended at a stop sign on a seldom used road in my neighborhood. As I open my car door to trade insurance information with the guy, he backs up a little and speeds away, taking my car door with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 533

You deserved it 2 172

13/04/2009 04:39 - United States

Today, I was on a small plane. A flight attendant told us that there was too much weight in the front of the plane and they needed 3 people to move to the back of the plane. I volunteer and walk to the back. She says, "Okay, we're going to need 1 more person." FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 206

You deserved it 12 084

09/01/2013 19:57 - United States - Tucson

Today, I took my boyfriend to meet my parents. As he was loading his truck, I went inside to take a surreptitious shit. I ended up clogging the toilet, and so the first thing my mom said to my boyfriend was, "You'll have to find another bathroom; she just clogged it all up." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 557

You deserved it 7 746

15/09/2015 05:56 - United States

Spicy

Today, I had sex with my boyfriend for the first time. Afterwards, I got up to get some water. When I stood up, I fell straight to the ground, my legs were so weak. As I fell, I hit my head on the end table and knocked myself unconscious. My boyfriend laughed at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 658

You deserved it 4 307

05/12/2011 05:23 - United States

Spicy

Today, my parents bought purity rings for my twin brother and me for our birthday, and had them blessed by our priest. Neither of us are virgins. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 064

You deserved it 12 400

Lonesome Tonight

By Is_This_Real - 30/03/2016 20:46 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, the only constant person in my life is the guy that smokes outside my apartment building. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 046

You deserved it 1 512

03/11/2009 04:33 - Canada

Today, the police came to my door and told me about a woman who called the cops on me because she said that I had been following her in my car. We were on the highway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 040

You deserved it 2 008

07/06/2019 16:00

Today, I woke up with really sore abs; not from working out at the gym, but because I've been coughing for 3 days straight and nothing is helping. Now every time I cough, it physically hurts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 465

You deserved it 118

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Top comments

elegantlywasted1 3

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Friday 5 February 2010 9:24

hopefully her dad doesn't have a big gun collection

ambrz 0

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Friday 5 February 2010 9:23

ehh doesn't have to be that big of a deal I'm sure you'll laugh about it when your married years later remenising... :)

Comments

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Friday 5 February 2010 9:16

way to goooo lol

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Friday 5 February 2010 12:29

did he get pissed off and popped ur cherry

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Friday 5 February 2010 16:17

hahahahahahahahaha

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Friday 5 February 2010 16:36

I'm sure she been through that long before you my friend lol

austinryansmith 0

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Thursday 11 February 2010 22:20

what did he say lol

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Friday 12 February 2010 2:42

that is why you concentrate on what you are raping I mean saying

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Friday 12 February 2010 4:05

hahhahahahhahaahha

TiffanyBlews27 0

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Thursday 11 March 2010 5:53

nice, dumb*$$. those words are nothing alike. it's pretty much impossible to mix them up. I bet her dad wants to kick your *$$ now.

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Sunday 4 April 2010 5:02

lols fyl

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Wednesday 26 May 2010 5:23

#1 cute baby.

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Friday 5 February 2010 9:19

just hope her name isnt cherry!

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Friday 5 February 2010 11:40

fail

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Friday 5 February 2010 11:44

lol

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Saturday 6 February 2010 6:47

complete fail number 2........

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Tuesday 9 February 2010 1:13

wowwww retardd

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Tuesday 19 October 2010 3:15

Idiot.

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Monday 11 April 2011 15:29

You obviously dont know what that means, fail.

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Monday 16 May 2011 6:07

hahaha I bet he is like only ten so give him a break!;) but yeah you should google that 2!

TheCurlyTheory 0

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Wednesday 3 August 2011 3:08

hey! I also play for aresanal.(:

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Friday 5 February 2010 9:22

bah ha ha. nice...

ambrz 0

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Friday 5 February 2010 9:23

ehh doesn't have to be that big of a deal I'm sure you'll laugh about it when your married years later remenising... :)

mollyjynxjax 28

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Monday 27 May 2013 1:15

*you're

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Sunday 18 May 2014 20:45

Lol, how about 'reminiscing' as well

elegantlywasted1 3

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Friday 5 February 2010 9:24

hopefully her dad doesn't have a big gun collection

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Friday 5 February 2010 9:25

I don't believe this one. how can u say cherry but mean question?

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Friday 5 February 2010 10:11

A slip of the tongue. People do make mistakes.

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Friday 5 February 2010 11:15

he was thinking about her cherry......common mistake

pleasenopuffin 0

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Friday 5 February 2010 12:35

It's a Freudian Slip. It has a name for a reason.

vanillathirteen 0

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Friday 5 February 2010 12:54

rofl!!!! oh such bad time to make that slip. just tell him what you were really thinking.

Jrook 0

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Friday 5 February 2010 13:40

what do you mean ""it has a name for a reason" you tool

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Friday 5 February 2010 13:59

meaning it was named because its so common. tool

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Friday 5 February 2010 16:00

Because Freud came up with it. He said when you make a slip it's what you are thinking in the back of your mind. So when he said "popping the cherry" he was most likely wanting to have sex with her. Oh and don't say tool, it makes you sound like a giant douche.

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Friday 5 February 2010 16:09

@#6. You've never accidentally said one word when you meant to say another?

momoz 0

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Wednesday 31 March 2010 8:14

So true. I understand that it is most likely a Freudian slip, but how does 'cherry' sound like 'question'?

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Monday 19 April 2010 17:13

He wanted to pop her cherry, means he wanted to fuck her...and that's what he told her dad. Please don't tell me you still don't get this^^

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Friday 5 February 2010 9:26

twisted tongues have a way of doing the worst at the worst time

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Friday 5 February 2010 9:27

Freudian slips are the best.

adi2 0

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Friday 5 February 2010 9:33

epic fail.

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Friday 5 February 2010 9:36

or just do both, if you havnt yet

Nearly

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53

You deserved it 6

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 115

You deserved it 8

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend came out as a polyamorous, and then immediately asked me if he could date another guy I thought was my friend. I’m such a pushover, I said yes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 86

You deserved it 281

Today, I have an internal defibrillator from trauma to my heart 12 years ago. I finally experienced for the first time what it's like when it shocks me. Nothing says I'm a keeper like getting kicked in the chest and smacked upside the back of the head with a baseball bat while clapping cheeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 596

You deserved it 69