Today, I discovered I was at the same restaurant as my ex and his new girlfriend. Quickly, I picked up my mother's phone when she wasn't looking, and began to pretend to talk to a fake new boyfriend. Few seconds later, the waiter loudly asked me if I was done talking into the calculator. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, while walking in the mall, I spotted my ex boyfriend with his friends. To make myself look less lonely, I put my iPhone up to my ear and started an imaginary conversation with my invisible boyfriend. As I passed him, my phone started ringing loudly. It was him calling. He knew I was faking. FML
Today, while at dinner with my current boyfriend, my ex walked in with his new girlfriend. The waiter put them at the table next to ours, and the two of them had a front row seat to me spilling an entire guacamole salad on my lap out of nervousness. FML
Today, I was at dinner with my boyfriend. About 30 minutes into dinner and I see my exes come in, one by one. In the end, they were all sitting at the same table. My boyfriend got up and went to the bathroom. He came back and sat down with them. Apparently my boyfriend went through my phone and called all of them. FML
Today, I ran into my serious boyfriend of two years at a restaurant. He was sitting with another girl. I went over and asked him who she was. He replied, "Who are you?" Apparently I was the secret girlfriend. FML
Today, whilst on a date I recieved my sixth missed call from my mother. I excused myself and went outside and called her, she and my father wanted to know why I was having dinner and holding hands with another man. It turns out they were also on a date. At the same place. FML
Today, I was with my mom and my boyfriend at lunch. My phone rings and my mom excitedly says "You have friends!" As I'm about to answer it, she pulls out her phone from under the table and says "Kidding, it's just me." My boyfriend starts cracking up, and they exchange a high five. FML
Today, I went to a restaurant with my boyfriend. When it came time for us to leave, I saw him write something on the receipt for our waitress. I managed to get a quick look; it was his number. FML
Today, my mom called me to tell me she'd got in touch with my ex for his birthday, and that the two of them had made a plan for us to get back together. My new boyfriend was in the process of proposing to me. FML
Today, I went to dinner at my parents' house. I was going to surprise them by introducing them to my new boyfriend. They decided to surprise me too, by inviting my ex to the dinner. Everyone was surprised tonight. FML
Today, I met my ex's new boyfriend. I was at work, cashiering at the movie theater that they were apparently having their first date at. We broke up less than 24 hours ago. FML
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Top comments
amitalegaonkar 0
No wonder he dumped you, dipshit.
mrbattleman 10
YDI idiot also, you don't have your own phone to pretend to talk to someone with? that makes me think you're, like, 12 or under which makes it less of a big deal
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Comments (63)
kaonashi_fml 0
I can't even find the words to describe how pathetic people trying to impress their ex are. I mean, get on with your life. They don't care. That's why you're not together anymore.
Witchcraft_fml 5
That's when you say "Yes, baby", throw the calculator down so hard that it explodes in a cascade of buttons, and take the waiter right there on the table with your ex watching. Grade "A" ****.
perdix 31
That sounds like a great movie, Witchcraft. I could get into it once I get over the initial shock of the wanton destruction of technology (I hope it's one of those cheap calculators and not an HP-41CX with RPN. If I saw a beautiful machine like that brutally destroyed, I don't know if I could take enough Viagra to enjoy the good part.) It would be funny if during the hot and heavy part, you saw the waiter starting to get bored and the ex yelling out, "Hey, buddy, now you see why I left!" Mark my words: the genre of ****/comedy is coming.
Witchcraft_fml 5
That sounds like something I could really get into. Watching her feelings get crushed might turn me on more than anything else I could see. Let's both object loudly to the fact the the OP left out details of the calculator, and flood her inbox with hate mail. Details of the calculator were necessary to create an enjoyable porno. However, in my mind it was the cheap old gray calculator my mum uses to do her bills, thus disposable and worth sacrificing for the sake of a great movie.
Witchcraft_fml 5
"**** me with the tip! ...No, not THAT tip!"
scateice 0
"Are you done talking into your calculator???? " ......N-.....None of your buisness."
null_fml 11
I hope your ex gave that waiter a HUGE tip. If I were him, I would've.
TheKitsune 0
I think the world just realized why you are single :/
perdix 31
You should have said to the waiter, loudly, "Well, I'm certainly not going to need this calculator to figure your tip -- ZERO!" I can see why your ex dumped you. We men are taught that girls become their mothers, and he saw that your mom was so insane that she talks to calculators. He saw the future and it was ... crazy, batshit crazy.
Witchcraft_fml 5
Might she have gotten an elbow in the eye, too? Otherwise, mistaking a calculator for a phone is definitely dump-worthy!
ManUpFucker 0
And still no coke...
Witchcraft_fml 5
Maybe she doesn't have one.
Witchcraft_fml 5
Womp womp wooooomp. :[
BunnyDrastic 0
Wow how ****** immature seriously
Raheemdplayer 7
Wow you are stupid. Wat are your results in ur IQ?
DameGreyWulf 1
Really, I don't get what's soooo important about looking like you're taken in front of an ex. Why do you care about what they think? They're your ex for a reason! Are you trying to make them jealous? Because it seems to me he really wouldn't give a shit since he has a new girl.
log1k 3
My thoughts exactly :|
muffinsareyummy 1
exactly. guys are different than girls. once they've moved on, they've MOVED ON. girls are more self conscious about themselves, so they get jealous and try to even out the playing field. it's really pathetic.
pookipoo 0
lmao!!!!!!!!!