Today, I decided to try a self-tanning lotion my friend had recommended. I put it on, and decided to take a nap. I woke up later and checked myself in the mirror, expecting to see a new, more tanned version of myself. I didn't. I'm now orange. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I tried a self-tanner in an attempt to rid myself of my ghost-white legs. I got my wish, but instead of a warm golden tan, I have red, swollen, lobster-like marks sticking out from the bottom half of my torso. FML
Today, I used a self-tanning towelette to help even out my tan lines and disguise my vitiligo a bit. Now my stomach is orange and my spots are even more noticeable. FML
Today, as I finished putting self tanner on my legs, the phone rang. Telemarketer. After returning to the bathroom I put moisturizer on my face. As I looked in the mirror, I soon realized I'd forgotten to wash my hands. My face is now streaky orange. FML
Today, my sister thought it would be funny to spray my face with my new tanning spray, which is only supposed to be used on arms and legs. I woke up and looked in the mirror to see an orange blotchy face staring back at me. My parents can't look at me without laughing. FML
Today, I used a tanning bed at my local gym for the first time. I went in for the full allowed time of 9 minutes. I went to school after and everybody said I looked like Trump. Confused, I went to the bathroom and looked in the mirror. My skin is orange and matches with my bleach blonde hair. FML
Today, I decided to spray tan myself. Five minutes later, I had to pee, so I did. Not only do I now have two orange stripes on my toilet bowl, but I also have two big white stripes on the back of my thighs. FML
Today, I decided to get a spray tan. I'm now more orange than the current president of the United States. FML
Today, a day after I went to the beach and fell asleep in the sun without applying sunscreen, I woke up to find myself looking like a lobster, with the worst tan lines possible. On top of that, I had to go to a wedding, and when I walked in, my cousin asked if I had “taken a bath in some tomato soup.” FML
Today, I got my make-up remover wipes mixed up with my sister's self-tan wipes. I am currently watching my face slowly turn orange and there is nothing I can do about it. FML
Today, I used a tanning bed for the first time ever, in an attempt to get a base tan for the summer. No one bothered to warn me that you shouldn't go the full ten minutes your first time. Now my skin is as red as my hair. FML
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Top comments
Rockmannerman 2
There is nothing wrong with being pale! I'd rather be white as snow than look like a leather handbag!
Doortje 30
You should do the same with hairdye. Apply it, go to sleep, wake up hours later and discover your green hair. You'll look like a walking carrot!
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Comments (150)
BWill9014 4
Everyone knows the lotions don't work...
perdix 31
It's not so bad. One of "you people" just became the Speaker of the House here in the US. Now, if you can get Syracuse University to stop mocking you, life would get even better for those of the orange persuasion.
fearfulsymmetry 1
One of your best posts yet.
SkateboardGirl88 11
classic!
powerslave117 0
snookkiee
popsvb01 9
What's the need to be tan in January in Denmark???
Dogbite1313 5
That would be why if I want a tan I get an airbrushed one they look real. I would rather be pale then look like someones handbag, which I do if I lay out or use a tanning bed, because it is so hard for me to get a tan.
AWESOMExPOSSUM 0
good job Snooky!
seeinghourglass 0
Snooki*
Stupidpeopleanno 5
Yes, yes. The OP must be an elite humanoid! He too fears the sun so he got sunless tan lotion! The sun is dangerous so he used an alternative! The rest of the human race must convert! If you don't go outside you can be leather bag orange! Repent, repent I say!
ChibiChibi_fml 28
You can wind up with that leather look from laying out in the sun as well, or just being in the sun too often without sunscreen. This is really more of an everything in moderation type of situation.
MK306 0
douchebag
DakotaCat 4
Try Jersey Shores Guido Tanning lotion! It makes pumpkins look white in comparison!