Today, I decided to shave my legs completely to be more confident...

By Anonymous - 13/5/2009 19:39 - United States

Today, I decided to shave my legs completely to be more confident in my dress. I spent over an hour making sure my legs were perfectly shaved. It wasn't until I had been out awhile that I realized I forgot to shave my armpits. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23804

You deserved it

52180

Favorite

Miscellaneous

Serious times

Healthy relationship

A beautiful truck decoration

By SureDoesMakeAGirlFeelGood - 13/4/2016 01:45 - Canada - Paradise

Today, I found out that my husband has more topless pictures of his ex on his computer than he does of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24294

You deserved it

4433

Favorite

By dvddtraveller - 22/4/2016 21:25 - United States - Oakland

Today, I went to the local clinic and I met a really cute guy. We hit it off quite well, and he asked me out. It's like The Fault in Our Stars, but instead of cancer, we have STDs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21664

You deserved it

7337

Favorite

By Anonymous - 29/11/2013 11:56 - United States - Westminster

Today, I had sex with my boyfriend for the first time. It was also the first time he'd ever had sex. How could I tell? He cried all the way through, and called his parents right after. FML

I agree, your life sucks

63044

You deserved it

6852

Favorite

By Anonymous - 12/12/2015 04:12 - United States - Santa Clarita

Today, I tried buying alcohol for the first time. I have a baby face, so I had my ID ready. The store owner admitted that my ID looked real enough, but he wouldn't believe it wasn't just an elaborate fake. He very nearly called the cops on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22703

You deserved it

1673

Favorite

By Screwed - 1/5/2017 14:00

Today, I was informed that- despite an already skeletal staff- my supervisor is leaving the company. Tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4270

You deserved it

300

Favorite

By jello_bellied_snack_snapper - 23/4/2018 16:00

Today, my daughter was stung by a bark scorpion, requiring a visit to the ER. Luckily, we were seen quickly. Unfortunately, due to a new policy, the medicine used to treat the sting is not available for children as it "might" cause low blood pressure. Awesome. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3953

You deserved it

210

Favorite

By 3-wheeler - 9/3/2010 11:12 - United Kingdom

Today, I left my car in a disreputable area. After picking it up later on, I heard a strange "clonking" sound. The clonking suddenly stopped when my wheel fell off; someone had stolen my wheel nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25271

You deserved it

4400

Favorite

By kal - 28/2/2012 21:03 - United States

Today, in bio class, we were studying the reproductive system. I don't like talking about this stuff, and I twitched every time my teacher said "penis" or "vagina." When I told my family, they laughed and kept repeating those words just to see me twitch. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12479

You deserved it

36840

Favorite

By Anonymous - 20/2/2017 08:00 - United States - Franklin

Today, I finally got the balls to ask the girl of my dreams out, but all I could talk about was my two cats. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6087

You deserved it

1629

Favorite

By ChessNut - 27/11/2018 12:00

Today, a girl I'd been crushing on for a little while and I were talking about autism. Some of the last words she said were "I try to not find autistic people so fucking annoying, but I can't help it. But can you blame me?” I'm autistic. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3194

You deserved it

248

Favorite

By Anonymous - 17/8/2016 15:18 - Australia - Adelaide

Today, my brother showed my wife a Craigslist ad by someone seeking casual sex. It had very specific details that made it seem like I wrote it. My brother later admitted in private that he made the post as revenge for me not loaning him $500 last month. Meanwhile, my wife still thinks I'm unfaithful. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18434

You deserved it

1097

Favorite

By booger - 18/7/2013 07:41 - United States - Plano

Today, while lying in bed, my boyfriend began to stroke my nose. "You can pick your girlfriend, but you can't pick your girlfriend's nose," I said playfully. In response, he shouted "Yes, I can!" before painfully jamming his pinky up my left nostril. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43644

You deserved it

14956

Favorite

By Anonymous - 26/10/2012 21:59 - Switzerland - Zurich

Today, I was watching a movie with my boyfriend, when things got a little frisky and we started making out. It was my first time French-kissing, and apparently he has a very sensitive gag reflex, because the moment my tongue went in, he started retching, and vomited moments later. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28873

You deserved it

3756

Favorite

By InAnAwkwardSituation - 25/8/2011 05:26 - United States

Today, I walked in on my new college roommate holding his cock. He said "Hi I'm Jeffrey, and this is Jeffrey junior" while directing attention towards his penis. It's going to be a long semester. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40176

You deserved it

2985

Favorite

By EpicFail - 17/1/2009 15:49 - United States

Today, in class, I volunteered to read a poem out loud. I accidentally said "circumcised" instead of "circumscribed". I don't think I"ll be volunteering to read anything more. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19991

You deserved it

4490

Favorite

By BirthdayBoy - 28/3/2015 03:42 - United States - Madison

Today, I was uninvited from my own birthday party. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32872

You deserved it

3124

Favorite

By Brandon Butler - 4/3/2011 09:22

Today, I was riding my motorcycle on the highway and wearing all of my gear - boots, gloves, jacket, and full-face helmet. Somehow a bee found the only spot not covered on my body and stung my neck. I'm allergic to bees. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38518

You deserved it

2980

Favorite

By kdubz23 - 17/2/2014 22:41 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, the parent of a student called to ask me about a homework assignment. At the end of the call, she told me that I seem to be losing my "Asian accent" from when she first talked to me in the summer. I was born in the US, grew up in NJ and speak perfect English. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39767

You deserved it

3363

Favorite

By Dummy - 1/4/2018 15:00

Happy Easter!

Today, I was stuck in the bathroom with no toilet paper in a family member’s house. I looked around and found baby wipes. I was saved! Unfortunately, they were actually Clorox wipes. The bleach gave me a chemical burn in my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3652

You deserved it

1380

Favorite

By DanJames24 - 5/6/2020 14:00

Family jewels

Today, while on the bus, I had to stand as all the seats were taken. I was standing behind a group of small girls who were messing around with their bags. As they were swinging them, one hit me square in the nuts with her elbow. The girl said, “Wise up, I hardly touched you.” I missed my stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1537

You deserved it

113

Favorite

By Anonymous - 3/11/2014 18:03 - Poland - Warsaw

Today, I told my boss I'm going to quit, after months of being abused, doing meaningless work, and working late every day. I was soon given so many new projects that I didn't even have time to write my resignation letter. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32536

You deserved it

5807

Favorite

By YOURMOM - 31/12/2011 07:24 - United States

Today, I was at the park feeding nuts to some squirrels. One fell down my shirt and the next thing I know I'm being attacked by a squirrel that looked like it was on steroids. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29943

You deserved it

5977

Favorite

By tracie - 22/9/2010 00:00 - United States

Today, I took my dogs to an empty park. While they were running around, I laid down in the grass to read a book. Someone thought I was a dead body and called the cops. The police and paramedics showed up. This is the second time it's happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38488

You deserved it

4973

Favorite

By GettingACat - 20/11/2018 03:00

Today, I found a mouse nest. In my glovebox. Made out of the $450 in rent money I was going to give my roommate that I had stored in there earlier for safe keeping. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2509

You deserved it

675

Favorite

By needanotherbed - 28/5/2014 14:21 - United Kingdom - Ipswich

Today, I climbed into bed with my sleeping boyfriend after a long shift at work. He immediately rolled over, clamped my leg between his knees, and started viciously humping it. This is the fourth time now, and he still doesn't believe that he even does it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51966

You deserved it

6114

Favorite

By Anonymous - 29/6/2016 12:24 - United States - Houston

Today, a wasp ended up in the house. Normally, I'd just open a door to outside and run for cover, but my 3-year-old son was home, so I decided to be brave and kill it. It flew into the air vents. We're now playing wasp roulette every time we enter a room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12304

You deserved it

1800

Favorite

By Anonymous - 6/1/2014 18:59 - South Africa

Today, I realised after showering that I didn't have a towel, so I thought I would risk a naked dash to my brother's room to steal one of his. He and his friend were in the room and both agreed that I needed a "trim". FML

I agree, your life sucks

55218

You deserved it

23230

Favorite

By Anonymous - 19/3/2016 12:30 - United States

Today, my roommate used my PC without asking. Long story short, it's now infected with ransomware. The dissertation I've been working on for months is now encrypted, along with all the backups on my second hard drive. Now I have to pay the hackers $1,500 to get the decryption key. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22338

You deserved it

2093

Favorite

By Anonymous - 18/12/2009 23:10 - United States

Today, I was at the airport about to leave for my business trip. In the restroom, I put my purse on the edge of the sink and got my lipstick out. I leaned closer to apply my lipstick and my open purse fell into the sink, triggering the automatic faucet, filling my purse with water. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26676

You deserved it

9952

Favorite

By Anonymous - 29/9/2019 04:00

Burden

Today, after a fight with my parents, I told them I was running away. They said, "Good. Now we have less to pay in child support." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1099

You deserved it

746

Favorite

By LoveTheElder - 11/5/2016 01:38 - United States - San Clemente

Today, the elderly lady I work for got mad at me, all because I wouldn't feed her imaginary friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11930

You deserved it

1318

Favorite

By Anonymous - 24/5/2009 23:39 - United States

Today, I confronted my fiancé and told him I knew his 'little secret'. I had suspected that he had been ruining his wedding diet by eating pizza at the office. He replied that the affair with his secretary had only been going on for a couple of months. FML

I agree, your life sucks

81866

You deserved it

7964

Favorite

By Nnn - 11/7/2019 12:00

Today, my coworker came to my desk, so I greeted him with a smile, and said, "Hello friend." He then told me that we are not friends, and that he hates when I say that. Oh, OK, sorry for trying to be nice. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1539

You deserved it

409

Favorite

By Anonymous - 22/7/2020 02:02

What's your damage?

Today, I put my car in the garage last night so it wouldn't get damaged by a huge thunderstorm. Golf clubs fell on it while it was stowed away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1118

You deserved it

304

Favorite

By adalia - 19/7/2009 17:11 - United Kingdom

Today, I was telling my dad about plans to go out late for a few drinks next week. My dad started his usual "YOU COULD GET RAPED!" lecture, before my brother sprang to my defence, "It's not like she's what they're after, is she?" Apparently, rapists are out of my league. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49073

You deserved it

4907

Favorite

By NoOrdinaryNZer - 30/10/2016 11:09 - New Zealand - Christchurch

Today, an old man, while I was working, asked me to spell average-length words. Confused, I refused. Turns out I was apparently taking too long counting the large amount of small change he'd given to me, and he assumed I couldn't count or spell. I study law, and I've learned basic calculus. Welcome to retail. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10685

You deserved it

970

Favorite

By arther - 3/6/2019 02:05

Today, I got up at 3:15 a.m. to be ready for work at 5 a.m. I get to my work station to find absolutely no work to do. After talking with my boss, I was sent home with no pay. If I'd been employed there 3 weeks longer, I would've been paid for 4 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1654

You deserved it

135

Favorite

By ljennette25 - 23/9/2016 04:51 - United States - Princeton

Today, I started a new job as a school bus driver. I was sent on the hardest route in the area, and not 5 minutes in I came across a broke down truck in the middle of the road. I was stuck behind him for over an hour with a bus full of elementary school kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12169

You deserved it

865

Favorite

By Anathema_360 - 20/9/2009 23:19 - Canada

Today, I woke up from a nap on my new bed to see my phone lit up with new texts. My friend sent out "Wanna test out my new bed?" as a mass text while I was asleep to every boy in my phone. Mark will be here in an hour, Jon wants to know what I'm wearing, and my ex's new girlfriend is not amused. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42090

You deserved it

3885

Favorite

By hunterchik - 29/9/2018 15:30

Today, I found out about my parent's divorce over Facebook from my sister who lives 8 hours away in another province. They made the decision 3 weeks ago. I live with my parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3434

You deserved it

236

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By deaditegirl | 0

#195871 - Wednesday 13 May 2009 23:05

How does it take you an hour to shave your legs? You must be pretty bad at shaving.

By volcom1206 | 0

#195903 - Wednesday 13 May 2009 23:09

This sounds to me like shaving is not a usual occurrence for you. I suggest you make it one.

COMMENTS

By mynameisnotjudie | 0

#195860 - Wednesday 13 May 2009 23:04

An hour to shave your legs? Sorry, but YDI... way to leave no water for the fishies.

quelbaby | 0

#890868 - Thursday 25 February 2010 10:40

umm usually when a female shaves her legs she fills the basin with water and just shakes the razor in the water to clear it.. so not a waste of water at all :)