Today, I decided to quit smoking. My wife conveniently decided on the same day that she was going to start smoking. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, after secretly smoking for more than two years, I decided to quit. I came home from work to see my wife holding a pack and asking me what was it doing behind the toilet seat. FML
Today, I decided to quit smoking. During my lunch break, I tried to ash the KitKat bar that was in my hand after I took a bite. FML
Today, my wife decided to quit nicotine. I came home to find my Xbox, Playstation, Switch, and PC burning in our fire pit. FML
Today, I decided to quit smoking and put on a nicotine patch. I decided to have one last cigarette and ended up sick at the doctors with nicotine poisoning. FML
Today, I quit smoking. My son came home with an ashtray he made in arts and crafts class. FML
Today, my wife has quit smoking weed. Now she can stay up all night, whereas before she fell asleep around 9 almost every night, so now I get absolutely no time to myself. FML
Today, I broke up with the girl I'd been dating for two months because she started smoking. This is a deal breaker for me. I just found out from her friend that she started smoking for the sole purpose of getting me to break it off and now plans to quit. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me she was over her addiction and wished to quit cold turkey. I cancelled all my plans to stay home and support her. She didn't mean her tobacco addiction, no no. Her corn chip addiction. FML
Today, I saw my boss, so I mentioned to him, "Oh, I quit." He then interrupted, saying, "Great, I was going to fire you this week anyway." I wanted to tell him I quit smoking. FML
Today, my husband bought me a present for our three year anniversary. It was a pack of 20 cigarettes. I don't smoke. He does. FML
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Top comments
incognito1520 20
She's just trolling you.
21jason 9
At least she didn't decide to quit having sex!
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Comments (140)
DrMime 10
Awwww! Now you two can get the couples chemo discount :D
mckibben 7
You're dick. Again.
maphineRAWRS 10
Why would you staaarrrrttttt dontttt ahha
THE_A_TEEN 28
I read and re-read your comment and I still can't ******* understand what the **** you wrote.
Dracoboxer357 36
I believe she said, "Why on earth you would start a horrible habit such as smoking? Dear Lord, stop her, before it's too late and she sabotages your efforts to beat your own addiction. Cheers!" At least, that's what I read.....more or less. :) And, since she phrased it so well, I think I agree with her. ;)
maphineRAWRS 10
No one has understood me more! Haha thank you for translating :P
jimmytheman 0
You, sir, have been trolled.
evilplatypus 39
Who, other than teenagers, people in jail, and super-stressed out soldiers in the line of duty suddenly decide to START smoking?
1happymummy 14
Good question, I toyed with the idea as a teen but now as a 20 something I could imagine just suddenly deciding to buy a pack of cigarettes.
jlstough 10
people who were smokers prior? my husband was a smoker as a teenager, stopped before he joined the military, and then started smoking again once he got back from iraq.
Calyx_fml 22
She just doesn't want your old cigs to go to waste.
alycion 39
I'm the only smoker in my house and quitting has been hard enough. Hang in there. Give all of us who keep screwing up quitting some hope.
Dracoboxer357 36
Alycion, ever heard the saying "Fall off the wagon 6 times but chase it back down 7?" It means it doesn't matter how times you fail at quitting as long as you succeed the last time. Don't give up on quitting yet, I believe you can do it, eventually! :) Cheers!
phantumgrey 6
Remember if she smokes she pokes!
shinshoku13 19
Well its not to late for her to stop
pagullarka 9
I would show her the pictures of nice women that you would date after she's gone
whyusofat 17
Smack them out of her hand. :D