Intimacy: Not smart - FML

Not smart

By Mateo - 14/12/2008 03:58 - France

Spicy

Today, I surprised my girlfriend by turning up at her flat on her 24th birthday. She got up from the couch as I entered, and I shouted, "Tonight, my cock is going to stab you twenty-four times!" (Okay, that's not smart). That's when her father glanced over from the couch and greeted me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 787

You deserved it 67 566

Christmas: Snowy Joys and Blunders
Enjoy Christmas stories where unexpected gifts and family reunions create lasting memories... and fun! More…

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Same thing different taste

Happy?

By SURPRISE - 10/06/2009 00:13 - Canada

Today, it was my girlfriend's birthday. To surprise her, I told her that I was going away on business, and could not be there on her birthday. When I show up at her house to surprise her with a present and cake, she opens the door in her underwear, beside a man in his boxers. She was surprised. FML

I agree, your life sucks 89 692

You deserved it 6 828

What the…?

By willywonks - 21/03/2009 05:33 - United States

Today, I went over to surprise my girlfriend of two years with flowers and dinner at her apartment. After I knocked, a handsome young man answered the door. Thinking I had the wrong apartment, I apologized, only to hear my girlfriend's voice call from the background, "Baby, who's there?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 165 294

You deserved it 8 318

By happybidet - 31/10/2016 13:02 - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend woke me with a surprise up on my birthday. Unfortunately, it was her screaming at the top of her lungs and punching me in the face because of a nightmare. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 721

You deserved it 881

By jane smith - 01/07/2010 12:11 - Australia

Spicy

Today, it was my boyfriend's birthday, and I thought I'd surprise him after work by wearing nothing but a smile on his bed. As I heard someone come in, I had a huge smile on my face. Turns out it was his dad and all his friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 591

You deserved it 18 055

A heads up next time maybe?

By Bob - 07/04/2020 02:00

Spicy

Today, when my girlfriend walked out the room, for a laugh, I covered my whole body except my knob in blankets. Then when I heard her come back in, I yelled, "Surprise!" It was her mom, who'd dropped by unannounced. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 695

You deserved it 1 019

Hiya!

By mal - 08/05/2012 20:46 - United Kingdom - Chelmsford

Spicy

Today, I brought my girlfriend home while my parents were at work, and things got a little heated. We lost track of time, because the next thing we knew, my dad burst into the living room. He doubled over laughing and asked how much I paid her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 215

You deserved it 6 273

By Ohfman117 - 11/08/2009 20:30 - United States

Today, I was sneaking over to my girlfriend's house. I sent her mother a text message thinking it was my girlfriend saying "There's a stalker coming in to make you his play mate ;]" Unfortunately when I got to her window I was greeted by her dad with a bat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 956

You deserved it 71 792

Prank war W

By Anonymous - 20/08/2014 21:03 - Canada - Toronto

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend took our prank war way too far and had a package sent to me at home. Confused, I opened it. It contained a dildo and a bottle of lube. I didn't know my dad was watching over my shoulder until I heard him choke on his coffee and felt it splash over my neck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 379

You deserved it 9 945

Back to reality

By Anonymous - 24/12/2012 18:02 - United Kingdom - Saint Neots

Spicy

Today, as her parents were supposed to be out of town, I stayed over with my girlfriend, and we ended up in bed together. Later on, while poking through the fridge, I heard footsteps, so I said, "Didn't think you'd be walking after that." I closed the fridge and saw her dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 970

You deserved it 28 295

By anonymous - 24/06/2009 06:13 - United States

Spicy

Today, I went to write "Happy Bday, I Love You" on my girlfriend's car windows to surprise her when she woke up. I was the one who got the surprise when I saw her, in her backseat, having sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 80 909

You deserved it 3 733

Next

Top comments

Easy_Target 0

Monday 23 February 2009 23:29

Nice entrance, Romeo.

cndrow 0

Monday 9 February 2009 23:38

Complete win! Ahaha. That's was a totally awesome idea- just slightly wrong timing.

Comments

cndrow 0

Monday 9 February 2009 23:38

Complete win! Ahaha. That's was a totally awesome idea- just slightly wrong timing.

blah_blah_shity 0

Friday 13 February 2009 3:12

LOLOLOLOL damn you're a smart one.

blueEyes_19 0

Monday 16 February 2009 18:25

HAHAHAHAHA you are awesome

Easy_Target 0

Monday 23 February 2009 23:29

Nice entrance, Romeo.

breena25 0

Sunday 13 March 2011 21:44

HA

pinkfrenchrose 5

Saturday 14 March 2009 5:52

LOL

deuce_wild 0

Sunday 15 March 2009 0:58

dont forget, one for good luck

crazyme123 0

Wednesday 18 March 2009 8:29

LOL NICE BRO

xxbizzaroxx 0

Wednesday 18 March 2009 18:25

good job.

IamSpartacus 0

Monday 23 March 2009 7:44

ROFL at #9's comment.

matt2561 0

Thursday 26 March 2009 18:04

9 FTW

bailes_o_hay 0

Saturday 20 March 2010 17:48

second

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Keywords

Money Health Kids Christmas You're fired Work Bodyshaming Customers Fat Am I overreacting? Social Media Love Facebook AITA Embarrassing Poopoo peepee Miscellaneous Education Relatable Students Technology Mental health Romantic Break-ups Annoying Gross Ironic Argument Awkward Friends

The Top

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. He knows that I love when he breathes on my neck. Just when I was about to finish, he put his lips a millimeter away from my neck and ear, and breathed, "I love how you smell like my grandmother's house." FML

I agree, your life sucks 111 813

You deserved it 9 769

Today, I was working a concert ticket booth. A lady gave me her ticket, I punched it, and told her to enjoy the show. She asked for the “hotel.” Apparently, she thought that the concert ticket cost included a hotel stay, since she traveled from out of state. She cussed me out and had to be escorted out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 333

You deserved it 76

The Top

Today, I was rear-ended while at a stop sign, by my driving instructor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 659

You deserved it 2 813

Today, I had to pull guard duty. I had to guard the latrine because somebody likes to stuff whole toilet paper rolls in the toilet to clog it. Only six more months in Iraq. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 267

You deserved it 3 700

Today, I received an email from my boss telling me how appreciated I was and how valuable I am to the company. I wish I hadn't scrolled down to read the included conversation where he asked his boss whether to lie to me about how good I was or not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 529

You deserved it 2 069

Today, it’s been 20 years since my then girlfriend of 2 weeks fell asleep while I was going down on her. She claimed it was because she was so ‘relaxed’ with me. I married her anyway. Now, she’s still very, very ‘relaxed’ with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 158

You deserved it 451

Today, my boyfriend asked how I could go to the bathroom and leave my tampon in at the same time. He didn't realize there are two separate holes. He's 28. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 639

You deserved it 5 009

Today, in a drunken, depressed state I thought I heard my deceased mother trying to make contact with me from beyond the grave. It took me a moment to realise that the soft voice was from the music my neighbours were playing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 242

You deserved it 6 523