Miscellaneous: Today, I cleaned the toilet so vigorously that I snapped the...

By SLAB_GIRL15 - 01/08/2012 07:59 - Australia - Port Macquarie

Today, I cleaned the toilet so vigorously that I snapped the handle of the brush. I laughed and told the rest of my family. Instead of joining in on the hilarity, my mother screamed, "We have had that toilet brush for twenty-six years!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 356

You deserved it 3 059

Miscellaneous

But there's panic on the streets of Carlisle

First Dates

Ah yes, homophobic jokes, so funny

By fluent in two, unlike you - 25/03/2014 18:42 - Mexico

Today, the feedback my teacher wrote on my English assignment was so horrible that it took me half an hour and help from both my parents to decipher it. It turned out to be a scathing criticism of my "poor communication skills". I hate my teachers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 683

You deserved it 3 806

By jshibbz0993 - 23/11/2011 15:16 - United States

Today, I was complaining to my boyfriend about our excessive water bill. He then says, "Don't look at me, I don't even shower." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 454

You deserved it 6 073

By sy123 - 29/07/2012 23:34 - United States - Frankfort

Today, I had an ovarian cyst rupture at work, causing sudden severe stomach cramps; this caused my bowels to release everything right then and there, while on the phone with a customer, in the middle of the call center surrounded by 200 other sales reps. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 375

You deserved it 1 850

By Anonymous - 09/01/2016 05:38 - United States - Columbus

Today, I spent nearly an hour trying to take a decent photo for my dating site profile. Not 20 minutes after uploading it, I got a message saying "Srsly dude stop trying, u look like Rosie O'Donnell." FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 968

You deserved it 2 444

By brinn - 16/09/2011 05:15 - United States

Today, I told my husband that I wanted him to stay sober during the week. He responded by saying he wanted me to be a supermodel during the week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 876

You deserved it 9 744

By Anonymous - 18/11/2012 00:41 - United States - Grand Junction

Today, I had to take my little brother to the pool. He acted like a brat the whole time, and when I told him we were leaving, he ran away, slipped, and hit his face on the tile floor. He told my dad and step-mom I punched him. They believed him, and I'm grounded for two months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 463

You deserved it 2 012

Dash!

By pokeOww - 13/09/2019 22:00

Today, my brother thought it'd be hilarious to tease a group of Pokémon players. They thought it'd be hilarious to beat both our asses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 983

You deserved it 1 347

By Anonymous - 26/02/2014 03:50 - United States - La Grange

Today, I wanted to pretend to have a seizure so my baby sister could know when to call 911. When I fell down and started to pretend, she decided to drink my soda instead of helping me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 488

You deserved it 16 600

By Anonymous - 15/02/2011 19:28 - United States

Today, while sitting on the couch, my boyfriend came over, pulled his penis out of his fly, and started stabbing me in the face with it while humming the Jaws theme. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 094

You deserved it 14 241

By Ouchhh - 25/05/2010 06:54 - United States

Today, I leaned back and bumped into one of my mom's plants in the window. The good thing was that I caught it before it fell and shattered. The bad thing was that my mom likes to keep cactii in the window. I can still feel thorns I haven't managed to pluck out yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 843

You deserved it 4 534

By poomaster - 22/11/2010 02:33 - United States

Today, I spent an hour at work trying to make a tortoise poo. When he finally did, I was so excited and felt pretty triumphant. Then I realized that my job was to make animals drop their load. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 741

You deserved it 5 143

By Anonymous - 17/08/2010 17:06 - Canada

Today, my aunt asked me to babysit my cousin. She gave me a warning that he says he's allergic to foods to get out of eating them. When I brought out my homemade cooking, he told me he was allergic, so I made him eat it anyway. Turns out he WAS allergic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 878

You deserved it 13 216

By Rynne S. - 13/03/2012 06:12 - United States

Today, I got my yearbook. My sister and I are identical twins, and we realized only my sister had a picture in it. When we asked the head of yearbook, they said they thought it was the same girl trying to get two pictures, so they put in the prettier one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 427

You deserved it 2 455

In a rush

By Crappy - 11/04/2015 12:12 - Canada - Rodney

Today, I got trapped in my building's elevator for over an hour, with my dog who I had been rushing outside with because he had explosive diarrhea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 431

You deserved it 2 980

By blindsparrow - 18/11/2014 05:35 - United States - Dublin

Today, I went out to get milk from the garage fridge for my mom. The moment I stepped out, my foot settled on the neighbor's boa, who likes to escape. After my mom finally opened the door to my frantic shouting, she spotted the snake, slammed the door, and locked both of us outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 302

You deserved it 2 927

By redriver - 18/06/2018 14:30 - United States

Today, exactly 28 days after I started my last period, I started a new period. This would be perfectly healthy and normal except that my last period was 24 days long. This has happened every month this year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 432

You deserved it 292

By JimmySmoothBeans - 21/10/2009 12:15 - Australia

Today, I had my 21st birthday party. My friends told me to have the party even though it had been 5 months since my actual 21st birthday. They asked me why I didn't have one originally and I jokingly told them it was because I didn't think anyone would come. Turned out nobody came after all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 298

You deserved it 3 472

By lectro - 23/11/2008 08:22 - France

Today, I swallowed the piercing that I had bought for my tongue yesterday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 900

You deserved it 30 956

By Lovestupid - 03/11/2009 09:25 - Australia

Today, I woke up extremely hungover next to a guy I have been in love with for a while but hadn't seen for ages. Turns out he had a bet going with his mates. He bet he could get me to sleep with him straight away even after not calling me for a month. He was right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 990

You deserved it 29 021

By Anonymous - 18/11/2009 01:08 - United States

Today, I was waiting at an intersection. Across from me, a car was approaching and a bunny ran out. Trying to save it, I flashed my lights and beeped at the car crazily, when the bunny turned around. The lights turned, and as I drove forward the bunny came back out and I hit it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 622

You deserved it 7 560

By Anonymous - 10/08/2019 18:00

Today, I posted that I'm having a yard sale and listed a bunch of stuff I'm selling. People started messaging, asking me to send pictures and prices. That's why I'm having the yard sale, so I don't have to post pictures and prices! FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 441

You deserved it 299

Potterheads, man…

By Anonymous - 14/04/2012 02:06 - France

Today, after several years of having her help me out by doing household chores, I bought my fifteen-year-old daughter a new pair of jeans. Her reaction was to squeal, "Master has presented Dobby with clothes. Dobby is free!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 770

You deserved it 61 945

By heartbreakkid21 - 14/05/2009 15:22 - United States

Today, I was on a date with this girl I actually like. The date was going really well and it seemed like it would be a good night. Well while in the movie theater I went to hold her hand and instead she gave me a hand shake and said "You're so funny I'm so glad we're friends". FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 975

You deserved it 5 574

By 9inchsofty - 20/09/2018 14:00

Today, I took my truck through an automatic car wash. During the wash, the bristles on one of the automatic scrubbers ripped my metal antenna off of my car. The antenna was stuck spinning around in the scrubber, smacking and scratching the entire side of my car, top to bottom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 975

You deserved it 931

By idiot - 09/07/2012 21:26 - United States

Today, I was sitting in my car waiting my shift to start. I must've fallen asleep because I woke up to a call from my boss firing me. I was in the parking lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 034

You deserved it 23 431

Simple plan

By Crish - 22/11/2020 05:05 - Italy

Today, I was patiently explaining to my boyfriend what I liked in bed, after several weeks of unsatisfactory sex. He snapped at me and said, "80% of women fake their orgasms. Why can't you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 585

You deserved it 139

By sostupid - 10/10/2009 19:22 - United States

Today, my friend and I drove three hours to attend a U2 concert. We had been psyched about the tickets for weeks because they were awesome seats (my early Christmas present). After a long drive, we get to the venue and I realize in horror that I left tickets at home, on my desk, three hours away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 776

You deserved it 51 044

By heshay - 28/10/2010 04:27 - United States

Today, my boyfriend was seated in my section at work. As he sees me his face drops... he's on a date. He had forgotten I work there. I had to serve him and his date, and they didn't leave a tip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 656

You deserved it 3 526

By Anonymous - 05/01/2011 22:52 - United States

Today, my mother came over again to help me work on my Student Aid application. She also brought over the savings bonds that she has been accumulating since I was born to help pay for college. Turns out they won't reach maturity until I'm thirty. She never bothered to check out this fact. I'm screwed for college. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 482

You deserved it 3 413

By hunterchik - 29/09/2018 15:30

Today, I found out about my parent's divorce over Facebook from my sister who lives 8 hours away in another province. They made the decision 3 weeks ago. I live with my parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 483

You deserved it 243

Meddling

By sotter42 - 20/07/2020 17:01

Today, my father-in-law decided he was going to just completely take over our engagement party, so now my fiancé just wants to go to Reno and get married there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 245

You deserved it 135

By Anonymous - 07/04/2014 17:43 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, in an attempt to potty train my step-son, my boyfriend and I put underwear on him, hoping that when he peed himself, he would realize using the potty is the way to go. Instead, he peed while sitting on the couch, got up, took off the underwear, and then switched seats. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 617

You deserved it 13 440

By saywhat - 09/04/2013 11:05 - United States - Yakima

Today, I refused to go down on my boyfriend of 9 months. He then shoved me off the couch and, half crying, yelled that I was the third girl this week to turn him down. After sobbing for a bit, he looked me in the eyes and said, "I need you to do this so I can prove my manhood." FML

I agree, your life sucks 76 174

You deserved it 12 226

By wtfkasey - 25/06/2015 05:30 - Canada - Dundas

Today, I walked in on a raccoon viciously tearing apart a giant bag of dog food, not five feet away from my sleeping dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 115

You deserved it 1 972

By schellbytheseashore - 21/02/2009 07:30 - United States

Today, during a text conversation with a girl I've been trying to get with, she complained about how crummy of a day she was having. I told her it couldn't be as bad as she thought, and she would probably get it over it soon. Then she told me she had found out her cousin had been murdered. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 101

You deserved it 13 319

By nonbelieber - 26/11/2012 00:55 - United States - Keenesburg

Today, my girlfriend started bawling, saying that our relationship wouldn't work. Why? Because if Justin and Selena can't do it, no one can. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 694

You deserved it 3 804

By yourwifelovesme - 04/06/2019 12:00

Today, my dad was folding laundry. He came across a pair of jeans and asked who they belonged to. My mom said, “Those are definitely mine. The knees are worn out.” Thanks for that mental image mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 494

You deserved it 358

By arrrrggggghhhh - 04/03/2009 23:38 - United States

Today, I realized that my roommate has been using my loofah to clean our toilet. I've been cleaning myself with the shit of four college boys for the last six months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77 996

You deserved it 5 163

By astroloser - 07/03/2009 16:10 - Philippines

Today, I went to my guidance counselor and told her how I'd been fascinated with space since I was 12, had read about the universe and everything, and how I want to be an astrologist when I grow up. She stared at me for a second, before saying, "But you're... stupid." FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 207

You deserved it 18 037

By Anonymous - 10/06/2011 21:22 - United States

Today, my cousin taught me how to make dinner. My cousin is in first grade and I'm in college. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 474

You deserved it 41 110

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Top comments

Cyrren 22

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Wednesday 1 August 2012 18:58

There goes YOUR family heirloom you were getting in the will!

BatteryAddict 11

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Wednesday 1 August 2012 18:58

RIP.

Cyrren 22

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Wednesday 1 August 2012 18:58

There goes YOUR family heirloom you were getting in the will!

Would_You_Kindly 4

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Wednesday 1 August 2012 19:01

I can only imagine the horror of what a brush would look like after being used for 26 years to clean a toilet. You did your family a favor.

slurshies 11

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Wednesday 1 August 2012 19:07

how dare you break that brush!! it was practically a part of the family by now! (that was sarcasm)

lonkite101 14

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Wednesday 1 August 2012 19:21

23- cool story broski

HowAreYouToday 34

Wednesday 1 August 2012 19:44

... Broski?... You a snowboard?

metalwolf 17

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Wednesday 1 August 2012 20:39

You never know, the brush could have been received at the same time as another event happening. As a house warming gift for example.

BobbieH 19

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Wednesday 1 August 2012 21:00

Even if it was a house warming gift, toilet brushes should be replaced after a few years. They get nasty and harbor all sorts of bacteria.

hockeychicl003 6

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Wednesday 1 August 2012 22:10

agreed 69, the brush probably would have made the toilet worse haha

sens3sfailing 24

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Wednesday 1 August 2012 22:30

I agree with 69's position!

murphy22 6

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Wednesday 1 August 2012 22:47

Oh the irony in that comment lol

_PurpleTortugas_ 2

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Wednesday 1 August 2012 23:56

I don't think it was irony , I believe that comment was made as some sort of pun. -__-

efemel94 7

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Thursday 2 August 2012 0:49

80 doesn't sense he is failing.

cherry72 13

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Thursday 2 August 2012 1:10

Lmao.

nellienufflenew 5

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Thursday 2 August 2012 3:15

Remember the time you weren't funny

zine_fml 5

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Wednesday 1 August 2012 18:58

That's true love.

putloginhere 6

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Wednesday 1 August 2012 19:08

For a toilet brush?

HowAreYouToday 34

Wednesday 1 August 2012 19:38

"that toilet brush *helped me finish* for 26 years!"

HowAreYouToday 34

Wednesday 1 August 2012 19:38

"not that it was very good..."

HowAreYouToday 34

Wednesday 1 August 2012 19:38

"screw it. Let's get me a vibrator."

Shadomasta 5

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Wednesday 1 August 2012 21:44

Just stop...

zine_fml 5

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Thursday 2 August 2012 15:49

Lol aw sad my comment was thumbed down :( meany faces.

BatteryAddict 11

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Wednesday 1 August 2012 18:58

RIP.

i_wuz_nver_here 31

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Wednesday 1 August 2012 19:41

More like SNAP

SqueakyChipmunk 20

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Wednesday 1 August 2012 19:53

"I loved that toilet brush; It helped me through all the shitty situations, put up with my crap and never got pissy about it. You will be missed."

Hiimhaileypotter 52

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Wednesday 1 August 2012 20:33

#3 For some reason your picture + your comment + the FML = my day made. :P OP.... Sadly, this sounds like something my mother would do. I feel your pain!

bobbybill0519 7

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Thursday 2 August 2012 1:14

Rest In Poop?

larouche362 10

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Saturday 4 August 2012 20:03

Your picture... Its so perfect for the comment.

folfg0 12

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Wednesday 1 August 2012 18:58

And that toilet brush has seen its last shitty job. On to a better life!!

Jaxx66 21

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Wednesday 1 August 2012 19:02

I wonder what that toilette brush did that was so terrible in a previous life, to deserve 20+ years of service to cleaning shit.

saintsrocksocks 10

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Wednesday 1 August 2012 19:20

Folf you haven't made many comments but most of the ones I've seen make laugh my ass off.

SamanthaCassieL 10

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Wednesday 1 August 2012 18:58

How dare you? That brush was a member of your family!!!! What the hell?? Lol just kidding sorry for your luck OP

saintsrocksocks 10

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Wednesday 1 August 2012 18:58

Passed down from generation to generation. You must feel terrible you sick monster.

LilBobby 0

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Wednesday 1 August 2012 18:59

Wait. Could you tell me why breaking the handle is "hilarious"?

nightwishs 13

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Thursday 2 August 2012 2:55

Yeah cause it's freaking hilarious...

venas24 0

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Thursday 2 August 2012 9:01

I was thinking the same thing. Lol

MissssUnderstood 13

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Thursday 2 August 2012 17:04

Cuy he tried cleaning so hard! & their supposed to be hard

EduJav321 24

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Wednesday 1 August 2012 18:59

That brush was filthier than the toilet

DiruKitty18 8

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Wednesday 1 August 2012 19:03

Thats what I was thinking, any brush that old can't be to sanitary..

fmljerry26 3

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Wednesday 1 August 2012 21:19

I was thinking the same. Gross.

Isoldael 27

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Thursday 2 August 2012 1:46

Or the brush could have been cleaned and disinfected in the meantime.

DiruKitty18 8

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Thursday 2 August 2012 3:47

Yea it may have been cleaned off but even with bleach now and then 25 years is a lot of bacteria.

DiruKitty18 8

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Thursday 2 August 2012 3:49

Your corn snake hatchling is so cute by the way ;A;

Migole 36

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Thursday 2 August 2012 21:43

We get a new one at least every few months ... this is just ewwww

Isoldael 27

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Friday 3 August 2012 3:34

107 - if you disinfect properly, the brush will have fewer bacteria on it than the ones you buy from the store. How long it's been in use has little to do with that. And thanks, I think he's cute too!