Miscellaneous: Today, my date took me to visit his farm. As we were walking,...

By Anonymous - Canada - Toronto

Today, my date took me to visit his farm. As we were walking, a wild rabbit darted past me and startled me. I tripped and fell face first into cow dung. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20647

You deserved it

2707

Favorite

Miscellaneous

Dementia or hate? You decide

Overbearing much?

Dad of the year

By strictly cum prancing - United States

Today, my boyfriend backed out on our date so he could help his best friend get ready for some kind of drag queen competition. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20201

You deserved it

6849

Favorite

By confused - United States - Milwaukee

Today, my boyfriend and I broke up because we got into a fight over what color that confusing black and blue and white and gold dress was. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35276

You deserved it

25865

Favorite

By Anonymous - Australia

Today, while on my break at work, my workmates convinced me to perform my "Indian accent" piece. Everyone laughed while I was doing it. Everyone, that is, but my Indian boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9404

You deserved it

40669

Favorite

By ~~~~ - Belgium - Hemiksem

Today, my boyfriend added me to his friends' private Whatsapp group, after weeks of asking him to include me in more of his life. It turns out almost all they do is post pictures of their shits and rate them. There is nearly a year's worth of pictures. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11325

You deserved it

5993

Favorite

By kookoocatlady

Today, I kept my cats indoors to be safe on Halloween, making sure to keep the food full and litter boxes clean. After dinner, I got dressed up and spent two hours at a party. When I got home, there was a large, rancid butt-loaf waiting on my bed. Unappreciative little fuckers. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9783

You deserved it

1568

Favorite

By shite - United Kingdom

Please love me

Today, it was my first day at my new job. Not only does everyone hate me for replacing a guy they all liked, I managed to clog the only functional toilet there. The glares and threatening head-shaking they keep doing probably means I'm screwed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44141

You deserved it

5751

Favorite

By fenris - United Kingdom - Saint Austell

Today, whilst at work, I was serving a customer when her kid runs up to me and throws up. It was a 10-hour shift, I was one hour in. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11989

You deserved it

700

Favorite

By Cat - United States

Today, I caught my boyfriend cheating on me. His response? "It's not like I liked it." FML

I agree, your life sucks

42036

You deserved it

3877

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was feeling confident enough to approach a guy by asking the bartender if I could buy him a refill of whatever he was drinking. He was drinking water. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28806

You deserved it

5728

Favorite

By hugadyle - 18/4/2020 14:00

Getting some action

Today, I took a trip to the library's public computer section to get some important work done. After a bit of work, I went to stretch only to see that the man next to me was watching some adult films on his computer and discreetly touching himself. I still had 58 minutes of computer time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1480

You deserved it

146

Favorite

By Iamfurios

Today one of my flatmates told the rest of us to stop using the toilet after 10pm cause he's a light sleeper and the flushing noise wakes him up. After arguing about it, he gave us his 'permission' to use the toilet, but only if we don't flush until the next day. Guess who is always the first to wake up? FML

I agree, your life sucks

8451

You deserved it

689

Favorite

By random person - United States

Today, I sent the texts "I love and miss you babe;)." and "Shit wrong person." to my ex just so he would think I have a life. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19479

You deserved it

62165

Favorite

By Enanimus - United States - Mountain View

Today, I found out I'm allergic to my wife's new medicated handcream after I came down with a nasty, itchy rash on my chest, stomach, cock, and balls. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26563

You deserved it

2960

Favorite

By jessica071509 - United States - Phoenix

Today, my new dog unburied my old dog and chewed on his bones. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50214

You deserved it

3672

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I decided to let in my new German Shepherd puppy inside to show the guest how adorable he is. In the middle of our conversation, he came running up to us with my vibrator in his mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29424

You deserved it

14941

Favorite

By DroppedTheSoap - Australia - Brisbane

Today, while trying to sexily wash my man in the shower, I dropped the body wash bottle. The pump grazed my nipple, making it bleed. As if that didn't kill the mood, I now have a Star Wars bandaid on my boob. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1887

You deserved it

294

Favorite

By Fauxgeek

Today, my 84-year-old grandmother taught me a keyboard shortcut. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13283

You deserved it

3349

Favorite

By Mick - United States

Today, I saw an elderly man fall in a crosswalk, so I jumped off my bike to help. As I helped him across, the light turned green. I then watched across a 6 lane street as someone stole my bike. FML

I agree, your life sucks

860368

You deserved it

94276

Favorite

By HamHanded

Ham-fisted attempt

Today, my loving but absent-minded father gave me a packet of ham for my birthday, which would be pretty shit even if I hadn't been a strict vegetarian for the last 27 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4551

You deserved it

655

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Ouch

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blow job. I thought it was going great and I was doing a good job, until he told me to "stop chomping on it like it's a hot dog." FML

I agree, your life sucks

23572

You deserved it

29202

Favorite

By AlwaysTired - United States - San Carlos

Today, I was officially diagnosed with OCD. My mother's reaction? "That's not possible, she's a fucking slob." FML

I agree, your life sucks

24241

You deserved it

2560

Favorite

By pandaboo - United States

Today, I was staying over at my boyfriend's house, sleeping in his sister's room while she is away at college. I left my necklace on her dresser. When I came back, it was gone. His mother saw it there and thought it was her daughter's necklace. She hid it so I wouldn't "steal it". FML

I agree, your life sucks

37151

You deserved it

3766

Favorite

By ditzen - United States

Today, I went to pick up my paycheck at the convenience store I work at. While there, two frat boys came in and bought seventeen 30 packs of beer. That comes to about $300. They spent more at the store in one day than I get paid in two weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31651

You deserved it

4450

Favorite

By Creepster - United States

Today, I almost crashed my car because I was checking out an Old Navy mannequin wearing a bra. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7563

You deserved it

50781

Favorite

By Massasam - United States

Today, I was late for work. Trying to cut a few seconds off the clock, I tried to open my breakfast candy bar while taking a piss. I ended up pissing all over myself and dropping the bar in the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10735

You deserved it

41815

Favorite

By Kiki - Poland - Myslenice

Today, my boyfriend came over and dropped off my phone, which I'd left at his place the night before. He immediately left in a sulk. As I looked through my texts, I discovered he was only so moody because I hadn't answered any of his calls or messages. I'm dating an idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39032

You deserved it

5551

Favorite

By theoriginalkydd - Canada - Toronto

Today, I met up with my ex girlfriend for coffee. It’s been months, and I was planning on flexing on her with my new car. Turns out, she also got a new car, and it’s newer, cleaner, faster, and better on gas... FML

I agree, your life sucks

1066

You deserved it

3465

Favorite

By Fatlady43 - United States

Today, my niece offered me a slice of cake. After I refused, she asked, "Why not? Aren't fat people always hungry?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

32166

You deserved it

6483

Favorite

By memoryloss - United States

Today, I went to the doctor for a check up, having had a head injury a week ago and suffering some memory loss. Turns out, the medicine he gave me for my head has memory loss as a side effect. He then said "I told you. Don't you remember?" After I said no he said "I figured." and giggled. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32053

You deserved it

2800

Favorite

By Ashley Harn

Today, I found out I'm allergic to something in the city water. I've had itchy patches and rashes all over my body, but I can't afford to pay for the filtration system that would solve it. My landlord forbids any modifications to the shower and washing machine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2521

You deserved it

133

Favorite

By Anon - United States

Today, I had woken up very excited to celebrate my 21st birthday. I roll over in bed and ask my boyfriend if we can go out to the park to have a picnic, considering the lovely weather. He looked up at me and said, "You wish I loved you that much." He rolled back over and slept until 3 p.m. FML

I agree, your life sucks

86491

You deserved it

9289

Favorite

By matte - Australia

Today, whilst working at Subway, I took an order for 6 footlongs. The entire process took 15 minutes due to the customer's hesitant and glacial pace. When it came to paying, he pulled out his wallet, looked inside, looked at me, and walked quickly out of the store. FML

I agree, your life sucks

93195

You deserved it

4905

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I caught my boyfriend cheating right after I maxed out my credit card buying him everything on his Christmas list. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35818

You deserved it

16243

Favorite

By hiccups - United States - New York

Today, I had my first orgasm. I also came to the realization that whenever I orgasm I get an uncontrollable case of hiccups for at least half an hour afterwards. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32791

You deserved it

3626

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada - Hamilton

Today, I found out how it feels when someone slips and falls while they have a hypodermic needle in your arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13250

Phew, glad it wasn't me

2124

Favorite

By fuck off, eh! - Canada - Milton

Today, my hippy nutjob of a roommate threw a bitch fit at me, all because he saw me chopping down a tree in Minecraft. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47320

You deserved it

5079

Favorite

By notagoodtime - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was forced to get up in front of ten swim teams, including my own, and a hundred spectators to swim 100 yards with an obvious boner sticking out of my suit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27789

You deserved it

5076

Favorite

By Lawrence - United States

Today, I was riding my bike to the local grocery store to pick up some supplies for dinner. On the way down, traveling down a hill, I hit a drain with no lid. I went to grab hold of the nearest object to soften my fall. That nearest object was a barbed wire fence. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51567

You deserved it

3703

Favorite

By creamed - United States

Today, the pictures from last night's party were put on Facebook. The pictures that show me getting in a drunken fight with a girl and her putting my face through the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8039

You deserved it

36684

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my girlfriend's dad asked me if I wanted to drive his 2008 Jaguar XKR. Excitedly, I agreed. He then spent the next hour discussing with me how masturbation is a great alternative to sex, and a great way to remain abstinent. I didn't get to drive. FML

I agree, your life sucks

60730

You deserved it

4808

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By melons | 44

#6572463 - Saturday 2 April 2016 2:34

Cowadunga, dude.

By WCARlover | 34

#6572458 - Saturday 2 April 2016 2:30

Cute story for the grandkids ;)

COMMENTS

By coming back in the future | 30

#6572457 - Saturday 2 April 2016 2:29

That's a shitt- *everyone shoots me*

friedpwnadge | 25

#6572502 - Saturday 2 April 2016 4:18

*bang*

UserError94 | 18

#6572546 - Saturday 2 April 2016 6:20

*Thwangggg*

Sorry, used a bow

CaptainSmith28 | 19

#6572556 - Saturday 2 April 2016 7:05

If you're gonna do it, don't half-ass it. You gotta say "That's a shitty situation," and be prepared for the consequences.

yankesik | 16

#6572663 - Saturday 2 April 2016 13:26

The arrow cut him off mid-sentence.

By WCARlover | 34

#6572458 - Saturday 2 April 2016 2:30

Cute story for the grandkids ;)

UserError94 | 18

#6572550 - Saturday 2 April 2016 6:34

"And that's not the only pie I received that day kids! Then YOU were conceived :)"

By nominaski | 25

#6572459 - Saturday 2 April 2016 2:31

FYL

Dick_diamond | 22

#6572461 - Saturday 2 April 2016 2:33

If only there was a button for that

By Dick_diamond | 22

#6572460 - Saturday 2 April 2016 2:31

Bet that ruined the moooood..

By Mathalamus | 24

#6572462 - Saturday 2 April 2016 2:34

ew. i hope your date help you out of that mess. stupid rabbit.

Govcheeze | 18

#6572475 - Saturday 2 April 2016 3:02

uh no, its SILLY RABBIT, TRIX ARE 4 KIDS

Miss_Whipped | 43

#6572496 - Saturday 2 April 2016 4:02

Silly rabbit, trips are for kids!!

intertk555 | 11

#6572509 - Saturday 2 April 2016 4:29

By melons | 44

#6572463 - Saturday 2 April 2016 2:34

Cowadunga, dude.

The_Avatar | 22

#6572504 - Saturday 2 April 2016 4:22

I have never laughed so hard at an fml comment. You win.

By Estelle101_fml | 13

#6572465 - Saturday 2 April 2016 2:38

I'm guessing you guys didn't meet on farmers only, but hang on tight op, he might be the one.

By nominaski | 25

#6572466 - Saturday 2 April 2016 2:38

FYL

By ulissey_fml | 22

#6572467 - Saturday 2 April 2016 2:39

You met the real Easter Bunny , then you got a free organic beauty mask. I bet he had lots of other nice and exciting things all prepared for you . I'm jealous.

By Branessa9611 | 14

#6572469 - Saturday 2 April 2016 2:41

Dang, what a good April Fool's joke. I didn't know you could train a rabbit.