By Anonymous - 01/08/2012 09:02 - United States

Today, I discovered that the only reason my husband is taking yoga classes with me is because he wants to be flexible enough to suck his own rod. FML
I agree, your life sucks 39 696
You deserved it 6 580

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Top comments

Well somebody has to do it if you won't.

ChefPhilly 13

Maybe somebody isn't doing their job enough...


Well somebody has to do it if you won't.

Once he has reached his goal he will be completely independent and will no longer have a need for the female species. OP, I'd take a ride on that disco stick and see if you can change his mind before it's too late.

bigtaytay 13

I agree. That only says that he's doing it cuz OP never does

HelloGuys 4

Thats just nasty

It is nasty but why'd you post it on my thread?

HowAreYouToday 34

Ah thread-jackers. The horror, eh?

The thought of them gives me the creeps.

I do it, I don't care what anyone thinks.

45- I guess you don't understand the Cleveland reference.

iGrassYourSister 6

wow finally I can agree with someone on fml

FMLoverAgain 7

I want to be talented like you

Well Kendall does it have anything to do with my thread?

cajekraze 7

If you want something done right...

...then you ask Chuck Norris to Do it.

He could always just get a rib removed.

34 - definitely just read that in Cleveland's voice. Made me lol Your ribs are not what prevents one from being able to suck ones own rob. It's your spine that would need to bend more for it be possible, ribs have nothing to do with it. That stuff about Marilyn Manson getting ribs removed to do that is bs. He may very well have gotten ribs removed, but it wouldn't have allowed him to do that on its own

missmurderx 8

There's a gay kid with a mild form of autism at my school that took a video of him sucking himself on his iPod and showed it to people. :/

Wow, already broadcasting himself as a pornstar?

Well this fml kinda blows ._.

tjv3 10

Doesn't he realize that even though it is his own dick that he is still sucking a dick? Hope he puts ketchup on it

I've heard that the main cause of cheating is because ones partner cannot do the job. Your husband seems to have found another solution, you should be thankful op! Now make sure you suck that dick better next time, because if yoga fails, he might find someone else who does it for him...

Beat me to it

Well done number 1

DKjazz 20

I stood up and cheered, #1.

I doubt that, # 210.

228, shh, you're just jealous of 210s awesomeness.

Am I the only one wondering how she found this out?

krmc822 6


Marylin Manson much??

Redoxx_fml 22

Chakras everyone love chakras

What do chakras have to do with the FML at all?

If everyone loves chakras, everybody hates Chris.

Chakra sandwich is good! Yum.

If you want to suck your dick, just have your floating ribs removed.

Tell him just to get rid of some ribs, problem solved :)

Marilyn Manson?

Noob would it make you gay if you sucked your own dick?

If your motive is to do homosexualy then yes

Her husband wouldn't be gay. He could be bisexual, or just like masturbating that way. If he was gay, he wouldn't have a wife, and would be with another guy. Yes, there's always the possibility that he's in the closet, but honestly?

It's just a form of masturbation...

I remember reading a FML about a woman who's husband of some odd number of kids, and husband of 7 years told her that he was gay and the only way he was able to achieve an erection was because she looked like a man.

Maybe he's using his wife as a cover up. You never know sometimes.

Ionkiye if a man wants a penis in his mouth he is either gay or bisexual

Noob I remember that FML

Noobsquad - No. If a man is sexually attracted to men, THAT makes him homosexual (or bisexual if he is attracted to women also). Autofellatio is a form of masturbation, not gay sex.

Sucking your own penis may still be masturbating, but you can't say that you aren't gay or bisexual if your sucking a dick and liking it. And I know this is gonna get thumbed down because I'm arguing with docbastard.

*you're And it's your own dick! And every time you jack off, that means you like a penis in your hand. So that's the equivalent of jacking another man off, right? Of course not.

No, it's going to get thumbed down because you're dead wrong. Sucking a dick doesn't make you gay, especially if it is your own. Look up "homosexuality", and nowhere in the definition is "If you suck a dick, you're gay" found.

perdix 29

#15, no, that would make you autosexual.

Just wait 'til some of you guys ********** and think-- I must be gay 'cause I'm enjoying stroking this penis in my hand. I'd love to know what ends up going through your head.:P Happy petting!

Perdix it would make you auto of all you did was hand anal and giving yourself blow jobs. Now of you had sex with other people no you wouldn't be auto you'd be masturbating.

Im really not gonna argue because the truth is you could ********** with your hand to heterosexual **** and people aren't gonna think you're gay, but if you're sucking your own **** (obviously you can't see the ****) then people will question your motive.

And there is your problem, Noobsquad - who the **** cares what other people think your motives are? If someone thinks you're gay, does that make you gay?

No it doesn't make you gay, because someone thinks you are, but you can't say who cares, because as humans are emotions will make us feel like it matters that someone thinks we are something that we are not, for example if I told everyone docbastard sucks his own dick and everyone believes you are gay you would care wouldn't you?

paolayupp 6

He needs to do it Marylin Manson style.

Docbastard that was a good argument.

Noob apparently the moderators don't want to listen to you...

I wonder why the mods deleted that thread.

shadexilmaendu 4

Manson never did that actually. The rumor started because one of his girlfriends would dress up as him and suck his dick on stage ;p

155- They can have a girl suck his dick on stage?!?! Isn't there a sanctioning body ******** bricks about that?

KiddNYC1O 20

At least the head wasn't bitten off as in other concerts...

ChefPhilly 13

Maybe somebody isn't doing their job enough...

How do you know OP is a prostitute?

MichellinMan 20

^ I think you've skipped a few levels.

madskittlesftw 5

156- I thought the same thing but then I looked at 5's picture.. Coincidence? I think not.

Wow 136, that escalated quickly...

shihtzupup98 3

It isn't her job to suck his dick just because she is his wife.....

kittycat2007 18

sounds like a good reason. Hes still spending time with you. Enjoy it.

Exactly. Enjoy spending time with him then really enjoy how cut his abs will be from all the crunches he'll be doing trying to get into position.

let and watching him look comoketely ridiculous. im assuming you have tried fulfilled his desire with your own umm abilities

thatKidzmOm 10

I'm confused :-/

Same.. Can you retype that for us?

English please?

Doc! Your Idiot English Translation Engine is gonna get a workout today!

Well... I think what was trying to be said was, "let him do it and watch him look completely ridiculous " .... I assume that everyone gets the rest... ??

Woah... Grammar is important as well as spelling...

It's already been working on it for 10 minutes! Stand by... *whirr* *bzzz* *click* *DING!* "Let him try, and watch him look completely ridiculous. I'm assuming you have tried fulfilling his desires but don't have the, um, abilities. Isn't huffing paint fumes through a used diaper fun?" You're welcome.

Once again doc comes to the rescue. Where would we be without that amazing translator?,that's where!

Llamacod 11

bravo doc, bravo

Don't knock it until you've tried it! But yeah, pretty pathetic.

I think that's a sign that you "suck" at sucking the schlong

I think it's more like OP is lacking on schlong sucking

Or maybe OPs husband prefers strong male lips wrapped around him instead?

Bliss391 7

You know I've heard guys say that if they would they could, but I've never known any of them to put effort into it like that. I'm not sure if this is an fml or just very odd.

10- of course it's an FML, because its on FML. And plus do you mean if they could they would?

Bliss391 7

Yes, my apologies that is what I meant. And I don't know about you, but I have seen a couple fml's on here that I really didn't think we're fml situations.

I heard a rumor that Marilyn Manson cut out a few of his ribs to be able to do it. Yes, that rumor is false, but it damn sure is creative. OP's husband, take a hint.

StupidBunnies 10

Manson had his stage partner dress up to look identical to him do it, hence people saying he sucked his dick.

I'm a MM fan. I knew that wasn't true. Re-read my comment.