Today, I can't decide what's worse: the fact that my mother found my vibrator or that, as a prank, she replaced it with a realistic tarantula replica. She won't tell me where it is. FML
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Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, my mother was cleaning out my underwear drawer and found my vibrator. Everytime I see her in the hall, she just cracks up and makes jokes about how I can't get a guy, so I have to rely on electronics. What's worse, she told my dad AND posted a status on facebook about it. FML
Today, my mother found my sex toys. To make me "feel better" she showed me hers. FML
Today, I was talking to my mother when we both heard a continuous buzzing noise. Unable to locate the source of the noise we gave up. About an hour later, my mother yells down the stairs to me. Turns out my dog stole my vibrator, chewed it and presented it to my mother. FML
Today, after assuming I'd been scammed, I finally found the vibrator I ordered over 2 months ago. It was in my mom's bedside cabinet. FML
Today, I gave my mom an extra pillow since the ones in the guest room were too flat and hurt her neck. Hours later, I remembered that I'd stashed my vibrator in that pillowcase during a romantic camping trip with my husband. She found it. FML
Today, my mom found my dildo, and got so angry that she beat me with it. FML
Today, I discovered my children had found my vibrator and buried it in the cat's litter box. FML
Today, I ran out of underwear and so I went into my mom's drawer to borrow a pair from her. It was then that I found out my mom uses the same vibrator as I do. FML
Today, I found out that the mother of my children named her vibrator after me. We are together and have not had sex in over 18 months. I have no idea what to do with this information. FML
Today, I came home from work and found my sister using my vibrator in my own bed. FML
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Top comments
Jasim 17
Your mom had a great sense of humor. And your vibrator.
fuckercakes 21
Honestly your mum is hilarious.
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Comments (58)
dawood_k 27
Careful the tarantula might sting the g spot...oops forgot it's not real
DolphinLaser23 24
Well I for one think you're lucky OP, if that had been me I would have been grounded for life. You can always get a new one right?
ZombieScoobyDoo 20
Vibrators are really expensive so getting a new one might not be in OP's budget right now.
photographer49 22
#18 Well if she doesn't have the money, I say she should go the cheap way and just use her fingers. That's budget friendly, and zero risk of them being taken. It's a win win.
1dvos_grl3 21
oh please #18 you can use anything as a vibrator if it "vibrates". electric toothbrushes, just don't brush your teeth with it.. a body wand. use your imagination, more fun that way.
Insanemf18 12
Your a very perverted girl
54754N4 14
I'm scared for your husband #48
nixienicotine 17
Anything can be a ***** if you're brave enough. ?
oobergoober89 16
"Name something else that'll make you scream". At least she has a good sense of humor
wvcheesehead 13
Did seeing the tarantula give you the shakes?
exuberant_orange 17
Your mom's humor is fantastic! But I don't think you're getting it back, because in order to get it back, you have to go through the awkward conversation of asking your mother for a vibrator. XD
pjsr 33
OP already had that conversation - "She won't tell me where it is"
amileah13 26
Thank god you checked before using it. I've got chills thinking about if that happened to me!
RusticChick 27
You could always have a mom like mine that is open with her children and tries to embarrass me by telling me to get a lingerie outfit for my bf for his birthday and to get a ***** for myself so I know what pleasing I like best cuz "no man can please you better than you can please yourself"... all vocally while in a public place. Hahahaa
badgercheese94 16
This is her subtle way of telling you to get a man or you will end up a spinster (spiders SPIN webs doncha know?)
1dvos_grl3 21
Hunny, sometimes a man can't satisfy the needs of a woman. Those moans you hear? We fake it.
badgercheese94 16
#49 I only hear my man's moans, thank you very much! and his are real
mrmcleod 29
God, this reminds me of a few nights ago. My kids were supposed to be sleeping. We put them to bed in our bed as we we had forgotten to wash their bedding, so we were going to move them to their room later once it was done. We were downstairs and we could hear they were not sleeping so I headed up there and I could hear my oldest frantically tell our youngest, "Turn it off!". I got to the room and they hopped in bed hoping to fool me. Before I could say anything I heard a buzzing coming from my wife's nightstand. They found her ***** and we're apparently playing with it. The worst part of it is, it's a mold of my junk.