Today, I came home from work. I crept up to the bedroom to gently wake up my girlfriend. I touch her shoulder and slowly leant in to give her a tender kiss. She suddenly wakes up and grabs me by the throat... I keep forgetting she's in the army. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I woke up my girlfriend up with a cute kiss. She was apparently having a bad dream and headbutted me. FML
Today, I leaned over my sleeping girlfriend, kissed her cheek and told her I love her. She punched me in the ear. FML
Today, before I went to work, I wanted to kiss my wife goodbye while she was asleep, She punched me. FML
Today, I returned from a long business trip a day early to surprise my wife. She was sleeping, so I climbed into bed and started spooning her. Thinking I was an intruder, she simultaneously kicked me in the groin, elbowed me in the ribs, and smacked the back of her head into my jaw. FML
Today, I lay in bed reflecting on my fiancé's complaint about my lack of displays of affection. I felt terrible, so I rolled over and hugged him in his sleep. He's a fully trained martial artist and his immediate reaction was to try to snap my neck. FML
Today, my girlfriend snuck up behind me to cover my eyes and play "guess who." The second her hands touched my face, I grabbed her, twisted her wrists, and kneed her to the floor out of instinct. FML
Today, I was woken up by my wife softly kissing me on the lips. Half asleep, I kissed her back, before quickly opening my eyes and realising it wasn't my wife; it was my dog. FML
Today, just after waking up, I caught a glimpse of my girlfriend in the mirror. Not knowing I was awake, she sniffed at her armpits, started gagging, then quietly came back to bed. FML
Today, I was woken up by my dog touching my foot, so I tried to push it away. Then I realized that I'd kicked my girlfriend in the face. FML
Today, sleeping in a little late, I was woken up by my phone. Still tired, I quickly checked the display to realize it was my girlfriend calling. I pick up the phone saying, "Hey baby girl!" She seemed pretty startled, so I double-checked and realized it was my new boss, who has the name as my girlfriend. FML
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Top comments
hailhall 0
hahha when my brother came home after boot camp he said dont come to my bed and shake me to wake up. if anything flick the light on and yell at me
wira176 2
I have the same experience but with my Dad. He practiced Silat throughout his youth and his sense of awareness is off the charts - one time I tried waking me up by shaking him he proceeded to knock my ass off the floor before fully waking up. Nowadays I just gently tickle his big toe but from a safe distance.
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Comments (91)
Akr40 0
I feel sorry for the guy... One of the worlds most mysterious relationships dating such a masculine girl. Its like your dating a guy, shame on you.
coolkitty154 11
Funny, I don't see anything there to be ashamed of. Love is love, and if you don't like it, don't do it. Simple.
sue827 15
Your so sweet tho :3
MissLynn34 11
How does one "forget" their significant other is in the military? That's like forgetting you can't breath underwater...
cypherwars 15
haven't you heard of PTSD?
Mimilyssa 7
sounds like #2 has experienced one too many FML rejections...
PDN 12
Yeah, my boyfriend and I are like that. He is a Marine and he does things like that when I try to sneak up on him. And I'm joining the Air Force so surprises like that won't be good between us. Good Luck, OP!!
Tania22 3
u wont forget now :P
Tania22 3
u wont forget now :P
cypherwars 15
OP, you better be careful of PTSD. or "somebody's gonna get hurt REAL BAD" #RussellPeters
jorgeq161 4
Sounds like she's just playing stupid, OP you shoulda knock her out cold for doing that
Chaosshadowzero 15
Owned by your woman lol (not a bad thing)